Is having a second child important?

[anjie]

Hi..
I know its a matter of personal choice. I am a single child brought up with my cousins, so I really don't know how its like being a single child.  I would like to know the experiences of having a second child or raising a single child, just to make sure I will not be making any decisions in future for wrong reasons.

Thanks to all.

[Nikita]

Yes it is!!!
I have a friend who is her parents only child, as they had 7 miscarriages.  She's nearly to menopause and doesnt plan to have her own kids... which is sad for her parents... no grandkids!! (Wouldnt you want to send her back?)
I was a product of divorce, so had a lot of siblings I didnt see, and a brother I lived with but there was a big age gap, so I find it's a lot like being a single child, and I really wish I had siblings I was close to, and neices and nephews to love, and to be cousins for my kids.
I find big families seem to be the happiest families, so I assume someone with no siblings would be in the unhappiest group, like Nadya Suleman, who being a single child wanted a big family and now has 14 kids, including octuplets. Or the opposite can happen, and the sole child can be so self-focused they dont like or want kids...
I think that not too big an age gap between them is best, and if there is a relationship breakup, make sure they associate with their half-siblings as much as possible.

[zoe22]

like you said, it's a matter of pesonal choice, but I definitely think having a 2nd child is important, not necesarily for you, but for the child. It's nice to have someone else to share life with, to look out for each other and it helps the child to be more tolerant in life. I think a decent age gap is good but definitely more than one.

[Kimba15]

I think it is a matter of personal choice but I think two is better than one. I also know alot of only children who wish for nothing more than a brother or sister to play with or share their time with, but it is up to you.

[anjie]

Thanks all.
I will surely think about it

[patience]

My mom had 5 children under five, including a me and my twin sister and my oldest brother who was 13 months older than us (I tell my mother all the time, I don't know how she did it ) All I know is big families and I too have always wanted to follow suit, just spaced out a little further than me and my siblings

[cassidy336]

Obviously it is personal choice.  I was an only child and I really want my son to have a sibling.  We have had 3 miscarriages after getting pregnant with my son the first time.  We are going to start trying again next month.  I really freaked out when I had to go to college and share a room/bathroom.  I had to move to an apartment because I couldn't deal with being around people 24/7.  Even now, when we go on family vacations I can't stand to share a house because I need quiet time.  Some of that is my personality but I think some of it is because I never had siblings.  I also don't know anyone my age that I have known all my life.  I have cousins but I talk to them once a year or so.  I'm jealous of people with siblings who have that shared history and everlasting friendship.  Also, I will be the only one to take care of my mom and it would be nice to share that responsibility.

[FW]

I am also an only child.  I don't feel much need for a sibling until I grew up.  Although I felt a bit lonely in my childhood, I had friends from school to play with.  However, when I get older and older, lots of important decisions I need to make, I want somebody you can trust and in the same generation to discuss with.  Plus, when mom gives all her love, attention and hope to one person.  You will feel the huge pressure and responsibility.  I do wish I have a sibling to share that with me too.  I am lucky to have two kids myself.  They are only 18 months apart and they love each other very much.  Although they do have arguement sometime, they enjoy most of time playing together.    

[an_love_lx]

Hi,
i believe 2 is better then 1...as what David King said:

"Ecclesiastes 4:9-10  Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their work. And if one has a fall, the other will give him a hand; but unhappy is the man who is by himself, because he has no helper. "

[kizudo]

My two cents:  I have a 16 mo old and we talked a LOT about this before we tried for a second child (I'm 40).  We weighed all the pros & cons (considering my age and procreating again versus the benefits of my son having a sibling).  During this time period, my boss, a single child, had to deal with her mother having a heart attack.  It was she who sat at her mother's bedside day and night for days and days.  She really felt the loneliness of carrying that burden alone...her husband and children were there for her, of course, but she was the one to make all her mother's decisions and her love was deeper.  It was a very difficult period of life for her.  Now that I am pregnant, I am afraid of the busyness of having two as my son ensures that I go to bed exhausted every night  

Reality is that we will die when he is still fairly young.  I don't want him to feel as alone as my friend does now.

[cgdmom]

I agree with the posts here.  Having on only child doesn't seem fair to the child unless they live close to their cousins so are able to have them as companions.  Of course it is a personal choice and sometimes parents are not able to have another child.  I also think that there are many children that need parents to adopt them, so if you can't have a second child and want one, then you could adopt.

My oldest is 8 and 10 years older than her siblings, but I hope that when they become adults they will become closer.  I didn't plan on the huge age gap, but life happens.  I also didn't want my first to have the burden of aging parents, or to deal with the loss of us alone.  I wanted her to have a sibling to lean on and share her sorrow with.

Right now she wishes that she didn't have siblings as she is a teenager and doesn't understand being 4 and 7.  But when she was between the ages of 3 and 5 she did want to have a sibling.  The age gap between my second and third is 2 1/2 years and they are close enough to do things together and to also have the occasional fight.  They learn so much from each other, some stuff that you don't want, but so much more that I feel is important that they can't learn at school.

Good luck with your decision.

[Tanikit]

I think my daughter would like a sibling. Firstly she talks about her "baby sister" all the time (its never a brother for some reason) and secondly she has taken to saying "no friends, Rana no friends" in a very sad voice. When I told her her 3.5 year old cousin had arrived last night and was sleeping upstairs she got really excited and yelled "friend, friend" while jumping up and down.

As for me I would love to have a lot of children, though we'll probably only ever try for two (still trying to wangle my husband into agreeing to three) I come from a family of four children and my husband from one of three children - while my siblings and I fight even to this day sometimes, I would never wish any of them away and I really hope that my daughter will get to have a close relationship with her sibling/s. For me two is definitely better than one, but for some families this is not the case.

[sunchaser485]

I'm with the majority here. I come from a family of all girls, 4 of us total. I have 3 of my own. My eldest (boy) is a pre-teen now and had grown up as an only child untill his father remarried. He gained a younger brother. He never really wanted a younger sibling, kept asking for an older brother ( don't know I woulda pulled that one off).
My younger two (girls) are 16 months apart and both under two years old. Who knows how they will feel about each other as they grow older together. The first girl loves her baby sister but sometimes it's hard to tell as the amount of time taken for breast feeding the youngest caused some jellousy. My mom had the same problem with my older sister when I was a baby and we were 3 years apart. This is just an example of why you shouldn't feel you have to wait till your first childs older to have a second child for the sake of the first. They will feel jellousy no matter how old they are.
My older sister and I fought all the time while growing up. But it wasn't till a few years ago that we talked and came to an understanding with each other. We are like best friends today. She finds fault in everything mom did and I see only how hard my mom tried to be both parents in one for us. Incidently, mom did an awesome job. Even my older sister has to admit she taught us to be loving mothers, and successfull, hardworking women.

You can make the only child to be just as loving, successfull and social as any child with siblings. Just introduce new faces frequently while they are babies, and make a friend who has kids to play with while you hang out. My son was socialized, confident, and generous all along. He didn't need siblings to design these traits/skills.

Good luck and know you will make the right choice for you and your child either way.

[MonkeynoseMomma]

Hi,
i believe 2 is better then 1...as what David King said:

"Ecclesiastes 4:9-10  Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their work. And if one has a fall, the other will give him a hand; but unhappy is the man who is by himself, because he has no helper. "

 Wow. Beautiful and on point.

[nadia0801]

Definitely! Another angel to love, another creature to give wonder and joy! In our case, the financial issue is the biggest factor to consider but that aside, I'm all for having a second child. Not only it will add to your 1st child's social life but will make a huge difference in everyone's life as well.

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