I don't know what happen to my daughter for the past few weeks

[bestmom]

Hi all,

I am very concerned about my daughter. I don't know what's been going on with her for the past few weeks. She needs someone always holding her and she's very whiny. She's been very clingy to my husband and doesn't want me comforting her or even touch her. She also loss some weight. She's about 17 months and she did not use to be this way. She use to be happy and pretty independent for someone her age. It was teething but I think the pain stopped. I'm worried because I started going back to school and she's being babysat. I don't know if Im just paranoid but I hope they aren't physically or mentally abusing her (I let my mother in law babysit her but I don't think she watches her at all and just lets her daughters watch her.They are young and inexperience. What makes me mad is that she always wants to watch her but she is not even doing it and always bragging about her kids watching them like they are the best daughters in the world. She actually made a comment to me that her daughter is the best mother in the world even though her daughter doesn't even have a kid yet! How do I deal with that side issue??).  I just feel like I need a way to get her back to happy and independent like she use to be. Any ideas or thoughts? Please share!

[bestmom]

HOw do i deal with my family in law who lies to me about how much they feed her? As a mother, I am always concerned about my daughter being well fed. When they babysit, they always tell me they feed her A LOT of food but I can tell she hasnt aten much b/c she's my daughter and I know when her stomach is concaved in that means it's empty. Then they tell me to bring her to the dr. b/c she's always tired. I'm thinking that she always tired b/c you don't really take the time to feed her. You just pon her off to your daughters who don't have the patience to feed a child that can't sit still when eating. I just feel like my in laws have too much of a bad effect on my child. Like when I want to raise her to have structure and stability (always eat by herself in her babychair or sleep by herself without people rocking her to sleep or holding her) it always crumbles and fails because they don't listen.  Is it still possible for me to keep to my standards for my daughter? I mean Im not really strict but when it comes to my kid I want her to learn structure when it comes to mealtime and sleeptime. I figure teach her structure form the beginning, rather than forming it when she's older, is a lot easier.

[mom2bee]

Your post is kind of everywhere, but it seems you're worried because now that your daughter is staying with a baby sitter, she is acting distressed/crying/clingy more than usual. I doubt its any criminal activity, but to put your mind at ease, you could put a use video or audio surveillance if she is being watched in your home.

You could also try looking for another babysitter.

You complain that your inlaws dont feed your daughter or engage her, rather your parent inlaws leave their children to watch over the baby. Does being with the inlaws distress your baby the way being with the baby sitter does?

You could try sending some meals with your daughter for her to eat in a tupper ware container so you will know that they at least HAVE something to feed that you approve of your daughter eating. Send a few books with your kid and ask the kids directly to read the books with your daughter/offer to pay the kids for doing constructive things with your daughter. You dont have to pay them that much.

But even if your kid is just watching TV in a comfortable environment with loving, if not doting, relatives, that seems better than leaving them with distressing strangers in unknown situations to me, but I'm not trying to feed your fears or paint anyone as a villain.

So long as your not 100% watching your kid all by yourself, sacrifices must be made and if your kids not being neglected or abused by your relatives, I dont think you have grounds to do anything that could cause tension in the family.

[lizaveta]

I don't know about the feeding aspect of your concern, but my daughter, who's 18 months old seems to have developed some strange, whiny, stranger anxiety. I'm not sure what it is but about two weeks ago she has started crying a lot more and if there are other kids at the slide or something, she won't go there. Our dancing class is a nightmare. I'm repeating the mantra that it's a sign of growing intellect, but I hope she'll soon grow out of it. The anxiety, not the intellect obviously.
Liza

[bestmom]

@ Mum2Bee:  The babysitters are my in laws .. I never did anything or said anything to my inlaws about it just bottled up inside

[Wolfwind]

I haven't had a similar situation yet, but I can see why you'd be concerned.  Have you talked to your husband?  Has he noticed the same behavior from your daughter, and is he worried?  And have you told him your concerns about letting your in-laws watch her?  He seems like the logical one to stand up for how he wants her treated at their house, since they're his family.  If he's not worried and you are, it's a lot more difficult.

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