Don't Bother -- Little Vent

[Kappasweet]

I was on another board for mothers and one of the Moms asked about the Your Baby Can Read program.  I said that it was a great program to introduce your baby to some sight words.  Other mothers (and one childless reading "teacher") jumped in to say it was a waste of money, time, and that anyone who would buy that for their child basically doesn't love their child or want to spend quality time with them.  I am just posting here to let everyone here know don't waste your time spreading the word about how awesome these programs are on the internet.  People are so closed minded, and their talking points were so contradictory I was shocked that they were so passionate about not having their babies learn anything at all.  For a long time, I thought that EVERYONE was using the Your Baby Can Read Program, and that when my child goes to preschool they would all have the same sight words (elephant, etc.) but now I am pretty certain that people are not taking advantage of early literacy products that are so readily available because "they won't be a genius" "other kids will just catch up" and "you should just read to your child for an hour a day."  I'm not against reading to children, but what baby would tolerate being read to for an hour, do these people even HAVE babies or is my child some sort of alien?  I am starting to actually worry that my child WILL be leaps and bounds ahead of other kids just because of YBCR and LR.  Anyway, I just wanted to say that I am very thankful for this forum and to have people who support this type of education.

[Xica]

Dear Kappasweet,
I have been there too. I have been questioned so much by my friends.
 Lately, I have found some friends that they are interested in helping their kids to learn so I can share with them some information. I think there are more people like us but they don't say what they do with their kids.

[Tanikit]

No, most people are not teaching thier children much. I am very worried about my own daughter as I want to put her into a preschool at 3 years of age and suspect she will be reading books by then and doing basic maths whereas I know at the school they will not be doing phonics til the child is nearly 5 or 6 years old. And then obviously I think about homeschooling but that will be difficult if we are both working.
I do not tell anyone (her grandparents know to some extent but that is all) that I am teaching her to read or do anything else as they just don't understand and if people close to the family won't understand then how will perfect strangers on the internet?

[octaviaorca]

i have this same conflict with my oldest sister and it made me very glad that i've got a place like this that understands. 
my sister is HIGHLY educated.  speaks 4 languages, has multiple degrees and teaches college.  her son is outstandingly smart and always has been.  when i told her that my dd could read sight words she said the same thing about how kids shouldn't be taught anything until school, how they will just have a harder time reading when they go to school, how they aren't really 'reading' but memorizing.  i was astounded!  my nephew is 6 and can remember bizarre and complicated facts about just about anything, talks FOREVER and is destined to be a big (and wonderful) nerd!  but he still doesn't read well.  he has trouble with sight words as well as difficulty with writing.  he also has a tough time with being considered an active child... not hyper active, just VERY active.  i just can't help but think that shutting off opportunity from him, like reading and writing early on might have given him a place to put some of his energies... he probably would have written a novel by now. 
oh well... i guess that's just the way it goes.  it's too bad that people can be close minded to the abilities of these babies.  they may not turn out to be geniuses.  it's okay if my daughter isn't.  but i always want to give her the opportunity. 

[linzy]

I have been there, in my family I was regarded as being smart because I could read by age 3.  So when they hear I am trying to help my son with reading/math/writing I feel like they just think I am being pushy to make him like I was.  So I don't talk about it.  My sister has an almost 5 year old and she is just now starting to teach her her letters and struggling, my son just turned 3 and can read sentences composed of simple words.  I certainly don't want to brag to her, but it's hard because I want to share the very easy things we've done together as a family to make these accomplishments so easy for him.  So I told her about a few of our videos and mentioned little reader, I want to be helpful to her but not pushy or make her think i am "hothousing" or anything. It's hard I think all kids should be able to achieve their potential, but not everyone is on the same page...

[genochye]

"I do not tell anyone (her grandparents know to some extent but that is all) that I am teaching her to read or do anything else as they just don't understand and if people close to the family won't understand then how will perfect strangers on the internet?"

