shout at baby... :(

[qisdhi mom]

Hi all..

I want to make a confession...

I feel terrible,stress and tension this morning,wake up from bed with thousand of regrets;yesterday I had shouted at my babies;and I had pinch them.. 
what kind of mother I am.I really don't know why its happen,suddenly I felt to tired after work,stress,my husband is not around,only me,with the full of house work,messy house and the toddler is too naughty,the crawler don't want to sleep,I can't control my self being mad at my children.

And the worst thing is, I do flashcard session by forced.I asked her(my toddler) which one is banana,which one is bicycle,which is polar bear,and so on......and she answer all correct!(I was surprise, she did not answer all correct before..)I'm not sure of my feeling,that I must be happy or sad??? 

It still seen in my mind,last night,when I had shouted at my baby and scolded them,they looks soooo fear.             they cry and it make me pissed off.again,what kind of mother I am!!!!!!,I still feel sad,and until now when I write this message,my tears is in my eyes..

help me parents, I need some advise,or any experience..how can I overcome this,my feelings..and how can I apologize to them..I know baby dont have longer memory;this morning they wake up and the toddler(my first baby) is just stick with me,want me to carry her,dont want to let me go! (after what I had done to her, she's doing this to me?this is really make me feel guilty!!

wonder how momtomany overcome her stress handling her 6 babies... mine is just two,but i had failed!.i really salute her.

[candiesnlollies]

Well, i guess it happens. Sometimes i yell at my girl too when she is naughty, n i felt sorry after that. I guess it is important for us to control our temper. Think of happy things to get u into good moods, place a piece of soft music etc. Or, 'keep them busy' , think of things to let them do. Example, i tell my girl to transfer buttons from a bowl to another. I m from Malaysia too, but we moved to Japan since last yr. I have not many friends here, do not know the language well... I face alot of problems too, so i understand how u feel, sometimes we just feel so helpless n hopeless at the same time. Always remember, learning n teaching should be fun! I think u r great in teaching ur kids, keep up the good work. When u r in a bad mood, just dont teach for a day, it is ok. U could focus on other things like singing to them etc... Dont feel bad, it happens. If they r wrong, explain to them, try not to pinch them.Dont worry, u r doing fine! Relax...

[PY]

OHHH I am really sorry..I can tell you feel really upset. Today my 16 months old baby pull my hair really hard, she really made me upset( she usually doesn't) but today daddy wasn't around(too busy at work) I was really tired also, when she did that I say NO don't do that!! I was really upset with her..but five seconds later I was feeling terrible for first time I was mad at her, she started to cry and made me fell really bad. Then I apologize to her and kiss her, hug her..etc.

we get tired, so many things going on...work,house,baby,husband...a lot!!But we need to breath and live the room for few seconds, play some dvd for them to give us at least few minutes of relaxing!!
When Catalina missbehaves  and I became in a really bad mood I just try to go away, or for her safety put her in her crib for 1 minute and came back , if she cries is ok!! LeT her cry for few seconds while you breath. That helps me!!

Everybody some time gets to this point, and we learn from it! We don't want to do it again because is an ugly feeling BUT move on(it is not easy, but you learn..and know better next time).
We are mothers ...HUMANS!! wE LEARN  from mistakes.. there is not a perfect mother,father or son but there is always a perfect moment to think about our mistakes and learn from there!!

You are a great mom...your baby loves you...be positive, everything will be fine!!

[qisdhi mom]

thanks so much candlesniollies..agree with u,its happens..learns from mistake 

PY,thanks dear,you really bring tears to my eyes..          

...feel better now..

*PY,u have a wonderful baby,I remember from your post before,ur baby,Catalina loves loves loves to read and she is one of those babies who has toys for no reason.   

[PY]

thanks so much candlesniollies..agree with u,its happens..learns from mistake 

PY,thanks dear,you really bring tears to my eyes..          

...feel better now..

*PY,u have a wonderful baby,I remember from your post before,ur baby,Catalina loves loves loves to read and she is one of those babies who has toys for no reason.   

I am glad you feel better!! We are here for sharing our experiences and as I said before we are not perfect!! So cheer up, don't worry tomorrow will be another day , enjoy it with your cute babies and forget what just happend ,

[momtomany]

I am more patient now with 6 kids than I was with 2 kids (1 was not so hard, but after 2 then I found it quite difficult at times).  I remember when I only had one, she was not going to sleep when it was bedtime and I felt so frustrated that I was crying!.... Later I learned to just let the kid stay up another hour and try again, also that a very regular bedtime routine means that you'll rarely have any bedtime problems.  But when it was the first kid, things would frustrate me (was I honestly worried that she wouldn't ever fall asleep that night?!).  Back then, I could have easily written exactly what you wrote... I've done it too.  Also I was only 22yrs old... now I am 37 and that makes a big difference.  I always say to people, "You raise the first; the rest just grow up".  I still am not a perfect Mommy!  I still do get quite snippy occasionally if I am very tired, or if something else is on my mind and bothering me... I sometimes stay up too late because I want to get all sorts of things done to be a good Mommy for my family... sometimes night after night... and then the children notice that I'm grumpier.  This is normal to be out of sorts sometimes, and I think it's okay for kids to realize that their parents are human too... it's important for them to know that your wrong reaction wasn't fair and that you are feeling tired/frustrated, that you still love them.  They will forgive you just like that!  If you are really having a problem and being an abusive, neglecting parent, then go and get help for it... but know that every parent loses it once in a while, and your kids will be just fine.  Try to find out what is bothering you and deal with that.  If you aren't getting enough sleep, then make sure you do.  Regular exercise is great for regulating those happy/calm chemicals in your brain... take the kids out for a daily walk (keeps them out of mischief for a while too!)  Are you worried about something?  (Often the underlying cause of anger is fear).  Maybe you are worried that your efforts aren't paying off, or that your misbehaving toddler will turn into a juvenile delinquent, or that someone who sees your kids will think that you're not a good parent for some reason, or that they aren't learning enough, or that you've told them a million times - why don't they ever get it?!  My own biggest personal fear is that I'm not doing a good enough job raising them... I always feel a certain degree of inadequacy!

