explaining this to others!

[Joha]

purplefungi,

It's soooo funny, I had to pumped too because I got mastitis (3 times  ) so acroding to the lactation specialist my breast traumatized  and didn't produce what my baby needed. Anyways, people are always quick at judging even though they don't know the details behind the history. So I guess as long as you are clear what you want to do, you'll be in good shape, even though it would be so much easier if people just try to understand why you are doing what you are doing.

[purplefungi]

Pumping is no fun. I got the craziest look from the lactation consultant when she asked my breastfeeding history with my first born when I was in the hospital after having my second baby. She asked me, "You pumped for how long?"

It was such an upsetting thing for me to not be able to feed Dirk (now two) the normal way. I felt like such a failure at the most basic level. Luckily, Derek (4 months) breastfeeds without any problem, and I only have to pump when I'm at school or at work.

I got the entire breastfeeding thing from everyone. My mom wanted me to feed Dirk my breast milk for as long as possible. My husband was happy with whatever I wanted to do. The people at work were totally against breastfeeding/pumping and couldn't understand why I didn't just give my baby formula like everyone else.

On the other side of things, a lot of people just assumed that I formula fed my baby. I got a nasty mom at Kindermusic who said to me, "I breastfeed my babies!" when she saw me feed Dirk in the waiting area. I never did tell her that there was breast milk in the bottle. I don't think that she would have cared. Some people are true breastfeeding purists (that's what I like to call them).

Arrggghhhh, people!!!

[Malathi]

Even I had this experience ... If anyone sees me feeding my baby with a bottle they right away come to a conclusion that the baby is formula fed & start criticising what they don't understand is that there could be genuine problem or the milk in the bottle is breast milk.

As a mom i think i know what is best for my baby then others ... so i try not to take these criticism into heart even though it hurts ....

[purplefungi]

It's pretty sad that other people are SO concerned in a mean kind of way about what other babies are doing.

There are very real reasons why some mothers can't breastfeed and this is coming from a lactivist! It's a very personal decision that should be honored either way by other parents.

[Joha]

OMG! I totally understand how you feel!!! (That is why I love this website so much!  ) My mother-in-law was here for a week and I just kept pumping and all she could say was "maybe it's not ment to be" >  For people that wanted to breastfeed, like us, and it wasn't physical possible, it is very hard, emotionaly, but people don't understand that. They just assume, you are a bad mom 

[purplefungi]

That was the exact kind of comment that I would get. I'm still depressed about not being to breastfeed the regular way with my son. I tried my best. Every two weeks or so I would try and see if he would "magically" learn to breastfeed. He did once at six months for about a minute (he had the most suprised look on his face) and then never again. I don't think that people underestand that you can be sensitive or have depressed feelings over a lost relationship such as the kind that that a mother and child would have with breastfeeding.

Are you still pumping? There is a great board for pumpers on pregnancy.org. They helped me a lot trying to get through the first year of pumping. ShanaRN on there is the best!
http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboards/forumdisplay.php?f=110

BTW, I totally think that you're awesome for trying your best!

[Malathi]

Hey this is why I like this website very much ... People exactly understand what you are experiencing & under going ...

[hypatia]

Hi all
I do not explain this to anyone other than my partner and my parents.
My mum went through the same experience when my brother was little. Mind you, what she did with him was nowhere as close as what I intend to do with my daughter, but she taught him to read, showed him a lot of art and he was on the computer at a very young age.
People do find out, though, when the kid is a bit older (at Christmas time when the 3 year old reads out loud the name written on the present) but they usually assume he/she is smart, not necessarily that Mum showed them flashcards every day :-)

It is tempting sometimes to ask people if they do stimulate their children. There is a mum at the playground whose daughter, not even 2, speaks in two languages at an amazing level. She will say things like "Here's is a little girl" or use the past tense, and her mum talks to her in a very quick and mature way. I noticed she counts to her when she jumps, that sort of things and would love to know what she does...

[rose08]

I accidently slipped out one day that I was doing flash cards with my daughter as I was used to being around people who understood. Big mistake...the person I was talking to got really serious and said, TIMEOUT!! even signing it for greater understanding  >

She said that I should be teaching my child nursery rhymes and games like 'pat a cake'. She also said that I should cut pictures out of magazines with the word on them?? I was just thinking...well...whats the different between that and my flash cards which have the word and a picture on back?

I was not given a chance to explain how much my daughter loved it, and that I was playing games with her, I can do more than one thing. I play nursery rhymes with her, read lots and lots of books with her, let her watch one educational dvd a day, for no longer than 30min, and most of all she loves it. The attention she is getting from me, and the chance to use her brain.

I will not be telling anyone again

Luckily my hubbie is with me...although I dont think he believes but he is giving me the benefit of the doubt

[purplefungi]

The problem that I have the patty cake and nursery ryhmes is that they are just as hard as anything else to learn. And why are children just limited to those things? Who said? It's all about what is culturally and socially acceptable.

[Joha]

That was the exact kind of comment that I would get. I'm still depressed about not being to breastfeed the regular way with my son. I tried my best. Every two weeks or so I would try and see if he would "magically" learn to breastfeed. He did once at six months for about a minute (he had the most suprised look on his face) and then never again. I don't think that people underestand that you can be sensitive or have depressed feelings over a lost relationship such as the kind that that a mother and child would have with breastfeeding.

Are you still pumping? There is a great board for pumpers on pregnancy.org. They helped me a lot trying to get through the first year of pumping. ShanaRN on there is the best!
http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboards/forumdisplay.php?f=110

BTW, I totally think that you're awesome for trying your best!

Since I can't hug you to cheer you up, there is some good karma to you my friend!      I used to get depressed about it and cried here and there, my heart still aches sometimes, but there is nothing I can do about it, if there was I would have done it    I'm a good mom (I think so) otherwise I wouldn't be doing all the early learning (which some of those people that criticize us wouldn't do because is very time consuming, even more than  pumping  ).
 
Thank you for sharing the website. I hope I don't need to use it with my next baby.  I'm not pumping anymore, my breast went into a deep depression and never recover, so instead of getting better they got worse.   I stopped pumping about a month and a half ago.

Keep it up my friend, we are doing the best we can and we sure love our kids a lot! 

[purplefungi]

Woo-hoo Karma!!!

You don't live that far from us compared some of the people on the board!

That's still a long time to pump. Give yourself a big pat on the back. I stopped pumping when I got pregnant with my second. I tried to continue, but I vomit pretty badly so it was impossible to maintain lactation.

There is always hope for the next little babe, like you said. In my situation, my second is breastfeeding with no problems whatsoever. This is night and day with what happened with my first.

My mother-in-law said that I hurt so much about not being able to do certain things with my oldest because I do care so much for him because if I didn't, I would not have such intense feelings.

I totally agree with the bits thing. It's very time consuming, but I think that pumping for so long was great preparation for this kind of learning method.

[hypatia]

The problem that I have the patty cake and nursery ryhmes is that they are just as hard as anything else to learn. And why are children just limited to those things? Who said? It's all about what is culturally and socially acceptable.

I agree with you. It's okay to sing a nursery rhyme to a baby, it's weird to sing a song which 'he cannot understand', it's okay to read books to them, not to show them individually written words, it's okay to show them books about animals, not to show them quickly on a piece of cardboard etc etc.

[rose08]

Its true, what is wrong with showing your child words and pictures on a flash card, when it is socially acceptable to read a book with the same words and pictures...

[purplefungi]

I don't even understand some of those nursery rhymes, and some of them are not about nice things at all like Ring Around the Rosey.

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