Help! Ideas for child who hates going to preschool

[linzy]

My son is 2y8m and has up until now been with various one-on-one caregivers. While these women were quite nice to our son he was not really getting the intellectual stimulation we want for him. So we decided to send him to a very well respected montessori school near my work.  I expected there to be a transition period but after 2 weeks he still starts crying hysterically whenever we drop him off, the teacher says he doesn't play with the other kids but just sits in a chair off to himself, he also has been completely toilet trained for 7 or 8 months and has been having some accidents. When I ask him about it he says it is because the toilet is too big for him. When I pick him up on one occasion I have seen him sitting off to the side, but the other times he has been either sleeping (when I pick him up at nap time) or working on an art project.  This is very unlike him, he is usally very gregarious and when we visit with friends he runs of and plays with their kids quite happily.  I am trying to be positive about it for him but I just don't know what to do. How long would you let these complete breakdowns every morning go on before giving up? I suppose eventually he will realize that his crying doesn't help anything and just quit, but I don't know if I wasn tto break his spirit like that.  What do you guys think??

[Ayesha Nicole]

Dear Linzy,

How frustrating for you and for your son.  When my husband's daugther's daughter (Layla now 4) began preschool this year - she had the same problem, even though she had gone for a few half-days to "try it" and she liked it.  My schedule is very flexible because I am a "Professional Mom" and stay-at-home.  The first day, I stayed with her through the first part of class and then left at the transition time.  The next day, I left her shortly after she entered the classroom.  The next day, after she removed her coat and put her bag away in her cubby right at the door.  The next day, I stood with her in line and she went up the stairs of the school with the teacher - screaming her head off - as I blew her a kiss and left.  Then next day, I stood with her in the line in the cafeteria where the teachers come to take the kids from the parents and go upstairs to their classrooms.  It took over a month and she finally learned that it is safe and fine.  I also told her and teh teachers that each time she cried "quietly" and "participated", that I would give her chocolate (small piece) and everytime I would pick her up from school, I would praise her for being so brave and strong.  And before taking her school, I would prepare her to be "brave and strong".  And at night when brushing her teeth, I would remind her of what she would do the next day - wake up quietly, come upstairs to Nanna quietly, pray, eat, prepare for school quietly, go to school and stay quietly.  [I had to emphasize quietly - meaning that every child/adult has the right to their feelings, and as parents, we have to limit actions/teach the proper expression of those feelings] because she was allowed by her parents of a different culture, to scream for everything, and it developed into a bad habit.)

Please find some useful suggestions below:

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/starting_school

And some other resources that have been useful to me:
http://forum.brillkids.com/teaching-your-child-other-topics/teaching-children-emotional-intelligence-and-communicating-with-children/

Hang in there!
- Ayesha  

[linzy]

Thanks Ayesha! My husband has been trying to stay for circle time and then say goodbye when they go outside. So far he still is very upset, so it's good to know that it can take even a month.  I wish I could just stay home with him as he is so happy at home, but its just not possible at this time.

[GloriaD]

Hello All,

two tips I was given I took my daughter to pre-school (part time 3 hours 2 days, she was 3.5 years old)

1. Prepare the baby for what is coming, meaning I was advice to go to the school with her before her enrollement several times and walk thru the school, show her all the kids and talk to her about how much fun this is going to be, how many great things she was going to learn, all the games, etc.. push her imagination to EXPECT good things from this experience and reward after picking her up with her favorite treats

2. Suggestion time, for the first 5 minutes after she falls sleep and for up to 20 minutes, she is sleep but her subconcious is still receptive to anything you want to instil in her, this technique is used to remove bad habbits like thumb sucking but this can also be used to encourage a kid to take naps, to relax, to enjoy play time at shool etc.. it takes 2 to 3 weeks (talking to her every night and nap time) before you can see any effect.

Hope this helps, and always trust your heart, if the baby keeps crying pls listen ... many times they can see beyond what we can see ... it may be the case that baby is simply not ready yet for school. (that was my daughther case at 2.8 months, she could not adapt and after talking to her pediatrician we decided not to expose her to that much stress as she was really miserable and that is not what school is meant to feel like at any age)

Good luck.

Gloria

[newchs]

gosh..its my turn soon to worry about it. Thanks guys. Useful and informative

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