Ideal gap between babies?

[AussieMumofOne]

I am interested to know what sort of age gap people have/are planning to have between their children. We have a five month old boy and are trying for our second baby now. If I was to fall pregnant straight away, the gap would be 14 months. Of course there are pros and cons of a short gap and pros and cons of a long gap but I am interested to hear others opinions!

[Kimba15]

The reality is what is the best gap for you and your hubby and your baby. I guess you have to take into account how much no 1 will still need you when he is 14-15-16 months old? I can definetly tell you they are still very demanding of your time at that age, not very self sufficient as an older child may be. My daughter has just turned two and no 2 will be here in approx 5 weeks and I still wonder if they are too close in age as my dd is getting to an age where she likes to have mummy all to herself, too late now .

At the end of the day the best decision is what makes you and your family happy? There are a no. of thoughts on the best age gap.

Some people belive that 3 years is a good age gap as a 3 year old is toilet trained, your body has had a chance to fully recover from pregnancy. A 3yr old may be more accepting of a new addition as a younger baby may not be, A 3 yr old is likely to be sleeping through the night as you may still be getting up to a 13/14/15 month old (i know I was Sophia did not sleep through the night until 13months)

For a closer age gap. Well that depends on your maternal age, if you are an older mother as in 35 plus it might be in your best intrest to get things moving. The kids grow up together, there out of nappies at a similar time, they start school at a similar time there is something to be said for that to. They may have a closer relationship with each other. How many children are you and your husband willing to have if you want 3 or 4 then it might be a good thing to have them in quick succession bacause the bigger the age gap the harder is to go back to the baby stage.

It is really up to you and your husband and nobody can make that decision for you! I hope you don't mind the pros and cons list.

Kimba15

[LocaHijabi]

My son will be 2 on Dec 3rd.  I seriously thought, I'd be pregnant by now and wanted to have my baby with age gap of 2.5 years.  However, due to back problems, I have been recommended to wait, BUT my major issue is that my son STILL doesn't sleep through the night.  It is very difficult, and I know being pregnant or having a baby will make it tougher. 

I am currently taking a course in attachment and read about a study, where a secure child's (first) attachment security drops with the birth of a second baby.  And how the parents handle, explain and prepare the first child, it may or may not be drastic.  So I figured a child being older 3 years would better understand when parents explain another member also coming to the family. 

There are pros and cons for both sides.  For me, being physically fit, (a friend of mine got pregnant 4 month after her first baby and is having a very difficult time, she hadn't properly recovered) and making sure first child is old enough so I can speak to him logically and he would understand.  of course being that he is still a child at that age, it doesnt mean he WILL understand, but will def be a lot easier. =)

[TristanR]

What an interesting topic!  Let me share my experiences.  I am at the end of my 9th pregnancy (less than 3 weeks to baby!).  This will actually be my 6th baby, as we lost 3 during pregnancy.  So here is how my spacing has worked out:
Baby #1 was born. 

Miscarriage when Baby #1 was 2 years old, no birth control between babies.

Baby #2 was born when #1 was 3 1/2 years old.  This spacing was hard because I had gotten used to a preschooler who could do everything for herself (feed herself, go potty, etc) and had to go back to diapers, and all that goes with a new baby.

I got pregnant with #3 when #2 was 3 months old.  Baby spacing was barely 13 months.  This was difficult in that my second child was still very much a baby, had just started walking, and ended up being nonverbal clear to age 2.  But we got through it okay and today it is great spacing.

I had a second baby die in utero when my #3 child was 10 months old. 

I had baby #4 when #3 was 22 months old.  It went fine, no major adjustment.

I had baby #5 when #4 was 16 months old, this was ideal.  It was the easiest transition of all so far.

I had miscarriage #3 when baby #5 was 7 months old.

I will  have baby #6 by the end of this month, with baby #6 being about 20 -21 months old.

We prefer to just take them as they come, and honestly, I wold not enjoy spacing each one out 3 years + as it would feel like starting over completely each time.  I like getting all the baby years done together.  Right now my oldest is 9 years old, followed by ages 6, almost 5, 3, 1.

[Skylark]

 We have 17 months between babies, -- adjustment was great, we felt it was nearly idea spacing. Three of my close friends had their first two babies with 17-18 months space between ( they all have 5-7 children all together) and said that the pairs that were 17-18 months apart turned out to be the best friends and it orked really good for them as parents... So we are happy it worked out for us that way as well...

[AussieMumofOne]

Thanks ladies, it is great to hear other's opinions! Apologies for the delayed reply, despite 'subscribing' to the topic, I didn't receive an email notification of any responses so I'm not sure why that happened! Glad to see there are people reporting positive outcomes for the shorter age gap! And thanks for the honesty to those who raised the common concerns with this spacing. For us there are many reasons why we are keen for the gap to be short but I guess we just have to wait and see what happens! I did check with our obstetrician for her recommendations and she reports that as we are young and healthy, the only gap she recommends is to wait until the uterus has healed fully. This is signalled by the cessation of the bleeding following birth (lochia) which for me ended after six weeks. Technically it did take us a while to concieve BC although in this period we weren't in the active mindframe of 'trying' which made the wait easier. This time around we are 'trying' so hopefully I'm again very lucky and we don't have too many months of disappointment ahead of us!

