Has early learning influenced the number or spacing of your kids?

[TheyCan]

I'm curious to learn some of your thoughts! (And I really hope I don't hurt any feelings for those who have trouble having kids! That is often why I avoid this subject with others in person.) Do you have or plan to have more kids because you're more confident after learning about EL? Or do you plan to have fewer or space far apart  because you are overwhelmed or want to focus more? I always thought I'd have a large family and fairly close in age - but I have to admit that EL has already influenced the spacing of our children! I have to balance the demands of EL with the desire to have kids close in age. Does anyone have a success story with kids close in age? Does anyone else think about this as much as I do - ?

[momtobaby]

Yes its has !! We were ready to try for another one right after my daughter turned 4 months. However, that's when I ventured into the EL world with her. Now, she is 2.4 months old and I am still not ready for another one 

I guess, once she turns 3 we might start trying for another one. That way by the time the next one's born she will be off to school for atleast 3 days and I can concentrate on teaching the 2nd one. She will still get all my attention after she gets home as I will be after schooling her.

[FomerlyMrsObedih_Now_BatmansMama]

Very interesting question TheyCan, and no you're not the only one who overthinks the matter. I always thought I wanted a football team size family    but attachment parenting and doing EL with my now 2 year old son has shown me that I can have a real depth of relationship with less children. Like 2 perhaps? To be honest when it comes down to it I think my decision will be most influenced by how much income our family has and how seriously I take that gnawing feeling one gets after most recent baby becomes an independent toddler

[PokerDad]

I haven't had a second child yet, but EL will certainly cause me to want to push the second out further... I need more time to implement EL with the first before having to drop it all and start with the second. At least, that's how I'm thinking now

[seastar]

Yes - I think about this quite a lot! I always wanted three children. However, I would be worried that I would not be able to give enough time and attention to all three. That said, the recent links to articles about homeschooling families of TEN children gave me hope that it can be done. But, before that can happen, I need to get more organised (my house is a total mess as I type - if I had any more children, I think the place would fall apart  )

[cokers4life]

At first, I thought maybe I did wrong by having all mine close together (3 in four years), but I am glad I did.  I grew up with three siblings all very close in age.   We were the best of friends as children and still are.  That is why I did it and I also wanted to knock my sleepless nights out in one block  . What I have learned is that siblings make the greatest teachers.  I don't really have to teach planets to the youngest, because the two oldest know it and love to teach it to my 1 year old.  The two oldest teach my 1 year old the names of objects in other languages.  In fact, my 15 month old just said his second Chinese word yesterday when he asked for a banana.   This I know my 3 and 4 year old taught him.  For us, EL doesn't take up much of the day especially for the youngest (IMO), and lots of the material has to be repeated over time for each kid anyway.   While its new to the youngest, its a review for the oldest.   I feel a little overwhelmed at times, but that's usually from me not staying organized.  Some subjects can't be taught together and some can.   Sometimes, the kid's take turns reading to me or going over a math concept  (lessons are always short so its easy to do this).  Other things like science are taught together.   

I don't think its a bad choice either way you choose.  You have to decide what's right for you.  I don't believe a child is hurt or better off either way.  I felt three kids was a very easy adjustment from two kids.  While going from 1 kid to 2 kids was a huge adjustment.  That is something to consider too.

[TeachingMyToddlers]

I thought I wanted more, but after two kids 13 months apart I realized my cup was full. I never wanted to reach the point where I was tapped out on time, energy, money, and other resources, so much that parenting becomes a burden all the time. Sometimes it's a challenge with just two! Finances play a big role, too. Classes, schools, and other enrichment activities increase with every kid.

So as far as the EL stuff 0-3 years old, not so much. But the overall time I would have to spend with each child, the resources for each child in general (even sharing bedrooms, etc), and the overall money to spend on education and enrichment for each child (this is the BIG one, music lessons are not cheap! along with summer camp, private school, etc) throughout their whole childhood played a big role.

