There was a very interesting study done recently - Sorry to say that with everything I've been reading I can't remember where I came across it - the study involved memory.

Basically as we all know if a memory is reactivated it is stronger. It is also known that adding another sensory element to the memory strengthens said memory.

In this study an odour was added to the memory. Some of the subjects had the memory reactivated (through the odor) during sleep and others had it reactivated (also through the odor only) when awake and others did not have it reactivated.

Those who had the memory reactivated during sleep had stronger and more accurate recall than those who had it activated while awake possibly due to the fact that while awake when the memory was reactivated there was new stimulation creating a new memory instead of merely strengthening the first. Those who did not have it reactivated showed stronger recall than those who had it reactivated while awake but still less than those who had it reactivated while sleeping.

When you consider what is capable through  hypnosis (I was tour manager for Peter Powers the hypnotist a few years back and it truly amazing to watch) it's not surprising what can be achieved through REM

I got the Samsung Color Xpression - much much much cheaper.

You replace each color separately which is helpful.

To make it cheaper still I bought a chip that you solder to the mother board of the printer so that you can refill the toner cartridges instead of replacing them I then buy my toner from ebay at approx $20 (sometimes cheaper) per colour refill as opposed to $80 for a new cartridge.

When I replace the ink I literally get hundreds and hundreds of pages before needing to refill.

I use this for my business and it has been a life saver.

we had the same issue - our son only crawls as a game we had to be dogs and tigers cats with him it was the only time he would crawl otherwise all he wanted to do was get up and walk.

I figured rather than stopping him I'd just make crawling a game and exercise done while learning to walk rather than an intermediary step - sometimes our kids just have their own ideas on things.

I bought the teach your baby to write  but my son taught himself before I got a chance to use it. Having said that I think if I had started the program at the time Doman recommends that he would have been writing better and earlier. We still use the lesson ideas in the Doman book.

They are not just about physical writing but also creative writing and this is the part we are able to most interest our son in - he enjoys dictating poems and stories to us so I definitely recommend it for the creative part.

Being a teacher I think Doman's method will work very well and it is quite cheap.

Hope that helps

We're there for as long as our boy is there.

We started at birth - he was given all the materials and access to everything he could want, didn't hear the word no from us before his first birthday and since then it has been reserved for emergency only (like the time he picked up a dead crab at the beach and went to eat it)... it's wonderful and we love every second of it.

We have never "taught" him anything but he has learned many many things. We have made use of books and learning materials (YBCR etc) but always following his lead and most things have learned through spontaneous lessons. I would love to take full credit but hubby is actually the primary carer though we're both there all the time while I work mostly from home.

A word of caution though we believe this is what has promoted his incredible sense of self and independence. Independence sounds great (and I could hope for nothing more) but it is difficult with a two year old and requires awareness and energy and loads of imagination. We constantly turn every life experience he has into a controlled environment lesson allowing him to experience fully at the level he can control, joining with us in the level that is just out of his reach and given awareness of the level that we are attending to without him until such a point when he has a level of comprehension and can start joining in with that.

We try to control only the elements of his environment and life that are beyond his ability to comprehend. Once he is able to comprehend instead of taking control we guide.

Our bond with him is incredible and I hope that we have many more years of joined learning before he must move on.

Is there a point to her telling you the word - at least a point that she can accept?

My son utterly refuses to do anything that has no purpose other than proving he can do it.  He would enjoy finding one card out of many because it would be challenging but why should he have to vocalise a  word he knows he can say and you know he can say just for the sake of proving he can say it and so on

We have this trouble with our boy with a lot of things - at first I thought it was the performing monkey thing (Though we call it performing seal same thing) but it goes a step further I think. Not only does he not want to perform he doesn't want to waste his own time and energy.

Very frustrating at times but something i am also proud of him for because I know he's making his own mind up about his actions and isn't coerced just to please a crowd.

If she's vocal and capable of reading why not step the games up a bit and play word versions of charades and stuff (like celebrity heads but with words she knows). Things that have a purpose are always more exciting and you wont be wasting her time getting her to perform tasks she mastered ages ago.

Good luck with it - all our kids are little individuals and unfortunately don't always fit into those nice neat little boxes leaving us struggling to find out what is all for ourselves

Check out the helping each other teach multiple languages thread - there are lots of notes from parents on how they have done it.

We now treat each language (other than English) as something that we learn together we practice learning to read it together learning to pronounce together and learning to write it together. This is working well for us

I have no expectations of my child - I would never put such pressure on him.

He is responsible for his own decisions and I am responsible for setting a good example and providing him with the knowledge and means for making good decisions.

A difficult concept perhaps but one that is working extremely well. I too have an angel who I can take anywhere, who has good manners, who helps his mum and dad, who is happy and who academically, physically and creatively is well ahead of his peers.

