Sleep Deprived - help!

[TmS]

Hi All,

My son is now 26 months. He has never been one for much sleep (we have photos of him still wide awake four hours after birth) as a new born he slept maybe 12 hours a day by the time he 3 months this was down to ten, now it's 8 (or less). I don't know how he's managing to function (I certainly am having issues with the lack of sleep).

He goes to bed at one in the morning, wakes up at four for a feed and is up anywhere between seven thirty and nine.....he doesn't stop all day. He's not hyperactive just busy. We do lots of exercise with him to tire him out but to no avail. If we put him in his room and turn the lights off he simply sings to himself or plays in the dark!!!!! We used to be able to get him to sleep with a car ride when we were desperate, but last night even an hour long car trip did nothing.

The paediatrician said "smart babies don't need as much sleep, I wouldn't expect any changes".....and that since Sabian's development was advanced it wasn't affecting him. The problem is it's affecting me and my husband. We're exhausted, getting nothing done and have no adult time in the house.

Has anyone got any experience with children who don't sleep? My mum says that my sisters and I never slept either, but surely there is someway to get him to have at least nine hours?????

[Marmee]

Sleep deprivation really is hard.  I understand how tired you must be by now.

I wish I had some really great advice about how to get your baby to sleep more but I don't.  The thing I've learnt is that all my children have needed varying amounts of sleep and if they are happy and healthy then it's not really an issue (for them).  My eldest child is like that and has always been a night owl and I was only able to get her to bed early when she was able to read to herself until she fell asleep.  My second daughter will just go to sleep when she is ready, usually around 7-7:30pm as does my third child. 

We did find that the period from 2-2 1/2 years to be the worst for lack of sleep with all our children.  I think they slowed down their growth a bit so weren't as tired as they were before.

My advice would be for your husband and you to prioritise getting enough sleep.  My husband and I have a deal where on weekends he sleeps in (since I am always awake when the children wake up and find it really difficult to stay in bed even if he is awake) and when he gets up I am free to go to bed and nap for as long as I need.  It's not ideal but at least it gets us through these first years of having little sleep. Maybe you can take turns to rest, or even if this is not possible are you able to get somebody else to care for your son while you catch up?

The only other thing I noticed is that my children were much more likely to sleep during the day if I laid down with them on the bed and pretended I was asleep and then they would sleep since they weren't missing out on anything interesting.

[TmS]

Thanks Marmee,

He suddenly stopped having day time sleeps a while ago but I might try reintroducing them, even if he just stays in bed with me and has down time so I can sleep.

My husband and I do take turns sleeping but it all catches up as you would know.

Thanks for sharing, it's nice to know other kids are like it too (I worry sometimes there's something wrong that the doctors are missing).

[TeachingMyToddlers]

Maybe this will help. www.mytotclock.com

 I have been waiting for this Tot Clock to come back in stock for MONTHS. Finally, they are available for preorder and to ship next week. They only have a few hundred and are expected to go fast.

http://www.mytotclock... Coupon Code MTCVIP20 for 20% off


I have researched pretty much every clock on the market and this is the one I personally liked the best because it has so many functions. There are others out there but this is the only one with a separate nap timer (which is primarily what I want it for).

26 months is old enough to understand directions, like "have a quiet rest in your bed during the afternoon until the clock turns green."

[TmS]

oh fantastic!!!!

Thank you so much, will be getting one for sure...what a great idea.

Thank you both,. I can't tell you how unnerving it is when a doctor says well that's just the way it's going to be. I've been on the verge of tears all day simply from tiredness.

Thank goodness he's such a good boy or it would be billion times worse.

 

[goodnightmoon]

Another thing that might help is developing a before-bed routine. This helps your child's body know when it becomes time for him to wind down. my kids have a bath, then brush teeth, pick up toys, read a story, tell a story, tuck in and then sleep. I think it helps because they know that when the hands of the clock get to the 8 they just start getting ready on their own. Another thing is to make sure you don't bend the rules. they need to know they always do this before bed, no questions asked. It will be hard for the first few days getting them to do it, but after that they will just do it of their own accord.

[laughingwater]

Another thing you might try is to teach your son to have quiet time where he plays quietly by himself. That may allow you some time to take a nap during the day.

[TeachingMyToddlers]

And I totally agree with GoodnightMoon, a routine helps soooo much.  We do bath, brush teeth, comb hair, diaper/pullup and jammies, tweedlewink & milk,  then bed.

[khatty]

Tms.  Well, you are not alone!  My daughter isn't much of a sleeper, and like yours never has been.  The most EVER, even at 1 month old, she would sleep would be about 12 hours in a 24 hour period - and usually never all at once.  She is now 31 months old and only sleeps about 8-9 hours at night, no naps.  My daughter never consistently napped during the day, and by 1 year old she pretty much stopped napping all together.  Her bedtime is about midnight and she wakes about 8:30ish.  It has only been the last 2-3 months that she has consistently slept through the night.  I really really understand the sleep deprivation and the no adult time and the inability to accomplish even the easiest tasks in a day.

Yes, yes, I've read every sleep book I can find and have tried many many things to get her to sleep and to sleep more.  All to no avail.  About a year ago I gave up on the idea and started accepting the reality of my daughter.  She doesn't need as much sleep.  I've been happier since I have just accepted my daughter for who she is - she isn't a sleeper.

