Exceptional Child Rearing, Should We Be Ashamed?

[reei]

yes, ppl always associate learning something to be a pressure and a chore. that's why kids in hong kong are really 'suffering' because that's suppose to be learning and the way hk education system is suppose to be.

which is why, these days, i find that early reading is very important. not so for her to be ahead of others, but so that, she can read and understand faster, complete her homework faster and have time to do whatever she wants. rather than sending her to a hothouse kindergarten, get used to have plenty of homework every night , so she get used to the loads of homework when she goes to primary school. why not.. learn to read now, have a solid vocabulary , when you can read and understand faster, you do homework faster.. . and you have time to do whatever you want.. with your childhood..

that's why i am starting on little reader now, a late starter.. hope it works.. LO is now 26 months old..

[AussieMumofOne]

Thank you so much for starting this topic, it is one that ignites many passionate replys as we can see! And good on everyone for being vocal about it. As my son is so young, we haven't experienced any negative reactions as yet as no one really knows what we are doing with him. The subject of the thread is interesting though, '...should be we ashamed'? I'm most certainly not ashamed but find that most of my responses regarding the subject are similar to what they would be if I WAS ashamed, ie; hiding his flash cards, books, DVD's and crawling track (as much as you can hide it!) when other people come over. As we all know, sometimes it is easier to just put it away and not get into it with anyone, but for me, this feels similar to being ashamed or embarrassed, even though I'm not. I'm actually quite proud of what we're doing! 
Thanks for sharing your experiences everyone, I look forward to hearing more as they are perfect examples of what i'll be up against in a short time.

[reei]

i have just started recently on early learning, well, i had ybcr dvd earlier on before she turns 1 and some chinese dvd but that's about it. just started really making flash cards recently. i rather not let anyone know about it, like my daughter starting violin formal lesson at the age of 2. ppl are quick to 'advise' what you should and should not be doing, i rather not get into the argument and explain, why early learning is good and so on. i just keep things to myself and write on the blog and let it all out.
it is just too tiring and not worth the time, to explain to irrelevant ppl why i do what i do.

[andreasro]

It is hard to not take it personally (I for one usually do, even though I logically know it is not) but we must remember that one day what we do will be the norm - that's evolution for you, we just have to wait for the rest of the species to catch up! 

You said it very well!

yes, ppl always associate learning something to be a pressure and a chore. that's why kids in hong kong are really 'suffering' because that's suppose to be learning and the way hk education system is suppose to be.

which is why, these days, i find that early reading is very important. not so for her to be ahead of others, but so that, she can read and understand faster, complete her homework faster and have time to do whatever she wants. rather than sending her to a hothouse kindergarten, get used to have plenty of homework every night , so she get used to the loads of homework when she goes to primary school. why not.. learn to read now, have a solid vocabulary , when you can read and understand faster, you do homework faster.. . and you have time to do whatever you want.. with your childhood..

  Time is precious! We're living in an age where things happen so fast that we need to do things faster or put someone else do it for us.. so we have time for ourselves...

It's so good and encouraging to read all that everyone is writing here.
I'm speaking to my son in English when we're outside, in the park, playing with other children. I have to get used to the idea that some parents will look strange at me all the time and either will think I'm nuts or that my husband is a foreigner... 

 I don't talk about what I'm doing with him at home. Only my father knows something, but I tell him in a way that he can understand that it's a window of opportunity and that it would be a pity not to use my free time now for him to benefit tomorrow. So... he gets it cause he's a wise guy... but I can't say the same things to my parents-in-law or others... It's not worth bringing me headaches everytime I visit them!

The great thing is that we don't take visits from anyone except our parents, which happens so rare... because we live far from them... It's the ideal environment for raising an Early Learner: no one bothers us...

For many years and especially for few months we, my husband and I, have been de-programming us from many things that we were taught before. We're preparing ourselves - and it's working, indeed - for a life made of own choices based on our own, not others/society's/manipulated beliefs. Having a brain injured child who can develop and grow up normally is rare. Him being a genious, in his condition, is miracle. We don't talk about it at all, we don't make a fuss out of it, except on this forum... We love the peace and quiet we have for now.

Edit:
I spread the news about early learning methods wherever possible, especially on a Romanian forum with parents of children with special needs (SN). And I have 2 friends, mothers of children with SN, that I talk to about what I do with my son and what are the results.

