Adolescence Revisited. Are we going backwards in society?

[Korrale4kq]

My mother was mustering cattle on the family dairy farm since the age of 4. It was a long day and hard work. And she knew she couldn't fall off because she could not get back up again. She had an old tree stump near the stable which she used to mount her horse.

[Frukc]

In my region, most of people lived in countryside 100 years ago. Children started with pig shepherding when they were 4, and later continued with cattle and other animals. There is a lot of literature about children as shepherds because almost all our ancient writers started as shepherds when they were little. 
There is a popular quote of writer Janis Greste - "if you did not shepherd pigs when you were kid than nothing good will come out of you" 

Shepherding is a good job - some but limited responsibility, some problem solving, and a lot of free play with nature materials (I also did shepherding for some summers, I know). Maria Montessori says - "follow your child".  I think, also in our modern society there are many possibilities to give children some responsibility and some problem solving but we should know the limits of every child. There is also a quote "everything that does not kill us makes us stronger". Well, people differ, and full responsibility is good for some 13 year old but can break the personalities of some other.

With this discussion, I found that there are a lot of things my children can do but I do for them. I changed my attitude during the last weeks and gave more responsibility to my kids Thank you all for this discussion

[PokerDad]

I was in a parenting class yesterday and the instructor began the session by asking three questions.
Who is the child?
What is childhood?
What role does a child have?

Very vague questions and when I asked for some sort of clarification, I got none. The class then started offering up the typical stuff like our role as parents is to provide safety, nurturing environment and such. The instructor then asks more about this - I cannot remember exactly what she asked, perhaps if it has always been this way. Of course, I open my trap and start talking about how we live in a privileged time and society, and that just a few decades ago "children" were expected to get to work and help out.

The instructor immediately pulls out some sort of magazine that she was just itching to show us. On the cover is a group of youths 9-15 dressed in 1930s attire. She simultaneously starts talking about child labor laws being recent and all.

I wasn't sure of the point to this, but she did mention that many of our problems happen (in her opinion of course) because we constrain our kids too much.

Anyway.... interesting conversation.

Now, I like poker, and I go to Vegas every so often to play long bouts of it.... but when 9 year olds stow away to get there? Eh.... this is taking it too far, BUT I post the article just to show how resourceful kids can be and ARE.
http://www.usnews.com/news/us/articles/2013/10/06/boy-boards-plane-at-minn-airport-without-ticket

[Korrale4kq]

Haha. My husband told our 3 year old about this story and asked if he would do that.  He said "sure dad". Not the answer we wanted.

[Kimba15]

I think in terms of being overprotective has a lot more to do with the media than what is actually happening in society.

The media makes a mountain out of a molehill. In terms of society now it is actually alot safer now than it was 100 years ago. It is just that the media reports crime so much more so we feel un safe.

@ Manda. I  understand how overprotective you are but take it from a daughter of a cop if you overprotect your kids too much the minute they can get out and rebel they will or they will become more like me too afraid as an adult to try anything new to take risks or trust strangers because when I grew up no-one was safe. It has taken me a long time as an adult to start trusting people and not everyone is bad or out to get me.

While I have no scientific evidence of this I often wonder if we delay the 'growing up' because we are now having less children and instead of having the large numbers we used to, so we 'cherish'  their childhood so much more and hold on to it because we the parents have a hard time saying good bye to the baby. I know, I baby my youngest daughter way too much when I never did that with my first and at times pushed her along because I had a baby to deal with and couldn't deal with two babies.

As in our great grandparents day they could be one of 8-12 kids and therefore had to do things on their own sooner then an only child or one of two children. I know that I make my kids breakfast and I know they can make their own but I don't let them because part of me still needs to be needed and maybe with the forming of adolescence is our need to keep them children for longer to fulfill our needs to be parent . Just a thought

[Korrale4kq]

Good point about family size. And I think it could be expanded to say that mortality rates mattered also. Especially with infants and even children.
While researching family history it was sobering to see the gravestones of so many unnamed infants. One of my husbands great grandmothers lost 6 children during infancy. 3 were unnamed. And 4 survived. 

[Mandabplus3]

yes family size would make a difference I am sure. High mortality rates should make people MORE protective of their kids not less. figure that one out.
Kimba I know I am overprotective and as such I take great care to ensure that my children will not suffer for it. They are very outgoing and I do encourage them to talk to strangers oddly enough. I have taught them that people are on the whole very nice and friendly but that they need to be aware that there are some bad people out there but that if they are talking to someone in a public place they can remain safe. They all strike up conversations with people everywhere we go. I make a point to send them in to buy the bread at the bakery without me and little things like that.
As to rebelling well I have to say I think that is a combination of good parenting and the child's personality. Whenever I say no to my children about something we discuss the risks involved and why I said no. Often times they come to me and say " I am getting an invitation to....and I don't think it's a good idea for me to go" then we chat about why and if they actually want to go we discuss ways could make it safer or appropriate. Sometimes if its a sleepover I will pick them up after dinner instead of letting them sleepover or if its a trip to the park I will stay at the park also. Mostly the dangers my children face are from bad influences rather than personal safety issues. We are not afraid of anything on a daily basis. And as insurance for later I have them all in taekwondo
I know as they get older I will be more relaxed and let them make their own choices but it is going to stretch me at times I am sure. I think the key is to be aware and open in discussing why I make those choices with the kids.
For the record I still think I have one child who will rebel...reguardless of how much rope I give her! 

[Korrale4kq]

I was raised on a farm so we ran around getting into dangerous, and stupid situations. We did lots of hard yakka on the farm.
However we were Becky sheltered. Didn't sleep over at people's houses, didn't roam town or a thing like that. But that didn't stop me from leaving home at 18 and ultimately moving to the other side of the world on my own. So I guess it just depends.

And Manda I agree that it seems like they should be more protective.... But from accounts that I have read from family diaries and stuff it didn't seem to be that way. It seems that there was an expectation that children just wouldn't make it to adulthood and their was a kind of a "steal your heart" mentality. There was seldom enough time to mourn and it could be frowned upon. So children were to do as the may. And they would sometimes work in dangerous situations, or were recruited as child labourers.

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