Exceptional Child Rearing, Should We Be Ashamed?

[annisis]

I find that we get comments from both sides. There are some that are so amazed by Josiah that they want to start their children on early learning, like my sisters. Unfortunately, they believe that this is an overnight thing. In a conversation with one, I remember being totally appalled when she said " I have been working with him every night, trying to get him to sit still for a lesson, but he won't do it. He won't sit still long enough. He's doing ok, but He's not where I want him to be." I had visions in my head of her spanking him because he wasn't paying attention, etc. I regret telling her about early education. That poor baby.

And then there are others that think he is a little baby wonder. There for their entertainment. "Can he read this?" "Get him to do this!" Um... no. He's not a toy.

And the on the other end, I was telling family friends about what Josiah had learned and how he had learned it. Horrid looks of shock were growing on their faces. I then said that we were thinking about homeschooling Josiah. "Why would you want to do that to him?" Like it's the worse thing I could do for my son!

Maybe because my husband and I are both life long learners, I just don't understand people that aren't. It seems that the "What was good enough for my parents is good enough for me. And what's good enough for me is good enough for my children," runs entirely too deep through some veins.

[RenaissanceMum]

Quote of the day: "Um...no. He's not a toy." I think I am going to use that in the future when people ask my son to perform like he's a circus clown, or an over-pedigreed dog.  

[TmS]

I don't get it - the majority of people in our generation and previous generations hated school. Very few reached their potential and most came out hating the learning process.

Then they're surprised that we want to try a different approach to schooling and education.

[annisis]

Be my guest, RenaissanceMum!

[lizaveta]

I am actually a bit embarrassed to admit to early learning. And I am embarrassed to admit to being embarrassed here. Maybe it's because we are new to the whole thing and my daughter hasn't given any sign of learning anything. Once she is a genius, I'll tell, I promise. But in case she never learns to read by 2, I'd rather people didn't even know we tried. Is this silly?

[RenaissanceMum]

I understand your thought process, and even if you choose not to tell, then its your choice. Like some of the other posters mentioned, when your little one is a genius, you might not want it attributed to luck, especially if you are putting in work to unlock your babies genius potential. I was a late early education bloomer, I tried to rely on methods that simply weren't working for my ds, if your daughter happens not to read by 2, it should not make you feel ashamed. At least you are trying, and that is what matters. Don't be embarrassed, that's what we are all here for, to support each other.

[annisis]

Here here!

Besides, your child may not want to be put on display. Many children dislike it. Ultimately, the fact that you are doing something with your child is showing your child that you really care about them and their future. You shouldn't be concerned with opinions of others within or out of this forum. And early education isn't results driven. So what if she doesn't show off? Remember that Einstein was well into his childhood before he even began to speak at all!

At the same time, however, it may be a good thing that you don't tell everyone. Some people, especially those with older children can't handle finding out that they didn't jump start their child's education. Many refuse to accept it, not because it doesn't work, but merely because it is too late to work in their life. Or your efforts to attempt to be your idea of an amazing parent may put a dent in their self esteem. They may feel they didn't do enough. It's a threat to their self definition. There is a lot of pressure for everyone that can be avoided if you just keep to yourself, or only tell those that you truly believe will benefit from the knowledge of early education.

I, myself, feel a little behind when I read what others are doing with their children in forums and on blogs, but then I remember that my little guy loves what we're doing and where we are in his learning. And I want to add that I am so thankful for eveyone here that does share, but sharing is not for everyone, lizaveta. So no, it's not silly. It makes sense. Just try to develop a healthier outlook on your reasons for not sharing. Otherwise, your child might sense your disdain. Kids have pretty accurate little radars!

[kmum]

Never be ashamed.  You should be proud that you care enough to spend the time to help your child.

My dd is 3.5 & I really didn't tell anyone until she was over 2, & then it was mainly close friends or family.  Now I will tell anyone, but usually only if the subject comes up or if they see dd reading or showing off her knowledge in other ways.

The biggest reason I didn't tell earlier, is that I didn't think people would believe me.  Before I started looking into this for my youngest dd, I had never heard of teaching babies to read.  The fact that my dd who was sight reading quite a few words & new her alphabet & at least numbers 1 to 10, before she was two also has Down syndrome, is so amazing to me.  I really don't think others can really understand.  Even those who see her read, & believe she can do it, really can't quite grasp what they are seeing.  I have a good friend who I am not able to see often that knows dd is learning over 40 words each week, yet she asked me a while ago if dd knew her own name!    

People's expectations of my dd are a lot lower because of her diagnosis.  I had someone tell me one day that she could tell my dd was "very high functioning".  At the time, my dd was standing in a shopping cart. I'd like to know how you tell someone is high functioning by the way they stand in a shopping cart!  Later, my dd decided to read a sign in the store & point out a bunch of letters.  I had to giggle at the lady's expression after that.

It is nice to be able to tell people now, because I'm hoping to spread the word to other parents of kids with DS that their kids can do amazing things to.  Expectations are often unnecessarily low.

