Exceptional Child Rearing, Should We Be Ashamed?

[RenaissanceMum]

Hey,

So many of you are so knowledgeable and are teaching your children so many great things! Does it become uncomfortable for you when you are in groups of parents that aren't as involved in their child's education or early education? I ask because at the school my son goes to which is a wonderful school, I feel almost embarrassed to talk about my son. His Chinese teacher asked if we were working with him at home because he was doing very well (he started at the school a month late), and his pronunciation was very good. Several parents were around and it raised even more questions when we answered yes. At the school, I believe a lot of the parents work with their children at home so they are rather encouraging, but with the parents outside I get comments about my son "doing too much", and being "too smart". I just thought that we wanted the best for our kids, and it becomes almost embarrassing to discuss all that my husband and I do at home with him because it seems taken (generally) in a negative light. No, I do not allow my son to sit around watching Sponge Bob all day (or any day for that matter), but its almost like I'm being made to feel wrong about that. I guess because I don't judge how others raise their kids, nor do I look down (unless abusive), I just expect the same respect. Anyone experience this?

[linzy]

I've experienced this. My sister has a little boy a few months younger than my son and a daughter a year older. She is just teaching him letters and my son is reading chapter books. I know the reason for this is the early learning stuff we've done but whenever I try to share what we are doing people insinuate that I am a picky perfectionist who is trying to mold her child into a super child.

That being said our learning activities are maybe an hour a day (my son is 4 now and not in preschool) so the rest of the day he plays But I get the same response from people at work, either they think I am exagerating what my son is capable of or if they witness it they think I must be "hothousing" him to acheive results.

[RenaissanceMum]

You would think it would be a great thing, but all the negativity toward it is ridiculous...Especially when the assumption is you don't allow your kid to have a "life", lessons don't take long at all... At least we have a support system here.

[lhdvm00]

We get this all the time, and I have a feeling that much more is said behind our back.  Honestly, my husband and I both feel that we don't quite fit in anywhere.....you would think that other homeschoolers would be supportive, encouraging, or even curious, but usually they are not, so it's not just in schools!  We don't watch any broadcast TV, and NO Spongebob!    It seems that in every socioeconomic group, TV and video games are OK, but real education is looked down on!  We get strange looks from rich and poor relatives.  I'm not ashamed, but I do try to not brag or draw attention to what we do.  The children get enough attention on their own!  I hate that whole you're-not-letting-them-have-a-life thing.....like hours of sorry TV and video games is having a life!  We do so much with our children - this is our focus now.  Reading early has so enriched their lives - I can't imagine them missing out on that. 

[TmS]

It is constant.

As if knowing how to read robs you of your childhood!!!

My son does do lots... but you know what he does it all at night. During the day we are outside rain or shine doing everything we can to physically exhaust him (in the hope he'll sleep) and then at night we try to tire out his little brain with books and puzzles and family games.

It doesn't seem to matter if it's family or friends you get extreme reactions, people who want to do it too or people who think you're a horrible and pushy parent forcing your child's eyes open with tooth picks to make them to read the words you're holding up.

Any one who really knows anything about children knows you can't force them to learn anything.Hopefully when our kids grow up they'll be able to explain to the world what great fun it was learning with mum and dad and people will see they turned alright after all.

Would you believe my mother in law thinks children who are taught to read early don't develop an imagination!!!!!! Despite the fact that I was taught to read and do maths early and I have a vivid imagination. Despite the fact that my two year old makes up stories and pretends all the time she still insists I should stop teaching him.

I would have no problem with their objections if even one of them was based on a true analysis of what we do (rather than the assumptions they make) and had any basis in fact whatsoever. But of course it's all myths made up by people who fear the unusual or feel guilty because it means that the tv really is an inappropriate baby sitter and maybe they should do something with their child that doesn't assume he is a brainless moron.

My father in law asked my son "Where's Mummy?" in the slowest most animated voice you can imagine (I was holding him at the time). Sabian looked at him rolled his eyes jumped down onto the floor and walked off. The response of dear daddy in law was - "Is his hearing okay and he's talking well and everything?He really should have been able to answer that."

