Brilliant kids lack confidence - the perils of praise

[McDume]

Fascinating study in "New York Magazine" discussed here: http://bit.ly/dxNazj . 

A study of 5th graders who are tested, then praised for either good work, or good effort. The results are amazing. Too much praise for intelligence rather than effort apparently breeds a lack of confidence in the most gifted of children.

[KL]

Yes, I can see how that problem would arise.

Thanks for that! I would recommend everyone read the article!

[KL]

Just read the original article:

http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

Everyone, it's a MUST-READ.  All 5 pages of it!  In fact, read it again and again, which is what I'm going to try to do, as there's a lot to digest and remember, not to mention implement.

Thanks again McDume for bringing this up!

[lara_rowe]

I read both articles, and must say that both are very much worth reading!

Thanks for the links.

[Krista G]

I didn't read the whole thing, but I get the point.  Very good article and will help me be aware of what I am praising in my children.  Thanks!

[akalori]

Wow. I've heard it is better to praise effort, but never read about the studies on it.  Now I'm convinced that I've got to change the way I praise my kids.  It's a hard habit to break.  Lots of food for thought.

Thanks, Lori

[hypatia]

When I landed in Australia, I was surprised to notice how often parents say 'good girl/good boy' to their children.
I started noticing it a lot once I became a mum and could not really find a translation in my native language.
The only praise words i can think of in French are 'bravo' and 'c'est bien' (that's good/it's good)
I would say I do not praise my daughter much, unless she really surprises me and my enthusiasm is obvious to her :-) But she's still young; this might change once she starts school for example.

[GloriaD]

Well I believe praising is important, I praise my daughther a lot. We just need to learn how to do it.
I have another article in the same line of thought I want to share with everyone.

Good Week !

Gloria

[Joha]

Gloria,

COuld you please try to upload the file again? For whatever reason I get an error. Thanks in advance!

Hope all is well with you.

[Twinergy]

Thank you for that article, it was written by journalist Po Bronson and discusses Carol Dweck's research.  Dweck's research is also discussed in the file Gloria uploaded.  I agree KL, it is a must read.

I have also been looking at Bronson's website for his new book NurtureShock; lots of interesting articles there about groundbreaking, new research in psychology (don't forget to scroll down there are more articles below the videos.)  Is anyone else planning on reading NurtureShock?  I just got on a waiting list at my library to check it out.

ETA
-----------------
The comments at Bronson's website are also worth reading.  Some of his readers come to different conclusions from the studies.

[marimari]

Thanks for sharing, it´s worth to read. Now I must confess that I praise my babies but not with this proposal, the praises are in according to kindness, friendness, etc; as manner of incentivate, not as a convincent way to show her the power of all her skills. Even because she is a normal child as hundreds of them. I agree with the following from the report...

"Needleman has learned to say, “I like how you keep trying.” She tries to keep her praise specific, rather than general, so that a child knows exactly what she did to earn the praise (and thus can get more). She will occasionally tell a child, “You’re good at math,” but she’ll never tell a child he’s bad at math."

[PY]

I just printed the article, I will read it asap. Thank you for sharing, I love reading new inputs about educating children.

[Twinergy]

Here is another article on praise by Alfie Kohn.   It seems to predate Dweck’s study that Bronson discusses but does have some great input on how to acknowledge a child for being generous.  It seems this is a exception to praising effort.
Five Reasons to Stop Saying "Good Job!"

In a troubling study conducted by Joan Grusec at the University of Toronto, young children who were frequently praised for displays of generosity tended to be slightly less generous on an everyday basis than other children were. Every time they had heard "Good sharing!" or "I’m so proud of you for helping," they became a little less interested in sharing or helping. Those actions came to be seen not as something valuable in their own right but as something they had to do to get that reaction again from an adult. Generosity became a means to an end.
********
If a child does something caring or generous, you might gently draw his attention to the effect of his action on the other person: "Look at Abigail’s face! She seems pretty happy now that you gave her some of your snack." This is completely different from praise, where the emphasis is on how you feel about her sharing

[KL]

Well I believe praising is important, I praise my daughther a lot. We just need to learn how to do it.
I have another article in the same line of thought I want to share with everyone.

Good Week !

Gloria

Thanks for that, Gloria! That seems to be the original article by Caroline Dweck that was quoted in the earlier article.

Here is another article on praise by Alfie Kohn.   It seems to predate Dweck’s study that Bronson discusses but does have some great input on how to acknowledge a child for being generous.  It seems this is a exception to praising effort.
Five Reasons to Stop Saying "Good Job!"

THANK YOU, Twinergy!!  Folks, this is another MUST READ!!!  Here it is again for emphasis!!

Five Reasons to Stop Saying "Good Job!"
http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm

It makes many good points, and seems to be slightly more strict than the Dweck-related articles.  The danger with praise in general is that it starts to make children motivated because of the praise, and this motivation will not be long-lasting.  As this article observes, it is better to just describe what happened or what you observe (like "You did it!", or "Your generosity has made Sarah so happy!"), or ask questions (like "Didn't that feel great?").  As opposed to remarks like, "I'm so proud of you!" - implying that your pride is only there if they perform well.

How true, how true!

So, what i get from both articles is this: It's better not to praise than to praise (although there's a lot of other things you can say INSTEAD of praise that may make your child feel just as good.); If you must praise, then praise effort, not intelligence or the like.

[Twinergy]

Here is another article by Joan LeFebvre that discusses how to praise, distinguishing between Evaluative Praise and Descriptive Praise.

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