[RenaissanceMum]

Well I supposed the "ashamed" part comes from the outsiders that see the very limited TV watching (and I do mean limited, Tweedle, Wink, and Sing to Learn is about it at the moment) then I'm not giving my son "freedom" to be a kid, and to "enjoy" kid things. He takes formal lessons for two instruments, and I'm "forcing" them on him. He reads to me every night, therefore I am taking away his coveted "playtime" (because there is no way he has "time" with his "busy" schedule playing). I started teaching him his currency which he has taken well to, but that is "too advanced" and I will "stifle" him, etc. And the ever so popular, he's too young to be in "real" school, just let him be a kid! I guess when the outsiders put it like that, I do feel like I should be ashamed, but then I remember whats on TV is primarily a waste of time, he loves his music lessons, he will throw a fit if he can't read to me, he adores the money song and learning about money, and all the lessons we do are under 10 minutes, most of which he'll ask for. And my form of punishment if he isn't behaving, I threaten to not take him to school, and he'll straighten right up. After the lunacy of remembering that yes, "the rest of the species has to catch up" , I also remember that my kid, and most kids love learning, but if we take that away from them at an early age, it doesn't make us better parents. The outsiders may not truly understand or just want to put you down for their own inadequacies, its not uncommon and in fact its a normal human reaction. Either way, some moments I feel ashamed, then the craziness passes, and I feel rather proud and happy of what my DH and I do.

[mom2bee]

This is funny, I dont have children, I'm not pregnant or married not even engaged. My 2 sisters are the same but I have been exploring Baby Education in depth since the summer and I presented the idea to my sisters (19, 22, and me 20) that when we have children we could do these programs with our children.

First they said they were unwilling to "waste their time" doing all this "crap" for an infant who wont understand it anyway.
Then I offered to do the program for their children if they have children at a time inline with/convenient to me having children and they declined, laughed and scoffed and said if I do this, their going to forbid me from ever babysitting their hypothetical children. Remember, NONE of us have kids, we're no invovled with anyone, we're not married, nothing. But we've always talked of having our kids grow up together.

I said, well, I guess I'll just do it for my children and we literally had a 1.5hr long argument/discussion with them about how they would "blacklist" me from their homes if I do this to my children,not let my kids around theirs, how they will encourage my children to not listen to me, calll child services on me, (try to) turn my husband and our parents against me etc, etc, etc...

They refused to read the blogs, browse this forum, watch the youtube videos, read the pamphlets or view the DVD from the IAHP or read the Doman books, they got mad every time they saw me reading them or sitting on the desk near me.

I mean they totally flipped out on me. It was weird to see how aggressive they got about this especially since they refused to view any of the literature or videos and since we dont even have kids.

I dont care in the grand scheme of things, I know that what I'm planning for my children isn't wrong or hurtful to them. I troll the internet for the best curriculum choices now because I want to learn about as much as I possibly can now and have a smooth transition into a full-time mothering role.

Some of the things I dream of doing with my kids:

From 0 - 3.5 years
Multilingual Environment (English, Spanish, Arabic and another modern language) + Signing
Elimination Communication (I dont want my elderly parents in diapers, why would I put my baby in diapers?)
Doman from 0-36months (Physical, Reading, Math, and Knowledge cards)
1000 books a year.
Your Baby Can Read
Little Reader
Little Math


From 3.5 -7 years
Jones Geniuses Math Curriculum
New American Cursive Program (I would prefer they only write cursive and pick up manuscript on their own)
500 Books a year minimum
Speed Reading
Mental Calculation Arithmetic
Algebra
Spalding for Reading/Spelling
2 Instruments minimum (Recorder, Violin, Piano, anything that interests them)
Swimming
Gymnastics

My goal is to nurture as much of my childs natural genius as possible from jump. If a dog can be trained and conditioned from birth to bring out the best of its breed or species then why is it hard to believe that a human child cant?

My goal is to have my child comfortably on a Middle School level of academics by the time they are "elementary" age so that we can spend "elementary years" 110% on what they want to study.

To this day I struggle in math so badly, I want my kids to be Masters in Math and have a can do attitude about math no matter what. I plan to use a combo of Doman, JG Math and Rays Arithmetic (for its extensive use of emphasis on word problems) with my kids until we exhaust that. I'm hoping that by then there will be a few more options for teaching "advanced" mathematics such as algebra and calculus, if not, I'll work that out also.

