Should you teach your child to be independent?

[L and J]

http://www.psychology.sunysb.edu/attachment/online/independence.pdf

Here is a very complicated article which would suggest that the independence needs is different for every child and pushing the independence of a child when they are not ready for it can backfire the same as pushing potty training.

I agree completely, because until patty training is being a headache for me

[marimari]

After reading this subject again, I noticed I am facing a problem with my 1y 5m. She until gets crying when I don´t want to let her drink water by herself, so that I don´t want her to wash her. This is a conflict!!!

[L and J]

buy a baby or a toddle cup , those with special cover you know, so she does not get wet.

[bri320]

Independence begins very early in life. When a baby can hold their own bottle, but it makes you feel cozy and closer to hold it, you are already impeding on their right to be independent, in my opinion. When they can crawl around the room and get their toys, but you put them all in a pile to make it easier for them, you are taking away their ability to reason and think about how to get from here to there, and how many toys can they hold at once, etc. It's hard to think so far ahead when they are such little beings, but one day, they are going to go out into the world to be on their own. Will you have taught them all they need to know? If things happen they do not know about, will the concepts and beliefs you have made them aware of, help them figure out those things? You better hope.

[ShenLi]

I think there are several things to consider with this subject:

- children go through phases of dependence and independence and we should follow their lead.  If they express the desire to be independent, don't squelch it.  But neither should they be forced to be independent when they don't want to.

- changes in circumstances around them.  The arrival of a new sibling often sends very capable toddlers flying back into babyhood.  At times like these, you really need to cut your child some slack.

- individuality - some children just want to do everything themselves while others are more cautious and want Mummy and Daddy to help.  You should encourage them but accept that you cannot force the latter child to be like the former.

- age of the child - don't forget how old the child is.  There is an expectation for children to grow up quickly and learn to be independent from the word go.  Clingy children are often viewed as being mollycoddled and the belief is that they will struggle later in life because they've been babied.  But if your child is young, then a little mollycoddling isn't really going to hurt - it just shows the child that if he needs it, his parents will be there for him.

MariMari - give your daughter a chance to drink by herself whenever you can afford to.  If she spills, she spills, but she will learn.  The more chances she gets to practice, the faster she will be able to do it herself.  For instance, my son was drinking out of cups since he was able to hold one.  He was breastfed and I never used bottles on him so the next logical step was a cup.  When he first started, he would often douse himself by overtipping the cup, but you could see he was learning from the experience because he would be more cautious the next time around.  He now uses porcelain mugs and glasses without any problems.  Or you can just do what L and J suggested and offer those toddler spill proof cups.

[hypatia]

In my opinion, there are factors other than personality and education in regards to independence. A stressful pregnancy, a traumatic delivery, post-partum depression etc. might make a baby/toddler more or less clingy.

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