Sometimes do you feel Alone????

[khatty]

Today, as in many days, I feel alone in my desire to teach my baby.  In my local community there is NO ONE who does this, understands it, or even supports it.  I usually avoid discussing the topic with anyone.  Today, I caved and talked to my best friend about it.  In the end, I spent the rest of the conversation defending my choice and reasons.  That has me feeling even more alone and isolated than normal.

Now she has me worried that I am hurting my children.  She has heard that Doman causes Autism, Eye problems, early Dementia, and a few other things.  I don't have the energy to do the research on any of that right now.  I'm just feeling hurt and confused.  Even my best friend doesn't understand me, and hey, I really only have one friend in this small community.  Just needing support and I can usually count on this online forum to keep my motivation up.  Thanks in advance.  Khatty.

[TracyR4]

Its always hard to be the first one to break the mold. I've definitely been there and done that, and honestly you aren't going to get support from people who don't understand. Its a sad fact of life. Granted you may find some person here or there that is actually willing to listen.
Its hard to find those people because most people are conditioned to think that babies can't do anything but lay there and look cute.
Its still early on in the early education game. With more people to talk about it hopefully at some point there will be more people that understand and accept that little babies and young children have the capability to learn more than what people give them credit for.

I have never heard of Doman causing Autism, or eye problems or anything of the such. Your friend probably didn't even know who or what Doman even was.  I can honestly say my 4yr old isn't Autistic. My sister's daughter is and she's never even heard of Doman. She was just trying to throw a curve ball because she was trying to sound 'intelligent' it sounds.

[waterdreamer]

That is the silliest thing I ever heard. Doman works to help children with autism function and sometimes become typical. And his programs have helped the blind see. She was likely just saying that like Tracy said to justify her uneducated argument.
You are doing your child a favor! When you feel alone come here and see that your not. I know it's not the same as IRL but it helps.

[TeachingMyToddlers]

She has heard that Doman causes Autism, Eye problems, early Dementia, and a few other things.

Wow. Talk about some nonsense! Not from you, but from her.

I just started reading a book today by Susan Bauer, called "The Well Educated Mind." I'm not sure if you're familiar with the classical education model for school age kids, but it is very thorough and solid. Anyway, this particular book is aimed at adults who were not raised with a classical education. My point? In the first chapter she discusses this idea and said the following, which I immediately thought of after reading her response. (I included the first paragraph to give you some contextual knowledge.)

"The first stage of education is called the Grammar Stage (in this case, grammar means the building blocks, the foundational knowledge of each academic subject)....Critical thinking comes into play in the second stage of education, the Logic Stage. Once a foundation of information is laid, students begin to exercise their analytical skills; the decide weather information is correct or incorrect, and make connections between cause and effect, historical events, scientific phenomena, words, and their meanings .In the final stage of secondary education, the Rhetoric Stage, students learn to express their own opinions about the facts they have accumulated and evaluated."

"Classically educated students know that this pattern (learn facts; analyze them; express your opinions about them) applies to all later learning...Classrooms too often skip the first two steps and progress directly to the third...This mental shortcut has become a habit for many adults, who are ready to give their opinions long before they're had a chance to understand the topic under study. (Listen to any call-in radio show)....Like badly taught six-year-olds, we are too quick to go to opinion making without the intermediate steps of understanding and evaluation."

She completely skipped getting the facts and evaluating them before jumping to conclusions. I truly believe there is a baby education movement going on right now but this is only the beginning so we are the unique ones. People once thought the world was flat. They just don't know the facts, the why's, the how's, or truly understand the philosophy, yet they are quick to form negative opinions. Unfortunately, I think that is just human nature unless specifically trained otherwise early on.  I look at it like this, I might have a unique approach to raising children by society's standards but 1) My kids are far more important than people's opinions of me so I will not be stopping anytime soon and 2) Those are the parents are the most jealous when your babies/toddlers start joyfully showing the results of their early education!