He does what he does because he chooses to do so. I will never fear that his behavior or choices will differ if I am there or not because I am not the dictator of his behavior. I will never fear that he will be lead astray because I know his thoughts are his own and his decisions are his own. He doesn't do things because someone else wants him to or worse still tells him to he does them because he has decided to. He might decide to do it to please someone else or something similar but the decision is still his. I will never take that right away from him even if it means a less easy path for myself as a parent.

Provide children with good examples and knowledge and they will work it out. If they can work out the phonetic code to the English language understanding right from wrong is a simple task - especially with good examples provided daily.

It is very easy to see children as something we need to control and their lives as something for us to sculpture but too many times I have seen (hundreds and hundreds of students over many years of teaching) that expectations and forming your child's life and setting them on the right path and other such things "for them" leads to misery and battles.

Our fears, our desires, our fantasies, our expectations etc are just that "OURS" not theirs. They must find their own way and that starts from day dot.

I doubt many parents have the ability to resign their fear at loss of control to follow such a method but I wish they could as they have no idea how easy it is and how joyous the results.

Just a quick question Tracy4 - do you expect your child to be respectful to adults that are not respectful of them? At all times is a dangerous statement. Firstly respect is a funny word - we should respect everyone and everyone's rights adults, children, animals, insects etc etc but I will use it here in the sense I believe you have meant it.

Respect is not deserved by adults simply because they are adults - I know many adults who I truly hope my son does not respect - respect is earned and is difficult to give to people who have none for yourself.

[process of learning]

Okay - so many many things but rather than turning this into an essay I'll narrow it down- I guess this was the thing that struck the worst chord for me....
 

What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.

The problem isn't that westerners have the wrong idea it's that they don't know how to implement it. The Chinese way has many many generations of tradition and experience behind it so that all things being results orientated their methods work and work well - it is the cost of these methods not the results that concern me - for every student who comes first one must come last an unfortunate situation for a child of results orientated parents because you could be getting 98% and still not be first.

Westerners are still finding their way they have vague ideas and most parents just kind of float along many stumble.

Imagine if every Western parent took on board the Doman method of teaching through joy and teaching early - no child would ever be at a point where learning was difficult or hard work they would be constantly experiencing small successes or small hurdles that are overcome one after the other encouraging them to continue on their path.

And this is where the "Western" or shall we say "Doman" method wins out - because these children will love the process of learning - not the end results. The beauty of this is the acceptance of "failure" not as the inability to succeed but the end of a path during which many valuable lessons were learned that can be taken on the next journey to ensure you are one step closer to success.

Far less depressing and far more encouraging of creativity and ingenuity those traits that separate us from animals. The ability to imagine that things could be different and the ability to use ingenuity to make it so.

Us Westerners have been behind the Chinese for many years but we have caught up in so many ways. Those of us who are doing the ground breaking with new parenting methods and teaching methods have an obligation to pass on what we have learned to the next generation then one day our methods will have as many traditions and generations with years of success as the Chinese.

When this happens the Chinese methods will look as primitive and backward as the cane and writing lines looks now in western schools.

(PS - Please forgive the use of Chinese and Westerners here, I hate that kind of stereotyping but it is difficult to refute this article without it and I don't have the time to spare to work my way around it - it is certainly not meant to be offensive - if it makes you feel better replace it with group A and group B).

Hi bestmom,

Yes it is working with my son and I have seen it work with my three nephew the oldest of which is starting highschool this year.

All our boys are confident, caring children able to interact well with other children while making their own decisions.

As for being picked on - it is an unfortunate fact of life that some children out there have been taught some nasty habits that they impose on other children.

Recently I was attending a mothers' group and our children were in creche care. We are able to watch them through the windows while we have a chat which is the only reason my son is allowed in the creche.

One day I suddenly had an overwhelming need to look for my boy (I think I could subconsciously hear what was going on outside) and low and behold I see a 4 year old pushing him over, he fell to the ground. My breath caught in my throat I looked for the creche workers (no where in sight) and just before I could go rushing out there my boy (just two at the time) stood up ran up to the other boy gave him a shove in the back and said "you no push me".

I was both horrified and proud simultaneously. Horrified that he pushed the boy in the back but proud that he stood up for himself and let this other boy know that he wasn't happy with his behavior.

I later explained to him that I was exceptionally proud of him for standing up for himself and that he was right to let the boy know that he didn't like what he had done - I then explained that pushing someone in the back was not the right way to handle it and we spoke about just using our words and if it happens again finding and telling an adult (the creche ladies I was not so proud of and told them in no uncertain terms how I felt which resulted in policy changes).

It was great for us because we had been worried that his first exposure to violence would reduce him to fear but it didn't. In our house he has never experienced any physical violence (not even a tap on the hand) as we believe that hitting a child because they're not doing what you want will result in them hitting other people because they're not doing what they want - a vicious cycle that people don't seem to understand. He has also never had a voice raised at him (for similar reasons) and the word no is reserved for dire situations only.