I walked away and when I came back (and I never do things like this) I wrote a silly sentence in Japanese and showed it to my boy who read it and laughed. I then said the only thing that is wrong with my son is that he doesn't appreciate being spoken to like a moron. I walked away, needless to say the in laws don't visit much and they don't buy my son presents or have much to do with him. I figure my son's not really missing out on all that much and my life's much much easier without them.

Funny thing is if you were smacking your child in order to force them to have good manners you'd probably get a thumbs up from the same people who think you shouldn't be teaching them to read. Well let's see who has happy children who reach their potential and enjoy life and who has children who dread school hate maths and find reading to be chore.

Sorry if this sounds a little aggressive I just find it really frustrating to have people assume the worst of me because they themselves are ignorant.

[lhdvm00]

I would have no problem with their objections if even one of them was based on a true analysis of what we do (rather than the assumptions they make) and had any basis in fact whatsoever. But of course it's all myths made up by people who fear the unusual or feel guilty because it means that the tv really is an inappropriate baby sitter and maybe they should do something with their child that doesn't assume he is a brainless moron.

Well said!!!!!  The longer I do this with my children and see what they are capable of, the more I hate most TV! 

[Kimba15]

Not at all, I have been very lucy in the sence that both sides of the family are very encouraging,but I do have to remind then not to talk to her like she is an idiot. Once they could see what she was capable of they were even more encouraging.

As for my mum's group they all talk about shows like in the night garden and yo gabba gabba if they ae the best thing on earth. I have watched both shows. They teach nothing. They a mearly a baby sitter. When I talk about DVDS they are like my child wont sit and watvh that or my baby wont enjoy that. SO I have dropped the subject.

There will always be people out there who think what we are doing is wrong. but I say to them Whatever! I choose to do this with my child and you can choose to do what you like with your child and i do not interfere! Im a bit more forthright though and I don't care what other's think.

The thing I love about Early Education the most is the strong bond growing between me and my daughter and that is priceless!!!!

[waterdreamer]

My son watches "uneducational" shows as a treat at Grandmas and Grandpas(once a week) but I have forbid those two shows. They are mind numbing. Actually they make me angry.

[RenaissanceMum]

Really? No imagination? Where do they come up with this stuff? I think the one of the best things we can instill in our children is simply a love of learning. My son will demand "learning time" if I haven't done lessons with him.He has been brought up thinking that there is a time for play and a time for learning, so its not something he would have to adjust to later on in life. I actually don't feel like I fit in either, but if thats what it takes for him to have a strong foundation then I'm fine with it.

[Ezhik]

I haven't told anyone what I'm doing with my son. He is still young enough that he can't show off his intelligence so I don't get questions, but I am preparing myself for much critisizm once he can. My mum and sisters are already making comments because he has nearly as many books as me and I get excited over educational books, puzzles and games (although many even I accept won't be useable for several years  ). I can only imagine the looks I'll get when he starts reading in Chinese, Japanese... or even just English!

It is so sad to think that tv babysitters are perfectly acceptable, so long as the program is inane and irritates the parents, with characters who can't put together a sentence. If it happens to be an educational DVD such as YBCR/Tweedlewink/Little Pim then we get told we're hothousing and taking away their childhood!

And don't mentiong those people who would rather read and play games with their children! How cruel to take away the joys of computer games and cartoons!

I can't imagine that a lot of the critics would be quite so vocal if they bothered to read some of the literature. Ok, a full Doman program is quite intense, but most people don't do that and even ten minutes a day can make a massive difference.

