Anyone else have a husband/partner not supportive of your EL goals?

[nic31600]

My husband thinks it's great that I ''teach'' my 3 year old but when it comes to buying a curriculum or buying any learning materials to help support my EL goals, he refuses to have any interest in that. He doesn't want to financially provide for anything and he doesn't want to involve himself in any of the activities we do together but he does compliment her on her drawings and knowledge so far. I understand he doesn't want to be involved and I don't want to feel like I'm forcing him but it's hard when you don't have any support from your partner. I'm a SAHM, not entirely by choice and he even complains about how much ink cartridge I use and won't buy that frequently. I do use free curriculum stuff online but everything requires so much printing. I wish I could purchase abcmouse but he refuses that to. I use contact paper instead of a laminator since he doesn't like buying ink cartridge often nor want to buy laminating pouches but it's not like he doesn't have the money to support the materials of EL, he just doesn't support it altogether. What can I do? Is it possible to still do EL with very little resources and money?

[TeachingMyToddlers]

I'm sorry you're facing this challenge. It was more of an uphill battle in the beginning, particularly to convince my husband we needed LR/LM. But after seeing the results, he's the first to brag to his friends about BrillKids. Even so, when it comes to spending money on curriculum, I often get an ear full, but I try to explain to him that it's an investment and sometimes you've got to "pay to play."

Back to your question- are you in the US? Do you have a Dollar Tree near you? I've been able to find some fantastic materials there, and the nice thing is that everything is so cheap that it comes in under the radar.  Such as counting blocks, huge dice for math, assorted flashcards (no printing required, much cheaper than ink although not nearly as big), safety scissors, glue, paper, they have a whole school supply section now. I have seen/purchased big beads to string, ABC/123 fridge magnets, poster board and electrical tape to make a music staff, and many other things I cannot remember offhand. So, check it out if you have no already, just keep it do to the bare minimum whenever possible. Also, Use what you already have in your house to teach math too. You can count ANYTHING! Same with patterns. Use play dough if you have it for those things, plus fractions.  See what you can sneak into the grocery budget- like an extra box of dried pasta to dye with food coloring (recipes/pictures are online for this) to use for math games or a bag of beans to count and glue. He'll never notice a $1 box of pasta, and you won't need the whole box.

Check out your local craigslist and type in "homeschool" or "preschool" for the times you have limited cash to spend, your money will go a LOT further that way. Also, join freecycle and make a post asking for the things you need. You can do this on craigslist, too. Please exercise caution and never allow anyone into your home if possible, even another mother. I speak from experience unfortunately. Kids consignment shops, garage sales, and thrift stores are great for treasure hunting, too. Modify things you have to mimic things you want! Create a wishlist on amazon or otherwise for birthdays/holidays so when grandparents ask when they can get your LO, you will have a great, educational answer ready to give them.

Youtube is your friend! There are so many great videos, ESPECIALLY for alphabet and phonics if your child is still learning. Create an account and make some custom playlists by subject, as well as download from the free area on this website and other websites, power points that don't require printing, etc. This can cover so many subjects including reading, math, and so on. Yes it means more screen time than printing, but again, that is the trade off. Do you have a way to plug your TV into your computer/laptop? That can be especially helpful, but is another expense if you don't already have a cord.

They used to give homeschoolers 1 year free access to www.mightybookjr.com, if you cannot find a link about this I would contact them and ask. Also, check out Destination Math software here http://www.hmheducation.com/destinationmath/mathematics-courses.php , I think they have a long-ish trial period.

For music, there are tons of great online resources for this (do a search or read through the music forum) and I love online metronome sites, they are so good for practicing rhythm. You can use pretty much ANYTHING as a hand percussion instrument. If you're interested in teaching pitch, try to download some sound clips and make a little staff. They have online piano/xylophones too but of course hands on is ideal. You can begin to teach simple songs this way though and learn with your child if you don't know what you're doing, which is how I teach many subjects.

Check out all of the Doman books from the library and read those just to get any ideas although your child is a bit older. And of course, check out lots of books! And my library has a ton of great educational DVD's too for kids, along with story times and backpacks full of hands on activities you can check out. Are there any free learning type parent-child "preschool" times offered by the Healthy Familiies Partnership in your area? They offer these in the next town over from me, free for city residents and $3 for non-residents. Free days at the museum or aquarium from time to time?


