feeling discouraged

[busyparent]

I been showing my baby boy to read with little reader since he was 8 month old he is now 20 month old and havent show any sign that he could  recognize words.
I try ybcr but he doesnt like the dvds , and lately when i show him little reader he look away when the word appear in the screen . I have downloaded many files from the library also i make my own.

I love teaching him and i will keep going ,but a little sign that he's actually learning wouldnt hurt....

just feeling like a loser......

[lzp11]

Hi Evad

Try not to feel too discouraged!  All children are different and many just don't like to show off their knowledge for a long time. I was in a very similar situation except my DD was even older - see this thread here:  http://forum.brillkids.com/teaching-your-child-to-read/teaching-2-5-year-old-to-read-feeling-stuck-and-demoralised/

Anyway, I kept at it, just kept showing the LR lessons, used Starfall, Reading Bear and Powerpoints and tried to keep it fun.  I tried hard to just enjoy the process of spending time with my child.  That is the most important part of this whole EL for me anyway. The best advice I have ever been given is to focus on INPUT not on output.  I know it can be tough not to see any obvious change but one day your little one will amaze you. 

We are now over a year on from that point (how time flies!).  'From refusing to show she could read at all, my 3.5 year old is happily reading, spelling, and really enjoying it.  Sometimes she gets tired and doesn't want to 'perform' even now.  I just pick up and read it along with her - she loves being read to.  We discuss everything that we read and have some wonderful inspired conversations.  This will all come with time.  If there are particular topics that he's interested in then maybe make some presentations on those.  For example, my DD loved In the Night Garden so I made some stories using images from Google and she really liked those.  But overall, try not to worry .  You are doing a great job.  It is not that you are doing something wrong.  Good luck and hang on in there. 

[MummyRoo]

My son is the same. He has had lots of LR and other early reading exposure (though he also hated YBCR) and has never shown the slightest inclination that he can sight-read words. We have just re-started LR (at 38months) with the new version and he is loving it (ok, so we're only on day 4 ) but still shows no sign of actually recognising the written words he has seen dozens of times in the past...

We introduced Reading Bear with great success - within a week he started sounding out cvc words - this boy who could tell you the letter sounds from 21m suddenly decided to put them together 12 months later. He *still* only sounds out cvc words and no matter how many times he sees a word, he insists on sounding out each letter. I had expected him to be freely reading the 'first reader' books by this age, if not more!

Don't stress. Maybe your son, like mine, is simply not going to perform (I swear my son lives by the phrase 'I'm not a performing monkey' - not that he has ever said so ) - I am still hoping for the day he turns around and goes from sounding a single word to reading chapter books flawlessly. Probably won't happen but EL kids can be sneaky like that 

Maybe your son has other interests. Mine shows a great interest in Maths and Music. He sings in tune and knows the solfege names for notes. He is working through maths books designed for 6 year olds without batting an eyelid. But beyond an interest in writing single letters (and, obviously, listening to me reading) he doesn't want anything much to do with books. That is just who he is at the moment.

Don't be discouraged. If LR is no fun, take a break. We watched the Leapfrog letter factory series and learnt the letter sounds. We played with letter games and practised writing. We sang ABC songs. I made words with letter magnets or wrote on the whiteboard. We kept doing little bits of reading, even though he didn't perform. I got frustrated because when you read posts on this forum, all the other kids just 'get' reading. That isn't true - we just don't brag about things they are *not* learning 

Focus on the amazing things your son can do. Teach him other subjects like Music or Maths or Gymnastics or Swimming or anything else that he shows an interest in and he will amaze you with what he can do. Reading will come eventually, when HE wants it to 

[MamaOfWill]

Hi evad3, I feel your pain.  We can stay cheerful and focus on input and enjoyment 99% of the time, but you are right, some days I look at this EL business and think to myself, was all my efforts for nothing, have you (my gorgeous LO whom I love unconditionally) actually learnt nothing from my EL attempts? 

Doman with his generalized phrases like "all kids love to learn" - yes, but mine doesn't always, and he'll prefer "pat a cake" on many days.      

It can get frustrating at times.  Then in my case, I really don't know anyone personally who's had any form of success, and I'm getting very little support from family and friends, many of which even think EL is doing more harm than good, so some days I wonder if this is just a fantasy and equivalent to trying to teach the flowers in my garden. 

As you said, we can't stop now, we can just keep going.  One idea is to write down the smallest successes as they occur, when you feel down, you have something to read through and re-motivate yourself.

Good luck, maybe in a years time, we'll both be feeling silly about these mixed feelings.

