Understanding animal behaviour with small children

[nic31600]

On Christmas Eve I had my first fight with my MIL and it was in front of the entire family, her family.

M 2yo was walking towards me, their dog, a Berger australien, jumps on her from behind and knocks her face down onto the tiled floor, I saw her face and she seemed distressed as she was falling down. I picked her up, ignoring the dog, and went to sit on the couch with her. I put her on the couch then the dog comes running towards us really fast and goes to jump on her again so my natural instinct was to protect her from getting hurt.

I used the side of my boot to shove the dog aside to stop him from jumping on her as I didn't know what his intentions were. Regardless, no dogs should be allowed to jump on people, especially small kids and the elderly. My 2yo is very small and the dog is bigger than her weight and height and she could have been standing next to the large flight of stairs or at the edge of the unfenced swimming pool and been seriously injured.

My MIL then starts yelling at me for "kicking" the dog. I was astonished that they allowed the dog to behave this way and I was yelled at for something that shouldn't have been allowed to happen in the first place. She didn't/doesn't rectify his behaviour, she didn't even do/say anything to the dog, just yelled at me for shoving the dog.

The thing that really bothered me was he was only like this with my child. They were allowing my child to poke his ears, pull his tail, annoy him when he was sleeping and all the things a person shouldn't be doing with animals, before this happened, because they think all this is cute. The dog turned around and "gently" chewed her hand. He spent a long time ignoring her before all this happened so I was afraid when I saw him coming, maybe he wanted to show my daughter who was boss - IDK.

Shoving the dog aside bothered her more than the fact that my child COULD have been injured, jumped on her chest, face bitten or bitten somewhere else, who knows what the dog was planning. She kept yelling at me for disrespecting her dog.

I did not go to their house on Christmas day as I know they wouldn't keep the dog away and I didn't want the day ruined. I just don't know how to react now or what to think now. Could this have been a warning from the dog? Our neighbours cat gets rocks thrown at it, pushed and so on by my 2yo hence my concern because all I need to do is turn my back and then something happens.

[mypashmina]

I'd say you are right to be cautious ... everyones dog is completely harmless and wouldn't hurt a fly .. so how come 2% of people have been bitten by dogs in the US.   2 year olds is the most vulnerable age group. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog_attack

[NadiaD]

You did the right thing: kicked in your motherly instinct!
Your MIL, as a responsible owner of the dog should have taken him away after the first time he jumped on your daughter!
All the situation is her fault...   But of course I can imagine that no matter what the relationship became strained
Do not feel guilty for kicking the dog, it was emotional gesture, you did not do it to hurt the dog or out of disrespect to it   

[KathrynH]

Don't feel guilty; you were protecting you daughter! It's a tough situation because so many take comments or actions pertaining to their pets as if they were direceted at their children. It can be highly emotional.

Have you talked to your in-laws about how they let your child interact with their dog? Maybe you could approach it from the angle, "I know your dog is not aggressive, but some dogs are. We don't want our child to think it is ok to play with animals this way because other animals might not be as gentle with her."

[Cs08]

Luckily she is alright. We should also teach our little ones to be gentle to animals. Usually I will stand real close to any animals that my child is playing with. We never know what is going to happen next.

[nic31600]

Thanks everyone

I do not feel guilty. it has caused a strain now and since I had problems in the past with my SILs dog with my child, they'll never tell us that they are going to bring their dog with them because they know how I'll react and won't want to go, they won't remove the dog, if they do it's just for a few minutes then comes back. They bring their dogs to every occasion except restaurants.

I was worried the dog remembered what she had been doing earlier to him and was trying to show his dominance or warn her IDK. I saw her doing these things from a distance, she was sitting next to my FIL whilst doing it so I came over and took her away.

I tell them all the time that they are confusing my daughter because I'm teaching her NOT to pull tails, poke ears, smack them with ANY animal because that's encourage a bite but they ENCOURAGE that behaviour from my daughter towards the dog and it scares me. They're just not on the same page, dogs can never be dangerous, EVER. The thing is if my daughter smacks the dog gently, they say be gentle that's not nice but laugh whilst saying it because the dog reacts so my kid will smack it again as they react to her. I tell them that's encouraging it even more then I complain to my husband that I want to leave.

Now I am worried about seeing them again since they may have the dog.

[Cs08]

Totally support you. 

[iwini]

I support your concern.you have to make her to masters the on command of dogs and pets.she must learn it and protect herself rather it may become a phobia of her.Don't leave her alone in this situation until she is comfortable with animal behavior.
Convey her the animal behavior towards the human and other.My Lil also so much passionate about the cat and dog,but right now she knows who is friendly or not.
All the best.

[nic31600]

I try to reinforce the appropriate behaviour. What I don't allow, they (ILs) do and it's only further confusing her as they make it seem like it's fun to disrespect animals. They never even attempt to control, let alone discipline the dog/s appropriately, instead I get yelled at. So as soon as we get back home after seeing them, she is back to throwing rocks at the cat or smacking it after grandma allowed her to annoy the dog the same way. I immediately discipline her appropriately and seems to register with her until next time we are with them again.

I have tried discussing it with the ILs but all they say is "dogs aren't/can't be dangerous. I am just paranoid and extremely over protective". Twice she was left unattended with a dog that did not like her and she has never been left there alone again nor allow them alone with her even when I am there when ANY animal is present but there are times I can't always be there, whether to go to the toilet or quickly do something and it's during those times I worry since I know they've left her alone before and allow behaviour that encourages dogs to become aggressive in self-defense. I took her to the toilet with me after it happened when I needed to go but I can't keep doing that.

I grew up with 3 dogs all my life. After 8 years of perfect behaviour from all 3, one attacked my dad and had to be put down so I understand that caution is always necessary.

I am not scared of dogs nor is my daughter and I certainly would never blame the dog if it ever attacked or bit my child. I would blame my ILs for encouraging it. Hopefully I never see the dog again but if I do, I know to keep her away and take her with me if I leave the room.

EDIT: she does not yet understand what to do if a dog goes to "jump" nor recognize "friendly" and "aggressive" behaviour. I keep trying!

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