[TheyCan]

Thanks! Sounds like I'm not alone!

To be honest when it comes down to it I think my decision will be most influenced by how much income our family has and how seriously I take that gnawing feeling one gets after most recent baby becomes an independent toddler

I can defintely relate to this! And I didn't expect to spend so much in the first few years when I had my first child! Who knew I'd be buying 2nd grade math programs or Chinese DVDs!  I think I just planned on some wooden blocks and a few books .

For us, EL doesn't take up much of the day especially for the youngest (IMO), and lots of the material has to be repeated over time for each kid anyway.   While its new to the youngest, its a review for the oldest.   I feel a little overwhelmed at times, but that's usually from me not staying organized.  Some subjects can't be taught together and some can.   Sometimes, the kid's take turns reading to me or going over a math concept  (lessons are always short so its easy to do this).  Other things like science are taught together. 

Thanks for sharing your insight!  This makes a lot of sense! I think what I might be the most concerned about is amount of read-aloud time for the older kids. Are you able to lots of reading in?  I know the amount I read-aloud has gone down a lot since baby two. I had great visions of holding or nursing a baby while reading to my older son.....but it just didn't happen like that.  We mostly have our focused reading time during the baby's nap now...which is not always as long as I want....  I imagine it will be much easier in another year or two.

[seastar]

I think what I might be the most concerned about is amount of read-aloud time for the older kids. Are you able to lots of reading in?  I know the amount I read-aloud has gone down a lot since baby two. I had great visions of holding or nursing a baby while reading to my older son.....but it just didn't happen like that.  We mostly have our focused reading time during the baby's nap now...which is not always as long as I want....  I imagine it will be much easier in another year or two.

Our read aloud time has definitely suffered since baby came along. I know that each time I made a concerted effort to read a lot, my toddlers reading advances. However, I find it challenging to fit in as much reading as I would like, along with everything else.

[Wolfwind]

Like corkers4life, I have always wanted kids close together because it worked so well for me and my siblings!  And now that I have two (21 months apart), I'm definitely still planning to have more this close.  Of course, when I get a hard kid that might change (Baby S is a super easy baby).

EL lets me have so much more fun with my kids and feel more fulfilled doing things with them.  I have always wanted lots of kids, but when Big Girl A was first born I had a hard time.  I was bored!  (Is it heresy to admit that?)  When I started EL, suddenly I recognized my baby as a person and enjoyed having fun with her.  If I didn't have EL, I might start second-guessing my choice to have lots of kids.

I've also found that EL with two is fabulous!  It allows me to spend some time focused on each of them.  Maybe not as much time as some parents with just one, but enough to do some good work every day.  Baby S absolutely LOVES diaper changes, weird as that sounds, because she knows I'll do her gnostic sensations (ticking and massage) and balance exercises as soon as her new diaper's on.  Big Girl A will mimic me with her dolls or remind me; one day I was in a hurry and started to walk out without balance exercises, and Big Girl A said, "Now you spin the baby around."  Oh... right!

As corkers4life said, siblings are the best teachers.  My two-year-old holds pictures and objects in front of the baby's eyes and enunciates very clearly and loudly as she teaches the baby their names.  She counts things for the baby and tells her all kinds of things.  She loves teaching already!  EL is such a great bonding activity for all three of us.

[linzy]

Yes, for us we found 3 years to be the optimal spacing. My elder son was reading independently, sitting in a normal chair, could feed himself was toilet trained, able to count write and essentially very independent. This allowed me to focus my one-on-one time with the younger while my older son was reading independently or working on a different project. Certainly other spacings can work but for us,we had gottent through the most time intensive period with one and then could focus that same amount of energy on the next.

