Screaming 9 month old - Help!

[PY]

Like I say Everybody has the right to raise their kid on the best way they want. I have my way some other people have different ways.
Please do not take what  I say personal, it cames from my personal opinion.
I don't usually answer silly questions like the red dot..but this time I will.
If my daughter climbs on  the table and I say no,no, ..I take her down the table or take her away from the table showing her is  no..no..
lIKE i SAY my baby was an easy baby  I didn't have to teach her NO..Noo.. if she would cry.. it is because she had a reason like I say before, once I fix whatever reason she needed she was happy again...maybe hungry..dirty..etc.

MY baby tried to take pictures away from a book once and I told her no to do it ,she never did it again!! She doesn't play with food, she never has, after telling her no to do it once, ....I can keep going and going what she does or what her abilities are or maybe how smart is she but I don't feel that is the point here. That will be ridiculous...I definitely not going there.

But everychild is different,every child learns in different ways too, every person is different, I just want to share my point with all of you, from MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE I didn't have to use spank,slap,time out...or any other punishment with my infant for she to became a managable  toddler. She is not violent ,she is around kids everyday since she was in my belly and she is really sociable with kids, she hugs all of them, kiss to them....she doesn't need to push them to get toys or stuff like that,she is polite and gentle with toys..anyways I think if she breaks them is a way to experiment the consequences of her acts..

 I just want to give some other options to Joha..don't forget we are here(in this forum) to help each other from our experiences .

Good luck Joha, keep us posted. 

[trinity papa]

Yes of course PY, I am sure your a great mother .... and you do have a wonderful girl ...... so does Joha ..... knowledge is one thing and experience is another .... then again experience with 1 particular child doesn't mean experience with every child ......

My point was basically, know as much as possible ask as much as possible and diagnose which type of child your girl belongs to, and what is the best method or approach to teaching her, don't rule out anything, what works for you doesn't work for others ..... you started out by ruling out slapping and critising it ... like i say again its one option and if need be do it sparingly and correctly as a last resort ...... but i guess people don't listen to that they just imagine the worst ....... and then pretends to act morally on high ground without understanding .... they are already biased and blindsided ... how good an advice can a biased person give?

In my case, i teach her not only in knowledge as in language, maths, music, motor skills, etc .... i mean a child can be smart but without discipline and ethics its still called a smart a**..... (pardon my punt) ...., so other skills include survival skills like swimming etc, discipline ... sometimes that determines life and death as well .... like the ability to stay cool and calm under pressure, to think before impulse takes over ..... meditation for calmness and such .... you'd be surprise ... kids are very intelligent ... and i treat them as such .....

anyway terrible 2s and 3s ..... hmmm studied alot but haven't experienced that yet .... one method to pass thru that was to teach discipline from very young .... knowing authority ..... but that depends on individuals what they understand by having a good well behaved child, a mother may think her child is the best son in the world even if her son is a mafia head ..... which means being the best son doesn't mean being the best person .... (personally i thought being a parent is about teaching your children to be the best person they can be, not only as a son or daughter, but socially all round and to pass that quality to their children and on )

in any case, my girl will be attending school or nursery just before she turns 2 ..... the school we choose are rudimentary and strict ..... she would be among the yongest to attend school, but a well behaved and disciplined student would be a favourite of teachers and often gets special attention .... an unfortunate fact of life .... hence disciplining her now would favour her later in life especially during school days ......

the funny thing about people is they think that with discipline, children would be afraid to learn ..... which i am trying to say is not true .... in fact it makes learning easier ..... having less time for tantrums, trying to please them and such ... generally speaking of course not directing it at anyone ......