[Kyles Mom]

Strange, but I had the same prob with Kyle's pediatrician just a few days back!

He was pushing me to send Kyle to school, saying I shouldnt help him to learn to socialise and that knowing too much aint soo good for kids!!! that it makes nerds out of them...
they feel probably that we teach n teach n teach all day and force books on them... Hahaaa!!!


as if! they shud have a hyper son like mine who has a varied range of interests in things!!!

seriously, people should know more before they comment on our hard work, and i dont mean my son's doc, but in general they do this... in case of my pediatrician I honestly believe this is what he has seen, cos our community is small... and so far he believes things when he is explained...

but its hard to explain this to general mass and I dont opt in explaining anymore!

[TracyR4]

   Ah  yes, the homeschooling 'thing'. I'm not surprised that they said that. Most people are still very uneducated in what homeschooling is and what its all about. Its still a rare thing to come upon a person who is supportive of homeschooling.
I've homeschooled for 8yrs. My daughters are attending a private school this year , but while I homeschooled I met such resistance from my in laws that it was down right offensive sometimes. Actually since my daughters are attending school they are making me feel like pulling them out as if like we were putting them in school to appease them.

In all actuality I find this year to be a huge waste of time. I'm paying to basically do more at home then my children are doing in school to keep them challenged.

Anyways, don't expect support from others outside your own family ( hubby, you and child are about it). You may get someone to say something nice everyonce in a while.

[sarahjean]

I'm so glad that this thread is here so I can vent!

Generally speaking, I'm very lucky to have people around me who are very supportive of our early learning efforts. My husband, the grandparents, even our extended family are all very supportive because the can clearly see the results it produces. My oldest daughter at 12 months was saying over 50 words where her cousin of the same age was saying absolutely nothing.

So, yes, I am lucky to have the support most of the time (aside from the occasional comment from my grandmother like, "why is she wasting all her time making these games and stuff for them? I know she means well, but she should be doing something better with her time!" But she's still very impressed by their knowledge and generally supportive.)

So, why do I need to vent?

Well, I generally post on my facebook updates about what I am doing with the girls for "school". An extended friend of my husbands family thought it was her duty to write me a message letting me know that "...i know you mean well but they are just babies and are only little children once. both you and they should just enjoy their childhood."

I tried to write back to her saying, "Hi *****! We only do learning activities when it's fun
Violet cries when I stop and says, "More! More""
Don't worry, I'm not a total nutcase drilling them so they can be geniuses."
She, of course, just wanted to meddle, not have an ACTUAL conversation about it, so she disappeared. I then updated my status to read:

...wants to clarify for all of those people who think I'm a nutter stealing my children's childhood by teaching them - it's all play for us! We stop when they are not interested, but normally they BEG for more. Violet cries when I try to stop, Lily yells, "Wanna learn more, Mom!" Rest assured, I am not tying them down and propping their eyes open with toothpicks while I show them flashcards!

I feel better now.

Seriously, what is wrong with people?! How could you possibly interact with young children all day and have them NOT learn? What would you do? Even playing lego is educational! Today Lily was playing with lego and making a tower for her Nanna (who was on the phone) and she said, "Making a tower with a wide base for Nanna!!" She learned that vocabulary when we played legos previously and her towers were falling over. Daddy and I simply explained how to make them more stable!

Honestly, What could you do with children all day that's not educational??

[windsormum]

! am the mother of three grown up sons.  35 years ago I read Glen's Doman's "Teach Your Baby to Read" with mounting excitement.  It changed not only my life but the course of my son's lives irrevocably.

Suddenly it gave motherhood a whole new dimension.  I had a vital role in the development of my children's lives at their most critical period - the first seven years when the brain is still growing and developing.  It was like someone saying to me "you have seven short years to dig a pit to hold all the riches your child can acquire in his life - the bigger the pit, the more riches it will hold”.  (Obviously what they eventually put in the pit is up to them!). Who would not go out and build the biggest pit they can for their child! 

Whereas other mother's were bored with their children’s company, my children and I had FUN, learning.  Not just reading; we went out and about and explored and discovered and instead of being stuck in front of a television we enjoyed their childhood!  It cost nothing – I used a red felt tip pen and white card, we joined the local library and combed all the local charity shops for books!  It only took a few minutes each day, we had plenty of time for other playing, swimming, etc. They did not miss out on anything that other children did.  The only difference was when I went to switch off the light at night and the boys wailed "Oh, mum, can't we have another five minutes to finish this page" - my children were 2, 4 and 6!!  Reading and learning added a new, rich dimension to their lives.  It did not detract from anything.

All my children started reading by the time they were two.  My eldest son was reading Roald Dahls Tales of the Unexpected and James Herriott by the time he started school!  Everyone disapproved.  Including my mother-in-law ("I think children should be children!); I was berated as being a “pushy mother”, “stealing their childhood”, etc, etc. 
The first year in school the teachers were not impressed.  “We don’t know what level he’s at” they grumbled “Just give him a book, he will read it” I’d say.  Year two in school was a different story.  The children went off the scales on reading tests, the teachers claimed all the credit and bathed in the glory.  Because they had been reading for years my boy acquired vast amount of knowledge that I had not provided.  Everyone thought they were brilliant, their self esteem soared and it set the scene for the rest of their education. 