[cokers4life]

Thanks for sharing your insight!  This makes a lot of sense! I think what I might be the most concerned about is amount of read-aloud time for the older kids. Are you able to lots of reading in?  I know the amount I read-aloud has gone down a lot since baby two. I had great visions of holding or nursing a baby while reading to my older son.....but it just didn't happen like that.  We mostly have our focused reading time during the baby's nap now...which is not always as long as I want....  I imagine it will be much easier in another year or two.
[/quote]

I think I read more now than ever, but my 15 month old loves books.  I was worried at first that he would just tear up books like crazy, but he doesn't at all.   I keep piles of books on the floor that they bring to me all the time to read.   I squeeze in classical children's reading in the car and sometimes at dinner time (it takes forever for my kids to eat when dad is not here ).  I also am reading a lot of books on the wegivebooks.org lately.   I never read while nursing.  That I had dreams of too.  I resigned to nursing time as a mental break moment that nature was forcing me to take. 

With the first, you have already bought the most expensive part of EL.  Its all going to be recycled to the little one.   The classes are something to consider though.  Like I said you have to make the hard decision on priorities.  If its what you want, you won't see them as sacrifices though.  Having one, two or ten is personal decision that doesn't equate into any of them being the wrong choice.  Each brings something lovely to the table. 

[khatty]

EL did change my spacing idea. I thought I would have 2-3-4 kids back to back to back. Then I started teaching my daughter and loved it and didn't want to interrupt it for another baby. So, I waited until she was reading to get pregnant, and then I had still had another 9 months to teach her before the baby arrived. My kids are exactly 3 years and 1 minute apart. I agree with Linzy, my daughter was reasonably self-sufficient when the baby arrived. She could already read, count, dress herself, use the potty, and generally entertain herself.

3 years for me was nice spacing between the first 2. I am looking at having a third but my son isn't yet reading, so I keep waiting.....I want to see him reading at least a few words and then I know I have 9 months to build on that before the focus gets shifted to a new baby. My son is currently 23 months so assuming his reading starts in the next few months (and I am hopeful!) again the spacing for my next kid will be about 3 years.

And I don't think you are the only one out there over thinking these types of ideas. With some many unknown ideas and pros and cons, it is tough to figure out the best decision at any given time. Good Luck with yours.

[Tamsyn]

Ooh!  This thread is right up my ally!  I have four children, and they are 20, 17, and 21 months apart, respectively.  I come from a family of 11, and my parents homeschooled all of us, not knowing anything about EL.  Growing up my dad made as much as a typical father, but because of the number of mouths to feed, we were technically below the poverty level.  Frankly, I had to laugh when I first learned that as an adult, because I had no clue as a child.

Before I address EL, does the number of children affect family finances?  Of course it does.  I like the phrase, "You can have anything you want, you just can't have everything you want".  My parents wanted a large family, so they did.  Did we go without?  That depends on how you look at it.  Perhaps we didn't have as much money for groceries.  Therefore, half of the food usually came from our own garden, and we worked together as a family to produce it, and we enjoyed eating it together.  Perhaps we didn't have the money on a family vacation to go to some attractions that charge per person.  Therefore, we found places, like Plymouth Plantation at the time, that give family memberships.  We paid $3 more to get a 3-month family pass then we would have to pay for a one-day pass paying for each of us individually.  We spent a few days there, enjoyed a discount in the gift shop, and when we got home, we got a magazine for 3 months.  Perhaps my parents didn't have enough money to give me gymnastics, piano, and violin lessons.  Therefore, I had to chose, I was able to devote more into music, and I spent more time with other pursuits.  When I was older, I sometimes cleaned my piano teacher's home in exchange for lessons when my parents couldn't afford it.  That taught me the value of work.  My parents didn't pay for my college, I did.  That taught me the value of work, as well as scholarship.  It was in my best interests to perform well in school so I would be able to get the scholarships necessary to continue my education.  I don't feel obligated to give my children everything.  If they truly are brilliant when the time comes for college, they will get scholarships.  We plan on preparing our children to know that college is their responsibility, and we want to give them the tools that they need to accomplish that higher learning.

