It is actually possible to
tame a temper tantrum by acknowledging the toddler’s point of view, the 4th secret in the original article (tp://bit.ly/bYhWyi). It is amazing to see it work the first time. This won’t work for all tantrums, sometimes the child is overtired, hungry or in pain for example, but it works for most the tantrums my children have.
Here is an example from earlier today…
We had to go grocery shopping, the twins were engrossed in play and didn’t want their diapers changed. My son decided he wanted to play with the train blocks just as I started changing his diaper. I told him that we needed to go to the store but he could play with them after naptime. He started wailing. I said “you sound mad that I won’t let you play with the train blocks. You really want to play with them, huh?” “It would be so much fun playing with those blocks, wouldn’t it?” At this point I start describing all the different fun things he could do with the blocks. “You could stack the blocks, roll the wheels on the floor, look at the animals and letters…” or I might try phrasing them as questions, but he isn’t much into answering. The whole time I was talking to him I actually changed his diaper plus he was calm and happy by the time I finished.
Surprisingly, many discipline issues are actually communication issues. The book that suggests ape talk is commonly recommended to help improve communication with toddlers, but I always found the concept undignified. A much better book on communication with toddlers and preschoolers is Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. It is full of sample scripts from real situations and has reall worked miracles for my family. I have mentioned it several times in previous threads because the book is that good. Here it is discussed in more detail.
http://forum.brillkids.com/coffee-corner/twenty-alternatives-to-punishment/msg52071/#msg52071