Child reluctant to learn: Advice?

[hypatia]

Hi all!
I'd like to do more with my daughter (31m) but find it difficult to teach her.
Reading books is almost impossible-it only works at bedtime, no during the day. By that time she's exhausted and we can manage 2 maximum. She rarely pick books up on her own (they are everywhere in the house), and if prompted she refuses them.
Flashcards and LR/LM are difficult to implement. Most of the time she slides off my lap and walks away, or closes her eyes. Some slides interest her, but anything boring like vegatables and clothing, no way :-) I've tried tricks like giving her food or stopping for a month, no success.
As far as DVDs, she is picky. She refuses TW and WTL ("It's not good!" she says) She's fine with LP and other slow paced programs.

Other than this she is adorable 

What other means do I have to stimulate her right brain?

[linzy]

You could also try reading a few books before her nap, if that is a possibility. And at meals you could try flashing her cards or reading. For my younger son who is very mischievious I will sit him in a highchair while I prepare dinner (if she doesn't still use one you could just have her in a chair or booster at the table) and maybe give her a snack or some paper and cratons or playdoh and then play one of the DVD's or LR on your laptop in front of her. Even if it doesn't get her full attention she'll absorb a lot.

[zoe22]

Hello there! I completely understand how you feel. I was getting frustrated with my daughter as well not settling down to do anything really. We tried LR on and off but she never really seemed to take o it. She did like her signing time and she always asked for it. Eventually, I just stopped all I was trying to teach and just went at her pace doing what she wanted to do. I would read if she wanted to and point to words etc.

She turned 2 in December and just took a new turn! She learnt her alphabets- upper and lower case as well as the sounds in about 2 weeks with hooked on phonics.  I got her meet the sightvwords and it's been amazing. She points to words on billboards, in magazines, everywhere and says "look mummy, that's like". Also when we're Reading, because she knows the letter sounds, she uses picture cues to make out what some words are.

I think theyvreally develop at their own pace. And because they're not responding like we want them doesn't mean they don't know it. I tried teaching colours for a long time and she would call every single thing blue! Until one day I noticed she named all the colours correctly including brown, black and White! It made me realise she knew it all along but wasn't ready to let me know!

My advice to cut the long story short, do little at a time, go at her own pace and when she's ready, she'll show u she's really learning all you're teaching her now.

All the best.

[TeachingMyToddlers]

I just reread your post and saw you were specifically interested in right brain learning. Have you tried introducing memory linking? Keep the flashing super duper short and then give her the small cards for physical manipulation. Maybe she just prefers something more interactive.

Learning doesn't necessarily have to be technology related, maybe she prefers to more hands on activities? Does she enjoy puzzles? Or how about doing physical activities and then finding books on the same subject, for example, planting some flowers together and then reading short books about gardening.

Have you tried making custom books with family pictures in them? Or Little Pim books? If you or anyone you know is a techie, print off some screen shots from the video (for personal use only of course).Or, just print off some small images you can find online and him into different background scenes and write a little story, maybe add in some pics of her too. LOL Totally low budget but she might LOVE it?!

 I would think that audio learning is also an excellent opportunity for your DD, so she can learn in motion during free play. Things like Weatherall, Two Sisters (Twin Sisters?), Hestia, Foreign Language CD's, etc.

If you have a laptop, have you tried flashing LR to her while in the tub (or TW)? In a highchair? My daughter loves the "Baby Beluga" song and I was able to find a youtube clip that has all of the lyrics shown. If there are any songs your DD loves, maybe you could try to make something similar set to music. Or you could try it in LR, but not sure how the timing would work with that.

Does she see any adults in the house reading? That really helps. Can you let her pick out her own books at the library so she'll be more interested? You can print simple recipes in really big font and let her help you cook? Even easy stuff like fruit salad that you obviously don;t need a recipe for. Cookies would be great too, what kid doesn't like cookies!

Sounds like she might be more into hands on learning and that's okay!

[TracyR4]

Have you looked into vidoes like Your Baby Can Read (or Your child can read ) or Monkisee? These are great vidoes that teach reading.

Also she's at an age where you have to be crafty and creative. I have days like this with my daughter. These are some ideas w've come up with so far , and they get the job done when she feels like she's having fun.

1. Print out the flascards and tape them to the object.  If she hasn't learned words like refrigerator, table, closet, door,bathtub etc. Then take the flaschards and tape them on or near the object. Go around the house and show her the cards. Then..........