However, I am a sleeper.  Before I had kids I liked my 8-9 hours a sleep myself!  Now I have a kid who only sleep 8-9 hours, so it is impossible for me to get what I need.  Yet, I do have a few tricks to get as much as I can.  We do have a bedtime routine.  We snack together, we brush our teeth together, we wash our faces together, and then we lie down in her bed to read together.  This means that I am able and ready to fall asleep when she is.  There is no need for me to get back up to finish anything.  I like to read before falling asleep so I started reading the classics to my daughter at bedtime.  It satisfies her need to be read to, and my need to read before falling asleep.  Yes, this means a lot of nights I am falling asleep with her and then waking up with her - but it means I can get 8 hours.  Other nights at least I am ready to crawl into my own bed and immediately fall asleep.

I am currently pregnant and if I need a nap I put a stack of books and toys beside the bed and let her play on her own.  It isn't a deep sleep, but at least it is nap, and I know she is safe beside me.

Adult time.  Well, we do what we can to have lots of family time to make up for the lack of together time.  It isn't great, but it won't be forever.

It terms of accomplishing anything, housework, projects, etc.  I have basically given up.  I dislike it, but the truth is I really need to lower my standards.  I need to save my energy for my daughter and the basics and now growing life.  No point in wasting energy cleaning a house that will be dirty 5 seconds from now.  I have learned to say NO to volunteer commitments.  This stage of my daughter's life won't last forever, but right now, she is more important.

I work really hard playing and teaching her everyday.  It wears me out trying to wear her out so she will sleep more.  It doesn't matter what I do, she won't sleep more than 9 hours.

Sleep deprived, yes, but hopefully only for another few years:)

[TmS]

Oh my goodness, Khatty, you have described our life!

We've read everything and tried the routines - they only work when done at midnight

I guess you're right about the lowering standards, some things just don't matter.

I simply can't imagine being pregnant while trying to cope this - so I take my hat off to you.

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions, hopefully we'll be able to at least get him to rest while I have a nap to cope.

[Marmee]

Khatty this also describes exactly how I was.  Before having children I was a nanny and worked in child care so routines were never a problem for me, I had a thousand things I could try but not one of them worked with my daughter.  I also found that in the end accepting and adjusting was a lot better than trying to force something that would just never happen.  We still did our before bed and nap routines but I stopped expecting them to result in anything more than quiet time.

If it's any consolation my second daughter was an absolute breeze and would regularly nap, go to bed without a fuss and even take herself off earlier than usual if she was tired.  So I really hope your next baby is the same!

I have also lowered my standards a lot since having my third and fourth children wrt the house.  I have a list of the things I want to get done on a daily basis and they are in a priority order so I start at the top and work my way down.  Some days I complete the list, other days I only get as far as meals, dishes, washing.  Personally I long for when I can get my household back to the standard I want but I look at others houses which are perfect but the children are not getting any attention and are unhappy and I remind myself that it's not forever and I would rather spend this time with my kids.

It is really such a short time.  My eldest two are at school and next year my third daughter will start pre-kindy one day a week and only 4 years ago I had one daughter at kindy and a baby.  It is the blink of an eye.  It helps having older children to remind me of this when I feel as if I am in a neverending cycle of sleep deprivation and housework that multiplies faster than I can clean it.

FWIW my non-sleeping baby is now a beautiful almost 9 year old that continues to amaze and delight me but is in bed by 8:30pm until 7:30am with no dramas! 

[annaskids]

Thanks for all that! I have been going crazy lately trying to figure out how  to keep everyone on schedules, I decided last night that sometimes life doesn't have to be scheduled. It doesn't have to be cut and dried. Life is a rollercoaster and we should just have fun and enjoy the ride for all of it's ups and downs.

[susanschorn]

Wish I could find a consistent answer.  Have tried lots of tricks that work for a while but my 26 mo old continues to be a nightowl like her mother.  I LOVE spending the time with her, just can't get anything done since she's awake too.

[TmS]

Hey Susanchorn,

There is a lot of information (or tricks as you call it) out there that work for most babies but I guess we have to remember that everything in life fits into the bell curve and that those of us with children in the outlier regions just aren't going to get the same results.

When Sabian was younger I was told that babies always wake up at the same time and to put him in bed at 7:30 and he'll still wake up at 7:30, just give it a week. Well we did that on the advice of this "sleep expert" and after wearing him out all day and skipping his nap we managed to get him down by 7:30 and he was up at 3:30, a week later we were zombies and Sabian's routine was still the same number of hours just at a worse time of the day.

Over the last few days I've taken the advice of these wonderful parents and mixed it all up a bit. Rather than expecting him to sleep at a reasonable hour like other children I expect him to sleep when he's tired.

Going to sleep when he does means I am at least getting sleep which makes dealing with a messy house and energetic child much much easier.

I feel guilty now for trying to fit my child into a square whole when he's so obviously a round peg. We've never done that with anything else but the lack of sleep was clouding my judgement.

I look forward to the day when he's older and is like Marmee's nine year old

[Marmee]

You know I really do wonder sometimes if the reason so many adults have issues sleeping is because as children so many of us were on strict sleep schedules and we have lost the ability to know when we are actually tired and need to sleep.

I do think that most children will sleep when tired if they are left to self regulate and that the insistence on sleep experts of a 7:00/7:30pm bedtime regardless of a child's individual needs impedes their ability to self regulate.

I am all in favour of a bedtime routine to wind down but I'm not convinced that a set time is necessary.

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