Also you don't teach discipline by saying NO..... it would be associated with restrictions ..... being pulled away or having things taken away ...... you teach meaning of NO ... by .... offering water or milk to drink or crackers etc .... and you ask "you want drink?" ÿes"you put water next to her mouth , "no" you take water away from her mouth .... repeat process several times .... and try it with different food etc .... initially if its her favourite food she will cry ... why why mummy takes away the food ..... then you try with toys .... you want this bear ..... yes?? and you bring it to her ........No?? and you take it away from her .... let her associate the actions with yes and no ..... you would be succesful when you ask her .... you want bear bear ..... she says yes or nods her head .....(oh yes when you teach her yes and no you have to do the action nodding or shaking with your head) ...... only then would it be succcesful ..... because yes and no like maybe isn't exactly specific to any particular one event ...... so she will know that YES is acceptance and No is a rejection ..... it also infers that she is beginning to understand wants and soon her own individuality .... it will take about 2 months to teach ..... from do you want a hug..... yes hug her, No don't hug her, you want to drink water , put bottle in her mouth , No take bottle out etc .. repeated process reinforces the message

[PY]

AGAIN...Like I say kids are different and parents are different too. The way you raise your child is the way you think is the best but it doesn't mean I have to agree with.

The way I raise my child is way different than others and if they don't think is right...that is their pesonal opinion and I HAVE TO RESPECT THAT.

Thanks so much for understand this,
Have a good day

[a mommy]

Hi Joha,
I have a 9 month old as well.     I have been signing with him for about a month (eat, milk, diaper, all done, cat, water, mommy, daddy) to hopefully reduce his frustration in the future.  He hasn't signed back yet, but understands some of the signs.  I haven't had time to read thru all of the replies on here, but just wanted to add that I recently read of one other option you could consider.  The article suggested that when your little one is yelling, try whispering back, and eventually they will get the message that the yelling is unacceptable.  I haven't actually tried it, as we aren't to the yelling phase yet, so I'm not sure if it will work or not, but thought I would pass it along.   

[Joha]

Thank you so much to all of you for you input in this matter. I'm happy to report Valerie is doing much better, so I think it had to do with being unconfortable with teething. I followed one of tinity papa suggestions and gave her a teething o bject (a frozen carrot  ) and she really got into it. That told me it felt good on her gums. We are still dealing a bit with the fact that now when we put her on her crib she wants to play, but we just leave her there because is time for bed. She has cried for about 15  - 20 minutes before falling to sleep and as it breaks my heart I know that if I pick her up that is the end of it. Off course we go over everything to make sure noting is making her unconfortable, what we do that before we put her down. Last night she did much better, so hopefully she will go back to her old habits of going to bed without an issue. I brought this up because now this is the only time she is screaming!

Joha is a old timer here having posted more than 650 .........

  This just means I have a lot of questions! 

[Twinergy]

Joha,
I’m glad your DD is feeling better.  My son likes corn on the cob when he is teething, he isn’t into cold things. 

Young children don’t understand “no”.  My DD is almost 2 and when I tell her “no XYZ” or “don’t XYZ” she repeats “XYZ” back to me and keeps doing what she is doing.    It works better to tell them what to do rather than what not to do, and even better yet to model the appropriate behavior.  I try to eliminate saying “no” as a goal.  Of course I still say it (a lot), but every time I do I try to think of how I could have communicated the same thing without saying “no.”  One of my favorite substitutes for “no” is “danger,” it communicates so much more information.   Or instead of saying “no hitting” say “we use gentle hands" then show them how.  Also childproofing is an ongoing process but it really helps set up a yes environment.  This will help your daughter explore her world safely and nurture a curious mind. 

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061100.asp
http://www.dwd.com/articles/05_02.asp

[mommytoautumn]

Trinity papa - I know this thread is old. But your behavior is absolutely disgusting. How dare you slap a child. If I were to ever see this myself, I would turn you in to child protective services.

[Rachel NZ]

I acknowledge that this is an old thread too but I feel the need to publicly agree with mommytoautumn.

Early Learning to me is an appreciation of an infants personhood.
Realising how much they are capable of and how early and thoroughly they absorb what we do. They are amazing!

I cant reconcile this with the idea of controlling a child with threatening behaviour.


Admittedly, I'm not a parent yet so i haven't experienced the frustrations first hand but i'd like to think that assault wont be in my bag of tricks.
My sister successfully used sign with her daughter to head off many of the tantrums she was expecting.

[CB2]

I've been reading a lot about how foods can affect children's behavior. Many parents report a much calmer child after adding more supportive foods to their diets. You might want to check out the forum at bedrock dot com - I've found them quite helpful! Good luck!

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