Brilliant kids lack confidence - the perils of praise

[kreena]

Thanks RoseMama,

For sharing your experience...

The similar is experience with myself. In my school days I was a very bright student and it was almost 1-man-show
and not having competition for me. My teachers/relatives always used to praise me. I lost patience in me
and started doing things which are easy and I am capable of doing. It took me many years (till my masters) to get my confidence back. Thanks to my parents who helped me in this. I got 1st rank in the class.

Thanks a lot for this interesting post

-- Kreena

[2010BEBES]

I am reading right now Nurtureshock by Po Bronson , and it is wonderful book cannot put it down , highly recommend it .it has a whole chapter about praise .
love
viv

bella, Can you comment your impressions on Nurtureshock. I am insteres in getting this type of book and would appreciate your opinion on that and other chapters you like the most.
Thanks.

[ShenLi]

2010BEBES - It's a great book!  You really should read it.  There's a summary of it here (written by me):

http://hubpages.com/hub/Review-Nurture-Shock-The-Inverse-Power-of-Praise

What was shocking is that it shows that some of the stuff we take to be common sense parenting is completely off the mark.

[TmS]

Thanks ShenLi,

I think parenting is an evolving art - one the human race might get right in another couple hundred of generations.

I like to think I'm a better parent than my parents (I know they were better than theirs) and I hope my son is better than me.

[2010BEBES]

Excellent Shenli I will look into it and i think i am getting a copy.

You are right Tms and the thing is that we will never stop learning.

[rugrat]

Great post, thanks for sharing.  I never knew praising would have a negative affect until now.  I'll have to start and remember to learn praise his efforts more. 

[ISHAYA]

Thanks for sharing....... Great post to read.

[ShenLi]

Totally agree with TmS.  I think it applies to everything in life.  If we start thinking we know everything, we'll never learn anything new.  I get really annoyed when I get criticised for reading too much when I should be following my parenting instincts...

[TmS]

I think it's really brave of you ShenLi (and all of us) to admit that we can learn from others. It's one of the things I love about the community on this site - it's full of parents who want to do a good job and want to learn how to do it.

I was mocked for doing parenting courses - there's a big stigma attached. But these courses were written by child psychologists, who am I to think i know more than they do? The courses were lovely, a lot of the stuff we were already doing some of it we'll keep in mind for the future and some of it needs to be adjusted to suit our personal environment and lifestyle.

One course was called "You make the difference" and the other (which I'm still doing) is called "Raising Secure Children". The titles grabbed me and the content is wonderful - not to mention it's lovely seeing a child psychologist each week to discuss things with

[McDume]

Great post, TmS.... I also adhere to a 'parenting teacher' 's advice and philosophy (with some editing), and share it here often. I love this particular board because the parents are so open, thoughtful and investigative. Anything goes. I have learned so much and always found the dialogue civil, thoughtful and helpful. 

[mommywendy]

Thanks for the post. I now understand why my daughter seem to be afraid of failing even on the simplest games or tests. She would just refuse on doing something she thinks she won't win or be successful. I will definitely change my ways and praise for her efforts and not for being smart.

Wendy

[baba]

tq for the great post!

yes i agree with wendy,  kids should be praised for their efforts and not because they are brilliant!

ii agree withTmS and shen li- I was mocked for reading and attending seminar on how to teach your kids. No one is perfect -there is no ending to the journey of learning...we grow as we learn new things and as parents we want the best future for our kids....

i love the posting on this board.....i feel contented that are so many parents who are in line with my thoughts!

god bless u parents!

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