Advice urgently needed

[Celeste]

I have a problem and I need some advice urgently. My daughter is 2 and a half and I put her in a lovely pre-school in September. After a month, she still didnt completely adjust and kept missing me and crying, although once distracted she would generally have a good time. But then, all schools  in our country have closed because of the security situation (suicide bombings, hostage threats etc). They are due to re-open at the end of the month. Despite this, my husband and I feel it is still not safe enough to send her. I was wondering if I should take her out for the whole year and put her in when she is three and a half...or will that be too late?? So I wanted advice on the following:

1. Is 3 and half an ok age to send a child to preschool? In my country kids generally go at eighteen months or two. Her teachers say this is the best age and early socialisation is important.

2. Will she be at a disadvantage if I send her next year when she is three?

3. She doesnt really enjoy school (sometimes she does) - the problem is that she misses me. Also, the things they do...arts, games and singing, she does that at home anyway and besides, she knows the entire alphabet and her numbers and these are things they wont even be teaching her this year.  I taught her all this at home. But her teachers tell me that at this age the important thing is SOCIALISATION.

PLEASE HELP. I have to make a decision by the end of next week.

[carpe vestri vita]

Will she be with 3 year olds next year if she doesn't go this year?
Will you be able to teach her as much as the preschool would (assuming they teach anything at all)?
Will she be able to interact with other children (regardless of ages) over the next year?

If you can say yes to all three than no harm will be done by keeping her home. And if you can't, you need to weigh the risk of sending her to school (suicide bombings?!) with the risk of keeping her home (the possibility of a slight decrease in socialization skills compared to her peers).

Personally I think the socialization aspect of school is overrated, so if I had any fears about safety I would keep my child home.

[DadDude]

These are questions that ultimately only you and your family can answer.  In the same situation, we certainly wouldn't be putting our son in the preschool, but you are different people with different ideas.  My best advice is just to think everything through.

[mirra]

I feel safety is more important than school. You cant sit in home and fear all day putting her in school. I m sure she will be old enuf to understand and socialize better next year than this year. And you can prepare  her a year now so that she doesnt miss you. Also you can teach at home and put her directly in kindergarten.

[Questers]

Agree with what others had said above. Safety is a priority here. And she is too young to worry about socialization. Just read up some threads posted by the homeschooling moms and you will gain confidence.

[Celeste]

My instinct is actually to take her out because I do feel that safety is more important. The only thing that is making me doubt my instincts is whether I am putting her at a disadvantage by taking her out this year and putting her in next year when she is three and a half.

Another thing is that while I was sitting with her during her first week at school, I noticed that in her class (18mths to 2+), there was really only singing, arts/craft and playing in the garden...much like a daycare. Now she does all that and more at home and I do Glen Doman with her so she is way more advanced than the others in that respect. But as for socialisation, like I said, she cries for me even after a month of being at school, everyday was a production to get her to school and now with this month long break of schools being shut due to security concerns, she is out of the routine! And now, due to security, you have to deliver your child at the door and the parent cant even go in which I feel will be very traumatic. I may be wrong but I hear that in the West (USA and Europe), children start school much later ...at three or four. Is that right?

[nhockaday]

Right, children don't start pre-k until 4. Before that, everything is more of a daycare. I think you can teach your children a lot more at home than they will learn at a daycare. A child doesn't really need to be socialized at 2.5. If you are worried about it, you can find a play group that meets once a week, or find another child around the same age to play with. Kids that age don't really learn that much from "socializing" with other kids. They learn more from mommy and daddy. If I were in your shoes, I would definitely keep my child at home.

[Frukc]

In my country, psychologists say that preschool should be started after 3 years (state preschools are available from 18 months). They say that after 3 years child separates from his mother. Going to preschool too early (if the child does not want to)  can make more harm than benefit. May be your child will be more self-confident, if she will stay at home with you. Good luck!

[joni2009]

Hi Celeste
I think that you should listen your inner voice  about the decision you have to take.Try to stay  alone for a little and think about the whole situation.After you  calm yourself you will find the right decision.And you can be sure that you as a mother will take  the most correct decision about your child.Trust in yourself and in your instincts.
I wish you success,
Tania

[Ayesha Nicole]

Dear Celeste,

Your instinct says to keep her at home, so follow it.  In Sweden, children are required to attend school at the age of 6:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Education_in_Sweden
http://www.sweden.gov.se/sb/d/2063/a/21953

- Ayesha

[mother of faith]

I am a homeschooling mom of a 2 year old and I help homeschool several 4 year olds. Maybe have you thought that when she gets bored she then thinks about home and gets missing you. I would agree to keep her home that is if you can give her the education at home that she needs? Most of the preschools here I have noticed are more like a daycare and not really school like you could teach at home. By homeschooling you need to check your countries guidelines about how to home school. If you can't homeschool then maybe you can find a family member who could come and do in home sitting and school at the same time. to me it sounds like she is more advanced then some of the children there in the preschool you mentioned. And one thing to you might think about is that in preschool where 18 months old and 2 year olds are in the same class with no division then it sounds like the curricula is not being adjusted to fit the older children's needs. Hey just a thought not knocking anyones preschool or day care but you have to remember that in a class it is hard to accomidate all of the needs of each child so therefore some who may be advanced get bored. If you need help fidning curricula there are tons of links on here to help you get started most of them are free.