Wow, I thought I was the only one teaching my kids to read in "secret"! 
I've heard my share of negativity on this issue, interestingly it mostly comes from folks that I know who are in the field of Education!  Their main reasons for discouraging any "learning" before the child begins school -- kids will be bored by the time they start school & kids shouldn't be robbed of their childhood, they should be allowed to "just play". 

In any case, I think it is very possible to have fun with our kids, exposing them to languages, numbers, music, etc. -- "play with a purpose", there are alot of books on the very topic...As long as there's zero pressure imposed on them, I think the best gift we can impart to our kids is the enthusiasm, confidence & enjoyment of learning for a lifetime.
I have to admit, we started the YBCR vids when our ds was 4 months old -- he was a preemie, born at 32 wks...we had the concern that he may have a difficult time in school & we hoped he would at least be academically on par with his peers.  To date, we've made no effort to share our "news" that our ds who is 3.5, has been "really" reading well before his 3rd bday.  DS loves to play with his trains & building blocks and he loves to read about trains & constructing buildings
As for being bored when he begins school, that is something I'll be watching for and if it becomes an issue, then other schooling alternatives will be explored...
I really hope that those who posted on this topic won't feel discouraged from the negativity they've encountered!  There will always be those who look down on the issue of early learning, no matter how many reasons they're given on the advantages of our efforts.  Know that you're doing great with your kids -- definitely enjoy your time with your little ones!

[Twinergy]

Wow, I find it amazing how some people are always finding ways to criticize other people’s parenting but never offer any help.  Help would actually be useful.  There are lots of reasons why parents show videos to their children.  The main reason I do is because nobody helps me and I sometimes need a distraction (DH is very helpful but works 50-60 hours per week plus commute.)  I think our culture (I live in USA) is really messed that there is really no sense of community here and so many people end up unsupported or even neglected.  I can’t afford a nanny or to have my meals prepared.  I don’t have relatives that live nearby willing to stop by every couple months let alone babysit on a regular basis.  My friends have evaporated since having kids, they are just in a different world.  So does that mean I am a bad parent and I don’t love my kids because I have to rely on a video as a babysitter? 

I recall Dr. Titzler said that YBCR is really intended as a tool for busy parents, I don’t think it was supposed to be substitute for parental interaction (perhaps it is marketed differently.)  He suggested for example playing it while you are cooking dinner and can’t be with them, at least they are getting some stimulation.  It’s been a long time since I watched this so maybe I have the details wrong. 

There is a method for children to be early readers without expensive programs.  My sister was lucky enough to have her MIL visit and read to my nephew for an hour every day while she was able to get other chores done.  He read very young and had grown up into a very bright young man.  He was able to maintain his head start, I think, because my sister homeschooled him and he was always challenged rather than bored. 

Kappasweet, I know not all children will sit to be read to.  My DD loves it, my DS just wants to run around the room and get into things.  I also find it very interesting the way people that have never had kids assume that kids should behave a certain way.  Even a lot of people that only have one kid assume all babies are like theirs.  I have run into this problem, people are ready to criticize my parenting because DS is so active and causes mischief, even aggressive toward DD.  Then I find out they never raised siblings.  It’s frustrating.
Anyway, this is my vent.

[Skylark]

Agree with Twin Energy,

All children are different, and raising siblings definetly shows that! My husband comes from large family, -- oldest of 7 and then his parents had another "set" of 6    They all were getting similar education and parenting, but all are completely different in their preferences, skills, etc. So what works for one child not necessary will work for another, and it is impossible to judge the "progress" of a child simply comparing him to another one the same age, or making generalised comments or conclusions.

As far as early learning,  I think all the children want to learn and full of vacuum for new, this is a game for them. However different ones have different preferences, so someone who might not have as much interest for early reading, might have an outstanding desire to learn all he can about music and really takes that in. Some have more of what we call "all-rounded" interest.

But it is true, most people I meet, really dont know much about early education, and are pretty closed minded, not wanting to know either. I just think that, letting the sample speak for itself, what will work in a long run. Those who are open minded and interested will ask questions and we can have great discussions, and those who are clossed minded will not be "persuaded" anyways, they already made their minds, so it is not worth it.