So, the first thing you need to figure out is what is your initial priority to teach? Then work backwards on how you're going to get there! Make up a plan and a schedule if necessary. Save all kinds of random things too! Cereal boxes are a personal favorite of mine, egg cartons are excellent for sorting, a cheap bag of beans can be counted and glued one by one, and milk caps/soda caps if you drink it, are excellent too. There is so much you can do with them! Add letters on top with a sharpie or numbers for a math/spelling lesson. So make a list-- what do you want to teach first? What is your child's current level? That will help us better help give you ideas! If you like to write, take pictures, and post reviews, you should start a blog. Blog spot is popular and join an early learning/preschool type blog ring (I think that's what they are called?). Eventually, you will be able to begin reviewing/using products for free in exchange for your honest opinion. You really should take that seriously though if you go that route, because that is the livelihood of someone's business, but when done properly, it can be a win-win! Also, check out the list online "What your child should know by ________" to give you some ideas, there is a master one of these from some publishing company, and then many "kindergarten tests" and checklists you can see online. This will give you a great place to start to think outside the box and reach some milestones.

And for the record, unless there is more to the situation than is being shared, IMO your husband (like mine sometimes) is being a total pill and doesn't "get it." And I'm sorry, it sucks!! But never forget a mother's love can overcome ANYTHING, even a tightwad, penny pinching husband.

[nic31600]

Thank you for your wonderful response. Unfortunately I live in France and they aren't into homeschooling and EL like Americans and such. They do have a few import products on Amazon from America, which is where all the good stuff is, but many things can't be shipped to France.

I do find some cheap things and convince my husband to lend me some money to buy some groceries and do end up coming home with EL things but I want his support because I don't feel like I can give much with the free resources I do have.

I use playdoh and marbles and all sorts of things but I want more advanced kits and curriculum to take half the burden off me in preparation.

There's not much I can find in France. I have decided to make a wishlist on Amazon but since they are imported, it costs a lot more, so many people are reluctant to buy things off there especially if it costs more to send then the actual price of the product itself.

What do you do with the cereal boxes if you don't mind me asking?

I do use starfall for free reading and that helps a lot but I want something more 'proper and complete' when it comes to teaching her how to read.

I think you are right, I will have to go through my house and see what I can find and organise my EL priorities. It's very hard to find English books where I am from and I want to teach her obviously in English.

Thanks again, you certainly made me feel like not giving up. It's not about the money, I guess he might think what's the point, she's only going to learn it all at school anyway. I will have too seriously ask him why he is so against it.

[TeachingMyToddlers]

I use them for all sorts of random things. Like, I printed off a staff and put it in a plastic sleeve so we could draw on it or with dry erase markers or stickers and it would be reuseable. I added in some cardboard (cereal box backing) to make it reusable. If you don't have flashcards and are hard up for some, just write on them with marker. Instant flashcard. Sure it's not ideal, but we're not talking ideal here, we're talking "making it work."  You can cut them up and add stickers for matching/patterning games. Cut them into square tiles and add letters with marker. Then, work your way through Reading Bear and practice spelling and sounding out the each of words she's learned, moving on as she masters them. Add in some free flashcard powerpoints from www.childandme.com (they have an excellent tracking system of retiring/introducing new words if you want to make your own powerpoint versus download premade ones, but it sounds like you want to cut back on prep time), Cut circles out of the cereal boxes to make music notes and put them on a staff, or make the staff out of the cereal box itself and use pennies as notes. Cut out your own homemade tangrams from a sample tangram square picture online. Make your own :"right start" mini abacus using beads/yarn or string you may already have around the house
http://lessonplans.craftgossip.com/diy-abacus-everyone-loves-a-math-craft/2009/12/19 (speaking of which, you may have enough materials to make one like this or modify some parts of it-http://satorismiles.com/2010/01/11/more-fun-with-rightstart-math/ , http://maplehillacademy.blogspot.ca/2011/07/looking-at-rightstart.html, or this http://www.flickr.com/photos/kuovonne/512944590/) . Make a "spinner" with numbers on it and use it to select numbers for addition/subtraction.

