nadia0801 THANK YOU for mentioning the self-management issue. This is something that I also struggle with but it's not always easy to admit to this.
This is the first step that I have taken that I think has paid off big time. Like you, I was finding that my patience was getting very short and that EL activities were becoming less and less enjoyable. Our relationship became a bit strained and I felt quite down as I did not want to give up on EL but wanted us to have a happy loving relationship at the same time. Six weeks ago I found the Orange Rhino blog and made a commitment of NO yelling at all.
For those who have not seen it, this very inspiring blog was written by a woman (The Orange Rhino - forget where the name comes from!) who decided to "Yell less and love more" over one year ago. She managed a whole year straight and it seems to have made a huge impact on her and her family. I found her blog incredibly honest and moving. She openly admits that she often feels angry, irritable, tired etc but has found ways to not yell even when this is the case. She also has a facebook page which I highly recommend.
Here is a link to one article on her blog about the benefits of not yelling:
http://theorangerhino.com/10-things-i-learned-when-i-stopped-yelling-at-my-kids/So, I committed to this and have almost completely not yelled for 6 weeks now. This has been the starting point of our journey of change and I think probably the most important part. It's not just about the yelling - I did not yell every day - but for me it is also about being compassionate and empathic, and using consistently calm and clear communication with the kids rather than snappiness and irritability. I have a range of things I do instead of yell - ranging from walking away, to validation and empathy, to using descriptive praise (if I can). I also learned some great techniques on a process called "Collaborative Problem Solving" for kids who are somewhat inflexible and highly emotional, in a fantastic book which I recommend called The Explosive Child
http://www.amazon.com/The-Explosive-Child-Understanding-Chronically/dp/0061906190/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1369739459&sr=8-1I have seen a major change from this alone. After 6 weeks, my 4yo's attitude is way better, we are closer, we laugh more, we hug more, we talk more and I go to bed feeling proud of myself rather than kicking myself for being grumpy yet again. I am not seeing my own negative attitudes and words reflected back at me but magnified x10!
As for the Descriptive Praise, I have only been doing this for 2 days!!!! You are ahead of me
I do hope that this honeymoon period does not wear off too quickly but I can imagine it might. Just from reading your post, I have a couple of thoughts and possibilities:
Are you using descriptive praise rather than slipping into being too general? (e.g. saying, "I noticed that you completed that worksheet right to the very end today and I didn't have to ask you to keep going even once, that shows a lot of perseverance" rather than simply "you are really hard-working today").
I find that tone of voice makes a big difference. In fact, being overly enthusiastic and positive actually seems to switch my daughter off. I think she can already sense that it's a bit over the top and she does not take it seriously. So I've started giving praise in a more matter of fact, descriptive tone of voice, while clearly describing exactly what she's done that I approve of. This seems to work best for us.
Finally, I also think that with younger children you do have to mix things up and there is no one miraculous answer. We also use some rewards (e.g. for practicing piano) because I'm not sure I could honestly motivate her to practice daily without this at the moment. Another thing I do that works well for us is scheduling. Knowing what she will be expected to do and when is important. And if I'm stepping up a goal or making something harder i've discovered it is best to tell her this in advance (e.g. the day before) so she knows to expect this. Also I sometimes plan an activity for later in the day that we have to look forward to. I make it clear that this is not a reward for good behaviour - it's just something nice for us to do (e.g. go to the park, play in the garden, do some painting etc). But I will also schedule other learning activities that must be completed before we go and say "come on, let's get through this super fast so we can get to the park". And if she does not comply then I can threaten to withhold this activity. I've no idea if this is good or bad but it does work quite well for us.
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