What do you do if your child throws tantrums in a public area?

[Skyrider]

I would pick him up, hustle him to a private place and administer the board of education to the seat of understanding. THEN I would hold him until he stops his crying and let him know I love him, but will NOT tolerate the behavior. I've got three boys and three girls, and had two marriages. That has created one group of kids where my technique above was administered and one group where it was not administered. The method above produced the better of the kids BY FAR!

For whatever it's worth.

Sky~
http://fiwl.wordpress.com

[winth]

Hi, my child threw himself onto the ground again yesterday while we were at this furniture mall.

This time, I chose a spot (big enough) for him to lie there and kick around, while my elder boy and myself went to another corner that was like 2m away and waited there. It was a crowded mall, so his cries caught lotsa attention. Even the security there came over, thinking that he had lost his parents.

I signalled to the security to 'leave him alone'.

The miracle was, he seemed to get all embarrassed and his loud cries went turned into sobs. I signalled him to pick himself up and come over, and he did. It took less than 2 mins before the trauma was over.

I finally won over this battle!     

[Skyrider]

Hi, my child threw himself onto the ground again yesterday while we were at this furniture mall.

This time, I chose a spot (big enough) for him to lie there and kick around, while my elder boy and myself went to another corner that was like 2m away and waited there. It was a crowded mall, so his cries caught lotsa attention. Even the security there came over, thinking that he had lost his parents.

I signalled to the security to 'leave him alone'.

The miracle was, he seemed to get all embarrassed and his loud cries went turned into sobs. I signalled him to pick himself up and come over, and he did. It took less than 2 mins before the trauma was over.

I finally won over this battle!     

GOOD FOR YOU! I'm laughing at the scene you painted in my mind. Pretty funny.

What would you have done if he hadn't stayed where you put him!

How old is he?

I hope for your sake he won't do it again, testing you when it's not as good a spot.

For his sake, I hope he will just learn to obey. Life is soooo much more rewarding that way -- to say nothing of a reflection on the way we raised our kids.

All the best!

Sky~
PS: THE PREVIEW FEATURE HAS NEVER WORKED FOR ME.

[winth]

Hi Skyrider,

My boy's turning 19 months soon.

I was prepared to let him cry till he stop while we waited for my husband to pay for the curtains we had chosen - it was a long queue. So I reckoned he would have stopped his nonsense before my husband finished paying at the counter.

You should see his face when he approached me, he looked like he knew it was embarrassing. Some of the aunties there even laughed at him. 

[Nikolett]

Hi there,
I thought to join discussion as my kids used to be unruly in public setting. They all went through that stage of knowing that "mommy won't make a deal and just give in to save face". They never went as far as having a tantrum, just pestering me for smth non-stop in a very demanding way. Needless to say that could be distracting and  confusing when you are trying to shop at the same time. Leaving them home or in the car with daddy was the solution. After being left a couple times ("but I want to come, boo-hoo-hoo..."), from time to time they just need a reminder and shape up real quick. So, my counsel, don't take him in or bring him along if you have smb to leave him with until he learn better. And stick to whatever punishment you promised.

[linzy]

What I do with my little guy at home when he starts throwing a fit I will put him in the corner to calm down.  When he stops crying (usually 1 minute) I ask if he is ready to come out if he says yes he comes out and I give him a hug and we talk about what he did wrong or why he was crying and what a better way to handle it would have been.  If he is not ready he stands there until he feels ready and then he says "I am done now" and comes out.  If we are in public I will tell him he needs to behave or he will go in the corner and as funny as it sounds I have put him in the corner while we are out (only lasts at most a minute or so).  That has only happend twice though, if I threaten the corner if he doesn't calm down by the count of three he almost always calms down. However if the fit is because he is overtired or something alot of times a will pick him up and sway with him while talking/singing quietly and he will calm down.

[Skyrider]

I know my methods are not popular, but they really aren't mine. I can't take the credit for them except to say that they are time honored, tested and proven. Also, I'm well into my sixties where I've been able to weigh what worked and what didn't.

I always find it amusing to hear young people talk about discipline for their children when they're not aware of the same book I found and tested. Discipline does not mean spanking, but good discipline will fail without it. And guess who it will fail the most?