So we are happy - he is confident and able to make decisions for himself. 

[you were upset because you wanted a biscuit. That feeling you had was hunger. You were hungry. Next time you can say biscuit or point to the biscuit and mummy can help you.]

There is a fantastic set of parenting courses aimed at teaching parents very basic child psyhcology - I did both and highly recommend them. They are called "You make the difference" and "Raising Secure Children". They were written by some American psychologists (can't remember who sorry) but you shoud be able to find info easily enough. If not let me know and I'll try to fin my info.

Despite what many many supposed experts and parents who have been there etc will tell you - ignoring a child's feelings is dangerous (not to mention downright rude).

Ignoring them because they are whinging tells them you don't care. They don't stop whinging because it's the wrong thing to do and they don't stop because they have learned there are better ways to communicate.

They stop whinging because they have been taught that expressing their feelings is pointless, unappreciated and unheard.

You may get the "desired result" - that being that they stop whinging and clinging, but in the meantime you have taught them that at times when their feelings are overwhelming them and they can't get their words out or express themselves through actions or communicate their thoughts in some magic manner that you aren't interested. This is a dangerous set up for a relationship that has many years ahead that are very likely to have more trying times than the clinging.

If you read up a little on basic child psych you'll understand why all the myths about spoiling children and giving in to children etc are wrong.

But to try and put it in a nutshell....

Children experience their feelings as a physical experience at first and through time and our guidance learn understanding and then to associate this with labels/words/signs. For instance "this horrible dry feeling in my throat means I need a drink" and soon instead of crying they say "drink". Or like lizaveta's little one has learned to express that she is scared because of a dog - which may I say is exceptional communication of feelings for such a little one.

They are not born understanding their feelings. So sometimes the reason they are whinging is because they don't have the words, they are having big feelings or desires that they can't express and the longer they experience the feeling for the more desperate they get and the more difficult it becomes for them to express themselves.

Think about how you feel when you are overwhelmed with emotion and then imagine how that would feel if you had no understanding of what you were experiencing.

It is also known that when children's emotions are high their logic is low and vice versa. It has to do with the bridging of right and left brains which isn't complete enough to deal logically with emotions in the average child until five or six - even then they struggle.

You can teach your child, just as you can with reading, and help them understand their feelings, needs and emotions earlier. But you can't do this by ignoring their attempts to express them.

If a newborn baby cries we know it has a reason and we follow the list until we find out what it needs. But for some reason once a baby has a few words or can walk we expect them to suddenly have access to higher thinking without us ever teaching them how to have these higher thought processes or having time enough in the world to have learned.

The only answer to stopping the whinging is to find it's source - and to accept that sometimes your baby (and they are still babies) just desperately wants to reconnect with you no matter how inconvenient it may be for you.

So step one - help them label and understand their feelings and needs. It is best if this is done at times when they are not whinging and then followed up after the whinging is solved. Eg you were upset because you wanted a biscuit. That feeling you had was hunger. You were hungry. Next time you can say biscuit or point to the biscuit and mummy can help you. Don't expect it to work immediately it takes some time for children to understand what they are feeling - especially since the same feeling can encompass many desires.

Step two - when they are emotional help them to regulate themselves so that they can access their logical thoughts and better express themselves. If a child has got themselves into a state you will need to distract them first and help them to regulate their emotional state - they cannot think clearly when they are emotional so you need to guide them through this process.

Step three - as hard as it is to get anything done - all too soon you'll be begging for hugs. Keep connected with your child and let them know that no matter what their feelings are you are interested and you want to help them. We are all entitled to feel the way we feel. It may not be something that mum or dad can neccessarily do anything about but they are nevertheless entitled to their feelings. Ackowledge the feeling, label the feeling, explain why they feel that way and then deal with it by fixing it and giving them the cookie or explaining that they can't have a cookie but they could have a banana if they're really hungry.

Step four - avoid putting adult thoughts into your child's mouth. They have not had enough time in the world or enough experience to think the way we do. Remember they are an empty slate that you are filling it in. So you can fill it in with Mummy understands that you're angry and that's okay you can be angry sometimes, you still can't watch tv, but it's okay that you feel angry about this [/b](remember to provide an alternative to their desire if you are going to say no) - or you can fill it in with stop being silly i've said no and that's the end of it now stop your whinging because I don't care and I don't want to hear it.[/b]

Have a think back through your childhood - remember emotional times how they were handled and how that made you feel better or worse. It may help you understand what your bub is going through.

Remember empathy is something we teach our children by exercising it ourselves.

Best of luck

Big fan of YBCR by the way as my son and my young nephew both learned to read initially through this program and further developed through LR. I must say though that I would like to take some credit as without our involvement I doubt he would have had so much success so quickly.