I think, just having joy in giving our children the best we can give, having fun doing it, and loving them for who they are, is the most important, not opinions of others. After all, there will always be some kind of opposition, if you do something different.

[Ethanmama]

Two weeks ago I was a complete stranger to the term early learning, Domon, Shichida, flash cards etc. Before that, I just wanted my child to be happy, socialized, healthy, like many parents do. When my son was about 1 year old (he is 2 1/2 now), my sister in HK asked me am I teaching him to read? One of her friend is crazy about early learning, she started teaching her kid even before the baby was born, then she did the full Doman method. My answer to my sister is that I just want Ethan to be happy, average is ok, as long as he is happy.

Then I found Brillkids by accident when I was looking at some youtube videos. It blew my immediately, I found it very fasciating of how much a 2 year old can already achieve and most importantly, they are just as happy as other children. If there is a way to help our kids to be brilliant without hurting their happy spirit, I don't see why not. We are setting them up for success, a better life, and it is much easier to do it now then when they grow up.

The moms group that I belong, on the other hand, the opinion is half half. Some people, especially those in the education field, said that they are very upset with DVD like YBCR. The reason behind that is simply because they don't believe a baby is ready to learn to read. They think kids should not be taught anything until they go to school, otherwise, they will get bored at school.

I think they may have a valid point too, where are you going to put your kids if they are far ahead of the school schedule? Remember, if you put them in a higher grade, they are going to deal with much older kids or may be bullied because they are the smallest or youngest. Social life is a big part of our education too. A socialized kid has a much bigger chance to succeed.

There are two sides of a coin, so there is no need to be upset if other people don't agree with you, they have their point of view too. Just set your goal and do whatever you think is at your child's best interest. 
   

[KL]

They think kids should not be taught anything until they go to school, otherwise, they will get bored at school.

I think they may have a valid point too, where are you going to put your kids if they are far ahead of the school schedule?    

This is what we have to say about this matter, which is "Myth no. 8" :

http://www.brillbaby.com/teach-baby/top-myths-early-reading/myth-8-your-child-will-be-too-far-ahead-of-his-peers.php

[karianne]

I have also been confronted with this issue, although I arrived here in a different way than most of you.  I have not used BrillKids or YBCR programs.  I am a speech-language pathologist and know sign language.  I started teaching both of my daughters (now 3yo and 16 months old) their first sign MILK around 4 months old.  As a result they both learned vocabulary (signed and spoken) much more rapidly than the average child.  I call it the 'snowball effect' which you can read more about here. http://www.earlytolearn.com/2009/baby-sign-language/the-snowball-effect-baby-sign-to-early-reading/.  Needless to say, my oldest started reading when she was 2 1/2 years old. 

We wanted to make sure she was socialized, so we enrolled her into a private preschool for 3 hours 3 times a week.  We were up front with the school about her abilities, and were assured numerous times she would receive appropriate stimulation and attention (although viewed as pushy overbearing parents).  Upon picking her up the first day, she said "Mama, we only got to paint with red...not blue, orange, yellow, or green."  While practicing colors is appropriate for most 2 1/2 year olds, she's known her colors since she was about 18 mos. old.  For me this was a bad sign, but we kept her there for a few more weeks to give it a bit more time and to see how the teachers handled the situation.  We even observed her in the class, and in the end determined that the school was not a right fit.  (By the way, we brought the red painted paper home and used it as the background for all the other colors she wanted to paint on top of it!)

I'm sure there are some private schools, and possibly some public schools, where a child who is ahead of their peers can get appropriate academic stimulation.  My main reason for mentioning this story is that this WAS our alternative.  I already knew that she was not going to fit in public schools, at least until she gets older anyway.  From this experience I realized that I am supposed to homeschool my daughter, as it is just an extension of the activities I've been doing with her since she was a baby.  My daughter has a love and curiosity for learning that I will not allow to be squelched by any school, public or private.  If that means I have to homeschool her (and I am thankful I have that option!), then I gladly accept the responsibility. 