Did you guess "the parent?" Especially the mother! Well, it's her duty and if the kids don't get disciplined society will. They have all kinds of social registers including jails and prisons. In our society in India, they can get beat up.

The most glaring problem I see with all the methods which eliminate spanking has to do with bonding and trust. Lemme explain. When a mother (or dad) says, "No," and the child disobeys and the parent coaxes, wheedles and coddles to get the right behavior, what that child is actually learning is that mom's word must be tested. Parental authority does not know all it should to be commanding anything. It becomes a play thing the older they get. The worst message in the world when a child needs to know he's loved and sheltered is that when mom says something her word is NOT the supreme law. If it's not, then over time the child will come to distrust her. They will not share their deepest burdens and secrets with either mom or dad and they will have an entirely different, secret life just out of sight of mom and dad. Just think about it. Children are not in a position to "make deals." they haven't learned anything yet. Try that method and when children reach their teen years, the parent will have lost them ... (hate to say this: *) ... especially where western influences are either there or growing. Moral values slip into a void where everything is okay. But the child whose parent's word is the law and are taught to obey it become true lovers of their parents. I'd give some examples if this post weren't already too long. And where there are few hugs then all that parent will get is respect and shallow love. The child able to lean on a parent's words as law, who knows he is loved, is far more prepared to accept society's demands than the one who cannot. He's a winner because he KNOWS what is acceptable and what is not. His self confidence is amazing whether he's handsome or not or whether she's beautiful or not. Also interesting is to see the beauty that isn't just skin deep. Looks do not command until or unless that's all there is for others to choose. Take the child who has grown up with self confidence, who doesn't really know he's ugly in his face, and it won't matter. He will be the most popular because he KNOWS and everyone else is looking for that guy.

When I speak to my children I NEVER yell. I simply speak, and if they do not obey immediately and willingly they get a spanking. Sounds shocking to people, I know, but I got my advice from the oldest book in the world on child rearing and it works. But these children have learned that my word is not only law, but that they can trust it. They can trust me. This means I NEVER lie to my children OR ANYONE ELSE. (The society I live in presently teaches their children to lie by example more than any society I've ever lived in, although America is catching up fast. That's GOT to be changed if India is to become a world power.) By the time a child becomes a teenager there is nothing amusing about the scene of an argument between parent and child. There's no respect, and "love?" WHAT's that! It will have ceased to exist long, long ago.

Now, I DO allow my children to argue with me, but they do it on a basis that is full of love and respect. If they think my word is wrong, they say, "Dad, may I ask you a question?" Or, "May I say something?" Not too infrequently I agree with them and they get to do it their way which was the superior way, after all! I am not intimidated to accept it when their values are better judged than mine, because that's what kind of people I raised them to become. I am super PROUD of them. My nearly sixteen year old son will do this, and when his way is better than mine, I give him a great big hug and sometimes a kiss up along side his head. (I have told my kids that I promise to stop hugging them on their fiftieth birthday.   Interesting too, is that child rearing book I mentioned above gives example after example of exactly what I'm talking about. I admit I had to try it by faith to see that it works, but only one lost child made me a parent seeking truth because I really loved her and needed to find out what I did wrong and vowed never repeat it again. :-/  Too late, however, for my daughter, but I pray all the time too. Most of us never get a second chance. I'm sorry to say that's why I came to understand these things. Back to my very first line on this paragraph: When a parent follows this rule, it is actually the parent who becomes better disciplined with his rules. There is nothing so challenging than having to leave your work to go administer a paddling. But doing our duty as parents commands this kind of love if we want our kids to become the best they can become. I can give you this example: I told one of my daughters these methods worked on to go to her room because she was making noise that prevented a business conversation. She went, but not without tears. I had been too hard on her. She wanted to be there, to see things for herself. I felt miserable that I had given the wrong command. It should have been, "If you want to stay here with daddy, you must be quiet so I can speak with this man." She never got the chance in that case to obey that command. And there have been times when in public I had to remove a child to another place to privately administer the punishment which built the discipline I'm so proud to see today. Everyone admires it too!