They have grown into happy, confident. well rounded, happily married  adults who have exceeded all my expectations.  My eldest son is a Managing Director of a leading American Bank (although he went to the local village school and did not have a private education!), one son is a Consultant and the other a Multi Media Manager.  They constantly tell me how thankful they are for their upbringing and consider they had a wonderful childhood.  I now have four beautiful grandchildren and we fully intend to teach them in just the same way.   

The very same people who tell me how “lucky” I am that my own children have done so well are STILL telling me at the same time how much they disapprove of “pushing/hot housing  children” while sticking their own children/grandchildren in front of their WII or DVD player!!  Its like saying “He is learning to walk so don’t take him swimming” you will overload him!  The brain is like a muscle, the more exercise it has, the more it will grow and strength – use it or lose it!!
As long as it is always fun, you don’t “make them perform”, don’t push them beyond what they want to do  (and don’t make them, or you, feel failures if they don’t do as much as you had hoped – if they “only” read 10 words, its 10 more than they would have learned!) and you all enjoy it – trust your own instincts – enjoy!  The rewards will exceed all your expectations!  No – don’t be ashamed you should be proud!! 

What better gift can you give you rchildren than a lifelong love of learning?!

[NewMom27]

I can see that there are so many parents who are successful in teaching your kids...
I would like to congratulte all of them.

Dont bother about others..
People are like that....

[Bystre deti]

windsormum, great job what you have done with your children! Congratulation.
I wonder if your children were able to read "faster than it is usual" if they learned to read early.... Does this ability comes with it?

[NewMom27]

! am the mother of three grown up sons.  35 years ago I read Glen's Doman's "Teach Your Baby to Read" with mounting excitement.  It changed not only my life but the course of my son's lives irrevocably.

Suddenly it gave motherhood a whole new dimension.  I had a vital role in the development of my children's lives at their most critical period - the first seven years when the brain is still growing and developing.  It was like someone saying to me "you have seven short years to dig a pit to hold all the riches your child can acquire in his life - the bigger the pit, the more riches it will hold”.  (Obviously what they eventually put in the pit is up to them!). Who would not go out and build the biggest pit they can for their child! 

Whereas other mother's were bored with their children’s company, my children and I had FUN, learning.  Not just reading; we went out and about and explored and discovered and instead of being stuck in front of a television we enjoyed their childhood!  It cost nothing – I used a red felt tip pen and white card, we joined the local library and combed all the local charity shops for books!  It only took a few minutes each day, we had plenty of time for other playing, swimming, etc. They did not miss out on anything that other children did.  The only difference was when I went to switch off the light at night and the boys wailed "Oh, mum, can't we have another five minutes to finish this page" - my children were 2, 4 and 6!!  Reading and learning added a new, rich dimension to their lives.  It did not detract from anything.

All my children started reading by the time they were two.  My eldest son was reading Roald Dahls Tales of the Unexpected and James Herriott by the time he started school!  Everyone disapproved.  Including my mother-in-law ("I think children should be children!); I was berated as being a “pushy mother”, “stealing their childhood”, etc, etc. 
The first year in school the teachers were not impressed.  “We don’t know what level he’s at” they grumbled “Just give him a book, he will read it” I’d say.  Year two in school was a different story.  The children went off the scales on reading tests, the teachers claimed all the credit and bathed in the glory.  Because they had been reading for years my boy acquired vast amount of knowledge that I had not provided.  Everyone thought they were brilliant, their self esteem soared and it set the scene for the rest of their education. 

They have grown into happy, confident. well rounded, happily married  adults who have exceeded all my expectations.  My eldest son is a Managing Director of a leading American Bank (although he went to the local village school and did not have a private education!), one son is a Consultant and the other a Multi Media Manager.  They constantly tell me how thankful they are for their upbringing and consider they had a wonderful childhood.  I now have four beautiful grandchildren and we fully intend to teach them in just the same way.   

The very same people who tell me how “lucky” I am that my own children have done so well are STILL telling me at the same time how much they disapprove of “pushing/hot housing  children” while sticking their own children/grandchildren in front of their WII or DVD player!!  Its like saying “He is learning to walk so don’t take him swimming” you will overload him!  The brain is like a muscle, the more exercise it has, the more it will grow and strength – use it or lose it!!
As long as it is always fun, you don’t “make them perform”, don’t push them beyond what they want to do  (and don’t make them, or you, feel failures if they don’t do as much as you had hoped – if they “only” read 10 words, its 10 more than they would have learned!) and you all enjoy it – trust your own instincts – enjoy!  The rewards will exceed all your expectations!  No – don’t be ashamed you should be proud!! 

What better gift can you give you rchildren than a lifelong love of learning?!

Hi windsormum,

I have ques for you....

When you started to teach your kid and at what age you realize that your baby is reading.

Thanks

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