Stay Home Mum - How do you motivate yourself

[juicyfruits]

i am a stay home mum...i got postnal depression aftr giving birth to my son. My depression is like a yo yo pattern where sometimes i am happy staying at home, while some other time will rattle off thinking why am i staying at home.I feel worthless..Its always the same routine with the baby everyday. Ever since my son was born, my husband and i barely have time alone or chat. Can someone share how do you keep yourself going on?

[Ayesha Nicole]

Dear FruityFruit8,

I am sorry to hear of your frustration and depression.  Depression is caused by an imbalance of hormones in the body, and is alleviated by eating nutritious meals that affect hormones in a positive way.  Please watch/read:

Postpartum Depression & Migraines Gone via The Zone:
http://drsears.com/tabid/399/itemid/9872/Postpartum-depression--migraines-gone.aspx

What is the Zone
http://drsears.com/WhatistheZone/tabid/380/Default.aspx

The Zone and Neurological Disease
http://drsears.com/ZoneTV/tabid/394/Default.aspx
http://drsears.com/ZoneandChronicDisorders/NeurologicalDisorders/tabid/391/Default.aspx
http://drsears.com/SearchResults/tabid/331/Default.aspx?Search=postpartum+depression


The Zone and Fetal / Infant Development
http://drsears.com/ZoneTV/tabid/394/Default.aspx
http://drsears.com/ZoneandChronicDisorders/FetalandChildhoodDevelopment/tabid/404/Default.aspx


The Zone
http://www.zonediet.com/Home/tabid/36/Default.aspx


Eat well - feel better - make goals - strive and attain them!

- Ayesha

[linzy]

I'm sorry to feel you are feeling like this.  If your depression is causing a disruption in your life, or of course causeing you to think you may harm yourself or others I would definitely talk to your doctor about treatment options.  Sometimes being depressed can cause you to feel unmotivated.  If you don't think that is the problem you could try to look at staying home as a job and doing things to show that you valus it as a real job, that is set a schedule for yourself, try to take care with your appearance, try to get a a shower every day (even if it means taking the baby in with you, I used to take my son in and put him in the baby tub on the floor and often he'd fall asleep). 

[Kimba15]

Im really sorry to read how you are feeling Fruityfruit. Post Natal depression is extremely hard to deal with but I do know the feeling of worthlessness of being a stay at home mum and not feeling respected for the task you are taking on.

Here are some ideas:

1. Make a night for you and your husband to spend sometime alone, get your son babysat even if you can only leave him for an hour between feeds, and have that time alone with your husband so you remember what it is like to be a wife and not just a mother.

2. Tell him (your hubby) how you are feeling and maybe think of some ways he can help you to get on top of things, and give you a break.

3. Being stay-at-home-mum is not for every woman(and it is really okay to feel how you feel) maybe looking to return to work two days a week will  help you to feel more worth-while. If you felt good by financially contributing to the home before you went on Maternity leave then you may still need to do that even if it is in a small way. Plus you will get adult interaction time to yourself and you will get a lunch break and you will appreciate the time you spend with your son so much more and be happy to spend time with him.

4. It is okay not to want to be at home all of the time.

5. Find time throughout the day to something for youself. Maybe take ten minutes to read a magazine or call your mum, take a shower. wash your face or just put on a little makeup to feel a bit spesh.

6. Eat as healthy as you possibly can and try and get a bit of exercise in which will make you feel better.

7. If after trying a few things and nothing is making you feel any better. Make an appointment to see your Doctor and get some help.

[GloriaD]

Dear FruityFruit8,

as all the above parents, I am sorry you are feeling this way - but Just know This:

IT WILL PASS !!  Have faith and live one day at the time... It will pass

pls enjoy this clip - http://www.theattitudemovie.com/?SRC=WPOIATT

Wish you the best !

Gloria

[kmum]

I can't add a lot because you've already been given some great advice.  I do agree that finding some time for yourself is important.  Accept support from family or friends, & most importantly remember that you don't have to be a "perfect" Mom. 

HUGS

[juicyfruits]

Thanks everybody for the contribution. Having you guys here make me feel i am not alone.

hi ayesha - thanks for the great video clips and readings! Wish i had know these when I am preg

hi linzy - yes. i have been to the psychiatrist one month after giving birth. She was young and not married.I was asked to describe the problem to her, and i did. But I didnt feel the connection with her and didnt go back after since. You talked about appearance.. i must admit that ever since i have given birth, i dressed shabbily since i am mostly at home.Even if we did go out, i did not wear any make up. It was a fast and go event for me as my bb alway cling on me.Shower? yep..i cant have one till my husband come back..thats a gd tip on bringing the bb with me when i shower

hi kimba15 - thanks for your great advice. Though my mum lived next block to me,she is of limited help, so baby sitter is a no no. unlike US, its hard to find a baby sitter here.Had quit my job to be a stay home mum, given the current economy, its also hard to find a part time job these days. my husband prefer me to stay at home rather than to ferry to & fro my bb to the nanny. We are financially quite ok (i didnt spent much), its the interaction part i am lacking.

hi kmum - maybe you are right, i dun have to be a perfect mum. i freak alot about not taking good care of him. Worried about his nutrient intake and everything (when i am preg, i vowed to breastfeed my bb till 2 years old, the plan failed cos of my depression - and i am feeling so guilty about it)

hi GloriaD - thanks for the clip. Its very inspiring

[nhockaday]

Great tips everyone.

