What are your thoughts on co-sleeping with your baby? When & how to stop it?

[sheeberi]

I'm a first time mom, I co-slept with my twins from birth and I love it. I know co-sleeping is scary for some, and yeah, I've heard horror stories about it, like mothers rolling on top of their babies but I never once rolled on them. My husband has gone along with it but we missed sleeping together 'coz he'd been sleeping alone in our bedroom since I had the babies.

But I don’t know how to move away from co-sleeping. I tried to sneak out many times but they always wake up & cry. When do you think is the best time to make the break and stop to co-sleep? What are some gentle ways of moving away from co-sleeping?
 

[trulypearl]

Hello Sheeberi,
I was co-sleeping with my son from birth to 3 months old.  After 3 months I put him in a bassinet next to my bed and he slept there until he was 4 months old.  From there I moved him into his crib in his own room.  The first few nights of the adjustment was hard even at the early age.  He cried for 3 nights.  Then the fourth night I out him down he yelled onced and rolled over to fall asleep on his own.  I am so thankful that I did this early one because I can't imagine how long he would cry now, now that he is older when I leave him.  This also helped him sleep through the night because he soothe himself to sleep every night and when he wakes in the middle of the night he did the same.

I would recommend, moving them to their own room with their own crib ASAP.  One year olds can sleep alone and plus you need some alone time with you husband.  Have a bed time routine.  Do the same thing every night and eventually they will get tired and fall asleep in their own beds.  It will be hard the first couple of nights and there will be crying but trust me it will all be worth it.    There are also many books out there that many parents reccomended to me such as "Baby Wise" to help baby sleep through the night and on their own. 

[nhockaday]

I think this thread will help. I posted my experience there. http://forum.brillkids.com/coffee-corner-general-chat/baby-sleeping-place/

[Twinergy]

Hi Sheeberi,
My twins are a couple months older than yours.  I still co-sleep with them and my husband also misses me.  I have a couple questions just to find out more about your situation.  Are you Attachment Parenting, if not how did you decide to start co-sleeping?  Are your girls night weaned?  I’m assuming that like me you sleep in-between your twins, I know it can be hard to sneak away.  I gotta run now, will check back later.

[Tornado]

Perhaps you can place your matress on the floor and then place their matress next to yours.  They can still feel close, hear your breathing,etc.  Then eventually push their matress further away... eventually move them to a toddler bed and out of your room.  Good luck!

[Nikita]

I co-sleep with my baby (or 2 as my first 2 were 13.5 months apart). Now I'm having my 5th in 5 weeks, but my 18 month old usually ends up in my bed, though I've been trying since 12 months to have her sleep in a cot in her oldest sister's room. I need her out properly so I can have baby in there, as she likes to turn sideways and upside-down in bed, and it's uncomfortable and squishy now!!
There's bad and good in it. It's bad for for the guy...kills the love life. Good for the exhausted woman..kills the love life!! (Women with babies need sleep guys!!! Beds are for sleeping in!) But for the guys sake, best to use a bassinette and cot where you can...to compromise!
I

[Nikita]

http://forum.brillkids.com/coffee-corner/family-bed/

I recommend not entirely co-sleeping, as it is difficult to get them out. I will have a bassinette on one side of my bed, and a cot in the other corner. If the current bub wants to sleep with me, she'll probably find herself in the cot in my room (not her sisters room). I am worried about jealousy arising. But she is too active. Once they stop sleeping in one direction, and flip and flop around, it isnt pleasant.  And I find myself right on the edge of the bed all cramped up.  It's pleasant when they just lie there, but when they take up your room and spoil your sleep it isnt great at all. I have to try a bit of a different approach with number 5. Not always having them in my bed, and not putting them to sleep by lying next to them all the time. By 5 kids, I dont have the time to handle all this, and the clinginess and inability to self-soothe that it fosters. I have to have a mixture, so new bub can be a bit self-reliant. I need to toughen up and not be such a push-over. I have to cope with a bit of crying when I put bub down and leave the room. Not everyday, but here and there. I tried this controlled crying with my 18 month old yesterday (for the first time with her) but after 10 minutes I gave up. But at least I tried. Had I remembered to give her a dummy (pacifier) she MAY have actually gone to sleep. Silly me!

[Anastasiya]

I separated my elder son when we stopped breast-feeding - in 1y.5 m. It was impossoble before this point
And I used a baby's dummy instead of breast and gave him to drink some water when he awaked. He came into our bed in the early morning usually but he can sleep all the night in his own bed since 2 y.o.

[sheeberi]

Hello Twinergy!

Yeah my twins are only couple of months younger than yours. Until when you will co-sleep them? I am not sure if I'm an Attachment Parenting but I think I am, I always try to be as attentive & be with them all the time. I'm worried though if I might overdo it because I also don't want them to grow very dependent on me. I just like to build close relationship with them as I am/was not too close to my parents. (I mean, like, I feel awkward saying "I love U" to them verbally, only through cards on special occasions).

Yep I sleep in-between them    & yeah they are night weaned. They sleep all night through as long as I am with them, sometimes they wake up but they will just move beside or cuddle on me then back to sleep.

Are you an Attachment Parenting? Are they breastfeed? If so, how you do it? Mine were breastfed but only with expressed milk.

