BrillKids Forum

After reading two books from suzuki and thinking I thought the best way to parent was to set the proper example, remain calm and explain things and slowly our children would follow our example.  I had success until my son who is now 2 has become a little more expressive and my 2nd son was born...

My two year old likes to poke his brother through out the day and I have an urge to poke back.... and am starting at times to get grumpy at my sons lack of listening to instructions... any advice?

Which Suzuki books are those?

Have you tried reasoning with teh older son, eg., "How would you like it if I poked you?".  I might consider poking him back, but in any event, I would definitely make sure I maintain my calm and not appear angry. Maybe you could even make it like a game, where you poke him everytime he poked the little brother, except it would be a game that he'd rather not play.

I think of an example when Felicity used to like to sit on my tummy and bounce up and down (hurts, of course!).  Rather than tell her not to do it, I simply told her that if she does it I would tickle her, and after a few tickles, she decided she didn't want to play this 'game'.

:)

Does not playing this "game" teach a child a lesson that it is OK to poke or hurt or cause pain some other "funny" way? Is not it better to just honestly set the limits for a child that it is not acceptable to hurt anyone?
There are some methods that helps to reinforce these techniques. I use SUPERNANNY techniques (http://www.supernanny.com/Advice/-/Supernanny-techniques.aspx) with my daughter and she just KNOW that it is not OK to hurt anyone and that there are other ways how to solve the situation and avoid hurting anyone. I love the techinques and if they are combined with a lot of love  :)  and times in :) , they really work. Martina

There are a couple things about supernanny techniques that worry me.  I think Mr. Kohn makes some valid points... see
http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/supernanny.htm

http://teachers.net/gazette/JUN08/kohn/

While I admit Koln' s book, "Unconditional Parenting" is very wisy washy in the sense that it lacks hard advice on how to deal with a toddler.  I believe in what Glenn Doman had said "you cant force a two year old to do anything they dont want to do"

If you teach your child, which is our job as parents, about cause and effects of their behaviour and keep setting the proper example then eventually they will come around.  We have always received compliments on how gentle my 2 year old is with others... both older and younger, and how well he shares.  I think it is because we share with him, and are gentle with him...

Mind you we all have our days.  To which I recall a story when my husband slapped my sons had because he was frustrated with my son... we noticed for 3 weeks then my son hit out of frustration when things didnt go his way... My husband and I vowed to try each day to be more patient, and to explain the actions.  Self control is very hard to do.   I believe though if you ever hit a child then you as a parent have failed, and the child won. 
I also think timeouts are overused today... especially in North America.

The books are as follows:

Suzuki, Shinichi. Ability Development from Age Zero

                       Nurtured By Love

http://suzukiassociation.org/parents/bibliography/

I highly recommend these books to all parents... whenever some things get very difficult I tend to go back to these books and try to model myself into being a better person and hence being a better parent.

Timeouts, corporal punishments I believe in my heart are the easy way out.... we need to take time with our children... and yes I have given my son a time out, when I have done so its because I need a minute to think or calm down to respond. 

I like the idea of tickling... sometimes a little laughter is all we need to ease a situation up... and I am sure his poking response is do to a little curiosity, timed with a little agrevation at times, and sometimes because he doesnt have control of all his emotions yet because hes two.  :clown:  We will give it a shot.

Good point. I think it can be done in a way that tells them it's not ok.  I think you can set the rules, and give them "instant karma" in a funny way like tickling.  Actually, I've never had to do something like poke back. Normally I just reason with Felicity, eg. sometimes when she is grouchy, she would just push my face away.  All I would say is, "Felicity, that's not very nice.  Would you like it if I push your face?" Then she would shake her head, and I would say, "of course you wouldn't, it doesn't feel good, right? So don't do it to others."  Sometimes she may say cheekily "yes" with a laugh, then I would say, "Really???? OK, I'm going to push your face baaaack....", all in good humor. Then she would run off of course, and later I would reason with her in a serious tone again.

Just my 2 cents. :)

what's wrong with timeouts?