Sorry, this is turning into a rant 

[waterdreamer]

I actually had one incident when a friend and I had a falling out. She email my son's father(we are not together) and told him that she felt bad for Wesley because I'm not really homeschooling him, I'm just letting the TV do it for me. She miss understood the WHOLE idea of early learning. All she heard when I told her about it was the DVD programs and nothing about the flashcards, worksheets, games, reading and actually hands on learning. Sure I use videos as a tool, and he watches a far amount of them, but its not the only thing I do. Her child watches only Backyardagian(sp?) and shows like that, and mine watched the equal amount of educational tv.
What I'm saying is people hear what they want. They either feel guilty that they don't have the time or are too lazy to do this stuff with there child. Some are so brainwashed by other things that they truly do believe we are hot-housing our children.
*Sigh!*

[PY]

I actually had one incident when a friend and I had a falling out. She email my son's father(we are not together) and told him that she felt bad for Wesley because I'm not really homeschooling him, I'm just letting the TV do it for me. She miss understood the WHOLE idea of early learning. All she heard when I told her about it was the DVD programs and nothing about the flashcards, worksheets, games, reading and actually hands on learning. *Sigh!*

wow! I can't believe somebody will actually e-mail your husband to get you in trouble for something so personal!! Sorry to hear that waterdreamer.
Here and there people will say comments or stuff like " your child is so smart" she is reading at  2.5 years old!!!  But I always say " You just need to follow the child" my daughter since she was very young showed lots of interest in books and then letters...that is why I gave her all the tools to learn.
BUT  I think parents take evrything very personal related with her kids(we all do) if other people's child speaks 4 languages they will say OHH why my child doesn't??I am a bad parent...etc. It is very hard to make some people undertand that it is a process and our kids are actually having fun while learning.
Yesterday while my daughter was reading a book for her dad in church, this guy asked me " how can your daughter is reading and my child who is 5 years ols is not even spelling words).Then I replied, What do you guys do after work? he says , well I do my things and my daughter watches her movies until it is time to go to sleep. AND I say , my friend there is your answer!!
He was very embarrased and say after tomorrow we will start reading to her!!

[lhdvm00]

Good job PY!!!!!!!!!!!  I wish I was as quick-thinking!  Way to go!

[RenaissanceMum]

@ Ezhik, it's good to prepare now just in case you don't have the most understanding support system, I sincerely hope you don't have to go through some of our experiences though.

@ Waterdreamer, that was incredibly out of line! I can't believe she would do that, yes educating our children takes some time, but I would much rather have some control of what he learns rather than let him fend for himself in front of the T.V.

We went to see the Pops Orchestra and my son was talking to several of the adults during intermission, and he started talking to one lady and she said, "you're too young to be in school and learning all that stuff" (he sang her a song in Chinese, spelled his name, told her he played violin, piano and flute) it became a negative experience as she talked about all the "pressure" he must be under. After which, he asked to sit on DH's lap so he could see the French Horn, and he announced to whoever listened that he wanted to learn to play. The moral of the story: our kids will do all we allow them to.

 Child-rearing is indeed very personal,which is why when people make the derogatory opinions and statements, it seems like a desperate attempt to elevate themselves or justify their actions, it's hurtful though. We do not brag, and we would never withhold information to someone who asked, but yes we want the best for our little one, and its nice to have found a place where that isn't looked down on.

[TmS]

The thing is that people in general are an unimaginative lot.

If a person grew up with the understanding that learning = pressure = misery they simply cannot understand that there are other methods of learning.

It is sad that we live in a world in which the majority of people see extending yourself through learning as a chore that we must force upon people than as a joy that anyone can experience.

It does not apply only to early education either - people often question the way I raise my son and give me horror stories of what he will turn out like as a result (despite all the evidence to the contrary). They look at him like a ticking time bomb - you know any time now this happy little boy who is an angel is going to become the devil incarnate because his parents don't smack him or because his parents teach him so the pressure is going to mount up or because they lead by example instead of force....... and so on and so forth.

Those of us who have had the imagination to break away from what we knew and what our parents and the rest of their generation did are breaking new ground. We all know that people in general are fearful of change.

It is hard to not take it personally (I for one usually do, even though I logically know it is not) but we must remember that one day what we do will be the norm - that's evolution for you, we just have to wait for the rest of the species to catch up!

Hopefully we can expose them to the reality a little at a time and open their minds to a different world.

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