[newchs]

hope you are getting better fruityfruit  i have stayed one saturday afternoon to look after my son while my wife is out. Half an hour later, i wish she is back. It was a tough day for me. I can now imagine how you have felt

[angie877]

hi fruityfruit pls stay strong for your son. I truely understand where you are coming from. My neighbour had a depression for the past 15 years and had not fully recovered from it yet. I learned alot from her stories..whatever it is you must clear your mind, what ever unhappiness you have,pls "unload" it to someone or god.sometimes you need to talk to someone you trust to release your stress. (if you have no one to turn to, just talk to your god, whether it is chinese god, india god, it doesnt matter) You have made a good move by writing down in this forum. I am sure you will get more encouragement from the people here

cheers!

[newchs]

maybe you should sit down with your husband and talk abt possible plan that might help you. Try hiring a part time maid, at least you can rest for half a day

[issy]

the depression keeps coming back because you aren't keeping your mind and body active. you don't need a special diet . when you recognize yourself starting to feel slow and down, do the opposite! get up and do activities with your baby. depression sets in when the mind is idle. I went thru the same thing with my first son. for 9 months i didnt really know if i could be a mom. i was too busy doing nothing but thinking about all the bad instead of enjoying the most preasious gift of all. my baby. As soon as i got out of the stuck mode and got up and out, it went away. if that doesnt work for you, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR! i wish i would have.

[Mima]

I know how hard and challenging of being stay at home mommy and wife. but another way it is Blessing..
Ask yourself a quiestion what season of my life is it? Maybe is it winter? or what ... so what can I do now?
what can I prepare for my next season?
As a mom of 4 .. I had same experience.. .  but I  can see difference in me . now my attitude is Staying home with baby is not a lifelong journey. Being  excited of what I have now is and creating  life, making a flexible transtion  is meaningful.
 In my daily life I try to spend time doing excercise first..  I  still have big belly stiil needs to lose weigth. so I do excercise by following dvd in the morning while  she sleeping . then go to shower. put my "heavenly"lotion   then make up, then hair done..and find bright colorful pants etcc... bright color keeps  me hot I feel energized more..  after that if she is not awake I do dishes or cook etc.. I don't put all the must haves on me my shoulder..
try to clean when before it gets  messy. Just Take it easy.. 
And I love read and write and searching on the internet..  sometimes I write my dreams while listennig music  etc.. I spend time to talk to God ask His wisdom.

I like this word .. You are own scriptwriter and pay is never finished,no matter what your age or position in life

[andreasro]

Dear fruttyfruit8,
I can recognize myself in many ways in your messages.

The breastfeeding problem - happend to me also. I wanted to breastfeed him for a long time, but I got stressed because of the health problems my son has had.
The useless part -in my case, not bringing money into our home.
The bath part, ha ha, yeah... me, too, not much I can do before the husband comes back home, )
 
Depression is much more related to the way we women handle emotions, and much less related to food, especially during pregnancy. There's an entire practice in many schools to balance emotions, it's not the case here to mention any of them.
As many of the moms here told you, if you look at what you have now, with your kid... And if you start thinking of what you both can do to be happy and enjoy life... And when you and your husband find time only for yourselves and communicate, and share love, care etc...
Then things are going to look more brightly in your eyes and you'll see life as it is: interesting

The hard times for our baby aren't over yet. Still, we pass rapidly through the tough experiences and enjoy as much as we can the other moments.
I, too, love perfection. And because of that, I suffer when it's not perfect. But, with the help of my life partner, and our little joy, I've started to accept that life is beautiful as it is, if you can only look in a different way.

Take care,
Andrea

[Malma]

Hi to you all.

I was a stay at home mom with my 3 chilren for 17 years.  What a disaster that was for us all.  I hated being at home and as a result always managed to to take it out on the family.  My husband did not want me to work and was of no help to the situation. 

When my youngest son was 7 I was luckily enough to get a job as a PA, and worked in the same job for 15 years until I was retrenched in 2006.

I have battled to adapt to being at home again, but since we have fostered our baby, and being able to correspond with other moms in the same situation,  on these forums, it has been a lot easier than the "first time".  I have arranged for my baby to go to a baby group during the mornings so at least have that time to myself.  (after all I am a granny!!!)  Funnily enough I spend a great deal of that time making flash cards etc. for her.

So hang in there fruityfruit8, and try and make as much time for yourself as possible.  I certainly belive that having a shower and putting on makeup is absolutely essential.  I still fall into the trap of slopping around, but once I have seen to myself, I find I feel a whole lot better.

Good luck.

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