Here's what I meant by decorating milk caps earlier, something like this-- http://totschool.shannons.org/?p=1608

If you have colored markers/paper/glue, you can make even cardboard look pretty and interesting to a child! You've probably already seen this, but just in case you haven't- http://www.freehomeschooling101.com/ Do you have bingo in France? Get a Bingo blotter and begin to make your own worksheets Kumon style (check out youtube, you should be lto find early samples of the red dot worksheets). It's a lot of repetition and drill, but after counting hundreds of red dots, she'll have it down pat and it doesn't cost any ink to print them, only the time if you can manage to keep her interested and mix it up with other things. Marker will work, but you'd be there all day drawing circles. I know you want to get away from prep work, but you're in a vicious circle right now. It seems that you have two choices 1) convince your husband to spend more of "his" money on education or 2) Keep on doing prep work, just try to minimize it. Where there's a will, there's a way.

And it's not ideal of course that you have to slip in some early learning items on the side, but I was suggesting a bag a beans or pasta and such, not blatant misrepresentation like "I need to buy groceries" and coming home with a $100 reading kit. That sort of thing can be really damaging in terms of trust and then it'll leave such a sour taste in his mouth that you'll never be able to convince him outright to invest in your child's early education. Just so you don't get the wrong impression of what I meant by slip a couple of small things in.

[shadahfree]

Cereal boxes = cardstock
I use them for everything I don't laminate. It is too expensive. The very few things we need to use long term I cover in packing/mailing tape. It can be cheaper and the expense isn't noticed because we would normally buy it.
  Page protectors with cardboard in them can be written on with dry erase markers. I use these and dry erase poster board for our reading program. I write words out, use them for a week and then erase them to write the next week's words. If you do laminate cards, leave them blank. You can use them the same way with dry or wet erase markers.
  I've spent less than $10 on our Doman style reading program. That is for 3 years worth of words.
For regular early learning material, I have traced things off the computer in pencil or crayon to save ink. I have hand copied and hand-drawn worksheets off the internet.
  It takes ingenuity and time. Most things take money or time. I can't do much about getting more money right now but I can use my time to prepare materials. It bothers me a little bit sometimes when I don't hear about people adapting early learning to fit their circumstances. More money does not equal more learning.

[Oana86]

Dear Shadahfree,

I would just like to encourage you to continue believing in EL and the results it will produce along the way....no matter how your husband feels about it. I totally agree with TeachingMyToddlers regarding doing it sensibly and around your hudband's guidelines....I will share my experience that is - more or less- similar to yours.

Right after I gave birth I randomly discovered (such a wonderful discovery!) Brillkids and the forum and I started reading tons about early education and find out more about what kids can actually do and how they can get information.I knew I wanted to give my daughter a headstart before finding out about LM and LR and get her involved in various activities....but I had no plan whatsoever and no direction.

At this point my baby was very very young and by the time she was 2 months I was using free resources (like black and white flashcards, classical music that I already had on my pc, etc)....and trying to find a strategy to convince my husband of EL's results. He is a very very good dad...but I think he was not that much into early learning because of his background (his parents never really encouraged him or his siblings to follow the academic pathway....their opinion was - and still is to some extent- that manual labour works out great, especially for a man). He used to see my showing the flashcards every day and reading to her...and did not argue about it. I also started buying tons of books and he did argue about it at first  ...but he stopped doing it when I explained to him that I bought those books at discounted prices and even though the price shown at the end represented the value of the book, I actually paid a fraction of it.

Just before she turned 3 months I wanted to purchase LM + LR and approached him when I knew that he is in a very good mood and willing to listen to me. He resisted at first but I was determined to convince him so I kept my calm and explained to him that this is a one time purchase and it is a genuine investment (we can of course use it for the other children we hope to have); I also mentioned to him that I don't mind giving up other things if this makes him feel better, but that I really really want to purchase these programmes and that I would really appreciate his support. Long story made short......he agreed and we did buy the programmes.

5 months later (my daughter is now almost 7 1/2) our LO is doing great and responding so so well to the materials I'm using. She hasn't given my any sign that she can actually understand the words (she laughs when seeing some of them, but I'm not really sure if I should associate this with the actual recognition of those words)...but I'm sure she is taking the information. We read to her a lot and sing along most of the days...he slowly started being more involved in my schedule and even though I don't think he fully shares my view on EL, I can see that he definitely changed his mind. She is now almost walking (she can stand up on her own and move slowly around furniture) and responds very well in 2 languages (we use 2 languages at home).

The other days we had some friends over and their daughter was 2 weeks younger than ours.....she was a precious little baby but a numb one. She could not crawl and was not comfortable sitting on her belly (probably not used)...she did not respond in the same way as our daughter did and there was such a big different between them. Please do not understand that I'm bragging about it...but I can honestly say that my husband (who did not support EL AT ALL) saw this difference and mentioned it to me after they left (that's when I had my quiet moment of 'I told you so').

