TERRIBLE TWO'S SOME ONE SAVE ME!

[munster718]

IM A FIRST TIME MOTHER AND MY SON IS VERY WELL BEHAVED MOST OF THE TIME BUT KNOW HE HAS HIT THE EMOTIONAL PART OF THE TERRIBLE TWO HE JUST DOESN'T EVER SEEM HAPPY FOR VERY LONG! ATLEAST A FEW TIMES A DAY HE JUST BEGINS TO CRY FOR NO REASON AND WONT ALLOW ANYONE TO TOUCH HIM EVEN TO TRY AND COMFORT HIM! IS THIS NORMAL? AND ANY IDEAS TO HELP THE SITUATION? I AM GREATFUL FOR ANY INPUT!

[staceycanada]

Sorry to say very normal for his age. Does he talk well? It could be frustration with trying to communicate with the world around him or just being to small to do the many wonderful things he wants to do right now.

The world can be very frustrating for little ones as they assert there independance but their little hands and feet don't cooperate or the big people always say no.

It will pass. Allow him chances to make choices like would you like your red shirt or your green one? Do you want an apple or a orange? Sign language helps tremendously for any word gaps.

[munster718]

HE COMMUNICATE VERY WELL WHAT HE WANTS WHICH IS WHY IM UNSURE WHAT IS UPSETING HIM SO MUCH!

[GloriaD]

He is probably just testing your limits, (and his)  it is  very normal. Just have very clear rules and be consistent. Price tremendously good behaviour and try as possible to ignore bad one - What he wants more than anything is you so try to focus on the good.

Good news it will pass !!

also have you tryied singing times? the dvds they are in almost all  the public libraries, they are very enjoyable and add another tool for communication.

Good luck.

Gloria

[ketty rain]

hi
 the best way to stop it is to ignore it
when he cry just let him finish and then go to him hug him and kiss him then ask  him what he want to do .then he will give up  crying
just try it i know its hard for a mother to do so  trust your self and do it .

[PY]

That's right, it will pass, don't worry ,be patient but don't let him to do what ever he wants to do, you still have to show him there are rules and he needs to follow them.

[THen]

I've heard it said that the twos were the first adolescence.  The next one coming around the teens.   

Often, around two, our children will notice that he doesn't have to be dependent on mommy or daddy for everything.  The "I can do it myself" stage.  (And, yes, it comes again around the teen years.  )   Sometimes it helps to have well defined boundries.  If the boundries are too wide, or too narrow, our children get frustraited.  If they are too wide, we constantly have to correct them saying, "No, you can't have that," and such.  If they are too narrow, they want to do more and have the ability to, but aren't allowed to.  It's always a balance, isn't it?  And if they are trying to be independent, they won't want you to comfort them.
Here are a few more ideas ... 
*Is he going through a growth spurt and need more sleep?  Tired often equals cranky.
*Does he need more responsibilities?  Even little ones like to know they are needed and are helpful.  Are there some jobs that he can help with and be complemented on?
*Are there certain times of day when he is more likely to cry?  Are there activities you can plan during those times that will keep his mind off of what he cries about?
*Is he getting enough physical activity?  A good cry can release pent up energy.
*Does he need a snack?  Some babies get low blood sugar which often results in crying. 
*Teething?  Some of my babies did't like to be touched much when they were in pain.  Which sort of leads to the next.
*Over stimulation?  Is he feeling frazzled?
Or a combination of things.  These are some of the things I would look for if it were my child.  Also, if you have a check-up with a doctor soon, it is always good to ask.

Some people also find it helpful to have their child talk about the situation after they have calmed down.  (Help the child figure out what he was feeling, and perhaps find a different solution to his problem.) 

And I agree with the others, if it is just a control/manipulation tactic for him to get what he wants, ignoring might work (for one of ours, we would put him in his room and tell him that he is welcome to join us when he was done crying).

  Hope it helps.

[trinity papa]

Hi get the book or dvd ...actually book better more eg and better description .... assuming if you hav ethe time to read .....

