Thank you very much Kimba for this useful link. I also checked out your blog and you have some great articles on there. I was very interested to read your review of Languagemom - I may need to sign up for this
BTW - if anyone does not have 1hr 15 minutes to watch this video then you can also check out the powerpoint presentation on his website
http://www.goodatdoingthings.com/ and go to the modern parenting tips and traps section, where you can read the summary.
I tried to take some notes to help me remember the key points. A lot of what he is saying is very similar to the Mindset viewpoint (and he does mention this later on in the presentation) so there is a lot of crossover here with the thread about that. Some of the key things that I gleaned from his summary were:
Many parents are very focused on giving their children high self-esteem through lots of praise. However, studies have generally failed to find that self-esteem causes good task performance (with the important exception that high self-esteem facilitates persistence after failure)
High self-esteem does not prevent children from smoking, drinking, taking drugs, or engaging in early sex. If anything, high self-esteem fosters experimentation, which may increase early sexual activity or drinking...
No evidence that boosting self-esteem (by therapeutic interventions or school programs) causes major benefits and too much praise (of the incorrect type) leads to narcisism
We can help by being authoritative Parents (compared to Authoritarian - high control, low warmth, Permissive - low control, high warmth, or neglecting - low control and low warmth)
Authorititative parents are:
• High on control and warmth
• Tend to be very strict about what the rules are
• Also willing to discuss them
• Reason with their children
• Even alter the rules in response to the child’s expressed views
“Within the limits they set, authoritative parents allow children considerable freedom. They are warmly affectionate and communicate openly. They are also demanding and expect maturity. Children of authoritative parents are clearly the best off, high in achievement motivation and in self-control. They tend to be more popular, competent, and self-assured than other children. Children of authoritative parents also show high levels of social responsibility” (Lillard, p. 268).
Focus on socializing your children: Don’t raise your children to be happy
Raise them to be lovable
Well Socialized children are lovable and happy
“Self-esteem” is a consequence of competency rather than praise
“I can find reward in the world”
“I am good at doing stuff”
“I can count on myself to follow-up through”
“People like me because I am likable and a good friend”
Tell your children this:
•Lack of natural ability doesn’t matter.
•Talent has little or nothing to do with success.
•Sticking with something matters.
•Your brain is a muscle. Intelligence can be improved by exercising it.
•Great performance is always and only the result of great effort.
Digg