I want to put the money typically spent on cable television bills and keep my child supplied with educational games and materials. Sue me.

I'm a technut, I hope my husband will be a technut and I hope to raise my kids to be technuts.

[waterdreamer]

I'm sorry to here your sisters are being so harsh. Maybe they are just not at the same maturity level as you are. It's so wonderful you are planning for your future child so early.
When the time comes just don't tell them what you are doing. There is one thing about educating people but I would hate to see their negative attitude ruining this for you. And in the end they will see how happy your child is. The truth is in the pudding

[TmS]

Stick to your guns. People like to find fault with others and when you do something radically different from the norm the old fear what you don't know kicks in and you get all sorts of reactions.

My son's aunty (my sister in law - I have trouble thinking of her as a sister) dropped by the other day. We see her maybe twice a year. My boy decided at that moment to show everyone he could write (I haven't actually taught him yet, bought the booklet last week but haven't finished preparing the lessons so this is huge he just starts writing ).

So of course her automatic assumption is that I have taught him to do this, that the poor child is experiencing awful lessons full of hand cramps and that I'm trying to create a super baby and am robbing him of his childhood. It was the same when we used cloth nappies, everyone had a bloody opinion.

People don't like change and worse still they can't stand seeing someone doing what they know they can't - that is sacrificing what little free time and money we have to give our children a future full of options.

The sad thing is that my son had a momentous occasion (he wrote the word "cat" by the way) and instead of it being celebrated and encouraged he had to watch the person he was trying to impress go all stony faced and start lecturing and instead of me having that moment with him to relish in his achievement I had to defend my son's rights to do the things that please him.

If people have a go at you about your decisions just remember if it wasn't that it would be what cream you use to prevent nappy rash or what age you put shoes on them or a myriad of other things that "civilized people" can see only one option for because being a sheep and doing what everyone else does is safe.

[AussieMumofOne]

Wow Mom2Bee, that is really amazing that you are planning on doing so much with your future children, you are such an inspiration! Karma to you 

[Ezhik]

A little advice, Mum2Bee - get started preparing your flashcards now! I knew for about two years before I had Nicholas that I wanted to do Doman and yet I only made a couple of dozen cards. I really regret it now, as I have sooo little time for preparation of materials and have had to forego BITs almost entirely (either that or ignore baby completely, which is just WRONG).

[Ouroboros1]

I find it amusing that my wife's friend thinks our baby watches "too much TV"(YBCR, TW, Trebellina and Signing Time).  She isn't really concerned that her kids can't read or write their name at 5-6 yrs old, which is fine for her.  She has 4 kids from 1-6 y.o., so it's easier to have them watch a moveie or play video games--I just don't see why educational movies are bad and Disney movies are ok?!?

What's amusing is that she has no problem with her kids being video game addicts and some of the poorest eaters I've ever seen.  Also a lot of discipline issues including a lot of talking back in disrespectful ways and refusing to behave and listen to parents. 

We don't plan on letting our little guy watch any mindless cartoons especially those that include name-calling.  He loves anything with music, so hopefully we can get him playing with music sooner. 

[mom2bee]

Lol, how absurd can people get?

I plan on letting me kids watch:
Little Pim Spanish and Chinese versions,
Muzzy Spanish and Chinese versions
Wink To Learn,
TweedleWink
Monki See Monki Doo
YBCR.
Home Made Educational Videos
Anything else I darn well please to show my kids
Anything I deem worthy from a Netflix Subscription

I figure around 3 or 4 years old, I'll begin to allow cartoons in minority languages more regularly. With the average cost of  cable being about $50 a month, plus taxes and premium channels, I dont feel bad spending $600 on videos/dvds that will last for 3+ years for multiple children because this way I can exercise control over at least 90% of what they are viewing and when.

Dont let anyone make you feel bad Ourosboros1, keep doing what you're doing. Hopefully it will pay off with interest in a couple of years.

I love the idea of nurturing my kids natural genius and exposing them to the world as much as possible while they are young. I want to foster a close relationship and show them the world and help them explore it safely and joyfully. I want to stay home with my kiddos while they are young anyway, why would I sit by and watch them grow when I could put down my book, and in 10-20 minutes a day, teach them to read, calculate, learn, know and understand and move about in their world.