Its the happiest toddler on the block by Dr. Harvey Karp. Its hard to describe his technic as its pretty plenty ... ... T2 coming soon .....  (if there is a cringe face i will add one here .)

[Krista G]

The book that has changed my life and the life of my kids is "To Train Up A Child".  The authors have 5 grown, home schooled children.  Their techniques are successful and have never failed me when I am consistent.

You can see it here:

http://stores.intellbaby.com/-strse-46/To-Train-Up-A/Detail.bok

[THen]

I second this book.  It is one of my favorites, too.
(I like it in combination with a book called Shepherding a Child's Heart.  I think they balance each other well.)

[Krista G]

Hey THen,

I have always wanted to read "Shepherding A Child's Heart."  As per your recommendation, I ordered it from my library.  Thanks for reminding me of it again.

[fatima786]

i want to read that book as well.

i want to be gentle with my 2 yr old.
he refuses to say please or thank you or greet purely because i ask him to. its like he enjoys having this power over me.

time outs and scolding just makes it worse coz he does not understand timeout. or maybe he is tricking me into believing that he doesnt. i dont want to scream because i just get upset so i just ignore his naughty deeds.

i am afraid that if i ignore him he might think its okay to not say please and that he will grow up not saying please.

didnt doman say that kids on the doman programme were suppose to be delightful and a pleasure to be around!?

[Krista G]

Fatima,

That is the reason why I love the methods taught in To Train Up A Child.  They tell you that if your child does not respond at your first request, you actually lower your voice.  You never lose your cool.  You never want your child to have power over you.  You are the adult.  Ignoring the behavior will not make it go away.  With just a bit of instruction from the book, you can have well-behaved, loving, obedient children. 

As a testimony to the methods in the book, I have to say that we get compliments all the time about how well-behaved our six children are.  We lived in an isolated environment on an island for many, many years.  My kids are not shy at all.  They are very social and love to be around people.

[fatima786]

i like the sound of that method Krista G. I am sure that if one is consistent on the method, it should work. or maybe you are just a good mom!!

ill give it a shot. i know that i need to enforce it now though because any later would be too late but what do you do when you are in a public situation. when say someone gives your child a sweet. the first thing i say is " Sa'ad say thank you." and then if he doesnt what do i do.

thats a tricky one. karma to anyone who can give me a solution that works!!

[Krista G]

Fatima,

The idea behind training your child is to practice at home.  You don't want to wait until you are in a public situation.  So, for example, you would tell your child that you are going to train him to say thank you when someone gives him something.  He may look at you strangely at first.  So you hand him an item and wait for him to say thank you.  If he says, "Thank you", then you just practice again later.  By continually practicing this, you are training him to say thank you.

Now most likely, he will not say thank you when you begin this practice.  Hopefully he won't.  This way you can train him to respond accordingly.  When you hand him the item you tell him to say, "Thank you."  When he doesn't you get right down on his level, look him in the eyes, and tell him in a soft, sweet, loving voice, "When mommy says to say thank you, you say thank you."  Then you inflict some sort of consequence on him.  You can choose from any method that works for you.  You can either pinch him on the back of his arm or up on the top of the shoulder by the neck.  This will get his attention immediately, especially since you are not getting angry.  You can use a flat kitchen spatula and give a little sting to his leg.  Some parents prefer this because they don't want their hands to be used for anything other than love.

If these methods are not for you, then put him in a time out spot.  This method definitely takes longer, but is still effective.  You have to be consistent 100% of the time.  Give him 1 minute for each year of his age.  When he is done, repeat the exercise until  you get the desired response.  Depending on how strong his will is, this can take many repetitions immediately.  This is the hardest part.  Once you conquer his will this first time, it will be much easier to move forward from there.  Children need to know that they are being led.  They are much happier when they have parameters set for them.

The idea is to never let your situation get to where you lose control and resort to yelling or hitting.

I hope this helps.  

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