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Author Topic: need advice on second child  (Read 14414 times)
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Janek
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« Reply #15 on: May 25, 2009, 05:22:59 PM »

hi trinity papa ,
What is TCM?

I would like a copy of month chart too, can PM me as well?
TQvM!

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tatianna
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« Reply #16 on: May 26, 2009, 03:44:11 AM »

thanks guys
you are all so sweet and supportive
Trinity papa
there are a number of reasons hubby isn't happy
he already has two full grown kids
the economy is bad so money has not been great
he thinks that by having another one the first one will get less of everything(love,time,energy,gifts,etc)
he is older(47) so he worries about the health of the child
he doesn't want to be a old dad
i was very sick after number one and so he had to do everything for the child for 6 months
also had postpartum and my energy is still not the same as pre-baby
and lastly he loves our daughter so much and feel he wouldn't have as much to give to number two


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Tanikit
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« Reply #17 on: May 26, 2009, 08:35:21 AM »

Tatianna - it sounds like your husband does have fairly normal concerns - in fact a lot of what he is concerned about are also concerns that mothers pregnant with their second child often feel. He will love the second baby very much once its born - pregnancy seems to be hard for guys and they cannot relate to the baby the way the woman can before its born. Good luck with your pregnancy - remind him he's been a great Dad with your first and he and you will be fantastic with the second too.

I am longing to have another child and have been for a while, but finances are very tight right now and my husband has been without a job for almost a year now so we have decided to wait til at least next year and hopefully by then he will have a new job and we can have one easily - I am also diabetic and worry about waiting too long as it gets harder with each year that passes.

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trinity papa
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« Reply #18 on: May 26, 2009, 11:10:36 AM »

Your hubby has had 2 children before this, so he is still providing for them and his ex? Or they are financially independent and so less of a worry? ... yes economy is bad ..... but humans always find a way to survive ..... we just have to learn to make do ..... yes when you have more children the others will have less ..... but that is material ..... tangible stuff .... love, they will get more since its one more person to love them back right.... time ... attending nursery soon? ..... energy ...... yeah that one ..... can be pretty trying ..... especially for a old man ..... but then again 47 isn't old ..... sometimes its just in the mind ..... we just have to pace ourselve ..... i have slip disc which can be very very painful ........ but then again there are step siblings to help out? At 47 it doesn't exactly impact the health of the child ......

Don't worry about giving .... its from the heart and its limitless ..... it's not like if you give one baby love you can't give to the other ....

as for your PPE.... medically they say they can't do much about it ..... my wife has asthma and she doesn't do much exercise ..... so before pregnancy we tune her health .... so that she could have a good pregnancy and delivery .... there are somethings you can do .... but most of it is dependent on yourselve ....

Swimming and walking helps to build up pregnant woman's health leading to birth .... and it also helps the fetuses too
Silent moment and simple meditation technics can help to calm the woman and allow communication between fetus and the mother, talk to the baby ..... visualise the fetuses in you and talk to it .....
Health energy supplements like the appropriate type of ginseng and cordyceps can help .... note there are several types of ginseng only certain types are suitable for pregnant woman .....
Balanced diet .... enough in organic green leafy vege and fresh meat, avoiding canned and food with addictives .... veges with pesticides results in poorer mental score for babies when they grow up that is ...

but alot depends on yourself to know and be aware of your own body and mental and emotional state and to control it, manage it .... thru meditation or silent reflection time ..... and then changing that negative views to something positive .... something like hoping for the best and prepare for the worst (you still have to prepare for the worst)..... and if your willing to try it .... and communicate this with your hubby ..... then at least you have a goal to work towards .... where your hoping that everything would work out fine and better than the last time .... perhaps he is more willing to give it a try and be happier about it ..... its a new healthier goal, a new mission for the betterment of the family .... and if he isn't giving enough positive energy .... well you just have to tune yourselve and give out that positive energy .... and hopefully infect him with it ..... but of course it has to be practical

This ideas come from makoto shichida  ..... your in charge lady ...

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Kappasweet
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« Reply #19 on: June 01, 2009, 07:08:40 PM »

my husband always wanted a girl but its a boy. now he wants to have a second child but I am not sure whether I'll be able to handle 2 kids or not. Ishan is very naughty & need full time attention.
   out here in forum there are many moms with more than 1 kid..  I want to know how do you manage to handle them . for me you are all super moms!

Honestly, I feel this is kind of an unusual situation where the father is saying that he prefers a daughter, except in the case of adoption.  If it is the father's own biological offspring, most of the time the father prefers a boy or has no preference.  Why does your husband say that he prefers a girl over a boy?  Would he be more disappointed if you have another one and it's a boy, for now he has 2 boys and no girls?  If you have 2 boys and no girls, will he want you to have 3, 4 or more until he gets a girl?  I just have never heard of this, many men express that they prefer a girl to cushion the "blow" if it is actually a girl because they have too many hopes wrapped up in having a boy, but I've never heard of a man actually preferring a girl over a boy.  If you and hubby want more children, then by all means you should have more, but if you are having kids for the wrong reasons, to fulfill hopes of a certain gender and the child of that gender may not even "deliver" on those hopes, then I think people need to clear their heads before they proceed to have more.

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tatianna
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« Reply #20 on: June 02, 2009, 12:02:34 AM »

trinity papa thanks for the advice
i'm sure it will all work out
i still have 6 months to go so there is still time to plan

Kappasweet
it funny because my husband is also very set on having a girl
so i have my fingers cross
of course we will love any child but we both would rather two girls(i think they're easier) yes



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