Sibling Rivalry

[winth]

Hi there,

I think my 2 boys are experience sibling rivalry.
Both wants lots of attention and they seem to be arguing alot.

There are times when they will play with each other and the 5 year old is able to take care of his brother very well, so well that we can even steal time to laze in bed for at least an hour.

Things will not be the same when we come into the picture. They tend to start arguing (using baby language, screaming etc) and they even hit each other (rather hard for their age) when my hubby and I thought we could enjoy a peaceful, lazy afternoon.

My mum (the main caregiver) told me that it's getting quite serious, esp for the 5 year old who defies instructions and start to do things the opposite way. All attention seems to be given to my younger child as now he's the cuter and younger one who needs lots of attention.

Anyone able to advise what I can do here?
I have tried talking to my 5 year old, but he is crying more often and seems emotionally unstable.

[Maddy]

Hi winth

I'm sure your older son is experiencing jealousy - and he must realize that his younger brother is the cuter one. You must make a big effort not to go on about how cute the younger son is - and ask your mother to do the same.

Also, I think you need to spend some time with your older son - just the two of you. And your husband can do the same. Separate the two boys and do separate activities with them.

I'm sure your older son wants to open up to you, but is finding it hard - after all, he is only 5.

Good luck! And do keep us posted.

Maddy

[winth]

Thanks Maddy!

Sometimes I'm wondering if I'm starting to show signs of favourtism, subconsciously.

You must make a big effort not to go on about how cute the younger son is - and ask your mother to do the same.

Guess you are right!

Once I told my boys that BS is a very hardworking boy (for completing all his assignments that I give him nightly) and ES is a very handsome boy (well he has no other abilities yet, so there's nothing I could comment except his cuteness). I thought I was being fair with my comments as I wanted to tell them how good they are.

Almost immediately, my 5 year old told me that he doesn't want to be a hardworking boy as he wants to be a handsome boy too. I was like oops...

Recently, he even wanted me to tell him all the reasons why 'I am proud of him' as I usually tell him this statement throughout his life when he did something commendable.

He is ultra-sensitive and sometimes, it is a challenge to handle his emotions.

[EG]

Hi there,

I was recently blessed with a little girl and I have a five year old son already. So after five years of undivided attention, my son is having to share mine and the entire family's attention. But he is taking it rather well and I beleive it has to do with the way I introduced my litte girl to him and the other members of the family. I addressed her as Vansh's lil sister ! and I would spend only the bare minimum amount of time with her in his presence for at least one month after she was born. Of course I have to thank my family for being extra cooperative by simply taking her away from me as soon as she was fed ! That way vansh was sure that nothing has changed between us and at the same time the little bundle we have is his sister. In other words she belongs to him completely.

Thereafter, I began to include my daughter in our daily play and talk sessions by using phrases like : Nini did u notice how smart your  brother is.... or did u see how quickly he finished his milk etc. Now my daughetr is 3 months old and vansh adores her. I am sure I too will have to deal with my share or sibling rivalry but I am pretty satisfied that the beginning has been good and vansh does not hold any grudge against his lil sis for having snached his mum from him. My son is also ultra sensitive and I really feel this has helped.

Good luck and keep us posted...

Ekta

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