When will people get it through their thick heads that if they want their kids to succeed they might actually have top make them priority number one rather than putting them in the hands of the TV and waiting for miracles to happen.

I have to say that that is a very very naive and narrow standpoint - would you call sitting and reading for more than half an hour a passive entertainment that was detrimental to my health, no because you see it as educational but sitting and reading all day will make you just as obese and unfit as sitting and watching television.

I exercise for hours everyday (teaching dance) and prior to having a baby would often watch a movie and a doco and maybe a half hour tele show daily in order to relax and give my body timeout.

Watching televesion is not going to create obese children - not exercising and eating poorly creates obesity.

Is the time I spend watching dvds of dancers to analyze choreography and expand my repertoire etc detrimental?

The TV is not an evil medium that creates life problems.

People create life problems by being self indulgent and instead of doing things in moderation doing them in excess or without balance.

Yeah if watching tv and sitting in front of a computer is all you did then you are living a life of bad health but it's not caused by the television or the computer it's caused by your own laziness and poor life choices.

As for they'll take the easier/less educational/less healthy way simply can't agree with you there - my son chooses his own and pretty much gives each equal choice between educational tv and imaginative tv (which should he decide to follow a career in film would be considered educational any way) as do my five nephews and all six boys love to read and can often be seen lying on the trampoline relaxing with a good book.

If you don't want your child to be obese go out and kick the footy with them and take an active part in encouraging them and teaching them that exercise is joyous.

But don't blame an inanimate object for the general state of laziness amongst the human race - blame bad parenting and parents who aren't involved enough in their children's lives or are too lazy themselves to get out there and  climb monkey bars with their kids or if they can't do that at least give their kids the opportunity to do so.

Teach your children balance - teach them to appreciate the tv as a medium from which they can learn many things, or can take them to wonderful fanciful places and then take them outside and show them that their imagination can do the same thing and to enjoy exercise.

Much the same as teaching them that you can't live on junk food but that a lolly once in a while isn't going to turn them into a lolly eating fiend.

All things in moderation.

Baby DVDs and videos weren’t associated with reduced vocabulary development among the study's 17- to 24-month-olds. For the older toddlers, watching baby DVDs and videos correlated with a similar positive effect on vocabulary development as story-telling and music-listening.

Did the alleged adverse effect of baby DVDs and videos disappear with age or was it entirely bogus to start with?

I found this section the most intriguing as it was certainly not promoted as a result of the original study.

Wow, why would they have a "study" where most of the kids didn't even watch the baby DVDs, and a telephone poll seems like it would be one of the least reliable ways to collect information like that.,

They need to be able to compare the children who do watch and the children who don't watch in order to understand their results. Telephone surveys have their positives and negatives - one positive is people tend to be more honest over the phone, especially about things that may be perceived negatively, like letting your child watch educational programs. Having said that this particular study was lacking many things that a good psychology 1st year student could pick out and only got the attention it did because people love to hype up a negative and certainly put down anything that could possibly mean one person might end up with an advantage over another - like teaching children early.

Technology is a great medium for teaching - it's multi-sensory for a start so a good quality program is highly valuable at any age. Just as bad quality programs are useless and sometimes detrimental at any age. I use television (well video) in acrobatics and dance training all the time and have found it to be of great benefit to students of all ages especially when combined with my guidance.

Every family needs to make their own choices based upon their own lifestyles and needs. However, these decisions should not be based on fears created for hype or based on research of no substance.

Does my son watch tv? Absolutely. Does he use the computer? Absolutely. Does he play outside? Absolutely.

Did tv delay my child's speech acquisition? Well he's 2.5 and has an average sentence length of 6 words and he tells stories with beginnings and middles and ends so i would say definitely not.

Everything in moderation. A good balance between books and narrations, films and documentaries, inside and outside play, group and individual play.....etc etc etc.

All of our lives have their own balance point and this should be by what we judge our actions.

Hypatia's daughter watches an hour maximum a day - there would be parents here who would think that's an outrageous and disgusting amount and there would be parents here, like myself, who have no such limits and don't think twice about it. Hypatia has found her balance and it works for her and I have found mine and it works for us.

What are my tv rules? I don't believe in rules - the world changes constantly, so do the rules so we live day to day and make our choices based on what needs to happen at the time (sorry big concept to try and fit into one sentence and I'm not particularly eloquent right now)

However we have some general guidelines......If the sun is up the tv is off.....(mostly there are exceptions, like 40 degree heat etc). Content is our driving factor but once again balance is the key and as a result he does not watch only educational programs - because I believe imagination is the most important aspect of intelligence he watches a variety of program genres but all have been pre-watched by one of us to determine if it is appropriate at this time for our son at this stage in his life.


Just realised how long this is - didn't mean to rave, sorry.