Allowing your baby to struggle -- it's part learning

[McDume]

I'm pimping my (non commercial) parenting guru again, but this is a great post about allowing your  LO to struggle and achieve w/out intervening and robbing him/her of the thrill of success. http://Http://bit.ly/bXxoPj

My older girl definitely shows the results -- authentic, confident, a real achiever. I was at this class this post refers to, and it was hiliarious to see all the kids putting  themselves in situations and exclaiming: 'stuck!'...

It's the toughest thing in the world to watch your kid struggle with something and not dive in to help out, but it's soooo rewarding to them when they figure it out for themselves. The fact is, babies don't see 'struggle' as something bad, just a challenge to be overcome.

[Sarah108]

McDume, this is a wonderful reminder for me to let my little one struggle a little. Thank you, I can definitely understand the benefits!
Karma to you for this article

[McDume]

It's so difficult, but really -- when you consider muscle development etc -- it's all a struggle, and our babies are innately prepared for it. The more we step in, the less they learn and progress (physically, mentally, emotionally).

[Marmee]

This is a great link McDume.  It's something that I try really hard to be mindful of.  I wish it was more the norm to let babies and children figure it out more themselves because I've noticed that in general I get black looks from others who think I'm being neglectful by not doing stuff for my kids.  I think we have all been socialised a bit too much to think that being a good parent equals being there to fix everything for our children.

 

[tammtamm21]

Thank goodness you guys are here, because someone's been allowing this mommy to struggle herself! with this very issue! I've caught myself rescuing my baby lately (mostly from our dogs who pay him no mind and knock him down carelessly) but I got into a habit that my son has caught onto and now when he's stuck he looks at me like "k mommy, get me out" so I've been trying to talk him out of it, but I think now, he's rather accostumed to it and feels hurt when I don't do it for him. This is a great proactive article. Thank you!

[SunshineMama]

Thanks for that McDume.  It's something to keep in mind when my baby is a bit older.

[KL]

Totally agree with the principle!

Just about an hour ago in fact, Felicity wanted to bring a foldable chair from one room to the other, and asked me to do it for her. I felt she could manage it herself, and so told her to do it herself. "I can't!" "Of course you can! Try it!"  She struggled for a while, then managed to fold up the chair, then dragged it along the floor (bumping into many things on the way!), got it to the other room, unfolded it halfway, dropped it on her toe, cried for a while, then tried again, and finally unfolded the chair properly.  "See? What does that show you?" "I can do anything!" "Yep!".

I'm a big believer of not spoiling children.  It's a balance between letting them do things for themselves and yet being around to guide and support them through the journey so they never feel unloved or abandoned.

[Sarah108]

What a lovely story KL!

[annaskids]

I agree, my kids are allowed a certain amount of time each day to just free play. I try not to intervene unless someone is getting hurt or doing something dangerous. Yesterday my 3 year old son invented a little dragon out of a toilet paper roll and some toothpicks. It was so cute! Kids are amazing to watch. I think all kids need some time each day to contemplate and just be kids.

[Mela Bala]

I often felt bad while giving my son tummy time because he would not be happy for too long and as a first time mom I picked him up right away and comforted him but then he began to show signs as soon as I put him on his tummy to the point where I was not giving him enough tummy time.  Now I leave him on his tummy even when he shows that he is no longer happy but I kept thinking the more uncomfortable he is the more movement he is likely to make.  Now he enjoys tummy time and often laughs for no apparent reason when he is on his tummy and within a week he has started scooting backwards and sideways.  I can not get him to go forward yet.  Even when I put his toys in front of him he just pulls on the blanket to get them within his grasp.  When I put the toys on the floor or bed with no blanket he can pull he just ignores them and goes backwards.

[TracyR4]

Absolutely. If there was a like button on here KL  like Facebook. I would of liked that one.
I agree, when you know your child can do something. You can be there to encourage them to do it. Let them do  it and know that they can do it. Its the best feeling in the world for children to learn that they can do anything.

That reminds me when I see children get involved in sports. I always make my daughters commit to the whole season when starting out. I see so many people let their children give up its sad. All that shows them is that they can give up whenever they want to and never put forth any effort.
But let me tell you when you have your child in an enviroment where they will not be hurt and they learn they can do something. It makes them feel on top of the world!

[Wolfwind]

I loved this aricle. With a five month old there are only a few things she can do. Tummy time like Mela1 said and grabbing toys and her activity board. But it is so hard already not to rescue. I need to print this and reread it periodically. If I can get in the habit of not rescuing now it should help later I hope.

[TmS]

Fantastic!!

This is how we raised our boy only ever doing for him that part of an activity he could not do for himself. It has worked splendidly at 2.5 (well almost three now oh my goodness where does the time go) he has gross motor and fine motor skills of a five year old with spatterings of skills up to 8 year olds. Is he a genius? Well maybe but mostly I think he has just had loads more experience than other kids and been allowed to find out for himself.

Most importantly I think he has been allowed to hurt himself.

I, in one of my many jobs, am an acrobatics coach (check out www.acrodancer.com) and I have found over the last twenty years or so that as schools have stopped kids from being allowed to do handstands on the playground or climb trees or removed round abouts and high slippery dips that children have less ability to understand what real danger is, to weigh risks, to know their own bodies, and worst of all their pain tolerance is virtually zero.

There are children in my classes who I genuinely am concerned that should they ever break a bone or experience child birth that they will not mentally cope because they have been so wrapped up in cotton wool that they have no perspective on the matter.

We do these things because we don't want our children to suffer but overcoming adversity is one of humanity's best traits and not one that we should rob our children of. They are born with the ability we should not remove it from them just because we cannot bear to see them experience difficulty. Their lives must be about them not about us.

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