My point is that you should have patience with your husband....even though he is (and he might still be ) reluctant about EL. Give him time and do as much as you can - sensibly- under his radar with the resources you have....and at some point, maybe he will join you. There are so so many EL programmes out there and I'm sure they're great....but not greater than a mother's love for her children...so don't underestimate the resources you have and the abilities you have to teach your child along the way. I believe it is so much more important for a child to see their parents happy and getting along than having whatever programme and his/her mum and dad fighting about the cost.

[Korrale4kq]

To get a really good scope for math check out www.ixl.com. There may even be a French version, check the countries down the bottom of the page.
It is $10 monthly but you don't need to pay that. Just use it to figure out what your child needs to know. And then spend time teaching all those concepts with things around the house. If you are unsure of how you should teach a concept just search for it.
Right now we are working on top, middle and bottom. So I spend a lot of time telling James to get things out of corresponding drawers, or to put things on corresponding shelves.
We also do left right and middle whenever we go anywhere in the car. Daddy is in the left, mummy is on the right, James is in the middle (back). And I point at things out our windows and constantly tell James to look left, right etc. he now calls out which direction we are turning.
You can do IXL math by grade or you can do by subject. And each day you are able to quizz your child by doing several free questions.

For reading I highly recommend www.readingbear.org. It is a great follow up to starfall. Www.readingteacher.com is also an another amazing site with free content.

There are plenty of free science resources inline. Just search. I would not worry too much about sticking to a curriculum yet. Just have fun in the kitchen, bath, backyard etc playing.

I would also access your library. There are many resources. I am not sure how it is in France, but our library has a parent/teacher section with lots of books on theme units, teaching to read, teaching math too.
.

[nic31600]

I never would have thought cereal boxes were good for anything besides from building houses and stuff. Thanks for all these wonderful suggestions.

When I get money for groceries, I do buy groceries but If I have extra left over, I go and buy some stuff at the everything 2 euro shop where I find wonderful EL bargains like marbles, playing dice etc but they don't have too much.

Thanks for all the websites.

I totally agree with you that it takes time and more money doesn't equal more learning. My husband complains about how much time I spend on the computer, hence why I want to purchase stuff so he can stop trying to make me feel guilty. I put some cleaning on hold to make time for EL, he complains, everything I do, he complains.

I spend time trying to gather all my resources online and arranging everything, printing them and creating a curriculum on my own instead of buying one yet he complains 1 hour or more hour on the computer, I'm made to feel like a bad mum/house wife.

I resorted doing it all at 2am onwards yet still manages to keep track of what time I go to bed even when I think he's sleeping and I'm so exhausted from all the late nights!. It's a no-win situation with my husband.  He monitors my time online literally. I was suppose to have a curriculum finished 1 year ago but the guilt trips seriously slowed me down and I've barely started building the curriculum.

I don't care about the time I have to put into it but if my husband complains about my computer usage, why not buy all the things instead of me having to do it all by hand or online, I wouldn't need to be on the computer then would I? It's why I want to find free/buy things.

[lelask]

I sooo know what you are talking about. We don't have dollar stores here to buy perfect and cheap educational things, we don't have libraries which would have something about EL or educational DVD's for young kids. It aches sometimes to read all about those great products which my little girl would love and not to be able to buy them.
Luckily my husband didn't mind me buying bits and pieces to be able to make flashcards but I have spent hours and hours cutting out pictures from magazines until late at night. I was so exhausted but I loved the way my girl reacted  
He supports me at buying books and also makes lots of small jobs for me and moves furniture around the house for me to be able to create a perfect teaching/ learning area  
He is not as supportive when it comes to buying softwares. I am so lucky my mother understands why are all those things so important for me and from time to time gives me some money to buy EL products. But it is still hard to choose what should take priority becouse we want to try it all       . Before I use to get frustrated after reading threads on the forum and yes even cried because my LO was missing on so many things.
I hope that when your husband experiences your child's uniqueness he will start slowly change his mind  

[Mandabplus3]