Now to EL.  I love Glenn Doman.  I really do.  Most of his advice has gone to heart.  But when I read his suggestion, in "How Smart is Your Baby", that you space children 3 years apart, I laughed, rolled my eyes, and said, "Whatever".  I'm kind of a baby hungry gal.  When I was little, I loved to sing, "When I grow up, I'm going to be a mother, and have a family, one little two little three little babies of my own."  (not sure where that song came from).  My mom had a child on average every 2 years, and it was always a joyful, celebrated occasion that always brought our family great joy.  Naturally this was something I wanted for myself.  Is my home messy?  Yes, but not more messy then it was when I only had two.  The kids like to play together, and they are likewise more apt to help clean up when their "peers" are doing it too.  I already had a 5-month-old when I first learned about Doman.  I thought "gee, this is going to take a lot of time to do EL, I better prepare the materials while I only have one".  So I made A LOT of bits of intelligence cards, which I used with my son until I found all of the power-point presentations on "Child and Me".  Now I hardly use those cards at all.  But I struggled teaching him how to read, and it wasn't until he was 3 and a half that I finally broke down and bought "Your Baby Can Read".  Then he picked it up quickly.  That same purchase helped my 3 and 2 year olds, I didn't have to buy it again.  Now we are primarily using Little Reader, and supplementing with YBCR when I need to put a movie in to get dinner made.  Guess what?  That investment into Little Reader is made, and I won't have to spend that money again.  If I am blessed with a number 10 child, I will have all of the BrillKids products in place to help them, as well as many of our other resources.  I may not be able to enroll them in as many extracurricular activities due to our family finances, so I have to be creative.  That's fine.  When I shop for educational materials or programs, I have to ask, "Is this purchase big-family friendly".  If it's not, I might just have to pass it up.  If I have to choose, family is more important to me than ballet lessons.

Do children learn from their siblings?  You better believe it!  I didn't let my oldest play on the computer by himself, although he did have a lot of enriching activities at the screen.  Well, when he was a little older, I decided that he was ready and I let him play Starfall by himself.  His younger siblings saw him playing and wanted to play too.  My 2-year-old is very proficient at playing Starfall, and it has taught him so much.  My oldest taught him how to left-click not right click, he taught him how to open starfall (we have it bookmarked for easy access), and now all of them can access a handful of sites I picked for them that they can play during their computer time.  They watch each other and play together, helping each other.  My reluctance to let my oldest play the computer so young has turned to amazement at what my youngest can do.  My 2-year-old also likes to open and play "BrillKids by himself.  As a busy mother, I don't HAVE to teach my children everything, I just need to provide them with a fantastic learning environment and let them teach each other and themselves.  My oldest loves to read to his siblings.  They play school in a much more formal looking environment then what I do with them.  My 2 and 3 year old sit on a bench side by side, and my 5-year-old stands with his priceless anatomy book and tells them what the different parts of the cell are.  Being able to teach has reinforced the material for my oldest, and the youngest LOVE learning about what their older brother thinks is so cool.  Likewise, my 3-year-old's success on the piano has shown Peter that he still has a lot of learning to do, and he is more willing to practice after watching her excitement with her success.  We have a family reward system, where when my children accomplish something, or do some kind act, we place a bean in a jar.  When the jar is full, we do a fun family activity.  Everyone benefits with the achievement of the individual, and it encourages the children to point out good things that their siblings do to me, in hopes that I'll place another bean in the jar.  I emphasize that we are on the same team, and that really helps us.

In the original question, you asked for my thoughts.  I know that this not a religious forum, and I try to leave my religion out of the picture when I post, but on this matter I will say that our family size, as well as spacing is a matter of prayer.  Please don't be offended.  If you don't want to hear about prayer, simply skip the rest of my post.  I'm sharing my thoughts, my personal perspective, only in hopes that it may help somebody who shares my Christian beliefs.