For safety reasons I would and have decided to keep my children home, and others in my area have decided the same thing, that is why we have started our own home education co-op. We have an infant class, toddler class, preschool, kindergarten, and a high school co-op classes.

Maybe you can find other preschool home education co-ops or groups near you? Some countries of course can not but if you can check into it, since that the shcools are shut down maybe other parents are interested in starting a co-op.

I hope this helped?

Oh, and we have public preschool programs for children 3+, I have seen some as young as 2 because of the financial situation and the crisis of the family. If the school thinks that the child needs to be in school earlier due to a disability then here the children are tested first, if accepted as being needed to start earlier then 4 they will. I have assisted many children at this age for preschool, believe it or not, also it was by request of the parents.

[Celeste]

Thank you for all your advice. Much appreciated. Just to let you know, I have decided to take her out of school for the entire year and will review the situation next year when she is 3 plus.

By the way, Mother of Faith - you are absolutely right when you say that with such a wide age group older kids can get bored and the younger ones dont really engage. I didnt think of that.

xxxx

[mother of faith]

I didn't either until I worked in a school, then recieved training, mostly hands on with a wide range of children, then of course having 2 myself. Glad to help. Thanks!

[bella]

celeste
i never sent my first daughter to school . she is very hurt physically we were for years on doman intensive program and i homeschooled her . when after 13 years i had another baby girl i was a bit concerned about her meeting other babies , you can understand doing doman intensively specially the physical part leaves little time for socializing .
so when tina turned 11 months i just made a flier and put it a friend educational toy shop looking for other mummies and babies to start mummy and me playgroup . we started with three babies and we grew to be 15 . after a while most of tina's age group started school , here too they send kids very early , i felt bad she is not mixing with her age group and i put her when she turned three for only 2 days 3 hours a day in a small preschool , i didn't want to send her away full time , i was enjoying playing and learning at home together and i didn't want to loose that .
now this october , at 3.5 years old i decided to put her half a day in a french school and this is no more day care, it is a real school . tina was really excited , she was learning french with me at home , and she was happy to start in her new french school .
it was a terrible mistake , tina hated it , last year she would ask to go more than the 2 days , she never cried , one day she made her dad drive her to preschool on sunday so she would believe it is closed .
in this french school  tina cried every morning , and i had to stay with her for hours than as soon as i see her busy the teacher would ask me to leave . one day they were strict and said i cannot stay let her cry , she will get used to it , she held her with her arms and legs and i went away crying myself . i blamed myself all morning for leaving her there and when i went to pick her up i spoke to the teacher and director and told them we are not coming back , i don't believe she is ready . actually deep inside i wanted to tell them i don't feel they are ready to have her . she is a very smart , articulated child , they put her in the group of 2 and three years old , but most of them speak little , even the teacher said many kids wiat till they come to school to start talking . their program was very basic , the teacher was talking to them like babies , well it was ok for others but not for tina , the toys , material are what we used with her when she was a toddler and now she says those are for my baby brother who can sit now and make a knobbed puzzle , ring stacker ,...
the classroom was a duplicate of our playroom , but without the one on one interaction  she had with me , there she had no interaction with one teacher and one helper for 20 kids .
it isnot easy for me , i was hoping to get some free time to work on my hurt daughter and spend some one on one with my one year old , but not at any price . friends think it is just this year and i will put her back next year, but  i could see the gap between her and her age group and next year won't be any different . i decided to homeschool her and i am taking an online montessori teacher training course , like dad dude said , i am not really making school at home , we are just playing and having fun learning about the world around us .
remember Abraham Lincoln started  school at 10

it wasn't easy for me to take such decision specially living in a place where homeschooling is not very common like in USA  , i got into many homeschooling support groups which is very helpful .
your daughter is still very young she doesn't need to be independent at such an early age , and the best social experience a child can learn from is his family . you want her to play with other kids take her to a park , or start a playgroup like i did .

i am actually trying to organize one which will focus on art activities one afternoon every week , inspired by young at art , i have to do it in the afternoon because all her friends go to school in the morning . another afternoon i get her best friend over and they do ballet together ( we just follow a dvd ) .
another afternoon is a field trip .
another afternoon  we go to the beach .

i don't think she is missing out on socializing.
love
viv

[Celeste]

Thank you Bella/Viv,

I have am going to start homeschooling her from Monday. I hope it goes well. But you are right...it is fun doing all this with your child.

xxx

Celeste

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