Find like minded mums

[Jillpea]

I've discovered lately that I'm having real trouble fitting in to a mothers group. Has anyone else had that problem?

The one I started with when my son was 3 weeks old has over time unfolded into a handful of women mostly working part-time and not interested in early education, including sign language. They are also quite harsh with their kids and pro smacking. Another group I tried (which was a structured playgroup) are mostly 3rd or 4th time mums and have little enthusiasm for anything except complaining with each other about the schools their older children are in, so their little ones don't get much stimulation at all. I was infact told they were not interested in structured playtime as they have all been there done that.

I have also recently tried another group that call themselves natural parenting, so very against smacking as am I, and into organic foods, as I am and breastfeeding over 12 mths, as am I. But they are also into co-sleeping which I'm not, homebirthing, which I'm not against but not into myself, and they are not into discipline at all of any sort, so the kids run a muck, also not my cup of tea. I usually find my place in the world but I seem to have embraced alot of components of parenting styles and not one or another fully. Is this common to develop unique preferences as a mum, and where do I fit in now?

[Kimba15]

I know how you feel Jillpea, I find it hard to. I have learnt though to except that there are many different views in parenting and that it is okay to have many different views.

In my mums group there are still women breastfeeding past 12months yet there are other mothers who aren't. My group are aware of what I am doing and some are interested, others I think are waiting for results. we have a rule about not judging each other. I know it is hard to find others who understand what you are doing.

How about starting your own playgroup? Put up some advertisments at a local library? I think in Australia at this point of time there is still much resistance to early learning education but i'm sure there are many parents out there who are in secret like you and would love a mum's group to go to!

[Nikita]

everyone is different and it's hard to find an identical twin. I'm a mum of 5 in a playgroup with mums of 1 or 2 not at school. And yep, I'm the one whinging about school. And if you send your kids to school, you'll be whinging too! It's hard to keep the painful issues bottled up inside...like a boy groping my daughters boobs in class repeatedly is the latest issue. I ardently advocate homeschooling!!! But we all have issues to whinge about...like bubs catching nits at pre-school. That sort of thing. I like the unstructured playgroup...I can relax and have a cuppa. Most of the time I'm go go go. Personally, if a doman or shichida style playgroup happened I'd be happy, but where I live I cant see one happening. And if it did if babies have a sniffle, they dont come. So attendance is sporadic.

[Isabeau]

Hi!
I like the idea of advertising for your own playgroup with a theme in mind!  That's a good suggestion.

I'm finding, with a new group of friends that i have just formed (we're in a new town) that we don't have to agree 100% on parenting (that will NEVER happen) to get along and for our children to benefit from being together.

Maybe try attending a program at a community centre or library. Then you'll have the structure and you can "click" with the ones that you click with and form a friendship and start adding people on as you find that they click.  There's a rhyme time class once a week, in this town, and just from attending that class I have met so many folks to get together with!  The more structured programs seem to attract the moms interested in early education and being actively involved, and not those who are just interested in chatting (which has it's place too!).  Maybe there's something similar where you live? Or try looking up a group like La Leche League and start attending some of their meetings for moms who nurse toddlers.  You might have to informally start your own group that way -- just find individuals that you jive with and invite them on play dates or whatever.  Sometimes individuals are more manageable than whole big groups anyhow...

I have formed an at home preschool with a friend of mine -- we have 7 kids between the two of us, and we're working with the oldest four as a preschool group.  If we had other moms interested we'd definitely invite them to join.  We're just starting out and want to really get our feet under us, though, before we start expanding!    Seven is already a houseful too!

Good luck. It's hard to find a group sometimes.  I've had such difficulty in other places we've lived.

[Tanikit]

I go to a couple of Moms groups and I haven't found a mother who agrees or does things the way I do. That being said - I don't think any mother at either of those groups has because everyone is individual.

I think you need to decide what you want from a mothers group - for me I like to have to time to let my daughter play while I can just chat and enjoy other parents input. I find if I totally disagree with a mother on something then we rather don't talk about that - try to find something that you both agree on (unless you like open discussion and can defend your viewpoint without getting upset)

I did go to a group where a lot of the parents were very strict and smacked their kids and shouted at them more than I was comfortable with - but I decided that was their way of disciplining and since they clearly loved their kids it was ok to turn a blind eye - I didn't have to smack mine. I am breastfeeding my two year old and have not met anyone at any group who has breastfed as long but if I feel ok for doing so then it doesn't really matter what they think - I don't judge them for stopping or not ever breastfeeding so why should they care if I do it for a long time.

Basically try to find something where you can chat - if they moan about school ask them what they would do different if they had a child your age or what they plan to do different with the next one or tell them you are excited for your child to start school - do they think you are crazy?

Starting your own group may be a great idea to get like minded people together, otherwise you will have to go with "we are all different and think differently"

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