Sure, it would be nice to have some friends IRL that agreed with your philosophy & encouraged you. I have a friend who scoffed at the idea until she saw the results in my daughter. Her 2.5 year old is now reading and she sort of ate her words happily, she just didn't understand in the beginning. Until you can recruit some friends who do agree, just continue to try and get your support online. Yes, it sucks, but your kids are so worth it. I would have had a tendency to tell her--"Okay, I think you might be getting the wrong impression. Feel free to check out this website called BrillKids. Like you, I only want what is best for my daughter but I have never heard of those claims about Doman before. If you could direct me to some studies or links I would appreciate it."

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. We are all here for you! I know it's not the same though.

[c4andy20]

I feel the same way. My entire family thinks I am crazy. They think I am robbing my children of their babyhood/childhood because I teach my two toddlers and I homeschool my 8 year old. I have no one IRL to talk to who understands and supports my decisions. So I know how lonely it can get. The only support I get is from this forum and it is greatly appreciated. Whenever I feel like I need a boost, inspiration, or to just feel normal for educating my children. I log on and read some threads. Then I feel a lot better, because everyone here is so positive and supportive to one another. 

[TracyR4]

I agree. Just stick to getting your support here for now. It would be nice to have a group of moms to relate with. I know there are many things in my life I wish I had that for. Sadly I don't.
But we can all share our children's accomplisments here.
Can you imagine what it would have been like for those who did early education before internet? A VERY lonely world indeed.

[kizudo]

Khatty!  How I wish you would just pack up and move over a province!  There'd be three of us in Winnipeg!  We could get matching sweaters embroidered with "OTTM" on the back (Over The Top Mommy)!      

But seriously, some of my very closest friends are BrillKids Mommies.  Really and Truly.  This is my "mommies' group".  I know it's not the same as IRL, and I am one of the lucky ones to have someone like Waterdreamer to hang out with, but come by more often - you don't need to post - just read and be inspired.  That is what keeps me going!

Okay...gotta run...my little charmer is awake.  Hugs to you!

[linzy]

I too was reluctant to tell people about the early education when my elder (now almost 5) son was just starting. Now when people see him they feel like he's something special. Because of the way he speaks, reads, calculates, plays chess, builds cicuitry, spot welds, etc...He is such a happy vivacious boy. So sometimes I tell people, no he is not a genius, or even special (except to me of course) he was just given opportunities at a young age. The funny thing is, even though I tell people there was nothing special about my son that allowed him to do these things, they continue to insist, that he's just different and other children wouldn't have the same results, so I guess people see/believe what they want. But I can promise you if you do it with a happy attitude and you baby enjoys it you will definitely not do any harm.

[kmum]

Oh, my gosh, do I ever feel alone!  Since it is only "gifted" children who could possibly learn to read by age 3, how could I even imagine that my daughter who has Down syndrome could ever learn to read at that age!  Notice my dripping sarcasm?

Good thing I have videos to prove it!

[Keeli]

ooh ooh can I have OTTM sweatshirt too.  Yes I agree it's lonely but then a pioneers life is and that is what we are.  I very rarely tell people what I do because they don't understand and they get all difencive.  What I have noticed,(I noticed this first with breast feeding and now with baby ed) is that people are actually feeling guilty and so attack you to make themselves feel better.  I don't think they are consciously doing it.  I think the problem is, is that you dont know for sure if its going to work or not because its a bit of an experiment really, and then you feel like your not doing it properly anyway so the criticism hurts more.  Some times I wish I could be just a normal mum and then I could go out for cups of coffee with the girls and feed my children as many biscuits and sweets (thats cookies and candy to you) as they want and send them off to school.  And park them in front of the telly so I can clean and do my own thing.  I sometimes wish I could sit with the other mums and join in the gossip when my daughter is at ballet class and get excited about what celebrity is doing what.  But I cant, I just cant do it.  I get excited when I read about the possibilities of teaching my children and I love to read books on education rather than the latest fashion.   But my time will come, now I just love my children and enjoy all they do and enjoy our time together and enjoy watching them learn and grow.  I don't want to miss a moment of it.  Yes there are times when I'm so tired and lonely but, oh my, I wouldn't swap and become one of those mummies for the world.  (And when I say that I'm not criticising them in there choices at all but its not what I want for me and mine).

