What do you do if your child throws tantrums in a public area?

[winth]

Hi,

Do you go along with him/her? And give what the child wants?
Or do you just ignore?

My 18-month toddler is very hot tempered. Even at public areas like shopping malls, he would just go 'boneless' and lie on the floor, crying non-stop. Anyone who tries to go near him will get either kicked or slapped by him. For an 18 month, he has tremendous strength. It's kinda embarrassing and we just don't know what to do here.

We don't know what parents here think? What should I do if my child throws such bad tantrums?

Anyone has examples of such awkward situations like that? And how did you handle it?

[nhockaday]

This was posted elsewhere in the forum, and I think it will help.

http://forum.brillkids.com/coffee-corner/terrible-twos/msg7686/#msg7686

[KL]

Apart from what I wrote in the other thread about positive reinforcement, I think discipline starts from the home.  We've always made it a point to not spoil Felicity, to avoid her thinking she can get away with anything by just crying, she's typically well-behaved both at home and outside.

So I think that discipline is best done from the home, where you can let kids cry it out and roll on the floor all they want and they will start realizing that it's pointless, so they don't have such a habit and will be less likely to do it in public.

If it did happen in public, depending on the exact circumstance, I might either pick her up (she would not be able to 'out-brute-force' me ) and try to distract her with other things, plus positive reinforcements (see my comment on the other thread), or if it is safe, I might tell her I am going and ask her if she is coming or not. And if not, I will walk around the corner and spy on her.  It has thankfully never come to that though, and what happens more often is that if she is dragging her feet, I would just say, "OK, you want to stay here? I'm going, ok? Bye!" and then she'll come running along.

[sb1201]

I would ignore it the best I could. I used to just continue on with my business and my boy would eventually get over it. Although he was a breath holder and at times would get to the point of passing out so I would have to intervene. My doc said to just let him pass out then he'll start breathing again    but I always freaked out and would give him a spank on his leg to startle him out of it. I'm not a spanker, I don't like the idea of hitting my kids, but he was the test of all my parenting abilities.  I know it is embarassing when you out in public but remember most parents understand what you are going through and can sympathize. If they don't then try not to give them any thought.

Just remember, that what ever threat you use to try to get him to stop that it's a threat that you are willing to follow through with. I used to try the "I'm leaving" trick, but my very strong willed son would just sit there with a scowl on his face for however long it took for me to come back to get him.  He knew I wouldn't really leave him!   I'm so glad he's not a toddler anymore! So, remember that this will most likely pass and he will be a respectful 10 year old one day.

Good Luck!

[tatianna]

whatever you do
do not give in or you will be reinforcing the bad behavior 
once he knows that he will get what he wants by acting that way he will continue to have tantrums
if you can remove the child to a place you can talk and put him on time out
if not tell the child you will finish your shopping and when he wants to stop throwing a fit he can join you
do not give any attention or rewards for the bad behavior 
once the child learns that he gets nothing from tantrums he will be less likely to have them
at a neutral time talk to your child about his behavior and what makes you happy
use positive reinforcement and reward the behavior you would like to see more of
remember the most important reward is your time and attention
sometimes a child will act up as a way to get your attention
in a neutral time you could say that mommy likes to be with baby when she is (whatever you would like to see)
then when your child is having a tantrum say mommy doesn't like to be around baby when he is having a tantrum
just be sure to give lots of attention to your child when he stops his tantrum

[kmum]

I found that removing the child from the situation works well too, especially as they get older.  It has probably been a couple years since older dd has had to go sit in the car with Mom or Dad - she knows to behave in order to avoid this punishment. 

Another tip to use as he gets older is to go over your expectations for his behavior before going into the public place ( such as walking nicely beside you or not taking things off of store shelves), & let him know in advance what the consequences are.

[winth]

Hi, for ES, he is a persistent baby who only wants things his way. As for my older boy, BS, he is very disciplined and knows all the rules. We advocate alot on discipline in the house, but ES just didn't turn out to be like BS.

Usually we would just leave him crying when we are at home. Unfortunately, there were times when he went uncontrollable in public areas. Still couldn't understand what he was trying to do or communicate to us.

What we could do was just to watch helplessly while some parents sneered at us. We tried to avoid public places that were too crowded too.

Thanks for the suggestions, I will try to distract him next time when he displays such behaviour again.

Hope he does grow out of this pretty soon. 

[chispa]

What has worked for us what letting him cry it out.  Ignore it because we didn't want to reinforce the behavior.  I used to have a friend who carried a plastic frame, those that cost about a dollar and are all transparent, it had a paper that she had printed that read..."Tantrum In Progress!  She used to place it on the floor and she continued her shopping while watching him from close proximity.  It was kind of funny and it diffused the situation for her.  He grew out of the public tantrums soon after.

[sb1201]

  That is too funny

"tantrum in progress"

[winth]

This is a terrific idea.
Maybe I should get this done for my boy.

[ZaJa]

Check out the video "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. He gives strategies on how to stop tantrums and raise a happy, secure child. The video shows actual tantrums and his way of pacifying and then letting mom do it.

[Ritti]

There is this wonderful site which deals with just this kind of issues :
http://www.positivediscipline.com/
it is a must read for any parent / gaurdian or teacher

[winth]

Hi Ritti,

Thanks for the site!

Will recommend them to my friends too!

[LaiSan]

I received an meaningful email today and thought of sharing it :

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

If children live with criticism,
They learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility,
They learn to fight.

If children live with ridicule,
They learn to be shy.

If children live with shame,
They learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement,
They learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance,
They learn to be patient.

If children live with praise,
They learn to appreciate.

If children live with acceptance,
They learn to love.

If children live with approval,
They learn to like themselves.

If children live with honesty,
They learn truthfulness.

If children live with security,
They learn to have faith in themselves & others.

If children live with friendliness,
They learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

~By Dorothy Law Nolte

So let us parents provide the right environment for our kids to grow up well & noble!!!

[vianbabe]

Though my boy hardly rolls around and tries to "clean" the floor of the mall, there are times he will make a little scene too. I will not say a single word to him, pick him up and we walk to a quiet corner of the mall. I will stand next to him till he calmed down and stop his nonsense. Then I will talk to him about his inappropriate behavior. I will let him know why I choose a quiet corner instead of disciplining or talking to him right in the middle of the shopping crowd after all the stare from passerbys. I respected him by not causing more embarrassment on him if I have to talk to him in the open area. I would like the same level of respect from him by not causing an embarrassment in the public with his behavior now and in future. My boy somehow got the message that people are looking at him when he misbehaved and he will try not to do that again. I will encourage him to discuss with me his requests and listen to my reasons/ explainations rather than creating a scene in the public. There is always room for discussion!

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