[sheeberi]

Thank you all for the replies & links. I think those are all very helpful but it's easier said than done because it's not just my babies who's having problems sleeping, I too. I missed sleeping with my husband but I am now used to sleeping with my babies. When I tried to sneak off to sleep with my hubby in our bedroom, it's not just the babies who cannot sleep all through the night, I'm having difficulty sleeping too. There are lots of "what if" running on my mind, so I'm scared to just let them sleep by themselves. When the babies wake up & cry, I never have second thought of just sleeping with them instead.

I just wonder, if I continue to co-sleep with them, will co-sleeping stops naturally or it wont stop until they are teenagers?

[noorhidayah]

hello there,

me and my daughter still co-sleep since she was born. so far I don't have any problem with that and now, she sleep with us but in her own bed beside me since she still breast-feed at night. as for me, I will separate my baby when she's a lil bit older maybe around 1.5yr old and she get the idea why she must sleep in her own bed. we talk abut this frequently, so that she get the idea and I hope when it's the time to move her to bed, it goes well...:finger-cross:

i did not denied that I tried to sneak out to make sure she sleep on her own but it failed and made the baby stressed out, and me!!! for me, as long mom and the baby are well with the sleeping pattern, it's ok and do wait the baby a liltle bit older to put her on her own bed ...juz my 2 pence..

[nhockaday]

I just wonder, if I continue to co-sleep with them, will co-sleeping stops naturally or it wont stop until they are teenagers?

It's very likely that it will go on for a long time if you don't change the way they sleep. And the older they get, the harder it will get. At least they have each other. That should make the transition easier.

[Tornado]

I rely alot on my mom's experiences.  She wanted to be a perfect by the book mom with me and let me cry it out so that I would learn to self-soothe and be independent.  She says that she cried along with me and wishes she could do it over again!  She nursed my sister and the little runt (just kidding) got to co-sleep with my parents!  My mom moved her to her own toddler bed when she was ready and told her that she could go to sleep in there and could come get in with Mommy and Daddy if she woke up and needed them.  So she went to sleep in her own bed and then would come in with them during the middle of the night until she was either 3 or 4.  Then on either her 3rd or 4th birthday (can't remember which) my mom told her that 3 year olds or 4 year olds sleep in their bed all night long and that if they wake up during the night they try very hard to stay in bed and if they are afraid they pray to God and then if they still need Mommy and Daddy after that they can come make a pallet on the floor next to their bed.  This worked fbest or her!  Hopefully something along these lines will work for yours!  Oh, and my sister is sleeping just fine on her own now! 

[jsmonton]

my situation is quite the opposite of u guys, when my son was born, he was so fragile looking and tiny, i was scared that if i keep him with us on the same bed we might accidentally cover him with blankets or our hands or legs will lay on him which is why we have kept him on his basinet.he was doing ok till he learns to turn, we move him to his cot but it is next to our bed.it was running smoothly.his sleeping patterns are very good, since he was born he sleeps straight during the night. thank God for that, i did not experience the waking in the middle of night even now that his 14months.BUT, my dilemma starts when hecan stand up, he refused to sleep on his cot now, wheneever i moved him back to his cot he will wake up and cries alot till i move him back to the bed with us.
i dunno how i can stop this and make him sleep on his bed....

[Twinergy]

Hi Sheeberi,
I am Attachment Parenting and I still breastfeed.  If one is nursing the other has to do it too, so I tandem BF them.  They BF more often now than they did as babies.  I only feed them 2 meals a day & several snacks on demand, that’s all DS will eat.  He just wants BF all the time.  It’s also much more convenient for me then to make food & clean up afterward.  I’m not really sure if I answered your question, are you needing ideas for how to tandem BF your toddlers? 

The twins and I sleep on a king size mattress on the floor, DH sleeps in the other room.  I used to let my twins fall asleep nursing, and they would sleep on top of me.  I couldn’t get away and was pinned down under them all night for 11 hours straight.  Is this the same issue you are having or can you get away and just have to come back a few hours later?  Anyway, I solved that problem by cutting them off from BF before they would fall back asleep (DS isn’t ready to night-wean yet because he doesn’t eat enough during the day.)  They usually roll over when I tell them “all done” and give me some space.  Sometimes I have to nudge them to encourage them to roll over.  I listen for their breathing to slow down, and then I can leave, usually for 2 hours, until they wake again.  Sometimes I will put a pillow between them to keep them from rolling into each other while they sleep, but if they are too close already I won’t do it because putting the pillow there might wake them up.   I also found they sleep better in the mornings & for naps if there is no light in the room and I use white noise.  The window in their bedroom is covered with aluminum foil then posterboard over that.  Another thing, I sometimes just sleep across the foot of the bed (I hope this makes sense), especially if I am not sleeping well.  That way my movement isn’t as likely to wake them up. 

I am planning on co-sleeping with them until they are old enough to come find me if they need me in the middle of the night.   I really have no idea how old that is.

From what I understand about child development, you can’t rush a baby to be independent.  They just all have to go through certain developmental stages.  By Attachment Parenting you are giving your children confidence that will benefit them once they are old enough to branch out on their own.  Right around 1.5 years old toddlers start to recognize their individuality.  This is when most will recognize themselves in the mirror.  Over the next year they start growing their independence.  This is what Dr Sears has to say about it http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t131500.asp.  (BTW I also like his discipline articles for toddlers, they really helped me with communicating with them). 
 

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