2. Next is the most important. Make a game out of it! Have her walk around the house and point and show you the cards. Make it a thing to tell her its a game too. If you don't she won't want to do it. Everything at that age level has to be a game. LOL

3. Purchase something like Education cubes. I haven't bought them yet but this is awesome and so hands on!
http://www.educationcubes.com/
Put her words in those and let her throw it around and read the words. If she gets it right she gets to throw it again. Well even if she doesn't. But if you tell her that it will make it a game.

4. How is she with workbooks? I know right now as I type my 4yr old is bugging me with her workbook.LOL
 Would something like Starfall catch her attention on the computer? She may like that! Again, playing games.
www.starfall.com
 
5. My daughter will sit and do her lesson on LIttle Reader if she can watch her Chinese and on the advanced course part of the program. So she knows know if she sits and does her lesson she can listen to the other downloads that she really likes after she is done.

I'm sure there is something there that will work for you. Your little one is becoming more  of a little person everyday. She is done being the passive little baby that she once was. So therefore making it a bit more tricky, but not impossible to teach. Once they hit about this age they become more hands on I've found. 
Also check out my blog for ideas for teaching older children to read.

[hypatia]

Hi everyone
Sorry I wasn't on the computer lately and I was delighted to find your comments, so useful!

I think I should go ahead with what Lizzy suggested and implement books at meal time. I have a bad habit of putting a dvd on while I fix lunch/dinner and then leave it on while she eats. I do not want her to associate food with television! I'll try with a book for dinner and will let you know.
Books before nap useful do not work as she wants to hold the book herself and it lasts for about 2 pages :-)

Zoe, I can relate to the colors (like many other parents I think) If you ask her to name the color of an object she doesn't even think and answer red or blue, but I know she knows them from what she's told other people and hearing her play.

Teachingmytoddlers, what is memory linking? I think it's shichida right? do you print them, flash, and then give them to the child and ask her to put them in the right order?
What we usually play is memory (finding pairs, lifting two at a time) she can do up to 7 pairs without failing, but that's left brain I believe.
You have a lot of suggestions.. she goes at the library with her carer and she believes that the goal is to pick the books and put them back somewhere else, it's too stimulating for her.
She does imitate adult's reading and points sometimes while pretending to read, that's a good start!

Recently we did receive a letter under my name and I asked her to read it and she agreed and guessed it right. I'll make it a game for her to sort mail but need to teach her our names in capital letters first.

Tracy; we did this game when she was very young. it would be fun to do it again! I'll need to find the perfect timing and maybe prepare the cards next to her to get her interested into our game. will keep you posted!

For LR, I'll need to make it a real habit, and tell her we'll do something reall rewarding after. most of the time she's quite happy about it, it's such she just seems selective and so opiniated!

Thank you all so much for your comments, and if someone else has a similar child, send me some more tips!

[Frukc]

I think you can forget about Doman-style flashing of flashcards. This is for infants.  Especially these about clothing, vegetables etc. When I flash these cards and LM to my infant, my 3 year old even do not pay attention.

I think, you can put tittles on everything on house;
my girl liked to play with puzzle mat with alphabet; we built islands and roads and houses and searched for particular letters (I know that puzzle mats are supposed to be unhealthy but you do not eat them). Each toy animal had to sit on it's letter.

When I show flashcards to my infant, my 3 year old likes slideshows like this
http://forum.brillkids.com/downloads/?sa=view;id=8360

there is a different concept - she sees a variety and differences of the same.

[Kimba15]

Hi Hypatia,

My dd is close in age to your dd and she is also going through a faze of being reluctant to learn. She still likes flash cards but often gets up half way through and walks away. If i try to do anything remotely mathematical she yells NO MATHS MUMMY. She will sit through a book but if I ask her to read any of it out she says no Mummy you do it. So I am as frustrated as you.

All she wants to do is be outside.  Which is good. I  have now started playing games like find the letter, lets put words together. Im also now really looking at the Wink programme as I think she is getting ready for the next stage in right brain learning and i need something else to stimulate her with oh and Music. I also use puppets with miss s when I want her to do something for some reason she do whatever the puppet wants to her to do but not Mummy but maybe thats because the puppet is asking. . Another thing I have learnt from the tweedlewink course is to do the flashcards while thery are moving such as get you miss dd to jump up and down on the spot while you flash cards, Apparently the more movement they have the more they learn and take it in on a deeper level.

Does little miss dd love cetain animals or .loves flowers how about doing flashcards on her favourite subject? or do a set of flashcards say on maths and make everyother card on her favourite subject for example you want to teach polygons and her fav subject is birds triangle, square, owl, rectangle, pentagon eagle, emu, hexgon, heptagon,octogon swan, etc etc so it keeps her interest. I am trying a few of these things My dd just loves owls at the moment so I am making presentations on owls at the moment and mixing it up with other subjects and it seems to be working. She is still in the rright brain stage but I think in the not too distant future miss dd will be ready for wink.