[mom2bee]

Wow, great topic. I have not thought too much about this, ideally, if I have more than 1 child then I'd like to have my kids back to back, break, then back to back. then break, then back to back.

(I'd like anywhere from 1 to 7 children) I haven't been tested yet, but I have so many of the signs and symptoms of PCOS that I'm almost 97% sure that I have it, I'm not sure how that will complicate my pregnancy plans or whatnot but I dont think about it too much. If I can control my weight and get back into shape then the symptoms go down a lot. One day I will have a formal test done to be sure if I have PCOS.

Anyway,

I want #1, and #2 to be born like, 10 months apart. Then when #2 is about 8 or 10 months, begin trying for #3 and #4 within 12 months of each other.

When #4 is about 10 or 12 months, start trying for #5 and #6 within a year of each other.

#7 can come when he may.

I hope to have lots of boys, I want to be the only girl in my household. I already have tons of names picked out for boys but cant decide on any good ones for girls ....

[Skylark]

So great, Mom2Bee that you want to have lots of children. Hope you will get the perfect number!!!   Just one little comment, average pregnancy length is 10 months, or 40 weeks, and you technically should not have an intercourse for the first 6 weeks after the birth in order to protect your womb from infection (at least that what we recommend in our midwifery practice), so I would say that it is more realistic to count on 12 months plus at least ( since you not always conceive right away as well, especially since breastfeeding is a natural contraceptive and many woman don't get their cycle for months while they breastfeed, even though that is not always the case, - I got pregnant with our number two while exclusively BFing my number 1  ). And it is so neat that you are hoping for so many children!

[AussieMumofOne]

That's fantastic that you're keen on lts of children Mom2Bee, good luck with everything. I will keep you all posted if we have any good news!

[carpe vestri vita]

My sister and I are very close in age. It sucks. We both hated it, and still do. We have always crossed paths in life. She was ahead of me for a while, then I was ahead of her, then she regained the lead, etc. For 22 years, until I finished my master's degree. At which point she decided to continue and get a doctorate and I did not have any inclination to do so. That was the first time we were not directly competing against each other. Now that our lives have taken very different paths can we finally be friends.

My parents didn't mean for us to be spaced so closely, in fact we were both accidental. And it's not like someone pitted us against each other or anything. We're both very competitive and who is better matched than your own sister. That's just how it was.

On the other hand, my husband is quite a bit older than his brother. And they hate it. Although they became friends sooner than my sister and I. Once they were both adults they got along okay.

Based on that we were planning for a greater than 2 year gap but less than 5 years. That seemed like the best spacing given our differing histories. Doman recommends at least 3 years in one of his books. The idea being that you have finished the most important early learning tasks with the elder before the younger is born. We are likely going to be close to Doman's recommendations. I do not plan on weaning Zed until he's at least 2 (the minimum recommended by W.H.O., the A.A.P, and the Canadian Paediatric Society) and I am not ovulating while breastfeeding, at the closest we would be just under Doman's recommendation.

[nikks14]

we are planning for our second one. but i still feel that my elder daugher who is going to turn 2 in 3 months time, still needs me. like she doesn't eat anything. wants my attention even if she is playing or watching cartoons she wants me to be around her. my huby wants to plan now while i want to wait for my daughter to turn 3 thats when i want my second baby to come not before she is 3 years... so i wanted to know if anyone can help me with a few questions like i had a miscarriage before i got pregnant again with my daughter. while i was pregnant with her i was told to have rest... not to get tired at all. no travelling long distances or walking for long time. so i want to know if any one can help me that:
if i get pregnant with my second baby. what can my condition be? will i be same process of rest or it will b worse? as i have a history of a miscarriage as well . i want to know this because if i am not well so how will i look after my daughter myself and the baby as well and since i live alone so have house work to do as well.
will be waiting for your suggestions.

Thanks...

[marimari]

In my case, I have 3 children, the gap is not so big but it is a good gap in my opinion so that the first child is 4 y 10m the second one is 2y 4m and the third one is 2m. I confess that it isn´t easy we have to be prepared for this and want it. My husband helps me a lot and my older child helps too. She plays with my second one all the time. Then, the difference in the gap is around 2 years and none of them had problems as retroceeding the dipers, potty,etc only a little jealous... emotionally yes. But, I think it worths!

[heyblue41]

The gap between my children is 2 yrs.  For us it is just perfect.  The children are the best of friends, and older brother loves teaching little sister.  Both my sisters have the same gap in age for their children.  The ideal gap is whatever works for YOU.

[Skylark]

The ideal gap is whatever works for YOU.

Very true! I can say the same for ours, they are 18 months apart, and we would not have changed that if we had another chance   

[TracyR4]

I agree, the best spacing is the spacing that comes along.  You can see in my signature the space between my girls. Granted it was al naturallly spaced that way. I in no way took birth control or even did natural family  planning. My girls came when God gave them to me.
I wouldn't have changed it for the world. It was perfect spacing for me. I  was able to enjoy each of my girls before I had the next.

My oldest and 2nd daughter are 22 months apart. My 2nd and 3rd are 3yrs apart and my 3rd and 4th are about 3 1/2 yrs apart.

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