Your husband sounds like mine   it's not a good situation to be in. He complains about my time on the computer, complains I am hothousing our kids, complains I spend too much time with them ( seriously!) complains if I buy books, he never complains about me spending money on EL software...he wouldnt have a clue about that. There is no way he would approve of a $100 purchase for LR not to mention LMusic...any way yep I sneak them in! We arnt broke, he is selfish with the cash allocation. I bought Little music when the government gave me a bonus payment for immunizing my kids, he never knew about the money, I saw no reason to enlighten him 
You know I don't feel bad about sneaking in some purchases here and there. I don't spend excessive amounts relative to our income or the fact we have three kids. Or even relative to the amount he spends on himself. ( actually it's me I feel guilty spending money on, typical mother sacrifice!) i do use free resources and the $2 stores to get as much as possible. I wait for scholastic sales for extra curriculum, and pay $1 instead of $20 for a Resourse file.
He isn't supportive of early learning, or basically anything beyond average in the classroom. So I hit a lot of walls. I do EL with my son when he is not around, and I disguise alot of the older kids learning as " homework" interestingly he didn't bauk when he realized our son could read at age 4, and sat and read a book with him! Oh and he is mighty proud when one of the kids gets a trophy or dux award. He also realizes our kids are well above the level of his nephew. He is willing to admit that is because of me but still doesn't approve or help. Typical male
Anyway in your case you have years of uphill battle ahead. I suggest you negotiate a small allowance, weekly. My conversation went like this. " I am a person, I have private needs, I deserve some respect for what I do around here. I figure I deserve $? A week to spend on whatever I want, no questions asked. You spend money weekly on beer and coke and I don't have enough to get children a drink at the shops!" I don't reccomend this particular conversation but you get the general idea 
Printing...do you use cartridge refill ink? I have just found the refills for my printer, I used to pay $120 for a set of cartridges now I pay $16! I can print all I like now! Costs me nothing.  yay,
Please continue to teach. You know you are doing the right thing for your children. I know I am doing the right thing. It does get easier, the men do mellow a bit...or they just get used to us ignoring them Or they get proud and jump on board at times even.
I can assure you it IS worth it in the end. Just do what you can, if my hubby was on board I would have done ALOT more but every little bit you manage is more than most kids get. Hugs to you!

[Kerileanne99]

Oh, wow... seriously, so proud of you all, doing the best you can, on your own, with very limited resources available. And absolutely, it is possible to do a tremendous amount of learning for little money, but at great cost to the mothers and fathers who must constantly spend valuable time and effort to reinvent and recreate. My heart goes out to you, but what wonderful mothers you are to persevere!

And thank you so much for sharing.  Reading your posts made me turn off the computer, find my husband, and give him a huge hug for being so supportive.  A week ago I was thinking of how many days are left before his Fall Semester teaching load begins, as he really wants to work with Alex as well, but has a different style than I do    I finally had to put him in charge of working with her on certain things. Thank you all so much for putting things into perspective for me and changing MY attitude!

Keep up the good work, and focus on the positive things you are all doing for your kids. Hopefully your husbands will have a change of heart when they see how well your kids are doing.
If all else fails? We recently went to a kiddie play place where there were SO many kids my daughters age.  After seeing and attempting to interact with some of them, children of colleagues and such, he told me he couldn't believe the difference! Try to get your husbands to 'enjoy' the presence of loads of other kids, and allow them to see the difference! However sweet, cute, and funny the children are, there is just no comparison...

And don't forget to post things you are specifically looking for in the for Sale/ want to buy threads here in this forum.  Explain a bit about your situation, and you might well find people willing to help relatively inexpensively those EL items they have completed, are not using, etc, or at the very least offer some suggestions on free alternatives!
Hugs to all of you!

[nic31600]

He does buy her books (like Disney) but only on special occasions. He buys her toys I tell him she has no interest in the ones he buys and she has never touched them except for a plastic animal set, she loves them, because we use that in our EL.

I told him he should invest in EL but never listens. I need his approval for everything and he never wants to buy anything, says, ask your mother. He is very selfish with money and he has the money, just is selfish. He never even left a cent aside in the past for emergency necessities like nappies and milk. I had to call him to tell him to buy them and he'd forget!

I sometimes think of just clicking send on our amazon account and act like I forgot to cancel it but I don't want problems so I haven't no matter how tempted I am. My mum won't buy frequently if it's too much but she said she will see what she can do. I really hope I can rely on her instead of my husband. She is so advanced compared to her peers, shouldn't that be enough proof?!

I asked him to purchase the curriculum off confessions of a homeschooler, it was like 5-6 euro, he wouldn't even do that! I really want a job when she starts K but it's soo hard to find a job in France and job agencies are useless for Foreigners. It's frustrating.

I might as well marry my computer. It listens.

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