Just keep enjoying what you are doing and enjoy seeing the fruits when they come,  (and they will)  and just enjoy your child. 

X X

[kizudo]

I think the problem is, is that you dont know for sure if its going to work or not because its a bit of an experiment really, and then you feel like your not doing it properly anyway so the criticism hurts more. 

I think you hit the nail on the head, Keeli.  That's exactly why I haven't totally come out of the closet with it.  My folks and my in-laws know - but they think my son is stellar regardless of whether he can read early or understand math concepts before his little friends.  I know that as soon as I open my mouth the judgement will begin - and I don't want that for me or my son.  But...it's just like parenting overall - how many of us really know what we're doing anyway????  Most of the time we just take it as it comes and hope and pray that we made the right decision.  Hoping with everything in us that our kids won't be TOO messed up in the end.

[drummerboy]

It is very easy to allow ourselves to be hurt by others and it is a nasty overwhelming feeling.  I am sorry you feel this way.

I have had a myriad of reactions to the way we raise our boy. We live a rather different lifestyle and have some rather I guess out there views on the abilities of children and how that means they should be raised at each stage of their cognitive development. Much based on Doman but also other more natural instincts borne from this understanding.

People think we're crazy, people wish they could do what we do, people think we're pushy, people think we're not pushy enough, people think we expect too much of him others believe we have no expectations at all.

I guess that early education covers so much of our life that it is difficult for them to focus on the reading or whatnot when they're slightly more concerned by the tree climbing (he'll fall) or how dirty he is (he'll get germs) or that he's on the trampoline with all his balls (he'll break something) ........ and so on and so on and so on.

I used to get insulted, as if any sane parent would allow their child to come into harms way.

Now I realise they are so caught up in socially bred fears that they their perception of the events in front of them are warped.

Don't be insulted, be kind. They are unenlightened. People who don't understand that which is different from them are often scared. Scared people love to regain power by being hurtful.

A trick that I find helpful is to strip everything back from out there to in me. Throw away all your thoughts about early education from any source other than yourself (that includes Doman). Then have a good think about how you and only you feel about those sessions now extend that to remember your child in these moments - reflect on how they feel about these sessions. You will have no doubt.

Always remember why you do it and keep your mind clear of the distractions caused by others who may or may not know more or less than you about education but never about your child.

[TeachingMyToddlers]

Drummerboy-

That is a really interesting approach, I would love to hear more. Recently, we have taken a much looser approach to things like climbing, jumping on furiture, etc. They are kids and they need to push their limits, they are bound to get hurt sometime. That's life & we'll roll with the punches. With my first, I feel we were far too gentle and tried to babyproof the world. With my second, when he falls I tell him to get back up and he does, brushing himself off and quickly bouncing back once the initial sting has worn off. I'm not heartless and of course I will comfort a  child that is truly hurt, but I think I may have done my first borne a disservice by not allowing her to test her environment and herself enough, often running to her aide before she was even in trouble. I have since learned the real meaning of the phrase "respond, don't rescue."  Now, I want them to struggle a bit and figure it out. I rejoice alongside them in their successes that are truly their own. Same goes for digging in the dirt--let them dig! They are kids, let them get dirty. They will have a blast and dirt washes off.

So, I would love to hear more about your philosophy & approach to parenting!

[Keeli]

Drummerboy I like your whole post, but especially 

"Now I realise they are so caught up in socially bred fears that they their perception of the events in front of them are warped.
Don't be insulted, be kind. They are unenlightened. People who don't understand that which is different from them are often scared. Scared people love to regain power by being hurtful."

This is spot on.  thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Keeli

[krb]

She has heard that Doman causes Autism, Eye problems, early Dementia, and a few other things. 

Early dementia? Are any of the Doman kids even old enough to have made a proper study and assessment of this? 
Hang in there khatty. Your friend doesn't realize how much her comments hurt you.

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