I want to raise my little babies to be little men and little women.

[RenaissanceMum]

@ Ouroboros1, I actually know exactly what you mean! I wrote a PSA on TV viewing and on doing research I saw a blog conversation about letting 3 year olds watch iCarly (pre-teen/tween/teeny bopper show) and snuggling up to watch that, and few of the several entries were against it, most were for it or other similar teen/tween shows. With our children watching shows like that (or excessive TV period), playing video games, and generally being handed the gift of educational under-stimulation and poor media overstimulation, do we really expect them to pick up a book and read? Rather parents such as ourselves are just "sapping" the life and "creativity" out of our little ones, the idiocy of such an idea astounds me. There is a general "fear of the unknown", but then again, several others choose to remain in ignorance and spouting off their negativity because of their own poorly masked attempts at covering up their own educational fallacies. I fully believe that you are supposed to want the best for your kids, so jumping down the throats of parents such as ourselves that are willing to put in the work somehow seems to justify their own inadequacies. I had an experience this weekend where someone made the "indirect" opinion of me needing to be in the house reading a book to my son (again, a poorly covered up attempt at them covering up their own inadequacies) well, my son reads books to me. Opinions are like bellybuttons, everyone has one. I refuse to keep being made to feel uncomfortable because I have put in work for my sons education.

[Wolfwind]

I am so glad to find this forum and especially this thread!

My baby is only six weeks old, but we've done the program in Doman's "How Smart is Your Baby?" and she's always getting comments on how strong and responsive she is for her age.  I find that I do act ashamed of telling people what we've done; I shrug it off as "luck," which it isn't at all.  I've told family members a little, and they're supportive, but I'm still afraid I'll get told that I'm "pushy" and "depriving" my child of her childhood.  I know it doesn't add up logically (a few minutes a day, only done if she looks like she's having fun, is depriviation?), but I'm still scared.

I think I will be hiding the flash cards, which sounds ridiculous, but I don't want to have to argue about it.  I don't want people to be judging me, and I'm convinced that they would.

However, I'd never even thought about how much TV most kids watch before preschool.  My husband and I don't have any TV in the home (we have a television so my husband can play Dance Dance Revolution, but no cable or local channels) and I would never show my kids TV.  Maybe a few movies, but I'm not planning on more than 1 movie a week, and probably less.  So it never occurred to me that a "normal" childhood would include lots of TV.  That makes me feel a lot better about a few minutes a day spent with flashcards.  It's got to be better than yul gabba gabba (watched it babysitting once and was appalled - stupid, ugly, pointless in my opinion [sorry if you like it!]).

Maybe I will look into media-interactive learning programs.  I didn't want to have any "screen time" for my kids, educational or otherwise, but I'm really not convinced that flashcards will be interesting enough on their own.  The descriptions of Little Reader sound very interesting (just found this today and haven't read much yet).  That might be worth using my computer with the kids.

Anyway, it's so good to be in a place (even virtually) where everyone is supportive and I don't have to defend myself.  I'm so excited to teach my baby anything she wants to learn!  I'm glad that other parents feel the same way.

[RenaissanceMum]

@WolfWind, yes its quite sad actually. Kids aged 2-5 are watching an average of 32 hours/week. By the time kids go to first grade, the FCC says they would have watched an equivalent of 3 school years of TV. My son hasn't had a massive emotional breakdown because we don't watch TV, but you know, I'm crazy for such "torture". I can't keep letting it get to me, because I know why we have chosen the path that we have. I think about all the time we spend doing things like puzzles, and writing, and practicing piano and violin and all of our little mini lessons and imagine trying to squeeze all of that in between his favorite shows. Right now it all falls into place because we have so much time between school and bedtime, but if he were to watch even the daily recommendation of 2 hours per day, that's a lot of our activities gone. A virtual forum is nice to at least have some support. When comments are made about his development I do say that I work with him at home, I wouldn't want anyone thinking it was "luck" either. Going into detail though is really tricky and to those that are unhappy with their educational involvement concerning their kids, or their child's developmental level, it sounds "pretentious". This forum is a nice reminder that 1) we are supposed to have a strong presence in the education of our kids, 2) early education is one of the best gifts we can give/help foster as parents, 3) we're not crazy!

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