3 year old - very naughty

[piyu]

   My son is almost 3 years old & have lately become very naughty. He have started hitting & pushing everyone. He goes to a playschool . He always got appreciation on his behavior in his class but since last month he have started fighting with kids in the class even when he plays with other kids around the house he pushes them & runs away. 
   I have tried all the means to explain him.. softly & firmly. I took him away from kids , made him say sorry , punish him ( sit in one corner or that mummy won't speak to you). 
   He'll say sorry & in sometime he'll again start. nothing seems to work.
   I am really worried .
  looking forward to your suggestions.

[Baining]

Hi,  I read an interesting article about this.  I put the link below.  Hope it helps. 
http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpbehavior/0,,71g0,00.html

[mirra]

Dear piyu,

after he sleeps for first 5 min, you can say positive affirmations as a whisper, example - you will be well behaved and not naughty. you will be best child - in ur native language This should help u...

[mirra]

Hi,  I read an interesting article about this.  I put the link below.  Hope it helps. 
http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpbehavior/0,,71g0,00.html

the article is nice baining...thanks...

[LDSMom]

Well, the Supernanny technique works extremely well for my child. Basically it's they get 1 verbal warning (parent has to remain calm. once you over-react or yell, or spank, they are getting the attention or response they were looking for) After you've given them only ONE warning (Must be consistent here, no 10 warnings before a consequence), if they do the same thing you've asked them not to do, they go straight to time out. You sit them on the naughty chair or time out spot, come down to their level, like kneeling or crouching down, and calmly explain to them what they did wrong and the consequence is they need to sit on the time out chair (1 minute per childs age, so a 2 yr old would get 2 minutes), after the 2 minutes, you walk back over to them, again, very calmly, get down to their level again, explain why they are on time out again, ask for an apology, give hugs/kisses, and then go on with playing in a very positive manner. No more talking about the issue, no more punishments, thats it, get over it and move on. 

If they wont stay on the time out spot, for each time they get down and run away, you quietly go get them, and bring them back. Don't say a word to them. They are looking for a reaction whether it be anger, laughter, etc. If your child has never had to sit on the spot before this can take many many times bringing him/her back. Be calm and consistent and keep it up. you absolutly can't lose the battle, you are in control and are the parent and they are capable of sitting for the alloted time.  Once they learn that they will have to sit on the timeout spot, it becomes very easy thereafter to do a timeout. Keep up with every step though, explain and reexplain why they're there. Ask for the apology. If they don't give it, or they aren't sincere, they stay on timeout for another 2 minutes (or whatever their time limit is)

I can't tell you how much this has blessed my life with following these very simple steps. My son will immediately stop doing a naughty behavior now if I give him a warning. What a blessing. I even actually gave him a timeout at the supermarket the other day because he wouldn't stay close to me and kept wandering off. Once he did the timeout and knew he would also have a punishment outside of the home (in a public place) he immediately stopped the behavior and stayed close to me. You can do the same thing at a restaurant, playgroup, etc.

Good luck!

[hypatia]

after he sleeps for first 5 min, you can say positive affirmations as a whisper, example - you will be well behaved and not naughty. you will be best child - in ur native language This should help u...

Hi Mirra
I do this with my daughter as well!
I wouldn't use 'negative' words though as with the subconscious, the child might focus on 'naughty' and leave out the 'not' part :-) which is not what we want.

[piyu]

thanks everyone.. it was really nice....
Hypatia  I would also like to know some positive affirmations...

[Marialuisa]

Thank you LDSMum,
your supernanny technique has been explained really well. I am struggling too with my 4y old daughter and I'd like to give it a try. 
My question is how do u punish outside and in particular in such a hectic place such as a supermarket?

Marialuisa     

[hypatia]

thanks everyone.. it was really nice....
Hypatia  I would also like to know some positive affirmations...

It depends on your child's 'weaknesses' or difficulties. If he is hard to toilet train, I'd say 'You use the potty every time you need to, everyday'.
But you can also use general affirmations like 'you can do anything' or 'you are loved' (as in Tweedle Wink)
I guess it's really personal and depends on the type of language you usually use and how comfortable you feel with this. There needs to be a lot of respect and trust to whisper thoughts (and wishes!) to a sleeping baby.

[Krista G]

Hypathia,

Have you ever read the book Sleep Talk?  That is exactly what it is about.  Just curious where you came up with that.

[hypatia]

Have you ever read the book Sleep Talk?  That is exactly what it is about.  Just curious where you came up with that.

Hi Krista,
http://forum.brillkids.com/coffee-corner/conscious-autosuggestion-for-children/msg47193/#msg47193

[Gab and Karen]

Hi,
I'm new to this forum, and this is my first post.  I have 2 boys, 2.5yrs and 4yrs.  Someone suggested this method earlier, I'd like to share a little further.  I learnt it from Shichida, and found it useful. 
Sometimes, my son will exhibit a certain behaviour which is undesirable.  At the point when it occurs, I can get him to stop, and feel sorry.  However, after some time, the behaviour comes back (eg. biting).  What we did is, 5-10 min after my son falls asleep, we speak to him and do "suggestions".  It goes something like this : "Joshua, you're a good boy, daddy and mummy loves you.  You're a happy boy, and loves to have fun, and you like your friends and your brother.  So, when you play with them, you want them to have fun too, and you know that you should not be biting anyone since it's painful for them.  You can be gentle and have fun too with your friends.  When you wake up, you know you can wake up happy, and your friends will like you too."

We will repeat this for a few days in a row.  So far, we've corrected a few bad behaviours, and my son is a very happy boy who laughs all the time.  Try it... you've got nothing to lose. 

[zanadoo]

I have to agree with LDSmom, your child should know what that you mean what you say when you say it.  It is all very well identifying 'problem' behaviours such as biting and sleep talking them out of it but what happens when your child runs out in the road and you shout 'Stop'?  You may not get a chance to whisper softly into their ear that night.

Children should have rules and boundaries and know that no means no.  The time out spot is ideal to do this.

Marialuisa, a time out spot can be anywhere you decide, if you are in a supermarket, a quiet corner, the end of an aisle wherever is not too manic.  I have even done timeout on bus, it is just a case of defining an area.  The point is, you decide where your child is going to stay for a set period of time and the consequence for their behaviour is that they will stay there no matter what with no talking or reasoning with.  The key is being consistent, as LDSmom says, if this is used properly indoors, it should only really take one or two attempts in public before your little one realises that no listening means the same result regardless of where you are.

I am not trying to do down Sleep Talking but I just think it has its place and in my opinion,  your child should listen to you because he knows that is what is expected of him, not because you have subconsciously trained him to avoid certain behaviours.

[ZaJa]

Hi piyu,

If you can get hold of Dr. Noel Swanson's manual called "The Good Child". He is a Consultant Child Psychiatrist and child behavior expert. The manual shows how to eliminate shouting and defiant behavior and unlock the secrets to well-behaved, polite children.

Check out this link: http://www.good-child-guide.com/.

All the best!

[piyu]

thanks Gab and Karen for helping me out with the words that can be used..
  thank you ZaJa  for the book suggestion I'll definitely check it out..

as far as time out is concerned I tried a few times with my son & he just starts crying  to make the situation worse. I guess he has crossed the age where these kind of punishments can work with him.  I'll  try sleep talk.

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