clingy baby - help pls!

[zoe22]

I have the most georgeous 6month old, but right now i'm at my wit's end cos she's so attached to me and apart from not allowing me the freedom I sometimes need, it's becoming very embarrassing!

Ever since about 6weeks old, she would  scream the whole place down if anyone tried to carry her. I can't leave her with family or friends if I needed to go out or somthing, I tried leaing her with my parents in law once and soon, hey called me to pick her up cos she just kept crying without stopping! Up until about a month ago she wouldn't even let my husband carry her for more than 30minutes!

I'm actually tired of the looks I get from people trying to play with her and she just screams, plus people telling me 'oh, you've spoilt her' you carry her too much'. I have 2 friends with kids about her age, and they're so friendly with people and when we're all together, no one wants to play with her cos they're don't want her to cry.

I know we're always home alone together all day, my husband gets home late, so maybe she's just used to me, but i really think maybe I'm actually spoiling her and i just need to get things under control.

Any advise would be helpful. thanks a lot!

[qisdhi mom]

yours is like mine.balqys have doing the same thing when she was 6 month old.I can't even leave her at some one else even my husband for just one minute!!!honestly I'm quit tired to carry her all the time,(this time I'm get pregnant.hehe.so,carry two babies at the same time)but deep inside my heart, I did'nt feel its burden me or embarrassing me,I just love it!!!,of course I don't want to share my baby.(am I too much?)     And its continue to 7,8,until 10 month later!She only needs me and her grandmother a.k.a nanny  When people comes to my house,even the same person come everyday,she will scream all the time,and take 1 to 2 hours to stop crying.I feel so pity on her..but people don't understand,it just a natural things that some baby have to go through.Now,its different,she is 20 month old,and when people comes to our house, she will crying because want to follow her nanny,relative,and friends go back to their home!    (of course I would not allowed that happens  )

My advice is u don't have to worry to much,u do what the best you can do,bother other people says about you and your baby,just enjoy the time,definitely until one time,she's slowly get use to others,be friendly and for sure at that time,you will miss her 'clingy' 

[nhockaday]

My son acted similarly when he was a baby. He grew out of it though. Just try to let her play by herself for a couple of minutes, gradually increasing the amount of time she is away from you every time. Also, try to socialize her with more adults. They don't have to hold her at first. Just let them be around, talk to her, hand her toys, etc. Then you can have friends or family members (start with the people who are close to you and who understand that you are trying to socialize her. Let them know that she is going to cry but you want her to get used to other people.) hold her for a few minutes at a time. If she cries, tell them to try to consul her by singing or being silly. They shouldn't give her to you right away. They should continue to hold her for a while. She expects them to feel bad for her crying and just hand her back, that's why she starts crying. She has you trained! You probably want to leave the room for this time. If she sees you, she may cry more for you. If she doesn't see you, she will realize that the person holding her isn't so bad. After a few minutes come back in. She will see that you will always come back, and it will reassure her. It may take her a while to get used to this, but the important thing is to stay consistent with it. Don't come running as soon as she starts crying, as hard as that may be.

My son would sometimes be ok with someone else holding him sometimes until he saw me. Then he would start crying for me. I think he started to grow out of it when he became mobile. I think at that time, they don't want to be held as much because they can get around by themselves. My son is pretty friendly now. He still acts a little shy sometimes, but for the most part, he doesn't mind new people.
Just try what I said and give it some time. She will grow out of it.

[zoe22]

thanks a lot guys for your support and advise. I actually cried this morning cause I realized she really just wants to be with me and I felt for her, but I know it's not healthy for both of us in the long run. She's starting nursery in a few months time and I want the transition to be easy for both of us.

I would try what you suggested nhockaday and hopefully it'll work. A friend and her husband have her at the moment, she's been with them for almost an hour and so far no problems, they took her out shopping so I guess that'll distract her a bit, before they left, they took turns to hold her while I was there, and like you said, once she started to fret, they'll throw her up in the air, which she loves and she'll calm down, I eventually said goodbye to her and left, but gosh, my heart was breaking!!!

we'll try this for a few more days, hoipefully, things would improve. oh my little angel

qisdhi, I really look forward to when I'll miss her being clingy!

[momtomany]

My first baby was clingy like that too... maybe this is more typical of first-born children?  Anyways, I really believe that when you meet their needs when they are little then they will grow up to be confident adults who aren't craving attention and full of insecurities (I'm sure you all know an adult or two like this?)  Anyways, she is 15 now and for a long time now she has been a very confident young lady.  It took her a little longer than the rest to be comfortable to do something like go overnight to a Brownie camp so we never pushed her in things like this, but last summer she went all the way to England to a camp for 2 weeks with people she'd never met before and to visit with my sister for another week, and she only called us 2X.  She had a great time.  If you need to send her to nursery in a few months, then you are doing the wise thing to slowly and gently transition into it.  Don't let it bother you if she seems clingy... she'll outgrow it... I just think it is evidence that you are a wonderful Mommy and she has a very good attachment bond with you.  That is very important to have a good attachment and trust with you, her first love, because that will positively affect all the relationships she has for the rest of her life.  Keep up the good work!

[zoe22]

thanks a lot momtomany, you actually brought tears to my eyes! I'm glad someone understands and has reassuring words other than 'you're spoiling her'! It means a lot to me the support I get from here. Thanks.

[Jillpea]

A little trick that a childrens nurse suggested to me when my son was clingy, was to sit with him on the floor and play a game but sit behind him. Although the baby can feel your chest on their back and see your legs each side of theirs they are not looking directly at you. After playing with them a few times like this, sit in the same position but leave your hands by your side and talk less. I found my son would at first keep looking around to see I was still there, then a few days later just a little hand would come around to touch me periodically and check. Then slowly put yourself back so there are a few inches between you and less talking to them. Slowly slowly you'll be able to sit on a chair in the same room and do something else without panic setting in. After a few weeks I was even able to leave the room while continuing to talk to him so he knew I wasn't far away and then return. He was still playing the same game and just looked around to reasure himself that I was back then would go on playing as if it wasn't a big deal.

This time can be really tough, but having something to work on rather than just resenting this unwavering obsessive attachment can really help. Moving them around with you from room to room when you need to do a chore is also helpful I found. I would pick up my son and move the toys he was playing with to the bedroom where I would fold the washing (or whatever) and he would sit next to me playing. Apparently you just have to build their confidence that you are going to be there for them and then they will be able to seperate themselves when they're ready.

[mystisantiago]

I went through the same thing with my son. He would go in and out of clingy phases which made finding a sitter very frustrating. Right now he's in an outgoing phase which is WONDERFUL. I think that part of my sons issue with being clingy was because his father was deployed to iraq from the time he was 6mo to 18 mo.  I think thats part of what made him so desperatly clingy.

[zoe22]

I'm really glad to hear it's going to wear out someday. My friend and her husband took her out for about 3 hours on friday and she was absolutely fine, and she's been allowing people hold her a bit since then, so I hope this is the beginning of good things for us! They're taking her again in a couple of days, so I guess if she's away from me often, she'll soon realize I'll always come back for her and she'll be freer with people. But it does make me feel special though being needed that much!

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