[lois1]

Thanks for all the comments, it's nice to hear from others when we're still at the prereading stage. My 26 month old isn't reading, we've been doing EL for about a year. I'm not so much discouraged about that as I am that people aren't all on the EL bandwagon.

He has a calendar which we change each day.. & he just loves his "cander", & we put up the activities we are going to do that day. All great fun.  I told a friend & they were like "does he ever have time just to be a little boy"? Grrrr.... it takes max 3 mins of our day! Fortunately they live about 3000 miles away. I felt like saying "yes, it's impossible to count to 10 in your third language unless you are bouncing like tigger. " But of course I didn't, they wouldn't get it.

These children are phenomenal & deserve the best in terms of the educationally enriching environment we can provide them. I would love to know my little boy can read but I'm so happy with the other little (big) things he's showing me he knows that I can wait. Right now, his favourite things are his inflatable globe (& showing his finger puppet animals where they come from) & French (tears dripping off his chin when I say we have to stop - I definitely never loved High school French that much!). That is reward enough for me! And I want to grab that said friend by his ear & make him sit & watch for a few minutes to see how a little boy has time to be an amazing little boy. 

[Kerileanne99]

Oh! I just want to say that I think ALL EL parents know this pain! No matter how much a child is learning, we all have fears, frustrations, and failures. We all have areas where our goals are not being met and hopes for exposing our children to even more. These are OUR goals because we love our children and want every opportunity for them!
Personally, I read about the language success of others in the forum and always get a touch of envy!
And many, many times I have gone to bed feeling like everything we worked on just wasn't being understood- until Alex suddenly spouts out the information some random time in the future

It WILL all come together, and your LO will amaze you with their grasp and recall of the information...

Hhhmmm...I am always energized, motivated, and amazed at the successes of BK kids. I find myself cheering them on and feel as though I know many of them.  But maybe it would also be motivating and reassuring to have a thread on those topics everyone has that they wish they had more success with as well?!

[FomerlyMrsObedih_Now_BatmansMama]

I like the idea of maybe doing a thread on all the stuff our kids AREN'T learning, because it can be overwhelming to only hear of successes. Give what a financial, emotional and time investment EL can be is it understandable to want so see some kind of evidence that what we have so lovingly put in is doing what it should.

Two things, for whatever they're worth ... we are ultimately teaching babies and so therefore they are going to take QUITE a long time to learn. Baby students need gentle handling so their baby egos are not hurt (I really believe they can sense our disappointment, I believe that's why my DS does not like being wrong - I've started teaching him to experiment/try again/be patient etc). Basically it's a long game we're playing, so ALWAYS think of your end goal - it's not to have a reading toddler - it's to have a young person who loves to learn and finds it easy to do so. My DS has completely gone of the WHOLE BK series  but I'm not worried. We're doing other bits and he should miss it if we take a long enough break that it feels like an old friend. I guess what I'm saying is enjoy your baby, enjoy yourself, and go with a bit of the unschooling philosophy - follow their interest, offer them various bits of knowledge and see which they go for, allow/encourage/join in with their obsessions and whet their appetite by giving them real life experiences that they'll later want to read about (although I appreciate this is not always possible).

My second and last point is a bit of a practical one, a tip that has worked for us, my son Douglas has not much else to compete for his attention. We do not have regular TV, so he only watches his DVDs or listens to music. He loves music and that is what he does on the ipad mostly (that youtube!) french comptines, nursery ryhmes, EL songs, African music, then he starts discovering stuff like Charlie and the numbers on his own    All books and toys are educational or musical (we have tried to go for a Montessori-esque setup) and now that he has learnt how to use the laptop he moves between Destination Math, Reading Eggs, Starfall and ABCMouse.com (though I don't like that last one so much and plan to let the subscription go in a month or so, but he loves it and learnt to use a trackpad because of it.) My point is I guess kids are human, and may gravitate towards comfort/ease if allowed. Just my thoughts pls take what is useful and disregard the rest.

[Tamsyn]

I have felt your pain too, and I applaud you for coming to the forum for support.  My oldest was a "late" reader at 3.5.  I have been on this forum for about 4 years now (weird, right?), starting when he was 1.5.  It almost hurt sometimes to see all the other tiny children reading.  I was so happy for them, but sad because I really wanted my son to be able to do that as well.  My difference was that I was trying to do a phonics-only approach, and it wasn't until I came out with it on the forum ( actually it was the yahoo group) that I finally realized I needed to shake things up.  "When in Rome", or in other words if you want an early reader, do what everyone else with an early reader is doing.  So I invested in YBCR and almost overnight he was reading.  He is now 5.5 and comfortably reading chapter books.  I do think that the reason it all came together so quickly is because of all of the other early learning stuff I had done.  It wasn't until my third child that I have had the chance to say, "My baby is reading!"  I'm more active on the forum now too.  I guess I'm more secure now.

