Hi, this is an interesting survey that I have read in the papers once.
It was conducted by Makoto Shichida, the founder of Shichida Method.
He separated the parents and children into 2 classrooms.
He went to 1 classroom (of parents) and asked each and everyone of them if he/she loved the child and why? Apparently, all the parents in the classroom nodded their heads and were able to quote examples like, I love my child because I bought him his favourite toy for his birthday. Or some would say, I have spend $x on my child on clothes and expensive brain-enriching programs, of course, that is my show of love to him.
Then he went to the other classroom (of children), and asked if the child felt that the parent loved him/her. Interesting to note was: almost all the children shook their heads. When asked why, one child quoted that her father likes to drag her into the (Shichida) class and her feet hurt (bec of her shoes) and it was painful to be dragged. Another child quoted that his parents didn't love him because they didn't like playing with him and he had to play with toys.
It's kinda sad when I read that but it is actually very true how different a parent and child's interpretation of love is. That study was very impressionable and I had made a point to ask my boy if I loved him.
Very sad to say that he would also shake his head and when asked why, he said that I've always had an angry face when I talk to him. From that point, I will talk to him in a softer and calmer tone, and would watch out for my own facial expressions before he mis-interpretes my facial expressions again.
Disclaimer: To him, there's only happy and angry faces/emotions and happy means
(when I talk to him but I would look like a clown). He is unable to differentiate between
or a neutral face like
.
Maybe you might want to ask your child if you loved him/her as he will be able to provide you ideas of how to be a more loving parent.
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