Stubborn baby

[Krisha]

My daughter (2.6yrsold) seems to be becoming very stubborn day by day.
She will always refuse to do any thing asked her to do,let it be her fav.
I even have complains from her school that she beats her friends who dont listen n do things as per her wish...
I am confussed what to do?
I am very short tempered person so on listening all this I get angry very soon.
Please help me a way out to control things between us...I feel our my bonding between me n my daughter is also affected because of my short tempered nature...

[KL]

Everyone's opinion is different, but I'm a very firm believer of early discipline.

The thing is, discipline can be enforced without having to use anger.  What we do is that we ask Felicity to correct her behavior, and tell her the consequences if she doesn't do so.  And when she doesn't correct the behavior, you enforce it. 

Some tips:

- Emphasize what you want her to do, instead of what you don't want her to do. Eg., if she hits you, you can say to her gently, "Uh-uh... you can hit me gently on my hand here, like this, ok?"

- try to reason with her, eg., "How would you like it if people hit you the same way? Would you like that?"

- Always encourage her correct behavior whenever there is the slightest sign of it. In other words, use POSITIVE reinforcement (encouraging the posive), rather than negative (discouraging the negative).  Whenever you see positive behavior, shower her with praise, tell her what a grown up girl she is, etc. etc.

Hope that helps!

[Krisha]

Hi KL
 Thing have been done this way but she will always say the opposite side of the story, I cant understand ow but she has the tendency to behave in the indisciplined way this tendency increases especially when my mother-in-law is with us..

[carpe_diem]

Hi Krisha 
I would agree with KL
It sounds as though your LO is trying to find her boundaries - I think most kids go through a stage of asserting themselves, and this shows up at about the age of your DD.
IMHO she tries this on when your MIL is there to see if she can get away with it with her as well. Maybe she detects signs that her grandmother just might give in.
I would say that they do pass through this stage (and go onto another ) but you have to give her the security of knowing how far she can go - what is acceptable and what is not.
Positive reinforcement and praise for cooperation does seem to work as KL says. I have found that if you ignore rebellious behaviour (unless what she is doing puts her in danger) then she will eventually realise that she can't get attention other than by cooperating.
Good luck - she sounds like a bright little spark 

[kmum]

I agree that consistant discipline is important. 

Also, at this age a child is sometimes very frustrated because they have very little control over their world.  One thing that can help is to give them some choice when appropriate.  For example,she could choose if she wants to wear the red pants & shirt or the blue dress today, or if she wants an apple or grapes for a snack.  This sort of thing may give her that liittle bit of independance she needs in a constructive way.

If you are getting frustrated maybe there is a way for you to have a break from her to allow you to relax & be able to deal with her more calmly later.

[KL]

Hi KL
 Thing have been done this way but she will always say the opposite side of the story, I cant understand ow but she has the tendency to behave in the indisciplined way this tendency increases especially when my mother-in-law is with us..

Perhaps if you give us an example of an incident with her, we could share with you how we would deal with it and see if that helps?

[Krisha]

well I give u one incident..
Its about her feeding time..Normally she will sit in one place and finish ner breakfast or lunch, No doubt i have to feed her as she will not do it on her own except its her fav food dish...This process happily goes on just like a nice playfull time I spend with her..
But the day my MIL visits us or comes for a month stay.. All her good ways are lost..along with my MIL she will watch TV whole day..munching junk with her and skkipping lunch..
She even skips playing with her fav toys or almost forgets and will become very annoying if asked to have proper lunch..and even throws trantums while going to school...
Once home she wants TV to be played ...No food and slaps back when asked to do anything lovingly or forcefully..In all this process my MIL is alwyas there with her and I cant say anything to her(MIL).
I cant understnd whom to handle...My MIL or my daughter and all frustration lands on my LD.

[Jake]

JUnk food  cholate and milk with colour get children tundrums .once i put my grandson for a week without sweets .my husband came from work and gave him a toy with choclates in it {smaller than a shirt button}after 5 min all he was doing turning around loosing even where too walk. I have the same problem when i go to my mother in law to visit.When he is given sweets .put your hand in the packet leave small amount and flash it in the toilet where she does not see u.

[Krisha]

I think that is working, Now a days my MIL is not with us and so  am having happy time to spend with my LD. She is a bit in control and the most loving part is I dont have to shout at her and we are enjoying our bonding...
But I fear things will change once when she is back

[Jake]

My grandson had fallen 2 floors when he was with his mum .After his father had costudity of him .His untie took him for a day .You will not believe it .He jumbed 1 floor from terazin to the yard. they phoned me to go hospital.you can imagine how frastrated i got .Now his father does not want him to go to his family . I had to put all the windows with locks and keys because he goes on windows and jump . The psicologist told me to buy a trampoline and jump on it every day .then the speech patoligist told me to do a social stort and read it many times . I uploaded if u are interested. to see it .Till he was 2 he used to call me and say nanna . now all he gives me just a big smile . And with that i forget my tiered day that i am doing for him .

[Krisha]

Hi JAke,
Hope ur grandson is perfectly alright now and have not suffered any injuries.
Its good to know that u have a very good bonding with ur grandson.
My daughter used to do this type of jumping but within the house.
She will get on the bed and jump down, Many a times she would sprain her hand or leg. but I used to keep pillows and beds in that place where she used to jump, to avoid  major injuries, but as time passed we made her understand that it was not good activity and she will hurt herself, From her own experiences ahe learnt it and now she is noty doing such things, Even ur grandson will understand it.

[Jake]

when he fell floors he had an eye down to his chin and his mum did not report because of the police it.she slept and left the roof open.WHEN HE FELL from his untie, nothing not even a scrach.F.Rom when i bought him the trampoline and every hr i used to put him jumping he impruved but still i do not trust him anywhere alone.i did the social story and read it about 3 times and it is working .i uploaded it even in maltese .thanks .good day

[Krisha]

Hi Jake,

I should not say this but it seems ur grandsons mother is not much attached to his son as much as U take care of...I dont understand the police thing, (As it is very common that children get hurt themselves at plays sometimes).
Anyways I believe its cause u r more concerend abt him u are afraid n protective.

[Jake]

hi It is better to forget the past now .He is in our hands. He has a step mother ,she is helping me to raise him .We have disagreement sometime ,she is short tempered screams but he obeys her more than me . did u see the social story that i made him .i did it in maltese too .to my astonishment this morning i found that they dounloaded it .At least i know that it is not my problem only bye .thanks .

[Krisha]

So sorry to know that she is a step mother, I am sure one day she too will change her attitude towards JAKE, how can somebody be so harsh everytime?
Even I lost my momk at very small age (6 yrs ), but I was brought up in safe hands by my Uncle and Aunt(Dads younger brother). Today they are my first parents, they never left us feel different from their children, I love them very much but respectb them even more

today something different happened, Whole day I didnt had to be strict on Krisha, our day spent playing and lovingly...I feel very great

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