Everything you are doing is making a difference.  There were times that I doubted myself, especially with my first.  My extended family was not as supportive then as they are now.  Then I was telling educational theories, now I'm showing them the results of it.  It's hard to argue against success.  Some day your family will see that.  Hang in there!

My oldest couldn't read, but he did have very precise diction.  He spoke remarkably well for a toddler, with a rich vocabulary.  I sloughed it off because I knew he could be reading and he wasn't.      But now, looking back, I recognize that I did give him all of the benefits of EL even though my 2nd and 3rd kids were earlier readers.  With Peter (oldest), I realize now that the reason he spoke so much clearer than the other two is because his phonic reading lessons were essentially diction classes.  As a vocal performance major (music), I took three semesters of diction, I know the International Phonetic Alphabet, and I tried to teach my son to read English the same way I learned to read German and Italian.  (I never did really get French).  Don't ask me to translate, but at least I can pronounce it!  Anyway, I did that with my oldest and I haven't with my second two.  I will do more of that in the future.  This is an "aha" moment I didn't have until a month ago.  His vocabulary was good because I read to him a lot and did bits of intelligence cards with him.  Those cards are getting dusty.      I just don't have as much one-on-one time with my younger kids as I did with my oldest. There aren't enough hours in the day, and I'm spread between 4 kids, but I do what I can and it will have to be good enough.  Luckily I have accumulated some products over the years to help me, especially the BK trio.

We do tend to report our successes more than what we aren't achieving.  Let me report what I'm not doing, that's a good idea.

My kids aren't bi-lingual.  My son loves telling people he can speak Spanish because he can say hola, no, and 1-6.    My kids aren't physically superb.  Sure we have a crawling track and brachiation ladder, but they are mostly just for play at this point.  My 7-month-old isn't traveling on her hands and knees yet.  My almost 4-year-old is having a l major lapse in her potty-training, even though it was my research into infant potty training that led me to do other early learning stuff.  She went in the potty the day she was born and has plenty of opportunities, but my oldest have "graduated" from diapers the same age, if not older, from their peers.  Like I said, she's having a lapse.  Frankly I don't care anymore.  Potty training is a skill that you get and then it's done, you don't really continue to progress.  I would rather spend my efforts teaching reading to my little ones than cleaning "misses" off the floor all day like I did with my first.  I still give regular "pottytunities" to my 7-month-old, but she's in diapers all of the time, and I don't do cloth all the time anymore either, only half the time if that.  My kids can't swim.  They don't color very well.  Peter writes poorly for a kindergartener.  My 2-year-old bites.  (Help!).  Luckily it has only been immediate family. 

There are plenty of things my kids can't do.  EL has given them a big leg up on the things I have done, and they are great kids.  My dad melted my heart during the holidays when he told me they are exceptional.  But I do understand that when we report our successes on this forum we are usually putting our best foot forward, which is totally understandable and just fine.  It's wonderful to be validated.  Lets support each other and rejoice in each others successes.  Raise the bar for ourselves.  But do it because you are inspired, and know that there are plenty of other kids who are right where your child is at, on this forum and even in your play ground.  It's not a competition, it's parenting.

[FomerlyMrsObedih_Now_BatmansMama]

I have felt your pain too, and I applaud you for coming to the forum for support.  My oldest was a "late" reader at 3.5.  I have been on this forum for about 4 years now (weird, right?), starting when he was 1.5.  It almost hurt sometimes to see all the other tiny children reading.  I was so happy for them, but sad because I really wanted my son to be able to do that as well.  My difference was that I was trying to do a phonics-only approach, and it wasn't until I came out with it on the forum ( actually it was the yahoo group) that I finally realized I needed to shake things up.  "When in Rome", or in other words if you want an early reader, do what everyone else with an early reader is doing.  So I invested in YBCR and almost overnight he was reading.  He is now 5.5 and comfortably reading chapter books.  I do think that the reason it all came together so quickly is because of all of the other early learning stuff I had done.  It wasn't until my third child that I have had the chance to say, "My baby is reading!"  I'm more active on the forum now too.  I guess I'm more secure now.

Everything you are doing is making a difference.  There were times that I doubted myself, especially with my first.  My extended family was not as supportive then as they are now.  Then I was telling educational theories, now I'm showing them the results of it.  It's hard to argue against success.  Some day your family will see that.  Hang in there!

