Should we take the kids away from abusive parents?

[Kyles Mom]

I came across this article on the net and would like your comments, do you think this will help or should we take the kids away?





Counselling planned for abusive parents
By Sue Dunlevy


ABUSIVE parents will be given intensive counselling instead of having their children removed from their care under new national guidelines to be revealed tomorrow.

There were 55,000 substantiated cases of child abuse and neglect last year and 31,166 young people were removed from their homes.

But Families and Communities Services Minister Jenny Macklin believes the policy of removing abused children from parents must change.

New national standards will be discussed with state and territory ministers at the Council of Australian Governments in Tasmania tomorrow.

A framework for this new policy argues for a public health model which will provide universal supports to all families.

"The basic assumption of a public health approach to protecting children is that by providing the right service at the right time vulnerable families can be supported, child abuse and neglect can be prevented and the effects of trauma and harm can be reduced," the framework states.

"Tertiary child protection services are a last resort and the least desirable option for families and governments.

"Just as a health system is more than hospitals so a system for the protection of children is more than a statutory child protection service."

Is this policy in the best interest of children? Tell us below

But the national framework states much work has to be done to put in place the comprehensive supports it claims are needed to make this preventative approach work.

The community has been shocked by a series of child deaths and cases of neglect and abuse in recent years.

And understaffed child protection services have been heavily criticised for failing to remove children from neglectful or abusive parents.

NSW Ombudsman Bruce Barbour reported last week 152 children known to DOCS died in 2007, with 725 reports from police, health workers and others on record for them.

Ms Macklin wants to develop a new set of national benchmarks for child protection with the states.

"National standards will ensure that all children who cannot be cared for by their parents receive the quality care and support they need for their wellbeing now and into the future," Ms Macklin said.

[Nikita]

Sometimes it's just one parent or step-parent that is abusive. Breaking up that relationship if possible is the way to go, and freeing the non-abusive parent as well as the kids. Unfortunately child protection focuses on the child and doesnt support the non-abusive parent. Taking her child/ren away from her (it's mostly the males that abuse I think) just makes her more vulnerable to the abuser, or depressed and likely to substance abuse or go to the pokies or engage in non-productive behaviours parenting-wise.
I have a friend in this situation. Unfortunately child protection were so determined to give the children to the father they neglected to tell her if she erased the stepfather from her life she might have been able to keep the kids herself. They treated her like she was as abusive as he was. She is struggling to keep up the fight for custody, even for access, and as she is now completely on her own, what's to stop her falling back into unhealthy substance abuse problems, or trying to find a new partner who may end up being worse. She's depressed and lonely now. And so she's vulnerable to having the stepfather around again to give her company as her life is empty now.
They need to analyse the parents separately, and work towards keeping the child with any loving natural parent.

[Kyles Mom]

Nikita, dont get me wrong but shouldnt we give a chance to let the abuser change? i mean most people abuse without intention plus they dont realise that they have become an abusive parent, and once they are told of the consequences that result from their behaviour, people want to change so if they WANT TO change shouldnt we give them the chance as separating kids from their parents is a HUGE thing upon kids, and they miss out on a lot if they live in separate.
this is why I asked, like the fact the kids will lose their mother/father if they are separated from them is gonna affect the kid immensely, and this will be a psychological effect  that we cause on them deliberately!
but yes if the abuser is not accepting the fact that he is an abuser, then rather than keeping the kid with them, we should explain it all and move out, cant compromise with a person who dont accept that s/he is at fault!

[Nikita]

The problem is that in Australia (I know several families who have Department Human service involvement) the kids are usually taken away from the parents as a unit, although one of the parents is abused by the other. Or the parents are fighting between them selves, but not being abusive towards the kids. Rather than getting the parents counselling, DHS just removes the kids and puts them in foster care. thus far DHS hasnt done that great a job. Something DOES need to change. I know a couple who really loved each other, but had a volatile relationship (they smoked marijuana regularly also). DHS took the kids away. The parents have been fighting for years to get the kids back, but DHS have made it clear that they will not get them back if they stay together as a couple!!! So they have had to break up. They're great friends with each other (and getting along very well!!), but any access they have has to be separately. Why werent they ordered counselling? As for the marijuana... if they took all kids of marijuana users, that would be too many kids, there wouldnt be enough non-users to enlist as foster carers. So those parents arent likely to be doing Brillkids with their kids, but they would still mostly be loving parents.
On the other hand, I know a family where DHS were repeatedly called as the kids werent attending their school, were shabbily looked after when they did (unkempt, skinny, too white from lack of sun) yet it took years before DHS removed the kids. They just overreact or underreact...they really do need a complete overhaul. The marriage is over now, the mum has taken off overseas and abandoned the kids, but had DHS stepped in when first called (and ordered counselling and put support networks in place) things could have been much different.
The last family I mentioned, where the stepfather caused the mum to lose her kids, could have had a dream ending too, had DHS handled the situation properly. The father and the mother wanted to be back together, and give their kids a proper family unit, but DHS didnt do enough (anything at all) to protect the mum from her threatening ex, so he was able to keep her living with him in fear, when she wanted to be with the kids dad!! It's a disaster. It wouldve been better if DHS had never got involved. (I've had both the mum and the dad crying on my shoulder as a result of this, and I cant see why it's had to be so hopeless).

[Nikita]

I Think the system fails in many ways. Not just in Australia. What about Fred and Rosemary West, 25 cromwell St Gloucester UK? They murdered some of their kids, along with lots of women, but even though their daughter Heather disappeared aged 15 or so, and the kids went to school telling people their parents were threatening them that if they misbehaved they'd end up under the patio like Heather...the school did nothing. Heather and the others werent found for many years after she went missing!!!
And the 18 month old twins last year who died in their cot from starvation. The grandma had rung the authorities often but nothing was done.
Dr Phil was just on, talking about a boy who was abused by his adoptive parents, then went missing 10 years ago (taken out of school to be "homeschooled", but was only reported missing 1 month ago. He had been removed from his birth parents due to some violence there. (Foster care can be worse...I know people who have been in foster care...a deaf/mute girl who was molested by most of the foster fathers she had, so as an adult was often suicidal. Or there can be molestation by other foster kids in the household.)
the Dr Phil scenario got me thinking about something I reported to the authorities a few years ago. I had a friend whose mum went missing when she was 11, so 28 years ago. She was told her mum had walked out and abandoned her kids, but all searching has revealed no trace of her existence. I reported it to crimestoppers a few years back, but heard nothing back. So last year I rang Missing Persons and spoke to a Police Woman, who told me that by Law they are unable to search for a missing person until they are reported missing by a RELATIVE!!! So others could have reported her missing, but as the family have never reported her missing (she checked for me), no-one would investigate or check to see if she'd accessed her bank accounts.
I believe she was murdered, but I cant convince my friend to report her missing (she still believes the abandonment scenario). It makes me feel so powerless, as this law is so ridiculous.

[wintermommy]

Absolutely. Abusive parents needs to go to counseling after that. If they changed and prove to be a better parents, then they deserve the second chance... probably the last too.

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