In our family we expect obedience from our children (Children, honour your father and mother)... but guess what?... we don't always get obedience.  It is very important to us that our children learn this, so sometimes I have become too focussed on behaviour.  As I become a more experienced parent, I realize more and more that they are a work in progress... to behave is something they will GRADUALLY learn... and it doesn't matter how perfect my parenting is, they will never ever be perfect kids (or adults!)  Humans are ALL subject to selfish human nature, and before they are three, psychological studies show that they aren't even capable of thinking of the interests of others.  So we must be VERY patient with these little ones in training them with manners and sharing and so on, because they just aren't developmentally there yet... it's nothing to get angry about.  The goal is 'slow to anger, quick to forgive'.  It is important to consistently expect the correct behaviour, but it is way way more important to develop a good relationship with your kids.  You see it all the time... kids growing up in 'good Christian homes' who end up a mess as teenagers, and just as often you see children growing up in quite 'liberal' homes with lower expectations and they turn out to be happy well-adjusted people... the most important ingredient is love.  It isn't the perfect healthy diet, or the age they learn to read, or the tidiness of the house, or how well behaved they are, or whether they are in school/daycare or at home/homeschooled, or how many languages they learn, or how much/little TV they watch that will determine how they turn out as adults.  What really determines how well they turn out as adults (as far as being happy people with successful families), is the unconditional love they receive from their parent(s) growing up.  So don't worry too much about how good of a parent you are.... concentrate first on loving them just the way they are and expecting nothing in return.... the other details don't matter nearly as much.

So you wondered how a mother of 6 can get through a day still sane... well, experience, maturity, (necessity!), knowledge, practice, efficiency... these are all a part of it I suppose, but personally the only way that I can keep going day after day after day is because I trust God to supply me with all my needs, so I don't need to spend any time worrying about having enough money, time, patience, wisdom, or physical ability to look after 6 (7 in December) kids... I know that my loving, generous Lord will give me all that I need.

So get some rest and exercise, address whatever is making you feel tense, and start fresh again tomorrow.  Your kids know you love them.  There aren't ANY perfect parents out there.  Just keep loving them and try not to worry too much if they aren't behaving the way you want them to... they're just a work in progress.  (Just the fact that yelling at your babies has bothered you so much that you would write on this forum with such passionate remorse.... I'm totally convinced that you love your children and they are going to turn out just fine!  You're a wonderful mother.)

I don't know if any of this is helpful... it's just my humble opinion... I hope you have better days ahead.

[qisdhi mom]

momtomany,thanks..thousand thanks for your advise.I know you are the right person to advise this. I feel much much much better,I feel good after read your message.Well,I guess experience make us be grown up,mature. I always set in mind that handling this 2 babies is nothing compare to you,with 6 kids.  but anyway, I hate feeling regret, so that's why I hardly avoid to make any mistake; scold,shout,yell or do anything bad at my kids.but as you said-the goal is "slow the anger,quick to forgive"- I like that!!and I agreed that we must always be patient,nothing to get angry about!...

momtomany,again,thousand thanks for your advise.Your advise is truly humble.I'm sure this advise help many parents in this forum.KARMA to you! 

To Balqys,Dhya,I loves u!Please forgive me! 

[sontass]

write it down in your diary or stick it to a mirror or something that you will be the most gentle and kind organised mummy ever! keep reading it and keep believing it and ask God for help and then make practical moves to achieve your goals. keep remembering that when we show kindness and gentleness to our babies they grow up with good manners towards us, with love and gentleness back to us in return.
I'm so proud of you that you sought help for this!

[cgdmom]

I have also shouted at my children and then asked for forgiveness.  Parenting is the toughest job out there.  Thank you momtomany for your advice.  I really do hope that my chlidren turn out all right as adults, it is one of my worries.  I also believe in your saying  "It isn't the perfect healthy diet, or the age they learn to read, or the tidiness of the house, or how well behaved they are, or whether they are in school/daycare or at home/homeschooled, or how many languages they learn, or how much/little TV they watch that will determine how they turn out as adults.  What really determines how well they turn out as adults (as far as being happy people with successful families), is the unconditional love they receive from their parent(s) growing up.  So don't worry too much about how good of a parent you are.... concentrate first on loving them just the way they are and expecting nothing in return.... the other details don't matter nearly as much"

I continue to love each of them every day.  To teach them by example how to be patient and that when I have made a mistake to apologize so that they also learn that it is ok to make mistakes.  That we don't have to get angry every time we make a mistake, that we can look at the mistake as a learning experience.

Thank you to everyone who shares their worries, concerns, stories and advice.

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