Now, there are children of alllll types. Some you almost ONLY need to speak to and they will obey. What happens on that rare occasion when they miss the mark? That's where real love comes in and administers the paddle, letting them know how much they are loved only want the best for them and how it pains mom or dad to have to punish them. Disappointment will MOVE them into better human beings, because they did more naturally than the others want your approval. HOWEVER, (warning * warning -->) Without genuine, stinging pain they will not learn what they NEED to rely upon for the rest of their lives. They will only be embarrassed and angry at mom or dad! I don't want my youngsters growing up thinking for a minute that my word is less than the truth and the law because it will inbreed doubt and fear. For if they never get that message, after growing up, they will not be seeking the truth about much of anything which either drive or keep them in poverty and breeds a distrustful and dishonest society. Whole nations have this stamp of evidence all over them in my many cultural experiences. Children have to be taught the value of Truth and if it doesn't begin at home there will be hell to pay before they find out about truth ... IF THEY FIND OUT AT ALL.

*Sorry to pick on western culture, but I was born there and did that. I saw my entire generation forfeit their constitution and now they crack jokes over it. Recently both the Democratic and Republican Parties offered men who have the track records proving their loyalty and they wanted to restore the Constitution. Their voices could hardly be heard crying in a dessert of debt and non existent morals. The whole country's children are in a mess! None of them wants to be doctors, lawyers, nurses, engineers. They all want to be entertainers, sports figures, singers and actors. :-/ And I should know. I've lived long term on five continents and six islands of the world. Where western culture seeps in, there has always been a decline of moral and spiritual values. Western business men in just the past few years have perpetrated the two largest frauds in the history of mankind. American business has become just like the business here in India, except on a grander scale. The worst part of it all is that the law has become totally scoffed. There is no right and wrong anymore. There is only politics and wins by whoever is the most clever liar. Getting caught after the fact is not big deal as long as you won. :-( You never know when they're lying, you only know they are ALL lying, so you have to distrust everything they say, take your own time just to watch their backs when they're doing work, and never, never trust even your very best friends to the limit. I could say a lot more about that but it would just be a rant.

[winth]

Hi skyrider,

Thanks for your share!
We do not spank our kids. But except for this part, I am in full-support with your method.
We punish the child if he does not following our instructions - no snack, no fun time, no going to the park etc
Only when he does the correct thing, we quickly follow-up with a hug and a kiss to tell them that it's correct.

We are very disciplinary parents, and sometimes it seemed like we are tough on our kids for we seem to give them no 'lee-way'.
Maybe because both of mine are boys, which make it alittle difficult to discipline, as compared to girls.
My cousin-in-law had both girls and their 'soft approach' seem to work fine on them. Not for my boys though.

My boys will challenge our instructions and do otherwise, and try to see if it works.
Not just my 5 year old, even my toddler does that too.
So, it's a battle between parent and child but we never let them win.

But I think your method win hands-down, for you have successfully managed them without the need to lose your temper or even shout at them.
We lose our patience alot, and during the bad days, we end up shouting at them and have crying children in the house.
It makes us feel terrible afterwards.

My husband and I are doing lots of talking and we are trying to work cohesively together to ensure that when one is losing temper, the other will quickly intervene and bring the children away. This, I hope, will ensure that our instructions are followed through without losing our temper.

[Skyrider]

Hi skyrider,

Thanks for your share!
We do not spank our kids. But except for this part, I am in full-support with your method.
We punish the child if he does not following our instructions - no snack, no fun time, no going to the park etc
Only when he does the correct thing, we quickly follow-up with a hug and a kiss to tell them that it's correct.

We are very disciplinary parents, and sometimes it seemed like we are tough on our kids for we seem to give them no 'lee-way'.
Maybe because both of mine are boys, which make it alittle difficult to discipline, as compared to girls.
My cousin-in-law had both girls and their 'soft approach' seem to work fine on them. Not for my boys though.

My boys will challenge our instructions and do otherwise, and try to see if it works.
Not just my 5 year old, even my toddler does that too.
So, it's a battle between parent and child but we never let them win.

But I think your method win hands-down, for you have successfully managed them without the need to lose your temper or even shout at them.
We lose our patience alot, and during the bad days, we end up shouting at them and have crying children in the house.
It makes us feel terrible afterwards.

