What are you doing discipline-wise with your child now?

[akalori]

I use time-outs but not at 15 months.  Like others, I think at 15 months, a baby can't predict consequences and control impulses.  I think you should set up your home so the baby just can't reach the remote and put a latch on the toilet.  At his age when he does something wrong just explain why it was naughty then clean up the mess.  Also just like you are doing now, I use distraction - out of sight out of mind. 

Sometimes at his young age, kids misbehave or have temper tantrums when they are tired, hungry, or overwhelmed.  So make sure, his needs are met and provide a comfortable soothing environment.  At 18 months old, I implemented a 90 seconds time-out for only very serious infractions - i.e. biting her older brother.  It worked.  I've read that time-outs shouldn't be longer than a minute for each year old.  Now at 2 yrs old, she is very well-behaved.  She infrequently gets a 2 minute time-out and always gets a warning first.  Again it usually involves something very serious - like hitting her older brother or repeatedly bothering him while he is doing homework.  If she has a temper tantrum I try to figure what stressor is causing her to feel overwhelmed then I resolve it.  I don't punish her for feeling overwhelmed by emotions.  I also use common sense consequences.  If she throws toys or makes a mess intentionally then she has to help clean up within her abilities.  I don't get mad I just point out the obvious - "wow what a mess - we are going to have to clean this up right away!"

It sounds like you are doing fine to me.  Why do you think your child is spoiled?  Little toddlers will have an occasional temper tantrum.  It's unavoidable.  Eventually he will learn how to express his feelings verbally, and how to deal with disappointment.  I don't believe in ever spanking children.

Good Luck, Lori

[Kappasweet]

I use time-outs but not at 15 months.  Like others, I think at 15 months, a baby can't predict consequences and control impulses.  I think you should set up your home so the baby just can't reach the remote and put a latch on the toilet.  At his age when he does something wrong just explain why it was naughty then clean up the mess.  Also just like you are doing now, I use distraction - out of sight out of mind. 

Sometimes at his young age, kids misbehave or have temper tantrums when they are tired, hungry, or overwhelmed.  So make sure, his needs are met and provide a comfortable soothing environment.  At 18 months old, I implemented a 90 seconds time-out for only very serious infractions - i.e. biting her older brother.  It worked.  I've read that time-outs shouldn't be longer than a minute for each year old.  Now at 2 yrs old, she is very well-behaved.  She infrequently gets a 2 minute time-out and always gets a warning first.  Again it usually involves something very serious - like hitting her older brother or repeatedly bothering him while he is doing homework.  If she has a temper tantrum I try to figure what stressor is causing her to feel overwhelmed then I resolve it.  I don't punish her for feeling overwhelmed by emotions.  I also use common sense consequences.  If she throws toys or makes a mess intentionally then she has to help clean up within her abilities.  I don't get mad I just point out the obvious - "wow what a mess - we are going to have to clean this up right away!"

It sounds like you are doing fine to me.  Why do you think your child is spoiled?  Little toddlers will have an occasional temper tantrum.  It's unavoidable.  Eventually he will learn how to express his feelings verbally, and how to deal with disappointment.  I don't believe in ever spanking children.

Good Luck, Lori

Thanks!  I only say he is spoiled because he has Mommy and Daddy all to himself, a room full of toys, and we baby him.  Such as, Daddy still holds his bottle for him, he gets rocked to sleep if he has trouble going down, etc.  I even burped him yesterday!  That is spoiled!

I don't think that I had a problem with the idea of spanking until I had my own baby.  I was never spanked though, so I guess I just didn't think of it one way or another.  Now I am realizing a lot of people do it at very young ages.  I remember my bff giving her daughter a hand pop at my baby shower for touching the outlet.  At the time I did not think of the hand pop, I just thought she was being a good mom for not letting the baby get electrocuted.  Now, I am just like, she could have easily just brushed her hand away and given her something else to play with.  She was about 15-16 months at the time if I remember correctly.

I will definitely get the Unconditional Parenting book on my next order from Amazon, which will probably be at the beginning of July when I get some Paypal money.

