taking some hour - off from your toddler...

[Althea]

hello evryone... im really having trouble managing my time when it comes to my daughters...i simply cant ignore her request i was trying to study a software and i have problem looking for a nanny to take care of her for a while...now that both of us are so close... thaat she cant do anything that she will not tell me... or ask my permission...i dont know when will i finished my deadline,THANKS for taking time reading ang replying my Post messages...

[jsmonton]

when we have our first born, the tendacy is that we pamper and cuddle the child more than usual, give all our love and attention since she is just one and only, we tend to "spoiled" them. however, it starts to be a headache when we can't even go to the bathroom to pee because the child is so used to you and very much dependent.

it is also good to teach the child on how to be independent and allowing the child to make choices and simple decisions which later on she will have to do it anyways.

an occasional "no" will not do any harm, boundaries and limitations has to set from the beginning because this will be carried out later on
in her life.

my son, issam who is turning 1 next month understands that i can't be playing with him all day, that there are certain chores i also need to do.
when ur daughter takes her nap, i guess thats the best time you can squeeze in your work/project or chores that needed to be done. i take this time for me to finish mostly my house chores .
or when she is not napping, try to keep her busy with some activities like crafts or keep the Lil Reader on for her (but of course u will need 2 computers now )
in the evening when i need to prepare the dinner for hubby, issam is with me in the kitchen, i gave him tomatoe,which will keep him busy for a while or i give him wooden spoons, plastic cups which he can play with, with this, i am able to prepare a nice meal for my hubby!

[Althea]

Thank you for  great insights...shes a hyper active thats why i m having difficulty managing her too many spoilers  that includes both grandparents of mine    

[jsmonton]

mine is hyper active as well, mind u, i have a boy!plus he has a mix blood so u can imagine what i am saying....

spoilers, well, u really have to deal with them because when it comes to discpline, they should be on your side, no one should look like the "witch" and "fairy godmothers". you have to talk to them.
besides, in the long run, u will have a serious problem if u were unable to control things now.

ur once a child, im sure the child in u is still alive! u'll think of something that will both be good for u n ur kid. or probably, what she needs is a good conversation, tell her directly on a kind tone that you need to do other things while she is playing or finsihing her coloring book which u will check later on once she is done.im sure she will be able to comprehend things much better since she is almost 4yrs old. if my son understands the meaning of "no" and "not now" then im sure she does it also.

[TABS]

Hi Althea,

You are so right we do need a little space some times to get things done.  It looks like my son is just two months older than your daughter.  I think boys are a lot more active and I am some times just so exhausted!!! 
We recently got a dog which is great as he spends a lot of time with him, but on the down side I have to remind him often (very often) to be gentle and not kick or hurt the dog, pour water or throw sand on him... and on it goes.  We are just so fortunate that the dog is quite plasid and doesn't mind too much.  And I often intervene to give them a break from each other...
He loves his lego and building houses - all messy but liveable if there is stuff you have to get done.  I try to make sure I do what he wants for a time during the day, so that he can also understand that he will have to do what I want also.
His dad takes him to town every now and then, perhaps once every two weeks and that gives me a free morning or afternoon to catch up on me.
My biggest problem is getting his work for the week done in time - I am always behind and either rushing with it or staying up late (and am grumpy the next day...  )
Anyway, I find that with each month that goes by they are actually easier to handle and things aren't so hard.  Not that I wish the time away - I so miss my little baby.  I just sometimes wish I had known about all this learning stuff long ago and could have got ahead.

Pehaps some suggestions that could help us all could be added to this thread.

I have a "quiet time" after lunch.  My son has to go to his room (or ours) and read his books or listen to some stories on his CD player.  This is timed by my cell phone for 1/2 an hour and when it goes off he can come out.  He has actually come to enjoy the time alone, to begin with he would call me every few minutes to look at a picture etc. but I kindly let him know it's his time to be alone. (after looking at the picture that is  )

Also if he is getting too excited I stop him and get him to take deep breaths and then give him a chore that will distract him a little - this only works sometimes.

