first time mom needs help getting life back together

[bestmom]

Hi everyone,

I'm a first time mom with a 6 month old and I still don't feel recovered I had some complications with the c section and loss a lot of blood and I just want to get my life back togeterh. I just feel like sleeping all the time and when I don't i see my husband sleeping because he has a grave yeard shift and i just end up going back to bed after I feed my little one. I just don't seem to get anything done.... I guess im asking for tips and tricks to get up and stay up when everyone else is sleeping in the house I just want to get my life organized again and I want to get motivated to do things and be productive during the day not just sleep and watch my little one all day...i love watching her but I;m talking about when she's sleeping I want to be motivated to do things...

[laughingwater]

Hi bestmom,
I hear you - I also went through the extreme exhaustion and inability to function normally after my baby was born.

Here are the things I would recommend:
1. Make sure you have enough iron. If you lost a lot of blood you may need to take iron. This made a world of difference for me and got me past the fatigue.
2. Also make sure that you are still taking your prenatal vitamins, and B vitamins. That can also help with fatigue.
3. Next, see if you can get some help - husband, mother, friend - and just sleep. If you can just care for the baby and sleep for a few days (without having to do chores, run errands, or make food) that may help you get over the hurdle.
4. Once you are a little caught up on sleep, try to build some you time into your schedule. Get some exercise - put baby in the stroller and go for a walk, or if you live in a place as cold as me, do some dancing with your baby indoors.
5. Next, and this was the really hard one for me - try to be okay with your house not being perfect.  Having a baby changes your life and your priorities.  You will feel less stressed about being productive if you are not stressing about having to get the vacuming done.
6. Make sure you get enough sleep overall - if you are not sleeping well at night then you might need to sleep during the day. You may feel better if you have a schedule, like nap with your baby every second day, and on the alternating days try to get one thing done while she naps.
7. Make your time count. For example, when you cook, make enough for a few meals and stick the rest in the fridge or freezer for another day when you need to nap.
8. Accept every offer from friends or family who offer. People without babies don't know what is needed, but are willing to help. When someone offers to help me, I take them up on it and ask them to pick up groceries for me, or run a few loads of laundry, or vacuum the floor.

Some people manage to have a baby, feel great, and work from home while looking after their baby. I am not one of them, and most of us aren't. Give yourself time to recover.

[bestmom]

Thanks but it's been six months and i get more than enough sleep ...I probably do need to take my prenatal vitamins again but I bottle feed her similac

[kizudo]

This always motivates me:  Pick a daytime hour when your husband is out and your baby is going to be awake.  Then plan a playdate/lunch with a friend you don't know really well and don't allow yourself to make up an excuse to cancel. You'll tidy your house in no time.  Plan another one to happen within a few days.  You'll keep your house tidy in between dates.  Do this for a few weeks in a row...it might become a habit to tidy (it didn't for me, but hey, you got to have dreams!)

Or, schedule some regular dates out but plan on leaving an hour before you meet to run errands.  We have a grocery store here that allows you to shop and then put things in "parcel pickup".  I'll often do my shopping then go on my "date" then come back to get the groceries.  Check out your local library-they often have baby & me classes - that would get you dressed and out once a week.  And, try to stroller walk to the class - park far away if you have to.  A walk always make me feel a bit more productive.

Or, start out slow and tell yourself that everytime you want to lie down you HAVE to put 3 things away or cross off one thing from your to-do list.  Then you are allowed to lie down...you may find that you've created a momentum with getting things done and keep going

Wishing you the best

[bestmom]

I like those suggestions...Thank you so much!

[momto3boys]

Great Suggestions laughing water.

best Mom I hope you feel better soon.

[khatty]

BestMom, well my 'baby' is now 2 and I am still disorganized and tired.  My dd doesn't sleep well or a lot and as a result neither do I.  So I am often sleeping at odd times of the day and feeling lethargic the rest of the time.  Off and on I get frustrated with the sitution but most days I have just learned to accept it.  All the suggestions are wonderful, I have tried almost all of them to no lasting effect.  My dd sleeps less than 9 hours in a 24 hour period, that doesn't leave enough time to get myself to bed and alseep for 8 hours a day, let alone get anything done while she is sleeping.

I hate to say I have given up, but honestly, I have really really LOWERED my standards and that has helped a lot.  I don't need to accomplish 1 thing a day.  I try for one thing a week and I let it be O.k. if it doesn't happen.

I'm so sorry for the space you are in and I hope that you find something that makes it better for you.  Best wishes for the holiday season.

[Nikita]

I try very hard to keep normal hours. Get up 7ish in the morning, go to bed 9ish at night. No matter how hard it is. I find the more you sleep, the more you want to sleep. Trust me, I had chronic fatigue in my late teens/early 20s, and needed at least 14 hours sleep a day. I believe this was a lot to do with living on campus at uni, partying a lot and keeping weird hours. And allowing myself to sleep whenever I felt like it. (I had a blood test...nothing wrong with my health, and had lots of Iron).
Now I have 5 kids I have to stick to a routine, and I cope with tiredness by drinking lots of coffee. Some mothers I know have to drink energy drinks. But I find once I'm up that I stay up. I dont even feel that urge to nap that comes with being pregnant. Yet I'm a fair bit sleep deprived. If I need to catch up on sleep I'll have the occasional nap. I really recommend keeping a routine, not over-sleeping, in fact try under-sleeping. (My iron is low, yet I do better than when at uni!)
I have depressed friends who sleep a lot, and I think this makes them more depressed. None of them have kids. I think kids help to give you something to get out of bed for!! That's a getting swamped and being pulled under cycle. The more active you get, the less sleep you need, the more you get done, the happier and less depressed you feel. And thats a happy achieving getting on top of things cycle.
My ex-husband worked afternoon shift, so when the older kids were young, I got them to bed at 11 pm and they woke at 11 am. He got home at 1am amd woke at 1pm, so it meant I had a couple of hours before he got up to get the kids fed and changed, tidy up and get his breakfast/lunch happening. I usually went to sleep at their bedtime, but sometimes woke to spend time with my husband. The routine really helped. It also meant when they started playgroup, kinder etc, that I just varied their bedtime and getting up time on those days...but that was later on.

[carpe vestri vita]

Have you heard of flylady? Her website was instrumental in my organization when I started working at home.

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