Is my 5 year old normal?

[nic31600]

Hello,

It's been a very long time since I've posted anything as my husband and I have been trying endlessly over the years trying to find out if our 5 year old COULD be autistic.
Now, why we even think this is simply because her hand flapping has become a concern. I've read on the internet that hand flapping is also associated with children who don't fall into ASD group. I understand that it's not quite normal as it also could mean a movement disorder. When I speak to doctors they don't assume she is autistic but they are French doctors and they are behind in medicine compared to Countries like Australia, UK, USA. I also believe hand flapping is not so common here either. They say she is too smart to be autistic but I also read that  you can be extremely smart AND autistic. Like a lot of concerned parents, I worry about bullying and school. She is an easy target for bullies as she is also the size of a 3 year old and she is already being teased by local kids for her size and hand flapping. I'm hoping there is a way I can at least control the flapping.

This is why the doctors don't think she is autistic. In brackets indicates age of milestone achieved.

Count 1-10 (1 yr)
Alphabet in order from A-Z (18 mo.)
Colours & basic shapes (between 1-18mo)
Know first and last name (18 mo.s and told once)
Learns VERY quickly
Good sense of humour
Very outgoing
Speaks clearly and in 6+ word sentences since 2(?)
Loves learning
Makes friends easily
Long attention span for things she loves
reaching all her milestones either early or a bit late (didn't walk until 14mo)
Loves books and learning in general
Knows full name, address
Knows how to read, write some sight words

Why I think she COULD be autistic

Hand flapping since 18 mo.s of age (since we did a big travel overseas) - involves flapping and shaking head from side to side in a circular motion with her mouth open sometimes however it's only been hand flapping (like a bird) for for quite some time now. I notice it's when she is excited and mostly when she is watching TV however I had a teacher tell me once  (2 years ago) that she does it in school too and there was one other boy in her class who flapped too and they were like twins in character.
INCREDIBLY loud (home, public)
Talks A LOT
Listens only when she wants to - If I ask her what did she do at school, the conversation goes off topic to something completely unrelated like talking about seeing dinosaurs (example, not literally) but if I push a little more, eventually she will tell me something related to the topic.
She does sometimes ask the same question a few times in a row, or show repetitive speech even if you've answered however that is only when talking on the phone with her grandmother when she wants attention but still concerns me a bit.
I've only met one other kid like her, the boy in her class.
She has an incredible amount of energy.
She has always needed less sleep.
Very immature and does completely silly things (home,public)
Very short attention span with things unrelated to interests

However at school, she is one of the best students academically in the class. She's like a completely different child at school. Teachers see no problems with her but her behaviour at home is strange. I don't know if she behaves like this at school but the teachers just dismiss it as being "typical for her age" or she is really normal.

She has been flapping a lot less over the years but I hear hand flapping is mostly associated with autism. as well as some of the abovementioned is a red flag for autism as well.

Is there anyone else who is experiencing this with their child?

[cheerymom]

I understand your concerns mom nic31600, somehow seeing her milestones that u’ve mentioned - it makes me assure that she is pretty loving normal kiddo, who loves to learn. One of my friend addressed her kid’s hand flapping concern and was able to bring it back to normal. They made her play with playdough often, and made actions that would pressurize the little ones finger to help child identify their body and help come out of doing stuffs unconsciously.. even washing their hands. Even sanitizing motions helped. Soon she would outgrow it, try these methods too .
Also, the repetition speech and unrelated talks are for positively normal during this school going age…most of the time they only want to hear what they want to .

[CedarMom]

Many kids have "sensory issues" in one area or another, which does not mean that the child is autistic.  You can work on each sensory pathway to smooth them out so they can work more efficiently.  Her flapping sounds like it could be a visual stim, and there are many exercises that can help.  A neurodevelopmental therapist can help, we used the NACD to help our son and they had virtually all his sensory issues (there were LOTS of them) sorted out within a year.  If you are really worried and driving yourself crazy, this could be a good place to look as these people really know children.   Mendability is another great program, different to NDT but it heals the brain and sensory pathways, this one is cheaper and easier than NDT.  And I am sure Dr Google would have a few suggestions for sensory healing therapies.  It also sounds like she could have high adrenaline, google Dr Michael Platt, he has just written a book on it.  I have not read that yet, but he talks a lot about ADHD and high adrenaline in his first book, and in his blog.  High adrenaline can cause the high energy, lack of need to sleep, anxiety, (sometimes a "stim"like flapping can be used to calm anxiety) and high intelligence.   Phosphatidyl serine is a great supplement to help balance the negatives, it will help with focus and calmness within herself. 

Another area to look at would be diet, maybe she is reacting to certain foods, the GAPS (Gut and Psychology Syndrome) diet is great for helping autism and sensory issues as it heals the gut.  Probiotics are great, but go gently to avoid die-off.

From what you have said she does not sound autistic to me, her social skills sound great, it just sounds like she may have some sensory issues and these are easily remedied.  Good luck and hugs, she soudns like a fabulous kid and it sounds like you are on the right path. 

[Mandabplus3]

She sounds very much like a couple of kids I have taught and frankly I can't say anything you have written has me worried at all. Many kids in this age bracket do all those things. Yes even the hand flapping.
If you are really worried then take her to see a specialist. If for no reason than to stop you from worrying. As parents we often worry but I ask you this. What difference will it make to her life right now if she gets a diagnosis? She is happy, not stressed and learning. She doesn't need a diagnosis at this point in her life so why get one?
 I can say that in the past I have had many parents come to me worried about their children for various reasons. Each time I have been able to erasure them all is fine and that their children behave quite normally at school. It is very common for children to give their best for a teacher and give mum all the worst behaviour. The three kids I knew where in need of a diagnosis did get one the year after they left my care or during.  Teachers with any real experience are usually pretty good at judging these things. If her teacher has been in the industry for a few years they probably do know what  they are talking about.

[Korrale4kq]

There is such a fine line between typical quirk kids and atypically developing kids. And it is hard to tell the difference when a child is right in front of you. I highly recommend ay qualms you have be Addressed to a specialist. As she is 5 I would contact your local school district and see if they could direct you to the right place.
Fwiw, my son does a lot of these things and he isn't typical. He has a sensory disorder. But he is quasi manageable with a lot of assist. But I known kids that have been like this and they are completely typical and do not need any assists.

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