I Just Found Out I Have CANCER...HELP

[patience]

I hope all goes well today and you are in my prayers.....

[chispa]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Someone told me than in this difficult time I was chosen to see the amazing beauty in people.  And everyday I see it here!  I say the prayers because they inspire me and I think it is working!  I received the first good news in some time.  My bone marrow biopsy came out negative!  That means I do not have lymphoma in my bones.      Now, I just need this last biopsy to be viable. 
I can't imagine someone going through this alone.

Thank you for taking the time to write because I re-read them everyday.  My prayer warriors...YOU ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE

May God Bless You!

[nhockaday]

That's great news! 

[Nikolett]

Oh, I am so glad to hear it! I am sure there will be more good news ahead!

I get these everyday, so here is a portion of today's one:

"I understand the trying of men's hearts, the depths of despair, of discouragement, and of desperation.

I also understand the depth of pain and affliction, for I screamed out in agony as the nails pierced My hands and My feet.

I understand the depth of fear--fear of facing that which is ahead for the pain and the sorrow that it shall bring. And so I said, "Father, let this cup pass from Me."

Have I not been touched with the feeling of your infirmities? Do you think that I do not understand these things, and that I do not have great compassion upon you? My heart breaks to see you in your pain and in your struggle, and in your trying times, your times of testing and purging. My heart breaks for you when you feel so hopeless, lost, and forsaken, when you grasp with all your might and yet you feel as if there is nothing to grasp any more.

Though all looks dark and you cannot see, know that I have My arms around you. I ask you to trust Me in the depths, trust Me in the despair, trust Me in your heartache, trust Me in your loss. If you are willing to drink of this cup, if you are willing to say, "Not my will, but Thine be done," you, too, shall have a glorious victory that will far surpass anything that you have known."

http://www.activated.org/daily/wordsjesus.php

[Krista G]

Maria Elena,

Thank you for sharing your good news.  I have tears in my eyes reading your post.  We will continue to press on for you to receive a complete and total healing and to have the support of others who are for you.

[chispa]

Please, do not stop praying!  I need to have surgery because the doctors were not able to get a viable sample.    I am so frustrated!  After the surgery then they will determine the lymphoma and give the appropriate chemo.  In the mean time we need to wait to schedule the surgery, we wait for results, we wait for chemo...we wait for results.. >

Patience is not my virtue.

[Krista G]

Maria Elena,

Thank you for the update.  Maybe patience is the lesson you are learning throughout all this.   Perhaps you will be healed when it is time to do the surgery.  That is my prayer for you.

[chispa]

Well, my mother thinks I am being too dramatic about the impending biopsy, the doctors reassure me they do this 2 to 3 times a day...well they do not do it to me so....I am FREAKED OUT!

OK, so on Friday I will be put under general anesthesia and the doctors will insert a tube through my right side between my ribs and through my lung and proceed to collapse my lung...yes, they will collapse my right lung (luckily, I have 2 lungs). Then, they will make another incision in between my other ribs to insert the camera (laparoscope) and an additional 2 incisions for the instruments to be inserted to try to reach the tumor in my chest and cut out a big enough piece of tumor to get tested. I will be in the hospital for at least 24 hours. And that lung tube will remain for a while until they are sure my lung is re inflated and I am breathing normally.

Can't wait for Friday! (Can you hear the sarcasm...I have not mastered sarcasm as it was something new to me when I move to the States. I still like to try it sometimes :-) )

Keep me in your prayers!

[Shuki]

I wish you the best of luck chispa, do your best not to freak out, stay strong!

We will continue to send our thoughts, prayers and positive energies out to you, hope the biopsy goes smoothly.

shuki

[mmom]

Hi...

NO matter what this is not an easy journey..we will always be here to pray for you and you will be cherished with lots of good news. You are not alone.
What you need to do now is be relax and stay calm. Do more positive affirmations..tell yourself, You are good, you are healthy...etc. This is very important.

[mmom]

hi...
maybe you can try this out. use this image play to do healing. close you eyes and imagine there's a tree in front of you. the tree has cancer. you are holding the big axe..now walk to the tree and chop off the part of the tree which has cancer....now the cancer part is gone. You walk back slowly and now you can see rainbows. ...count 1-10 then slowly open up your eyes and your are back with healthy health. try this out and try to do it everyday.
try to listen to alpha relaxation cds to stay relax and calm...