My oldest couldn't read, but he did have very precise diction.  He spoke remarkably well for a toddler, with a rich vocabulary.  I sloughed it off because I knew he could be reading and he wasn't.      But now, looking back, I recognize that I did give him all of the benefits of EL even though my 2nd and 3rd kids were earlier readers.  With Peter (oldest), I realize now that the reason he spoke so much clearer than the other two is because his phonic reading lessons were essentially diction classes.  As a vocal performance major (music), I took three semesters of diction, I know the International Phonetic Alphabet, and I tried to teach my son to read English the same way I learned to read German and Italian.  (I never did really get French).  Don't ask me to translate, but at least I can pronounce it!  Anyway, I did that with my oldest and I haven't with my second two.  I will do more of that in the future.  This is an "aha" moment I didn't have until a month ago.  His vocabulary was good because I read to him a lot and did bits of intelligence cards with him.  Those cards are getting dusty.      I just don't have as much one-on-one time with my younger kids as I did with my oldest. There aren't enough hours in the day, and I'm spread between 4 kids, but I do what I can and it will have to be good enough.  Luckily I have accumulated some products over the years to help me, especially the BK trio.

We do tend to report our successes more than what we aren't achieving.  Let me report what I'm not doing, that's a good idea.

My kids aren't bi-lingual.  My son loves telling people he can speak Spanish because he can say hola, no, and 1-6.    My kids aren't physically superb.  Sure we have a crawling track and brachiation ladder, but they are mostly just for play at this point.  My 7-month-old isn't traveling on her hands and knees yet.  My almost 4-year-old is having a l major lapse in her potty-training, even though it was my research into infant potty training that led me to do other early learning stuff.  She went in the potty the day she was born and has plenty of opportunities, but my oldest have "graduated" from diapers the same age, if not older, from their peers.  Like I said, she's having a lapse.  Frankly I don't care anymore.  Potty training is a skill that you get and then it's done, you don't really continue to progress.  I would rather spend my efforts teaching reading to my little ones than cleaning "misses" off the floor all day like I did with my first.  I still give regular "pottytunities" to my 7-month-old, but she's in diapers all of the time, and I don't do cloth all the time anymore either, only half the time if that.  My kids can't swim.  They don't color very well.  Peter writes poorly for a kindergartener.  My 2-year-old bites.  (Help!).  Luckily it has only been immediate family. 

There are plenty of things my kids can't do.  EL has given them a big leg up on the things I have done, and they are great kids.  My dad melted my heart during the holidays when he told me they are exceptional.  But I do understand that when we report our successes on this forum we are usually putting our best foot forward, which is totally understandable and just fine.  It's wonderful to be validated.  Lets support each other and rejoice in each others successes.  Raise the bar for ourselves.  But do it because you are inspired, and know that there are plenty of other kids who are right where your child is at, on this forum and even in your play ground.  It's not a competition, it's parenting.

Tamsyn, I want to put you in a drawer in my house and pull you out when I need advise/encouraging words. Like my own personal genie 

[busyparent]

thank you guys for your support.
I dont feel like i am alone anymore ,knowing that some brillkids parents are going through the samething help me realize or remind me that not all kids are the same.
my boy might not be an early reader ,but thats okay.

dont get me wrong, I love reading about all the  success parents are having with their babies.
I remenber Reading about Ella and camie my heart fill with  hope. My eyes open to possibilities.
it show me that EL really work ,that babies could really read.
But this thread have gave me a reality check.
every kid will have diff sucess with EL , and this is not a waste of time . My baby and I have spent  happy moments together .
i decide that i will keep at it. cause i am parent and l love him.
thank you.

[Frukc]

I was also showing flashcards since 7 months, more since 20 months. I did not expect early reading; my aim was vocabulary, sight memory and I do not know what; I just wanted to something good, and to be better mom. I was expecting that my son will read at 4 years, maybe at 3,5 because my first kid (very bright girl, early talker) started to read at 4,5.

My son started to read at 2.10 and I feel a bit confused about it because he is late talker. He is late also in his logical thinking. Compared to development of his sister, he is "delayed" by  at least 1 year. I can not evaluate his development; I still have a hidden feeling that he is "delayed".

What I did. Since my boy is very active, I had to change my approach all the time, and to think what is working and what is not working for him. Although I have LR, I made almost all the materials (ppt) by myself. For example, we had a period of family pictures. I put a funny picture of my son or my family in a power point file and write some simple sentences (one word per slide) about the picture. After each sentence, picture is repeated. He loved these files. But he started to read after this file http://forum.brillkids.com/downloads/?sa=view;id=9287

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