[yqueen]

I'm not one to tell anyone how to raise there child however I hope you gain some perspective from my personal opinion.  I don't encourage discipline however, I'm not totally against it provided age appropriate.  At 15 months, I don't believe there's much you can do accept ignore the tantrums.  Most of what a baby does is for attention and just about everything they do is for your reaction.  As parents, many focus too much on what we feel is unacceptable. To a baby, that means nothing as they're still learning both there surroundings and themselves.  Having a tantrum is most likely the easiest way your little one can express himself when he really doesn't like something.  My daughter very rarely has tantrums but if she does, I just walk away from her.  She also likes to spit during meal times with food in her mouth.  (It drives me crazy) and I know she does it to get a reaction out of me.  So every time she spits, I get up and walk away until she stops. Sometimes she starts to cry because she doesn't like that I walked away.  When she cries, I go back and she immediately stops forgetting why I walked away and goes back to feeding normally.  If she starts to spit again, I repeat the same steps over.  I've done this often enough that she's beginning to notice my reaction.  She still spits on occasion as she'll fix her face to spit out of habit.  However, as soon as I put the spoon down, she knows I'm going to walk away, corrects herself and instead smiles at me.  This may be considered discipline as I don't allow my daughter to spit in my face nor do I watch her entertain me with negative behavior.  I instead show her by my actions as does she what's pleasing to me and what's not.  We're "both" learning about each other and it's important it goes both ways.  I'm sure your little one wants to see your smile just as much as you want to see his. I recommend learning more about your baby with positive reinforcement for all good things.  This way when he does something you don't like, he'll begin to notice a different reaction.  I believe it's more important not to demonstrate too much negativity during such an early stage of development as babies will only repeat your actions.   I think your right for telling him "no" but I'd follow the gesture by directing his attention else where or walking away depending on what he's doing.  Teaching right from wrong and discipline (if "you" choose) will develop in it's own time.  I see nothing wrong with it provided you're not abusing it or your child.  Discipline doesn't always mean hitting or time outs.  Correcting your child is also a form of discipline and I strongly recommend it with positive reinforcement. 

Good Luck to you!

[fatima786]

hi there.

 just to share my experience.

one day my son was being his usual self exploring this and that. he soon became frustrated with his toy and threw it away. i tried to help him with his frustration which was difficult as i was on a very tight schedule at that time. he then got upset again and i helped him again. he then started screaming and crying and broke his toy in the process. i got upset and for the first time ever i hit his tiny hands. he looked at me so shocked.

i felt so bad. he still forgave me like he always does for all my mummy mishaps.
i lost my cool and if that happened on any other day at any other time i probably wouldnt have done that.

children need boundaries but i guess we need to figure the situation out like many have said. when i get upset about anything i really give it a thought. is it the situation or is it me just having a bad day. if its my son i firmly say "enough" and that seems to make him realise that he has crossed the boundary. if its me i give myself space. if he needs attention then i help him out.

i realise though that each childs personality is different. each environment is different. a first child would be different compared to the second. an extended family environment may make it difficult to control what your child learns from whom. a child that goes to a creche or playschool may behave differently according to his/her experiences.

sometimes its difficult to control ones reaction to a situation. moms can drop the ball and yell. it happens. whats great is that we can learn from it and try to be a better mom tomorrow.

when i look back i just cant remember any naughty moments.
with time we forget.

[PY]

.....   my 16 months old baby in time out or spank her!!!it sounds crazy to me...mmm being honest I haven't even thought about it.....
Anyways whenever she is upset(which is rarely) I talk to her and hug her, and kiss her and start playing with her or making funny faces...tons of different things for she to forget about it. She loves books, so I read books to her and she calms down....

QUESTION HERE: WHAT DOES A TODDLER HAS TO DO TO GET IN TIME OUT OR GET GET SPANK??

I definitely disagree on spanking or time out at any age much worst for babies.
I understand there may be parents that loose their temper but the best way is to ignore tantrums if you are sure they are not a reaction because he is feelling sick (fever, coughing ...) and after explaining to your child what he is doing is wrong.
Haven't you seen your child or any other crying and then if you call his attention on somenthing he likes, suddenly, like magic, he not only stops crying but his face complely changes and even smiles? That allways amaze me.
Try to look for something that will make him forget what the tantrum was about or just leave the room (depending on the age).

Yes I totally agree with you 2010bebes
I have never spanked my baby,she is only 16 months. She is the sweetest baby and so good with mommy. I could never do that!!There is so many other option we can take.

[akalori]

YQueen,

What a good point.  Instead of just admonishing bad behavior, it is a great idea to teach an alternate appropriate behavior.  Also, as you aptly stated, it is more effective to increase good behavior than to decrease bad behavior.  Children strive for praise so if you notice and compliment good behavior then you will get more of it.  It is much harder to get good behavior by criticizing bad behavior.  I'm always working on being more positive with my imulsive 6 yr old son, but many days I'm disappointed in myself.  Sometimes I find myself saying "stop it, put it down, don't touch your sister, and NO!" nearly all day long.  Days when I manage a more positive therapeutic approach he is better behaved.  He isn't bad, but he has a learning disability and can be impulsive.  Accidently he injures himself or his sister several times per day.  Usually the injuries are minor.  YQueen, I really needed this reminder because tomorrow I'm taking them both to a busy aquarium by train.  With a nurturing upbeat tone, I need to tell him "Honey, do this," rather than snapping "DON'T DO THAT!"  It's amazing because sometimes he is so well-behaved that strangers compliment me on his behavior.  But in some situations, especially at home, he gets wild and it exhausts me.  Before we get on the train, I need to repeat a little mantra - "I am an upbeat positive Mommy who praises good behavior and redirects her children with ease."