EL has played no part in the actual spacing of our kids, although we have discussed how we will make it work.  EL is something we have chosen to do, and a large family is something we have chosen to do.  I believe that God has commanded us to multiply and replenish the earth.  The application of that commandment is a matter of prayer, and is deeply personal and unique for every family.  For me?  I have been blessed with good health, relatively easy pregnancies, as well as increasingly more beautiful births.  I frequently thank God that I have been blessed with four beautiful, healthy children.  They are the greatest blessing in my life.  If I found out I was pregnant tomorrow, I would be tickled pink.  I can't address family size, and my reasoning for what we have chosen, without addressing my faith in God.  It has been a matter of prayer with my husband and Him.  To that end, I will also share a personal matter.  I have recently addressed the EL issue in my prayers, something I haven't done in the past.  Early Learning hasn't been a problem for me.  It's what to do with my "gifted" 5-year old.  As a homeschooling graduate, I'm sold hook line and sinker on homeschooling.  But I need to homeschool him in a different way then I was homeschooled.  Very different.  I wasn't mastering my times tables when I was 5, nor were my siblings.  I can see that his younger siblings are doing even better because they learned to read earlier, so I'm going to have to figure this out, and fast!  I was feeling overwhelmed, trying to figure out what I was going to do with my oldest.  Then I realized that I didn't need to figure it out on my own, and I brought the matter to the Lord.  Christ was a prodigy Himself, and has gone through EVERY challenge we can go through, and how to teach a brilliant 5-year-old is certainly something He knows something about.  I've been reading a lot of books on the subject.  I shared the Swann family's story, but was overwhelmed by her strict schedule.  Somebody shared the Harding's story, showing me that 10 kids can accomplish the same thing without such rigidly.  Phew!  I just need to find what works for our family.  I'm starting to figure out a road map that I can follow for our educational journey, one that is financially feasible for our growing brood, and one that will be challenging and stimulating for my children. 

The Lord also provides a way for families to achieve what is necessary for their family, and I'm grateful for that.  I usually don't ask for my wants when I pray, but I did recently have a faith-promoting experience that confirmed to me that God is aware of our little family, and my need to know that we would be able to afford to help them when the need arises.  There are many ways that prayer can be answered.  Sometimes we are told to wait.  Sometimes the prayers are answered, but not in the way we expected.  Sometimes we are told no.  In religious settings, we often talk about these ways, to confirm that God does hear and answer our prayers.  I now add that sometimes our prayers are answered with, "Of course!  I thought you would never ask."  Last month while I was sincerely praying, with genuine concern, about how I would be able to afford to give my children the education that they need, the education that I feel I am supposed to give them.  I know that the children who come into our family are supposed to be well educated, and that it is no accident that I stumbled across early learning.  The next step for us, the need for a more structured program, "out of the best books", is going to take some financial resources, and we aren't rich.  It was during this period, where I asked the Lord to help me, that our family was blessed with a little additional income. It wasn't a lot, but it was just the amount that our family needed to purchase the materials I had been praying about, and no more.  I don't believe this experience was a coincidence, not for one minute.

Going back to the first question, "Has early learning influenced the number or spacing of your kids?".  My answer is simply no.  The number and spacing of our children has been a matter of prayer, with the belief that when God asks commands us to do something, He will provide a way for us to accomplish that task.

[Tanikit]

The spacing between my children did not have anything to do with EL. It had to do with work related and marriage issues as well as my diabetes. The diabetes is also the reason I will probably have to stop at two children as the pregnancies are dangerous for both me and my children born and unborn. I wanted a two year gap initially and ended up with 3.5 years which was better for us all in the end. I do teach many things to both children simultaneously now but also try to make time for them both separately. I wish there were more time for reading to them both as they both need it and there isnt as much time as with one plus two children want double the amount of books read.

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