I have been thinking of having a naughty chair - perhaps calling it another name - so that he knows it's time to calm down.

Would love to hear other ideas or suggestions for calming down our kids...

TABS

[jsmonton]

i agree with you tabs, boys are more hyper than girls!

when issam starts to be "uncontrollable" i sit quietly and just watch him, he then wonder what happen to mommy, she is not after me anymore? then he comes and sits next to me, or he will try to climb in my lap i think he sensed that i have no more energy left and allows me to gain some by sitting nice and quietly for some time..

because babies are very smart now adays, and seeing us frustrated in chasing or asking them to stop it makes them want to do it more, since he have our attention however, if we stop for a while and pay no attention then its their attention we are catching!

[Jake]

 My grandson stays near me all the time he comes from school.All I  sit doun break till he has his supper.In summer he is all the day with me and i will be longing to have a nap in the afternoon.If Isit on the sofa to watch a programm he comes and pulls me off.He does not have a nap at all in winter he goes to sleep early and at least i can get in computer and do some work but in summer if he get 30 mins nap he goes to sleep late and sure i will be exosted.He is no tv lover not even cartoons.Can someone give a hint how to handle himto let me a 1hr bbreakk please?

[jsmonton]

try to give him some activities which does not need full supervision say, painting , coloring or new puzzles, it will buy you some time while he busy himself with the project u gave him.

[christinc21]

My son is very into cars. When I need a few extra minutes I will open his car case which has over 100 cars and he can dump them and play with them all on his "road" rug.

I say find a favorite activity and let them do it while you are working. If possible, let them play in the room you are in on the floor so they are still close to you and you can keep an eye on them but they are not in the way and are pretty much keeping to themselves.
 

[Jake]

my problem is that to do a puzzle or playing with cars i have to stay near him too as he is autistic ,i try to at least when giving him a car to roll it i count the numbers or say the coulors .or sing to him the alphabet.In my area there is no kids to bring to play with him and when i brought him someone he stayed runing about and do not intrgrate or have interest to play.

[mother of faith]

With a pre toddler and an infant I am too finding it difficult with 2 hyper boys just as hyper as my husband. It is hard for me to just relax. My relax time is at night when all is asleep. Since I have an infant and don't have a public job I sleep when he sleeps. Fortunalty my pretoddler and infant nap almost the same times. I tried to plan it that way. I found myself after a while getting very tired and frustrated, so a day out by myself helped while my mother watched the boys. A mother and dad needs time out themselves. What helped me was to realize that the pretoddler needed his own space too, even though it hurt me to leave him alone. I put up a baby gate in his room, leaving only a few toys out, and a few books for him to play with. After a while a mean a while he realized that he had his play time alone, then with mommy, then with daddy, then with brother. Now he loves to be in his own room. He realized that the items in his room was his, and the other things that was mommies, or daddies he wasn't tempted by them, so he wasn't being corrected all the time not to, no don't. When he is allowed out in the rest of the house it is TV learning time, and helping mommy time. Setting his personal boundaries helped alot. Now instead of using no, dont, stop, we use phrases like the bananas belong in your mouth instead of the floor, the remote to the TV is mommies, etc. I noticed that when I used the negative words he would just act up more. Also to calm his hyperactivity down I use lavender fabric softener sheets in my laundry, and I burn essential oil lavender candles, and oils. That helps a lot. Also doing something for myself, like painting, drawing, reading, time just for myself helps to work out the frustration. We had to gradually work with my son when we started giving him his own space. It took a while for me to adjust from not having him right with me, but when my 2nd son came and I had to leave him for 4 days that really hurt but it helped him to realize that he didn't need mommy all the time, and me to realize I needed a break. Also I noticed that certain colors of toys my son likes better than others, red and yellow is his fav, but other colors don't interest him much. So I try to pick a toy that gets his interest more than others.

[nhockaday]

Those are great tips, mother of faith!

[Jake]

Mother of fainth you reminded me nice tips ,that i used to do withmy kids .Candles of lavander and fabric softner .I give you a karma to thank for for remind me .Now i try to find babble bath too.  

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