My husband and I are doing lots of talking and we are trying to work cohesively together to ensure that when one is losing temper, the other will quickly intervene and bring the children away. This, I hope, will ensure that our instructions are followed through without losing our temper.

I encourage everyone trying it. It was hard for me at first too, but I had to do something. Then after the divorce I became a near addict on every child raising book and speaker there was. What I could tell about that would fill BrillKids servers full! None of it was with genuine experience. The method I used came with a "money back guarantee."

It will take some time, but suddenly one day you'll notice that the kid has just given you what you really want from your kids. A showing if real responsibility. Indirectly, you'll also sense his love and respect, although it may not be that visible. Eventually, even that will be visible. They're just trying to find themselves and really are interested in successful lives. We are the only ones that can give it to them, but it has to come from their own experiences (the earlier the better) that "crime does NOT pay." Period.

Then after the punishment, the talks have their total attention. One can make points "only talk" will never compute otherwise.

One more thing: Spanking gets rid of GUILT. Making them sit in a corner does not produce either remorse or regret. In fact, just the opposite. It's an opportunity to think about how they could have done it differently and not gotten caught. The mind is a fertile place for all the evil the world produces in individuals except where the opportunity is not there.

Foolishness really is bound up in the hearts of kids. Just think back to our days as kids and we cannot deny that. Only the rod of instruction will drive it FAR from us. The book I read didn't say that it "might or could drive it FAR from him," it declared it absolutely. It was absolutely correct.

Also taking away privileges should come WITH the spanking and not in place of it for all the reasons mentioned above. It provides opportunity to be angry instead of regretful and resolve to not do THAT again.

Lastly, the peace in the family cannot be overstated.

All the best!

Sky~

[ZaJa]

Thanks so much for sharing how you discipline your kids Skyrider and good it bore fruit. I wanted to check the book you mentioned and the author? Would like to read it too

[Skyrider]

Thanks for sharing how you discipline your kids Skyrider and good it bore fruit. I wanted to check the book you mentioned and the author? Would like to read it too

I'll bet you would! It's a dandy. It was written in about the Tenth Century BC and originally in the Hebrew language. It was called Mashal which means something like a "parable," but everyone concedes that it contains many maxims and sayings that one could not call a parable. The most important things I could say about it is that it takes flat for granted that, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."

The author was King Solomon over the United Tribes of Israel so it was written about three thousand years ago. You can obtain a copy in a collection of books commonly called the bible and read it in almost every language on the planet. I'll quote here these significant points:

"Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Do not add to his words, or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar."

This is why I mentioned that trial and error can cost one his whole family. These words are tested already and a shield of refuge to those who heed them.

Here's a couple of others:

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

"A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the one who bore him."

"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him."

Note the word "rod." I never use my hand on my kids. I caress and love them with my hand, but the rod is the instrument that drives out their foolishness. There are many more, and they are scattered throughout. Enjoy!

Come to think of it, a copy can be read online.   Here's the link for a start to read the first third of the whole book for free:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%201-10;&version=31;

Best!

Sky~

[Skyrider]

Here are the second and third links to get it all.

2nd: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2011-20;&version=31;

3rd: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2021-31%20;&version=31;

Sky~

[ZaJa]

I completely agree with you Sky! Bible reading has always been a part of my daily Quiet Times. Lots and lots to learn from this ancient manuscript. Besides "all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness..." 2 Tim 3:16

King Solomon has very deep insights. He was afterall the wisest King who ever lived.

No book can ever compare to this!

Thanks again. I will definitely check on the links.  Please keep sharing. Many people can learn a lot on the application side

[Skyrider]

Bible reading has always been a part of my daily Quiet Times. Lots and lots to learn from this ancient manuscript. Besides "all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness..." 2 Tim 3:16

Yes, ZaJa, like you said, "all scripture is God-breathed," and this is why it comes with a guarantee. I remember making the discovery of the child raising points and knew immediately if God had inspired them that I could depend on them. Sure am glad I was able to take him at his word.

By the way, here's another one from Proverbs:

Proverbs 13:24 "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."

Proverbs 23:13-14 "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death."

Proverbs 29:15 "The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother."

All the best out there!

Sky~

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