[Marialuisa]

Hi all!
I'd like to do more with my daughter (31m) but find it difficult to teach her.
Reading books is almost impossible-it only works at bedtime, no during the day. By that time she's exhausted and we can manage 2 maximum. She rarely pick books up on her own (they are everywhere in the house), and if prompted she refuses them.
Flashcards and LR/LM are difficult to implement. Most of the time she slides off my lap and walks away, or closes her eyes. Some slides interest her, but anything boring like vegatables and clothing, no way :-) I've tried tricks like giving her food or stopping for a month, no success.
As far as DVDs, she is picky. She refuses TW and WTL ("It's not good!" she says) She's fine with LP and other slow paced programs.

Other than this she is adorable 

What other means do I have to stimulate her right brain?

Hy Hypatia,

to me it sounds like your daughter is not having fun.
You seem a little too pushy.
Children are always eager to learn provided it is fun!
First of all you should choose some interesting subject, nobody better than you knows what she likes or might like best.
Always try to personalize your subject by putting pictures of your family or children pictures.
Children love flashcards with pictures and sounds and you can do that with your LR.
Then, as Doman constantly says, you should always stop before she wants to stop.
Putting some dvds and walking away is not ideal because what children wants most is mummy's attention.
Your teaching should last just a couple of minutes, in this case, until you get her to want to do more and more.
Even then you should always stop before she wants to stop!
Do not test her,don't put this pressure on her,  just make her participating whith question such as "do you know what colour it is?" Colours are fun! Be cheerful and praise her a lot even if she does not give you the answer or her answer is incorrect. She needs lots of encouragment from you. Try as well showing colours first and then the words to see if she recognize them. You say the words don't make her say everything! Put a nice tone in your voice, be happy and enjoy it!
2 books is quite a lot, slow down and everything will be fine.       

Marialuisa.
 
   

[TeachingMyToddlers]

hypatia- yes, that is the basic idea. from what I have seen, the flashed cards are large "doman sized" (or at least standard printer size) and the cards the child puts in order are small ones that fit in the palm of the hand. Memory Magic has a bunch on their CD for printing for this very purpose.

[hypatia]

Oh, Memory Magic, I had completely forgotten about the cd. I got it a while ago and wasn't too sure how to use it. I've printed the first page of the silly story printables (the blue ones) and will laminate them. If I understood correctly, I make a story up using three cards and 'linking' them, and then ask the child to retell the story or start by putting the cards back in order, and then increase the number of cards?

Maria Luisa, I try not to be pushy, really. The issue is that I raise my daughter entirely on my own and work full-time. I am the only person able to teach her or read to her. So in my spare time I try to do learning activities with my daughter, and it's disheartening when she refuses, as I feel like I'm not taking good enough care of her and feel guilty for working..

[waterdreamer]

Maria Luisa, I try not to be pushy, really. The issue is that I raise my daughter entirely on my own and work full-time. I am the only person able to teach her or read to her. So in my spare time I try to do learning activities with my daughter, and it's disheartening when she refuses, as I feel like I'm not taking good enough care of her and feel guilty for working..

hypatia- I can totally relate. I remember when my son was younger and I worked outside of the home, its hard. Especially on your own. Please don't feel guilty, your doing the best you can. Trust that whatever you offer she will absorb a good deal of it.

[Marialuisa]

Maria Luisa, I try not to be pushy, really. The issue is that I raise my daughter entirely on my own and work full-time. I am the only person able to teach her or read to her. So in my spare time I try to do learning activities with my daughter, and it's disheartening when she refuses, as I feel like I'm not taking good enough care of her and feel guilty for working..

hypatia- I can totally relate. I remember when my son was younger and I worked outside of the home, its hard. Especially on your own. Please don't feel guilty, your doing the best you can. Trust that whatever you offer she will absorb a good deal of it.