Karma to you, Lori

[yqueen]

Thanks Lori   It's very nice to know you can relate and you're right about children striving for praise.  It's so easy to forget that.  As mothers / parents being overwhelmed is something I'm sure we all experience.  I know if I have to raise my voice, question or think about my actions, I lost control of the situation and my family has already assumed bad energy from me.  The more I remind myself and develop good habits, the better chance I'll pass the same positive influence.

Lori, Have fun tomorrow!  And let us know all about it

yqueen~

[Twinergy]

Here is an excerpt from Unconditional Parenting,
http://books.google.com/books?id=PAuOqjD6BE4C&dq=unconditional+parenting+podcast&printsec=frontcover&source=in&hl=en&ei=KSFDSuydF4OIsgPHvMn1DQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=11

[akalori]

Our aquarium trip went well.  My children were well-behaved.  We go to the aquarium several times per year.  My son says he wants to work there when he grows up.  We have a routine so each time it gets easier.  My son remembered that he is allowed only one small item from the gift shop at the end and didn't beg for more.  We brought our own lunch and snacks from home so we saved money and ate healthier.  It wasn't very crowded which is unusual.  My children got to enjoy the displays without others blocking their view.  My son remembered some facts and names of the fish.  And best of all, on the way home, my son thanked us for taking him.  One of our best trips.

I didn't even need my mantra.

Lori

[yqueen]

Happy to hear your trip to the aquarium went well!  Sounds like you had a very nice time.  I'm sure it will keep a great memory to look back on.

yqueen~

[smita]

was just reading ur posts ....there is this thing called "sleep talk"...(i havent tried this on my son....but my frnd has ...and she belives it to be very true)..in india its called "Nidra Sanskar" the first ten minutes after ur baby sleeps talk to him in "present POSITIVE tense",all the talk shud b positive ...u must ask urself and decide wat u want out of your child for eg. if his friends dont take him while playing ...then u tell him "ur friends will take u to play"..say u want ur baby to leave drinking from a bottle then u say "u drink with a glass"..u tell him how strong,polite and caring and intelligent he is..etc etc..u may try this if u like the concept..and let us know may b..take cre.

[akalori]

Smita,

That is so interesting.  I think I might try "sleep talk" with both of my little monsters  .

Lori

[nhockaday]

There are some older discussions about sleep talking. Just type it in the search box.

[Kappasweet]

was just reading ur posts ....there is this thing called "sleep talk"...(i havent tried this on my son....but my frnd has ...and she belives it to be very true)..in india its called "Nidra Sanskar" the first ten minutes after ur baby sleeps talk to him in "present POSITIVE tense",all the talk shud b positive ...u must ask urself and decide wat u want out of your child for eg. if his friends dont take him while playing ...then u tell him "ur friends will take u to play"..say u want ur baby to leave drinking from a bottle then u say "u drink with a glass"..u tell him how strong,polite and caring and intelligent he is..etc etc..u may try this if u like the concept..and let us know may b..take cre.

That is a wonderful idea.  I used to have a hypnotist and he insisted that I listen to his programs during my sleep!  I could not do that as my husband would not go along with that, but that you can truly get your child to accept some great suggestions.  For this reason, never ever ever let your child sleep in a room with the television on some random program, they will get uncontrolled suggestions.  I never thought about giving him suggestions with my own voice, that would be even better.

I still did not get Unconditional Parenting book, the excerpt helped a lot, I will be going to the used book store this evening to pick up a copy. 

[Joanna07]

was just reading ur posts ....there is this thing called "sleep talk"...(i havent tried this on my son....but my frnd has ...and she belives it to be very true)..in india its called "Nidra Sanskar" the first ten minutes after ur baby sleeps talk to him in "present POSITIVE tense",all the talk shud b positive ...u must ask urself and decide wat u want out of your child for eg. if his friends dont take him while playing ...then u tell him "ur friends will take u to play"..say u want ur baby to leave drinking from a bottle then u say "u drink with a glass"..u tell him how strong,polite and caring and intelligent he is..etc etc..u may try this if u like the concept..and let us know may b..take cre.

I read the book about sleep talk, it's a very interesting concept
I have tried it with my son once, trying to get him to sleep thru the night, it didn't work
I think you have to really believe in what you are saying otherwise it won't work

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