changing clothes - big scene!

[jsmonton]

hello everyone!

i have been away for a long time and hope that all is well. i have a current dilemma with my 22months son! everytime we need to change clothes its becoming a big scene with all the crying,refusing and NO NO thing and its really getting into me these days which is why i post this thread to seek some advice.

i just dont get it why my son keeps on hurdling on what he was was wearing and would totally refuse to change say from pjs to day/playtime clothes or from outing ( which he wears when he go out to school or malls) to house clothes!   n its really a struggle! just dunno what to do now to make it less stressfull for both of us.

please help!

[nhockaday]

Do you allow him to help you dress and undress him?

[kizudo]

Hi JSMonton,

My son is also 22 months and sometimes we have the same problem...actually, it has somewhat diminished since we started "The Plan" 2 weeks ago.  When he wakes up in the morning we don't change him right away (unless he has a poopy diaper).  He gets a banana and a few stories read to him by dad.  Then he seems to be ready to get out of his "cozy clothes" and start the day.  (It is only AFTER changing into day clothes that we offer him breakfast.) We do this after nap time, too...a snack, some stories & cuddling and then a change.  Also, he doesn't mind diaper changes so we'll often wait for changing clothes until then...and sometimes we sacrifice a fairly clean diaper for a new one so that mommy's agenda of new clothes can come to fruition

I'm wondering if you can give him options...ie. say: We're going to put on your play clothes now. (no choice)  Would you like your grey pants or your blue jeans? (his choice)  This sometimes works for my son...I may even let him make his choice by letting him pull the article of clothing out of his closet on his own.

I understand your frustration.  Our little turkey discovered that if he grabs the inside of his sleeve Mommy has an extra hard time getting the shirt off!

[PY]

Catalina is 23 months old ,I noticed she was doing the same thing since 1 month ago or so. Everytime we have to change her clothes, put her shoes on, or jacket on..etc she will start refusing. She doesn't do that anymore, I guess she just forgot about it. What we did is we always had a book handy , I will keep her entertain while we get her dress but now I ask her for help, please bring me yours shoes and your jacket we will go in a ride in the car..would you like to came? she will go and get them for me, she tries to put her shoes on and her jacket on..(she still needs a little bit help).
I will suggest you to distract him with something while you change him, book,toy..whatever, and then maybe ask him for help..to be part of the activity.

[Krista G]

In my opinion as a mom of 6 kids, they need to know that you are the boss.  This means that if you tell your child that they are changing, they need to do it joyfully because you said it.  If they are not cooperative you can incorporate a bit of pain to get their attention such as a small pinch on the arm or leg.  In a very calm voice you repeat what you expect of your child and continue as if they will agree, if they again offer resistance, you must repeat your pinch with your instructions.  After a few commands given in this way, you should have a very agreeable toddler.

I had the opportunity to witness a toddler having a fit at Target the other day.  He was crying in the cart and the mom was ignoring him as she checked out.  He started to call her "stupid mommy" more than one time.  I was and still am very disturbed by this behavior.  I would have loved to say something to the mom, maybe she doesn't know how to deal with this behavior.  A toddler that calls his mother a stupid mommy at 2 years old and is not corrected for this behavior will call her far worse at 8 or 10.  Parents need to teach their children to respect them and that they are the boss.  This all begins at birth.  They challenge you during the terrible twos but I honestly can tell you that my kids never went through the terrible twos because my husband and I would never tolerate this behavior.

[jsmonton]

Do you allow him to help you dress and undress him?

yes i do allow him to help me get him dress/undress even if means a further delays but still...

[jsmonton]

Hi JSMonton,

My son is also 22 months and sometimes we have the same problem...actually, it has somewhat diminished since we started "The Plan" 2 weeks ago.  When he wakes up in the morning we don't change him right away (unless he has a poopy diaper).  He gets a banana and a few stories read to him by dad.  Then he seems to be ready to get out of his "cozy clothes" and start the day.  (It is only AFTER changing into day clothes that we offer him breakfast.) We do this after nap time, too...a snack, some stories & cuddling and then a change.  Also, he doesn't mind diaper changes so we'll often wait for changing clothes until then...and sometimes we sacrifice a fairly clean diaper for a new one so that mommy's agenda of new clothes can come to fruition

I'm wondering if you can give him options...ie. say: We're going to put on your play clothes now. (no choice)  Would you like your grey pants or your blue jeans? (his choice)  This sometimes works for my son...I may even let him make his choice by letting him pull the article of clothing out of his closet on his own.