[genochye]

My main reason for mentioning this story is that this WAS our alternative.  I already knew that she was not going to fit in public schools, at least until she gets older anyway.  From this experience I realized that I am supposed to homeschool my daughter, as it is just an extension of the activities I've been doing with her since she was a baby.  My daughter has a love and curiosity for learning that I will not allow to be squelched by any school, public or private.  If that means I have to homeschool her (and I am thankful I have that option!), then I gladly accept the responsibility. 

thank you very much Karianne!  your post clearly put into words what I've been thinking about for awhile!!!!  DS will begin preschool in the fall at a private school, I'm anxious to see what his experience will be...

[karianne]

DS will begin preschool in the fall at a private school, I'm anxious to see what his experience will be...

genochye- Just a heads up from our experience... most private schools make you sign a payment contract for the year in order to enroll your child.  While I completely understand the necessity of this from the school's perspective, we were almost burned by this.  Our initial concern started when we took a tour of the school and viewed the 2 year old class she would be entering that fall.  She was capable of doing more difficult puzzles and activities than those kids were doing at the END of the school year.  Like I said, we made it EXTREMELY clear to the director of the school what our daughter was capable of doing before enrolling her, on several different occasions.  We were made to feel like we were anxious and pushy parents who wouldn't let our daughter just be a kid (basically!) and were reassured the school has handled plenty of bright students. 

When we finally decided the school wasn't a fit, we got a notice in the mail that according to the terms of the contract we signed, we owed the school the tuition for the remainder of the school year.  They would be nice though and cut it to only half the year's tuition that we owed.  Needless to say, the school got a letter in return stating that they did not uphold their end of the verbal contract with us about meeting our daughter's needs (which we expressed before signing the contract) and at that point we had already overpaid for services rendered.  The director knew we were angry and would pursue the issue and it wasn't worth the cost or time for them to push it any further with us (fortunately!).

I have nothing against private schools, or even that particular private school.  It is a good school in our area and is great for most children.  I would even consider a private school in the future if we determined that is what would be best for our daughter.  Just be forewarned about the financial aspect if you are having similar concerns.

I hope you and your son have a much better experience than we did and it all works out!

[Kappasweet]

There are two sides of a coin, so there is no need to be upset if other people don't agree with you, they have their point of view too. Just set your goal and do whatever you think is at your child's best interest. 
   

Thanks for saying this, I don't have to be upset with people.  But it's just that I felt that people were making a gut reaction, and saying ANYTHING, even if it didn't make any sense, to convince the person who brought it up to basically feel that the only way to teach your child to read is to read to them, then teach phonics in kindergarten/1st grade.  When I brought up the fact that young children cannot see small print, and not all kids have the temperament to be read to, everyone in the thread disappeared and had nothing else to say     For one, they go on and on about how reading sight words isn't really reading, then say that all developmentally normal kids catch up.  They sound like they make sense individually but together make no sense.  If they aren't really reading, then there is nothing for other kids to catch up to, and if they are really reading, then ok, the first statement was just dishonest.  I refrained from pointing this out, I want to convince people using positive statements, not deconstruct others arguments.

I'm not sure that possible boredom is at all a good reason to hold your child back, even if you know you can teach them reading.  I know tons of kids that are on grade level or below that are horribly bored in school.  I think that "boredom" is a state of mind that some people have the tendency towards and others don't.  I think that kids can be advanced, and not bored.  I just look at it this way, I have been reading for 20 something years and read beyond college level but I still enjoy reading Dr. Suess books.  I just don't know that reading below grade level necessarily means it is boring to a child.  If they have their own library of books at home, I just don't see the issue.  There are kids that simply find academics to not be all that stimulating, maybe because they prefer their own topics of interest.  There was one kid in my high school that was always bored, because all he wanted to do was work on his comedy routine, not because he knew the material.  He tolerated school, and didn't do anything extra even though he was perfectly capable.

[Brux_UK]

i think people are not willing to do because it can be time consuming...it is hard work to educate some one, and a lot of people choose not to that is why you see so many young kids with bad behavior , unfortunately even though we hate to hear that its the parents fault, I am afraid to say it is, the kids are like a sponge they reflect their parents.

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