new, frustrating behavior

[cassidy336]

My son is 22 months and lately he has been doubting me.  Let me start off by saying that I respect his emotions and I don't lie to him, or promise things and not follow through.  If I'm wrong about something I tell him and if I don't know something I tell him that I don't know and go find the answer.

He has a few stuffed dogs that don't have whiskers and I told him that dogs do have whiskers.  He said that no, they don't have whiskers.  We went back and forth but I couldn't convince him until I went online and show him pictures of dogs with whiskers before he believed me.  I realize he was using his experience with the stuffed dogs to draw a conclusion, but shouldn't I get the benefit of the doubt because I'm mom?

Another time I told him that an animal was a cougar cub, and it the book was titled something like "cougar cub..."  He said it was a kitten and not a cougar cub.  They look similar, and he knows what a kitten is, so again, he was making a decision he thought was right, but he was wrong.  He would not believe me until my husband also told him it was a cougar cub.

Many other times he will not believe me unless I get my husband to back me up.  He is not a disrepectful child and we have a great relationship so I'm trying to figure out why this is happening.  He is very well-behaved but I don't let him walk all over me either.

He doesn't have a problem learning new things from me; I stay at home with him and I'm the one teaching him everything.  I'm wondering if he is the type of person that makes decisions based on internal factors and he "knows" he is right and doesn't realize that I may know more than him?

Has anyone else experienced this?

[KL]

I think that's a VERY admirable trait to have - independent thinking!!  Karma to your son!!

Personally, I would try not to be bothered at all, and in fact, be very happy about it.  I would just smile if he disagrees and say something like, "ok, we'll see who's right!".  If anything, I would always encourage him to not just take my (or anyone's) word for anything, but to always think for himself.

This is related to the choice/consequence philosophy I have, where I always try to give as much decision-making and choice to Felicity as possible, instead of just doing what we say.

Your son will go a long way! Congrats!!

[jemjem]

Hi Cassidy336,

My 28-month old son is like that also.  He first learned mouse.  The mouse and the rat look the same. 
When we are doing our phonics program (from DadDude fleschcards), the word that I presented to him is
rat. And when I show him the picture of a rat and say 'rat', he would say mouse.  I presented to him the word 'rat' for 5 days now but everytime I say 'rat', he would say 'mouse'  .

There are a lot of similar instances that happened before. 

Thanks KL for explaining that this is just normal.  I am the only person that teaches him.  I'm glad that my son is beginning to think independently. 

[cassidy336]

Thank you for explaining things.  I guess I was taking it personally that he didn't believe me for some reason.  I do like the idea of him thinking independently and if I don't take it personally then I don't have a problem proving/explaining things to him.  When other people doubt something I know is true I love the chance to show they some proof (like my husband, and not in an obnoxious way), so I'll just stop taking it personally.

This is like how on the weekends he wants nothing to do with me when Daddy is around.  It really hurt my feelings because he will actually push me away and say he doesn't want me in the room.  I looked into it and found out it means he is securily attached to me and knows I will always be there for him.  Now that it doesn't bother me, it gives me time to get things done iwthout him being upset that I'm doing things (like he is when it is just the two of us and we just play all day).

[jemjem]

Hi Cassidy336,

we have the same experience.  My son doesn't want to play with when his father is around.  But when his father is not around, he loves to play with me.  Is your baby a boy?  I think it's normal if your baby is a boy.  THey want to play with their fathers. 

[Nikita]

I have 3 girls and one boy, and have found that my son associating with his father is more important for his psyche than spending time with me. As his mum, he'll always be in my life, and vice versa, but when I separated with his dad years ago, I kept distance up because I didnt think his father was going to be the best influence.  Unfortunately with 2 older sisters, and no male role model he started to get confused and playing with female toys and developing feminine interests (at 2-3 years old).  So I encouraged his dad to be as involved in his life as possible, and these issues cleared up quickly. And truthfully he would prefer to live with his dad, which will probably happen in 3 years, when he's 12 and in high school. But I know that a boy needs a dad more than he needs a mum...and it's the opposite for girls.

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