Hi Hypatia,
sorry I didn' t intend to be judgmental, I was just worried that you were just focusing too much on your targets that you might had forgotten about your daughter.
As Waterdreamer pointed I am sure you are doing the best that you can and you must be a VERY GOOD MOTHER indeed! 
I know it's hard to work full time and raise a child on your own, however I still believe, in my own experience, that a couple of minutes here and there are more than enough to accomplish a lot with your lovely daughter.
What really makes the difference is not the amount of time that you spend with her, but HOW you spend it!
A couple of minutes when you came home and a couple of minutes before bed can do lots!
Far too many minutes altogether, on the other hand, can be VERY HEAVY!
Do not worry that much about trying to pass as much information as you can cause you will, anyway! Children are sponges. Children go really fast but only if they are pleased with what they are seeing or doing. If they feel the pressure they will simply refuse to cooperate.
Remember that you are supposed to have fun as well while passing the information to your daughter.
If you are not having fun or if she is not having fun stop and postpone it to a better moment for both of you, e.g. half an hour later.
It all depends on how you introduce things, really.
To make you an example, I thought it was hard to teach my daughters maths, almost impossible, but now finally I had to come to terms with the fact that the issue was that I did not make it enough interesting for them, etc.
I finally changed my approach and now I can see the results day by day or any time I do maths anyway.
Every time I have the correct approach my daughters beg me to do it again and again, and even then you have to stop before they get too tired!
If my 5 years old daughter is reading a long book to me and I see that, after a while, she starts skipping some words here and there I will stop, even though she gets upset with me big time!
Enjoy your teaching time with your daughter, make her feel special when you pass the information or when you make her read, make it a fun time for both of you (you'll find your way!), relax, stop worrying and you will definitely get your results.
By the way, my youngest daughter is 2 years and 8 months old and I started teaching her only 4 or 5 months ago, as I did not manage before having to work, look after my other daughter, our home, etc. Now I have finally started and it has not been easy but I found my way and she is now going like a train and as soon as she sees me sitting next to the computer she would run to came on my lap to do LR or LM. When she is awake I can not manage to prepare my material as she would not let me, she keeps on crying as she would like to do LR or LM all the time. Even then, after a while I stop because I don't want to make her tired.
I hope this can help,
big hug,

Marialuisa.
   

[Skippy]

Maybe you could invent little games around mealtime, bathtime, dressing, etc.  Colors, counting, teaching left and right, etc. are all good.  Mealtime,  The glass is half full, how many peas can you eat, What begins with the mmm sound? Milk. Make flashcards which say, cup, plate, table, etc.   Put magnetic letters on the fridge.  Do a lot of spelling.  Here is your C-U-P.  It has M-I-L-K in it.  We have C-A-K-E for D-E-S-S-E-R-T.   Spell out lots of words.  That way when she sees the word written she'll start recognizing words.   Find a bath book with letters or numbers.  Sing songs.  Find clips on Youtube.  There's hundreds of clips from 15 to 60 seconds or so.  Bring learning into everyday activities, and try not to put learning into a separate time or category.  Another thing I did was read onto a cassette tape (record onto a laptop these days), and then play the tape while I was making supper or otherwise busy.
Never say, "Do you want to.....?"   Always say, "It's time to ......" and then make a sing-song game of it.
Well, that's what I did years ago with my little boy and it worked. (Except that youtube hadn't been invented back then!) -- Granny Skippy 

[ShenLi]

Hypatia - your daughter sounds a lot like my son at that age. He wouldn't do anything I wanted him to do. In fact, he's still like that, but a bit better. I bribe him with stickers and smarties sometimes with varying results.

He loved linking memory and he would play the ones on Memory Magic on his own. You can also use the program they have on the disk which allows you to click on the cards and it will reveal each one with a little story of their own. You can also make your own linking memory cards and make up stories.

I have linking memory cards here you can download:

http://www.figur8.net/linking-memory-flash-cards/

One of the best ways to get my son to do something is to do it myself first. Like I will sit near him and work on it on my own without asking him to participate and he'll get all curious and want to add his two cents. Once he's into the swing of things, he's like a snowball rolling down the hill. Sometimes with flash cards, I find he wants to be the "teacher". He wants to press the mouse button for LR and LM, he wants to handle the physical flash cards, and so on.

Another thing I used to do when he was little was I would put on a Thomas and Friends DVD (he loves Thomas and Friends) and I would turn on the subtitles and turn off the volume. Then I would read out the subtitles to him. He really responded well to this. He is now 4 and he loves books. He can sit for ages and read with me or quietly by himself. Although he can read the book by himself, I find he still enjoys having me read to him more.

I also tried using educational children's programs that were entertaining, like WordWorld, which he loves. He used to like Little Einsteins but has gone off that now. I would watch them with him and talk to him about what we see to add the interactivity that TV programs lack. I also let him play games on the computer related to his interests. WordWorld has some ebooks and some cool words games on the PBS website.

http://www.wordworld.com/

Many children's TV programs now have online games associated with them. You probably won't get as much out of these as you would say doing LR or watching TW DVDs, but I find them to be a fun way to get him interested in learning. Since he already enjoys the program on TV, he responds well to the games online.

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