I understand your frustration.  Our little turkey discovered that if he grabs the inside of his sleeve Mommy has an extra hard time getting the shirt off!

hi kizudo, thanks for the advice , this used to worked well before the refusal stage. he would pick up the color of the shirt he wants to wear but now its just getting the "cozy clohes " off which is causing the struggle.

[jsmonton]

Catalina is 23 months old ,I noticed she was doing the same thing since 1 month ago or so. Everytime we have to change her clothes, put her shoes on, or jacket on..etc she will start refusing. She doesn't do that anymore, I guess she just forgot about it. What we did is we always had a book handy , I will keep her entertain while we get her dress but now I ask her for help, please bring me yours shoes and your jacket we will go in a ride in the car..would you like to came? she will go and get them for me, she tries to put her shoes on and her jacket on..(she still needs a little bit help).
I will suggest you to distract him with something while you change him, book,toy..whatever, and then maybe ask him for help..to be part of the activity.

py, believed me, i have done this as well, i have even offered gadgets which interest him i.e. mobiles, mp3 name it. but once he has it in his hands he would ran away to the corner or to the edge of the bed and we r back to the begginning again. if you said that ur kid used to do it and then she stops, should i assume its a phase only? thanks though for ur input.

[jsmonton]

In my opinion as a mom of 6 kids, they need to know that you are the boss.  This means that if you tell your child that they are changing, they need to do it joyfully because you said it.  If they are not cooperative you can incorporate a bit of pain to get their attention such as a small pinch on the arm or leg.  In a very calm voice you repeat what you expect of your child and continue as if they will agree, if they again offer resistance, you must repeat your pinch with your instructions.  After a few commands given in this way, you should have a very agreeable toddler.

I had the opportunity to witness a toddler having a fit at Target the other day.  He was crying in the cart and the mom was ignoring him as she checked out.  He started to call her "stupid mommy" more than one time.  I was and still am very disturbed by this behavior.  I would have loved to say something to the mom, maybe she doesn't know how to deal with this behavior.  A toddler that calls his mother a stupid mommy at 2 years old and is not corrected for this behavior will call her far worse at 8 or 10.  Parents need to teach their children to respect them and that they are the boss.  This all begins at birth.  They challenge you during the terrible twos but I honestly can tell you that my kids never went through the terrible twos because my husband and I would never tolerate this behavior.

hi krista g, thanks for the input. i have also reached to this point but as much as possible would not want to keep doing this method, i find it really heart breaking for me to pinch or lay hands on my child. though  i commpletely agree with you that a child misbehaving at an early age should be corrected immediately bec in the long run its the parents who will be blame for racing a mischief child.

[jsmonton]

thanks guys for the insights, at least now i know that its not only me who is having this issue, i'd like to think that this is phase of a toddler and hopefully he will soon outgrow this refusal stage.

[Krista G]

I just want to clarify that a pinch is never done in anger and with loss of control.  It is ineffective in this manner.  You want to always remain joyful and in control when you are correcting your child.  When parents lose control abuse often occurs.  We are not talking about abuse, we are talking about gently training our children to listen to our commands and respond cheerfully and joyfully.  This can only be accomplished if we also maintain control.

[PY]

You know, It could be a stage too! I can't tell. My daughter's playmate had this terrible terrible reaction about getting dress and undress...I have never seen something like that!!Believe it was really crossing the line. She will throw hemself in the florr, hit you, kick you, scream so loud, it was terrible to see her doing that to her mom.She wouldn't do anything about it.
Then my daughter started to do the same( being honest with you, not that bad) she will run away from us,she will laugh once we catch her she will start whining..it will take seconds get her dress and then she will be ok..no crying or any other big deal about it.
I always had a book handy or any other stuff she loves(empty lotion's container..etc)and she will be entertain with that, I will tell her"this is not right""be nice""we will do it really fast".
This usually used to happen when we had to take her somewhere she wouldn't like us to make her stop what she was doing to get her dress..I think that was the point. She was playing or doing something I will just get her and take her to her bedroom to get her ready...Until I started  telling her ahead of time, we are going out please get your shoes, your jacket...now she does it without complain.

Maybe was a stage she passed or maybe she just forgot about that behavior or maybe she tried to copy the other little girls behavior. She hasn't seen this little girl(which is her age) for a long time, which I think is good so Catalina doesn't copy this behavior.

I don't know, kids are just different, Krista has a point we can't allow our kids to behave baddly with us or any other people. Sometimes we have to try differents teckniques with them.

Good luck my friend.

[jsmonton]

i guess in the end, all we need is a long thread of patience! im totaly convinced taht its a phase where eventually issam will soon outgrow it. hehas not reached to the point total breakout or hitting and that stuff which i am happy. patience lots of patience is my virtue now....thanks guys, happy weekend

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