How to get a 2 year old excited about the baby

[dadsrock]

I have a 2 y.o. and a 1 month old and am struggling with getting my little boy excited about his little sister. I know this is an age old problem that every parent has to do deal with, but does anyone have any suggestions for me?

[rugrat]

Don't really know as I don't have any experience in this area.    Maybe you could find books to read to your 2 year old on subjects about loving, sharing and caring for his little sister.  You could also try to secretly buy a small gift, something you know he would really want, have it wrapped up and give it to him, telling him it's from his sister.   
     

[Marmee]

Hi

I've always found that after the initial excitement of having a new baby which lasts a couple of days there really isn't anything that exciting about a baby to a toddler. They don't do anything, take up Mum and Dad's time and sleep or feed a lot.  Which is really pretty boring to a toddler.

Why are you concerned about your toddler being excited?  Is it because you are worried that they may not bond with the baby?  If this is the case my advice is to relax and not worry too much because once the baby is a bit more interesting your toddler will be more interested in baby.

The  you need to do is give your toddler lots of reassurance that they are important and still try and make time to do things that are interesting for him and are part of his usual routine.  Don't focus on wanting him to be excited or loving towards his sister but allow him to interact with her at his own pace.  I've found that the more worried we become about trying to get our toddlers to do something the less likely they are to do it.  If you give them some space and take your cues from your little boy he will soon be so interested he will want to interact with her.  That's when you need to lovingly support his interactions and show him how he can play with her.

I find that somewhere between 2-4 months my older children have become fascinated with the baby.  This coincides with the new routine becoming more established and predictable and the baby becoming more aware of her surroundings and interactive with her environment.

[McDume]

This will not be helpful to you, but we waited 4 years between kids (3), the idea being that by 4, the child has been out of the nest a bit, knows the parents will be there when he/she returns, has become his/her own person to a certain extent and has friends outside the family unit.... It still rocks the child's world to have a new sibling, but since they're a little older, the transition is easier because at least they understand the concept. And they have friends who have other siblings and even yearn for that relationship to a certain extent.

[Marmee]

That is interesting McDume because we thought the same but boy were we wrong.  Our first two children were 4 1/2 years apart and our first child struggled so much more than children who were younger.  Even now over 4 years later she adores her two youngest sisters but has a love/hate relationship with her second sister stemming from her feeling that her world changed when she was born.  We did everything to try and support her through this and change it but it comes up time and time again.  Prior to her sister being born she had been begging for us to have another baby and couldn't wait for her to be born. 

She was at kindy, had friends and family and other activities that we maintained and nothing changed as far as her activities but it wasn't enough.  She understood but on an emotional level she was upset.

I've also noticed this with other families with a large gap between siblings.  The older child may be easier to distract in the short term but long term remembers the way they had all the attention and is resentful.  Younger children tend to adapt a lot better and although it is harder in the early days they seem to bond better with younger siblings and don't really remember being an only child with their parent's undivided attention therefore don't tend to crave it to the same extent.

Having said all this I also think that the personality of the older child is a huge variable and can make all the difference in how well they adapt, regardless of their age.

[NadiaD]

Marmee, thank you for your ideas!
They totally make sence! And I do agree that all children different, and may be jealous no matter how hard you try.

[Marmee]

Thank you Nadia, I'm glad it was helpful.  The more children I have had the more I have come to realise just how different they can be and that each baby is a new learning opportunity for us as parents 

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