[Krista G]

Hello Maria Elena,

My thoughts and prayers have been with you all weekend.  I pray that you are recovering and feeling strong.  Please let us know ASAP how you are doing.  I was looking at the paper this morning and saw an article about cancer patients blogging.  It made me think of you and I will post the websites here.  You may find them helpful.

www.everythingchangesbook.com

www.clergygirl.wordpress.com

www.throwslikeagirl174.wordpress.com

www.aftercancernowwhat.com

I also watched Larry King the other night and he had Susan Somers.  She just wrote a book all about cancer and alternative treatments.  I think it was called KnockOut.  It was interesting. 

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This is not Larry King but another interview with her.  It may be good.

[chispa]

Krista,

Thank you for the post.  I needed this.  I will buy the book to especially look at the part of how to deal better with chemo.  I also like the other links because I am 40 and every time I go to the oncologist everyone around me is much older and it is hard to relate.  Drs. sometimes seem to be desensitize.  Thanks Krista!

[chispa]

Hello,
I have been MIA for a bit, but today I feel well enough to sit and tell you about my last couple of days.

Biopsy #4...Well, we arrived at 7:30 for pre-op. After being poked and probed to get ready for surgery, it was the anesthesia's turn. The resident looked at me and said.."I know my limitations, I am calling my attending." Well, it seems I have very small veins and they had a heck of a time finding a good one to place the IV. They use a pediatric needle and where able to get it in successfully. Then came the worse shot... Heparin. That goes straight into my stomach! It hurts and burns and they wouldn't let me rub the spot because it would bruise. Guess what, it bruised anyway!

I had VIP treatment during surgery... so I was told. VIP because they were able to collapse my lung without a chest tube. They place a thick tube down my throat that split into each lung. They then synchronize the lungs to inhale and exhale at different times and then collapsed the right lung. Then turned me on to my side and place a scope and 2 other instruments to get the 15 samples. They took a picture of my tumor! They are going to send me a copy of it. I think I am going to make copies of it and use it as a dart board that I can shoot at after each chemo treatment.

I stayed overnight and did not sleep at all. The nurses were very nice. They all came at different times to give me medicines or to take my vitals. Why couldn't they time it so they would only wake me up once? Well, it took its toll when Craig the nurse (not my husband Craig) came @ 10:00pm to administer another Heparin shot. I started screaming at Craig, half joking and half serious..."Craig get away from me!" (a phrase that I have practiced more than once before.) I didn't understand why I needed to have the shot in my stomach when I had 2, yes 2 IV's. Yes, I am a wimp! There just have been so many pokes. Little did I know I was getting another one at 6am. I was released by noon. My instructions...do not shower for 48 hours. Something that Jacob my son appreciates. He wouldn't consider shaving his head when I do, but not showering for 2 day, solidarity with mom! "She doesn't shower, I do not shower either." My brother came with his family and my dad was also here. I was glad because they were able to entertain the kids.  I rested.

Monday was by far the worst day. The gloomy day did not help. I do not know if the magnitude of my battle that I hadn't even begun to fight, the constant pain, the overwhelming fear, the bottled sadness that we all carry around the house to be strong for each other...it all just got to me. It was hard to get out of bed.

Tuesday was an attempt for a cancer free day. I do not know if that will ever happen again. We went shopping getting ready for chemo day...saltine crackers, hard candy, pretzels, apples, comfy clothes...

CHEMO DAY

First, I went to see my oncologist, I officially have Diffuse Large B-cell Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. Stage 1-2a

Chemo was OK. I started by taking about 10-13 pills. Then they placed an IV. The nurses are better at finding the veins, but it still hurts. My first drug Rituxin needed to infuse for 3 hours. It gave me an allergic reaction...my ears were itching and my throat felt like I had needles in it. They quickly stopped the infusion and gave me enough Benadryl to put me to sleep for about 3 hours.

Another side effect, my legs felt as if they were 85 lbs. each and my tongue and taste buds are changing.

Feeling Ok today.  I keep praying and saying "Kill the cancer!  and Jesus I trust you!"  Thanks so much for your posts and prayers!

Maria Elena

[ariel]

Hi Maria Elena, 

good to hear that you are hanging in there.  may god be with you!  just few chemos and I am sure you will do fine and not let the cancer come back to you.  A year later, this will all a nightmare, all gone. 

take care...girl!   our prayers are with you.

I am going to send you a site of radio station... maybe it will help you keep your mind off of things.

take care of yourself dear.

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